Episode Transcript: Chum Bucket Supreme

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Episode Article: Chum Bucket Supreme

Characters

• SpongeBob SquarePants
• Patrick Star
• Plankton
• Karen
• Mr. Krabs
• Tom
• Nat Peterson
• Fred
• Dale
• Nancy
• Frank
• Harold
• Shubie
• Billy (Teenager)
• Bikini Bottomites

Dialogue

(at the Chum Bucket, Plankton is holding two napkins of different patterns)

Plankton: Okay, Karen, which one’s better?

Karen: If I had eyes, I’d be rolling them right now.

Plankton: Thanks for the help. (drops the napkins) You know, details like this can be very important to the customers.

Karen: Customers? What customers?

Plankton: Well, uh... (sees on his monitor a clip of two fish getting out of their boat, and walking towards the Chum Bucket) Like those customers who just pulled up! (he goes outside, as a giant towel is over Karen) Hello, gentlemen, and welcome to the Chum Bucket! Would you like seating inside or outside?

Fish #2: Seating for what?

Plankton: (holds up the menu and yells)... for the Chum Bucket! Are you gonna enjoy a nice helping of chum? (holds up some chum) Oh, boy, this is so... (pretends to eat it) good. (throws it off the screen) The chum is.

Fish #1: Wait a minute, eating chum? Do people do that?

Plankton: Look, are you gonna eat, or not?!

Fish #1: Yeah. I’m gonna have two Krabby Patties.

Fish #2: Oh, yeah, two.

Fish #1: We couldn’t find parking over there at the Krusty Krab. (he points to a scene left of the Krusty Krab, the parking is completley packed. They both walk over and join the humongus line-up there. Plankton then gets mad, so some water bursts out of his body. He catches it in a cup and drinks it)

Plankton: (smacks his lips, then sighs calmly) Now what was I saying? Oh, right (angrily rips up the menu and stamps on it) I’m tired of the Krusty Krab taking all of my buisness! We’re doomed, Karen! Doomed, I tell you! (cries)

Karen: Well then, why don’t you do what all good buisness owners do?

Plankton: What would that be?

Karen: Advertise your product, of course. (gives Plankton part of the towel)

Plankton: (stops crying) Advertising? I can’t believe it took me this long to come up with this (Karen groans. Bubble-wipe to Plankton, who is looking through a "Box O'Letters") Let’s see. Q, no, P, no... ah, here it is, L! (He puts it on a sign between an E and an exclamation mark) There, it’s perfect! (the sign zooms out to reveal it saying "CHUM iS METABOLiC FUEL!" "Chum is Metabolic Fuel." You really did it this time, oh, Planky. (starts singing and dancing really stupidly)

Oh, yeah, who’s the genius?  
Have you seen this, seen this, seen my genius, genius, genius--? 

(Plankton stops and sees Patrick holding a cup and trying to read the sign)

Patrick: Chum... is... (takes a sip) met...

Plankton: Hello, sir, and welcome to the Chum Bucket. Uh... sir? (mechanical noises are heard as Patrick tries to talk)

Patrick: ME...TA...A...TA...TA-A...BOL...IC! (fade to a scene where Patrick’s brain is on fire. It reads "Department of Thoughts." Several Patrick clones are inside)

Patrick Clone #1: Forget about what that word means! There’s a fire breaking out in the language lobes!

Patrick Clone #2: We need to get out of here! (Patrick clone #3 is pushing on a door that says "pull to open")

Patrick Clone #3: The door is jammed!

Patrick Clone #2: Push harder! (smoke comes and drowns them all as they cough. Fade back to the Chum Bucket scene)

Patrick: ...ME-TAB...BO... (his head starts to smoke)

Plankton: Uh...sir, your head, it’s on fire. (Patrick jumps) The drink, use the drink!

Patrick: (stares at cup) It’s kelp juice, you want some? (Plankton takes drink from Patrick and throws it at his head) Hey! What kind of friend are you?!

Plankton: Friend? I didn’t even know y- (interrupted)

Patrick: Go ahead. Say you’re sorry.

Plankton: Uh, I’m sorry?

Patrick: Okay, I forgive you. And... (shakes Plankton’s hand) I’m sorry for yelling. Okay, so can I tell you something, honestly?

Plankton: Whatever.

Patrick: It’s about your sign. These words make my head sad. (zoom up to his head)

Patrick’s Head: (cries) I don’t get it. (cries more)

Patrick: (pats his head) It’s okay, little fella. I don’t, either.

Plankton: Okay, Freakshow, you just wait. In a few minutes, this sign will of attracted more customers than YOU CAN COUNT! (a time card appears)

French Narrator: A few minutes later...

Patrick: Uhhh, what’s that number before one?

Plankton: Zero.

Patrick: Oh right, congratulations, you have zero customers!

Plankton: Okay! So it may take a little longer than a few minutes. (another time card appears)

French Narrator: A little longer than a few minutes later...

Patrick: Wait, what are we doing again? (Plankton facepalms as he gets angry. While he does, Patrick switches the letters around on the sign) There we go! Chum is Fun! (reveal to see the sign that says "CHUM iS FUM!"

Plankton: What the? This says "Chum is Fum." You’ve changed my sign to "Chum is Fum"?! That’s the dumbest thing I've ever heard!

Patrick: They seem to think it’s interesting. (customers are outside standing at the Chum Bucket chattering. They run inside)

Plankton: Apparently, dumb sells chum. And I believe I’ve just found our Advertising Director. (Patrick chews off a bit of a letter "R." Bubble-wipe to the Krusty Krab)

Mr. Krabs: (screams) Only two customers? Customers are looking kinda scarce. (chuckles nervously) Must be low tide or something, eh, Squidward?

Squidward: They’ve all gone to the Chum Bucket.

Mr. Krabs: The Chum Bucket?! (He looks through a pair of binoculars and reads the sign above the Chum Bucket door) "Chum is Fum"? SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Yes, sir?

Mr. Krabs: (screams as he didn’t notice him) SpongeBob, we have a situation.

SpongeBob: I'm on it. (runs off)

(SpongeBob pulls a lever which activates a "Situation Alert" button. Mr. Krabs is pulled away to his office via a moving plank. Another plank tilts and SpongeBob slides down it. He uses his hat as a parachute and lands in the middle of a target with two closed vents to his left and right. The target turns SpongeBob to the vent on the right and both vents open. A large metal square shaped hand pushes him down the vent.)

SpongeBob: (taking a switch out of his pocket) Five. (a door with the Number 5 on it opens) Four. (a door with the Number 4 on it opens up) Three. (a door with the Number 3 on it opens up) Two. (a door with the Number 2 on it opens up) One. (a door with the Number 1 on it opens up. After that, SpongeBob throws away the switch, and then arrives the place where Mr. Krabs is)

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, I'm afraid our worst fears have been realized.

SpongeBob: Ah! Goofy Goober is going non-dairy?

Mr. Krabs: No. (pulling down a screen)

SpongeBob: Ooh. Slide show.

Mr. Krabs: (changes slide) A few hours ago, the Chum Bucket was, as it should be, a desolate no-man’s land. [changes slide to a bunch of customers outside the Chum Bucket] There’s only one way he could have changed things around so quickly. [changes slide to Plankton sneaking past SpongeBob] Plankton must have slipped into the Krusty Krab while you weren’t looking.

SpongeBob: Hey, that’s my legs.

Mr. Krabs: (changes slide to Plankton stealing the Secret Formula) He stole the formular. (a slide of SpongeBob screaming is displayed)

SpongeBob: (screams)

Mr. Krabs: I thought you'd say that. (changes slide to him and SpongeBob sneaking to the Chum Bucket) So we need to infiltrate the Chum Bucket and steal the formular back.

(SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs are dressed in a brown-ish jacket with a clam on top. Mr. Krabs is on top of SpongeBob while he is struggling to keep his balance.)

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, how are ya holding up boy?

SpongeBob: Not so good, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: Hold on now. We’re almost there.

French Narrator: Two hours later...

Plankton: Next!

Mr. Krabs: We made it, SpongeBob. We’re in!

Nat: All I know is: "Chum is Fum."

Pilar: You said it. "Chum is Fum."

Mr. Krabs: Keep an eye peeled for anything suspiciourous

SpongeBob: (struggling) Like that door? (camera moves to reveal door that has two signs covering windows saying "TOP SECRET" "STAY OUT!")

Mr. Krabs: Eh... Bingo! Giddy up, boy, We’re almost there. (opens door)

(Plankton immediately runs up to SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs.)

Plankton: Excuse me.

Patrick: Huh? (Mr. Krabs quickly closes the door)

Plankton: ...would you like a free sample?

Mr. Krabs: No, uh (clears his throat and changes his voice to a falsetto voice) I'm full, thanks!

Plankton: No? How 'bout your little friend? Hi, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Hi! I don’t want a free samp-

Plankton: (stuffs the Chum in SpongeBob’s mouth) Sure, you do. Look out! She’s gonna blow!

(Disguise expands and camera cuts to the outside of Chum Bucket and shows explosion. Camera cuts back to SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs out of disguise.)

SpongeBob: Blegh, Aheh, Agh, Agheh... (Pulls out tongue and starts scrubbing it)

Mr. Krabs: Huh, Plankton obviously didn’t steal me formular, so how did he steal all me customers?

Pilar: This chum tastes awful.

Nat: Yeah, but that slogan is so catchy that we can’t stop eatin' it.

Nat and Pilar: Chum is fum! (they both throw up)

Plankton: Heh-heh-heh... (takes breath) Chum is fum! Hee-hee-hee!

Mr. Krabs: [takes SpongeBob by the tongue] Come on, SpongeBob...

(SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs leave the scene.)

Plankton: I'm gonna see how our advertising guru is doing. (goes into "top secret room") What brilliant slogans have you come up with this week, Patrick? (walks in front of Patrick only to find him asleep)

Patrick: (snore. sleepily) Hmm, huh?

Plankton: [facepalms] Gah! You’re supposed to be coming up with witty catchphrases to keep that rabble out there happy! (jumps up onto easel) "Chum is Fum"... We kinda got that one already. (flips poster paper up to reveal CHUM IS FUM)

Patrick: Ooh, I like that one! (Plankton flips poster paper up again to reveal CHUM IS FUM again. Plankton flips poster paper up again to reveal multiple CHUM IS FUM on whole sheet. Plankton flips poster paper up again to reveal CHUM IS FUM together in the shape of Patrick. Flips paper up to reveal CHUM. Flips paper up to reveal IS. Flips paper up to reveal FUM.)

Plankton: Eh. Oh, well, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. (jumps down) Keep up the good work... I guess...

Patrick: You got it, boss!

Plankton: (opens door to the crowd and announcing) Hey, everyone! Chum is Fum!

(Crowd cheers. Bubble transition to outside of Chum Bucket showing a line up that goes till the outside.)

Plankton: Hey, Karen, check this out!

Karen: What now?

Plankton: You see, every time I make a sale the sound goes there, watch! (opens cash register, sound goes to microphone outside to 3 loud speakers on top of the Chum Bucket; *CHA CHING*)

Mr. Krabs: (cries)

Karen: How is that gonna help to boost sales?

Plankton: Karen, babe, you don’t need help when you have a catchy slogan like mine.

Karen: Don’t look now, but I think your catchy slogan days are numbered. (Plankton turns around and looks at the customers)

Nat: (barfs on floor) Uhhh... sounds not right.

Pilar: Yeah, I know. I keep sayin’ "Chum is Fum", but it’s... eh... it’s just not workin’.

Nat: I’m outta here. (both of them throw ChumStick on the floor and leave)

Plankton: Hmm...

(Bubble-wipe to Patrick sleeping.)

Plankton: (shouting) Patrick!

Patrick: (wakes up) Huh?! What?

Plankton: We’re having a board meeting here! We need ideas!

Patrick: (examining graph that the line ends inside the toilet) Hmm... Mmm... Uh-huh. I think I see the problem. Your potty has a shocky thing in it!

Plankton: No! That’s not it, ya fool! We need a new slogan! You need to come up with another genius catchphrase like "Chum is Fum"! But different.

Patrick: Oh... Gotcha. Hmm...

French Narrator: 3 days later...

(Cuts to outside of Chum Bucket with a longer line of customers. zooms in on new sign "FUM IS CHUM.")

Nat: I'm so happy that they changed that old tired slogan, "Chum is Fum."

Pilar: Yeah, that new slogan "Fum is Chum" is way cooler.

Nat: Way cooler!

(Nat and Pilar pick up Chum Bucket Supreme and start eating and barfing into their buckets.)

Plankton: (gives bucket of chum to a customer) Here’s your Chum Bucket Supreme, enjoy! Patrick, my boy, you really earned that promotion!

Patrick: (washing dishes) Thanks, boss.

Plankton: Nothing can stop me now!

(Shows montage of Plankton’s success: people eating chum, billboard posted up with new slogan, being on cover of Bikini Bottom restaurant magazine, many cars parked outside of Chum Bucket, local hockey team lining up for chum.)

Plankton: You fellas look hungry, here you go! (throws the chumsticks at the hockey players and they fight for it)

Patrick: Excuse me, sir. (hands resignation slip) My resignation. (shows picture of himself in fighter plane shooting bullets)

Plankton: But you’re my whole marketing department!

Patrick: I know, but I’m "burned out." See? (turns around to show back of head literally burned making a hole) Anyway, you can send my check to my home.

Plankton: Check? (crumples the resignation letter up and throws it away) You want money for those stupid catchphrases?! Anybody can sell to my idiot customers! (over loudspeakers) They’re buffoons! Morons! (the citizens notice and listen to what Plankton’s saying) They’ll buy anything I sell them. They’re the dumbest of the dumb! (Frank and Nancy angrily throw away chum) The stupidest of the stupid! (Debbie Rechid and Susie angrily throw away Chum. Susie throws away Chum Bucket bucket helmet as well) They're dummies, dweebs, (every hockey team player hears what Plankton said and stops eating chum) and doodoo dunderheads! I can keep that rabble right where I want ’em! (notices the hockey team players angrily approaches him) Huh?

Hockey Player: What was that part about 'doodoo dunderheads,' eh?

Plankton: Uh-oh!

(Plankton screams while the hockey players are starting beating him up. The hockey players kick him out of the Chum Bucket.)

Hockey Player: Where do you think you’re going, little man? (picks Plankton up and puts him on tee)

Plankton: Is it too late for sorry? (gets squished on tee) D'oh!

Hockey Player: (chuckles) Hey, check out that new sign at the Krusty Krab. Who’s hungry, eh?

(The hockey players cheer and run to the Krusty Krab as Plankton gets squished.)

SpongeBob: Well, Mr. K., we’re back in business!

Mr. Krabs: Yep. (shouting at Patrick) Keep up the good work, boy’o!

Patrick: You got it, boss! (paints "Krabby Patties are Fum" on a banner)