Episode Transcript: Spongicus

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Nautical Novice Suction Cup Symphony

Episode Article: Spongicus

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(Episode starts at the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob is washing windows, and singing)

SpongeBob: (singing) How much chum could a sea slug chug chug... (gasps, because he notices something outside. He then uses a pay phone to call Mr. Krabs in his office) Mr. Krabs, you gotta get out here! It's a code blue situation!

Mr. Krabs: Please deposit 25 cents to continue this call.

SpongeBob: Sure thing Mr. K. (SpongeBob puts a quarter in the pay phone) Mr. Krabs, you gotta get out here! It's a code blue situation!

Mr. Krabs: Code blue?! (Mr. Krabs runs out of his office) What's the matter boy?

SpongeBob: I think Plankton wants to destroy our way of life.

Mr. Krabs: Man alive! (Plankton has a wrecking ball near the Krusty Krab) He's taking us down!

Plankton: (laughs) Get ready Krabs, (pulls a lever) for the surprise of your life!

Mr. Krabs: Brace yourself! (Mr. Krabs hides under a table, and SpongeBob hides under a barrel. The wrecking ball then misses the Krusty Krab) Huh? (The wrecking ball then destroys the Chum Bucket) Plankton's destroying the Chum Bucket? Heh, heh, I guess he's finally given up on the restaurant business. Couldn't take the competition. (a bull dozer than drags a coliseum to where the Chum Bucket was) What is that? (a giant monitor appears on top of the coliseum, and Plankton is on it)

Plankton: Greetings, citizens of Bikini Bottom. Behold my imperial Chum Coliseum! (nobody is excited) I vow to introduce to this fair city, culture, in the form of hand to hand grappling! (still nobody is excited) I intend to enrich your lives culturally, by exibiting the moist spectacle of gladiators in mortal conflict! (still no one is excited) My corporate under writers told me to mention that it's free! (everyone is excited, and they run into the coliseum) Come one! Come all! Remember, kids love gladiators.

Krusty Krab Customer 1: Wow, real live conflict, for free!

Krusty Krab Customer 2: Let the horror show begin! (everyone in the Krusty Krab runs to the coliseum)

Plankton: (laughs, now talking to Karen) Oh Karen, even though you're just a frigid machine, your circuts must be welling up with emotion at my latest achievement.

Karen: Oh yes, my resisters are simply gushing from there copper foiled traces.

Plankton: This will prove to be my greatest evil scheme ever!

Karen: That's what you said when you tried to boil Krabs in a giant bisc.

Plankton: I can still feel the burns. Which is why I removed all molten liquid from this maneuver. And it's why this time, I will be the one with all the customers. And Krabs will be the pathetic one, in an empty restaurant, stuck with a computer for a wife. (Karen shuts down) Uh, sorry honey.

SpongeBob: Wow, looks like Plankton finally has some customers!

Mr. Krabs: I agree, it's very suspicious. And he may have lured a few of our fair-whether customers in with some cheap entertainment, but our loyal customers, know quality when they taste it! So let's get in there, and serve 'em up a burger they tell there grand-guppies about! (they walk into the Krusty Krab, and it's empty) Where's all me loyal customers?

Squidward: They've all taken there grand-guppies to see the guts and gore across the street.

Mr. Krabs: That lower life form can slender my name, and desecrate me mother's grave...

Mama Krabs: I'm right here!

Mr. Krabs: ...but when he steals me customers, then I push back! Gentlemen, to the coliseum! (cuts to the coliseum where there is a sign that says "GLADIATOR FIGHT 2-DAY!". Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob, and Squidward sit down) This reeks of evil. And I'm going to sniff out the source. (Mr. Krabs sniffs, then Plankton appears)

Plankton: Welcome one and all, to the first bi-annual big arena of annihilation! (everyone cheers)

SpongeBob: Whoo!

Plankton: Brought to you by yours truly. So without further ado, let the mauling begin! (everyone cheers again)

Scooter: All right!

SpongeBob: Yay! (Plankton releases a Sea Lion into the ring. Everyone cheers again) Whoo! Isn't this a boat load of fun Squidward? I can't wait to see the poor sucker who has to go against that beast!

Squidward: You call this fun? This is just cheap uncultured lay sport. .

Plankton: Now, release the opponent.

SpongeBob: Yes! (Plankton releases Patrick into the ring. Everyone cheers again) Patrick!? How could they!? This is horrible!! (cries)

Squidward: This is fabulous! (laughs)

Plankton: Enough dilly-dallying. Send out the blood sausages! (two people put a necklace of sausages on Patrick)

Patrick: All right! (Patrick is about to eat a sausage, then the lion growls at him. Plankton laughs)

Plankton: That pink dim-wit doesn't stand a chance with those sausages around his throat! As soon as the smell of sausage hits that ravenous lion fishes nostrils, he'll be all over Patrick like mold on a shower curtain!

Audience Member 2: Rip his sausages off!

Patrick: Ohh. Nice kitty. (notices sausages) Here kitty, want a sausage? A nice, delicious, tasty, sausage. (takes a bite out of the sausage. The lion snatches it from him, and growls at him) Spotamcafeltafish! (runs from the lion)

SpongeBob: I can't sit here and watch this! That's my best friend out there! (SpongeBob jumps into a chariot, and goes toward Patrick) Patrick!

Patrick: What? Oh, oh it's you. Hey, how's it going buddy?

SpongeBob: No time for chit chat, get in! (SpongeBob pulls Patrick in the chariot) Hurry up nelly!

Peterson: Boo!

Mama Krabs: Boring! I want to see some body parts!

Mr. Krabs: Mom!

[SpongeBob and Patrick are chased by the lion fish as the crowd starts booing and yelling at them both angrily]

Plankton: This is ridiculous. I order a simple brutal mauling for my denizens, and I get a circus act! Time for phase two. (cut to Plankton trying to sell Chum on a Stick to the crowd) Chum on a stick! Get your fresh chum right here. Some chum for you miss?

Sadie: Well, all this waiting around for someone to get mauled is making me a bit hungry.

Plankton: Here, take this one. It's fresh and warm, like my hospitality.

Sadie: Why thank you.

Plankton: Just ten dollars please.

Sadie: Ten dollars?! Why would I pay ten dollars, when I can go across the street and get a Krabby Patty for one dollar?

Mr. Krabs: Exactly!

Plankton: You don't get this kind of entertainment with a Krabby Patty, do you?

Sadie: No, I suppose not.

Plankton: Ten dollars, or the fight's off!

Sadie: Ah, fine, whatever.

Plankton: Here you are. I'm sure I've made a satisfied customer of you all ready. (Sadie spits it out)

Sadie: That was appalling! What was in that?

Plankton: Oh, just the usual ingredients. Some jellyfish squeezings, whale blubber, sea horse snout, and a sprinkle of anchor rust. (Sadie vomits)

Sadie: Oh barnacles, that's foul! (everyone tries to leave, but Plankton locks all the exits)

Plankton: Now, I've been waiting for 20 years to have the amount of customers Krabs sees everyday! And I won't let that be ruined because the show's boring, or the food's inedible. So sit down, enjoy the show and buy some chum! (everyone walks back to their seats with a chum stick. Scene cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick with the crowd still booing at them both)

SpongeBob: What do we do now Patrick?

Patrick: Don't worry, I'm all ready doing it. (Patrick is eating a sausage)

SpongeBob: No! (slaps the sausage out of his hands) Patrick, now is not the time for eating, now is the time to avoid being eaten by that giant... Huh? (the lion eats the sausage that SpongeBob slapped out of Patrick's hand, then chases them again) That's it, Patrick! He's not chasing us. He's chasing those tasty, tender, delicious, succulent sausages around your neck! (SpongeBob throws the sausages off of Patrick)

Plankton: Chum on a stick. Get your chum. (notices sausages) What the? (sausages land on Plankton and the crowd shouts and yells angrily) Oh great! Now how am I going to entertain the masses? (lion growls at him) Hey watch where you're... (notices the lion, and it growls at him again) Oh dear! (screams, then the lion growls at him. He then runs out of a tiny door) Whew! Good thing I thought ahead with that escape door. Try and catch me now, you prissy feline! (laughs, then the lion busts a hole, allowing him to get out. Plankton then screams, because he's chasing him) No! Nice kitty. Want some chum? (cuts to the Krusty Krab, where all the customers are there again)

Mr. Krabs: You know I'm not one to give out comments likely, I've gotta hand it to you boy, (referring to SpongeBob) if you didn't throw those sausages into the audience, we would have been dead meat!

SpongeBob: My pleasure captain!

Patrick: Yeah, thanks buddy! You really saved my behind! No joke! (shows that there's a hole in his pants, revealing his butt)

Mr. Krabs: I think that it's safe to say, that no matter how diabolical Plankton's plans may be, he'll never have the loyalty, of me good customers.

Jack: One Krabby Patty please.

Mr. Krabs: But of course, my good customer. That'll be ten dollars.

Jack: Ten dollars? What happened to one dollar?

Mr. Krabs: Ahem, perhaps you'd like to speak to our financial expert. (financial expert, is the lion that was chasing Plankton. Scooter is scared, and gives Mr. Krabs ten dollars)

Jack: Stupid inflation.

Mr. Krabs: Thanks for your business. (everyone laughs, they then stop and walk away. The lion then growls, and the episode ends)

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