Episode Transcript: Shell Shocked
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(SpongeBob is having a nightmare. He wakes up)
SpongeBob: (starts panting loudly) Phew! (wipes forehead. Banging and squeaking noises start from downstairs. Dials the phone) Hello, HELLO! (realizes phone line is cut) Huh? The lines been cut. (slams the phone down) Barnacles! (the noises from downstairs continues. SpongBob puts on a army helmet and gets out tennis racket) I guess I go better take a look. (gets up and legs start shaking. Opens the door to his library and shakes the tennis racket around) Who's there? (jumps onto the slide and goes down it, landing on the floor) Stay back, I'm armed. (enters the hallway but slips on a toy fire truck) Whoa! WOAH! (falls down stairs and recovers) HA, HEY! (flicks on light switch. Novelty teeth is seen chattering. SpongeBob puts the novelty teeth up) A-ha, wind-up novelty teeth. How did you wind up down here? (laughs. A red fancy boot runs in circles) What the heck is going on with my fancy boot? (goes over to the fancy boot) HEY, KNOCK IT OFF! (boot goes in circles faster) Alright, I warned you! (whacks boot. The tennis racket comes back around and hits SpongeBob in the face) You're a dirty fighter! Hmn, I gotcha now! Hi YA! (karate chops the boot. Gary bounces out)
Gary: (spinning around on his shell) Mmmeeooowwww!
SpongeBob: Gary? (Gary heads towards a sandcastle near the wall) Noooooooooo! (Gary crashes underneath the bucket that makes up SpongeBob's sink, which has soap in it) GARY! (lifts off bucket) Hooa!
Gary: (with soap in his mouth) Meewwwaaaawwwwoowwww! (SpongeBob removes soap from mouth) CWA! HE-HE!
SpongeBob: Phew, thank goodness. For a moment there I thought you were hurt. (Pats Gary's shell. The shell starts to crack)
Gary: MEEOW! (shell cracks fully off)
SpongeBob: Gary, I... (Gary looks down at his broken shell) ...I've broken your shell.
Gary: Meeeeooooowwwww! (looks at the skin on his back, which starts to go puffy) Mwaawaaaawwaaaaa! (starts crying)
SpongeBob: Oh no, you're in pain. Don't worry, I'll make it better. (gives Gary a tight hug. Gary slips out of SpongeBob's hands)
Gary: MEOW! (SpongeBob grabs him again)
SpongeBob: Sorry, not better. Oh, I know. (picks up the cracks from Gary's shell) Here, just use a little tape and there ya go, good as new. (shell brakes off) Oh. Well, that's alright because we'll find a new shell for ya. How about this? (holds up a green t-shirt with pink flowers on it)
SpongeBob: Yeah, your right, too floppy. (pulls out a Santa hat) No, too last season. (pulls out a gorilla mask) Well, I need that. A-haha, look Gary. (pulls out a pair of square pants) Here, try this on for size.
SpongeBob: Of course it's a shell! (Gary looks at SpongeBob sternly) Oh c'mon, don't look at me like that. (snail slime covers the pants and pants go soggy)
SpongeBob: OK, you're right, it's not a shell. (starts thinking) OH! (Rushes out and comes back with space helmet over head) Greetings, earthlings. I am SpongeBob. I come from the future. DA-HA-HA-DA-HA-HA (takes off helmet) I bet this'll look great. (puffy skin swirls up inside helmet) Eeewww. I can see why snail shells aren't clear. (takes helmet from Gary) Hmmmm.
SpongeBob: Here it is, Gary. Your neeew shell. (puts on race driver helmet) You look ready to ride. (Gary throws magazine at SpongeBob) Shell Spiffy. Great idea, Gair, I'll order you a new shell. Are there any you have your mind on, ol' buddy? (shows Gary magazine)
SpongeBob: Oh, page 72. Oh, here it is. WOOOOW! (A shell that looks the same as Gary's old shell is shown) This stylish, fully insulated, dual coat ceramic shell comes with automatic restroom facilities standard. And for the affordable price of just $95,95.95?! Isn't there a place I can get a quality shell without spending a fortune?!
SpongeBob: Commercial? What commercial? (TV is on)
Commercial Voice: Uh-oh! Now look what you've done, you've broke your snail's shell again. (man is sweeping up snail shell pieces)
Man: Yeah. Now what do I do?
Angry Jack: You come on down to Angry Jack's Shell Emporium! (camera zooms out to reveal a shell-shaped store)
Commercial Voice: (drop scene with shop name on it) Angry Jack's!
Angry Jack: I'm so angry about my massive inventory that I'm slashing prices like crazy!
Commercial Voice: Jack's angry!
Angry Jack: $99.99 to buy this refurbished shell, (price appears) and I'm angry about it! Or what about this one, brand new plastic shell, super-gloss coat, only $39.99! (price appears in front of Jack's face) HEY, GET THOSE NUMBERS OUT OF MY FACE! (price disappears) Did I mention I'm angry!?
Commercial Voice: He's seething with rage!
Angry Jack: The wife's gone for good, so I'm gonna sell, sell, sell, all these shell, shell, shells! So come on down to Angry Jack's now!
Commercial Voice: Jack is reeaalll mad! Don't bring your kids!
Angry Jack: And remember, we'll match, or beat, anyone advertised rage or is absolutely...hey. (sees SpongeBob) What are you doing in my commercial?
SpongeBob: Oh, sorry Angry Jack, eh Gary here needs a new shell, and we knew you would help us find one. Hey, shouldn't you be yelling at me right now?
Angry Jack: Nah, I just do that to make my commercials louder. And louder, is the same as BETTER! Now let's see if I can get you into a new shell. Hmmm (starts scanning shelves) There she is. (takes the same shell as Gary's old one). There ya go, little guy.
SpongeBob: Oh, it's perfect! Just like the old one, hey, buddy? (hell falls off and breaks) Now it...really looks like the old one, hey, buddy?
Angry Jack: Hey, accidents'll happen. Why don't we try this one? (picks up yellow shell with orange patches)
SpongeBob: Oooohh, that's niice, love the pattern. We'll take it, but first I gotta make sure it's pattened down. We don't want this one slippin' off hey, buddy? (SpongeBob pushes down shell so hard it cracks and breaks. Angry Jack looks at SpongeBob angrily) Oops. Hey, what about that one? (walks to a shell with blue and orange stripes on it. Turns around to take to Gary but whacks it on Angry Jack) Uh, sorry Jack. HEY, how much is that one? (picks up shades of pink stripes. Trips over shoelace and drops shell)
Angry Jack: Why don't you just hold your snail? I'll take care of the shells.
SpongeBob: Good idea, angry.
Angry Jack: So, how do ya like this one? (puts on very bright-lighted shell)
SpongeBob: Well it...certainly is shiny.
Angry Jack: It's our most reflective model.
SpongeBob: Ah that is bright. Can't...see! Ow, what was that?! (bashes into shell shelves and knocks them over one by one. The shelves knock each other over like dominoes. Some shell shelves spell 'oops'. SpongeBob is running over and breaking shells atop a shelf) Why...can't...I...stop...break-ing...SHELLS!? (screams and falls off shelf. View from outside Angry Jack's store as the camera shakes) Whoops. Hey Jack I don't suppose you have any more to show me?
Angry Jack: I do have one more available. It's the only certified indestructable shell I've ever seen, but I'm sure you'll find a way.
SpongeBob: WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! Before we do the hand-off, let me make some precautionary measures. OK, first, (shoes pop from under shell bits) shoes are tied, hands are de-ry (pronounced dry) and now a thick layer of bubble wrap (starts wrapping shell in bubble wrap. Picks up shell but the actual shell falls out of the bubble wrap layer and breaks) You, er...sure you don't have any more in the back?
Angry Jack: The back? There is no back anymore.
SpongeBob: Well, look on the bright side, I reduced your inventory for ya.
Angry Jack: REDUCED?! YOU DESTROYED EVERYTHING! AND NOW, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO PAY!
SpongeBob: Are you really angry or ya just trying to sound louder?
Angry Jack: I'M REALLY ANGRY!!!
Commercial Voice: Blistering fury!
Angry Jack: AND I DEMAND IMMEDIATE PAYMENT!
SpongeBob: (takes about 40 cents out his pocket) Take it, it's all my savings.
Angry Jack: This? This isn't enough to repay my fortune! I'm gonna need more!
SpongeBob: Sorry, that's all I got, honest.
Angry Jack: No, it's not. You've got two arms and two legs, don't ya?
Angry Jack: Give me one of each!
SpongeBob: OK. (Takes off one arm and one leg and gives them to Angry Jack)
Angry Jack: I'll also need some internal organs. (SpongeBob takes out his heart and gives it to Angry Jack) And an eyeball! (SpongeBob hands over an eyeball) And your clothes. (SpongeBob looks down at his clothes. Bubble-wipe to SpongeBob walking away fully formed again)
SpongeBob: Oh, Gary. How I wish your shell could grow back like my appendages. (sees box) Hey, I've got an idea!
(SpongeBob draws a shell pattern on a cardboard box)
SpongeBob: Oh, Gary it's not that bad. Square looks good on anybody.
SpongeBob: Oh, who am I kidding?! It looks terrible on you!
SpongeBob: I know Gary, I ruined your life. DO YOU HAVE TO RUB IT IN?!
Mr. Krabs: Hey boy, what's with all that sniveling?
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, what are you doing here?
Mr. Krabs: Well, uh, never mind that, boy. What's your problem?
SpongeBob: I destroyed Gary's shell, and now I can't find a replacement. So I guess he'll just live the rest of his days as a lowly slug! (cries)
Mr. Krabs: There, there, boy-o. It's not that bad. I'm sure you'll think of something.
SpongeBob: (looks at Mr. Krabs' shiny shell and has an idea) Mr. Krabs, perhaps you can help me find a replacement shell for Gary.
Mr. Krabs: Well, I'd be honored to aid in our search for a shell during such a desperate time, I love that kinda thing. Now, how much ya got?
SpongeBob: No, Mr. Krabs, I'm broke.
Mr. Krabs: Oh. (walks away disappointed)
SpongeBob: Wait, Mr. Krabs! If you get Gary a shell, I'll, work free for the rest of the year.
Mr. Krabs: Only if I get to cut your health benefits for ya.
SpongeBob: It's a deal! (same nightmare scene from the beginning plays out) Oh, another bad dream. (scream) Oh, sorry Gary, not used to your new shell. (Mr. Krabs comes in)
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, can I borrow a blanket.
SpongeBob: There ya go, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Thanks, boy-o.
SpongeBob: Well, I guess all's shell that ends shell. (laughs) Huh Gary? Gary, ya locked me out! Gary!