Episode Transcript: Giant Squidward
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Episode Article: Giant Squidward
- Squidward/Giant Squidward
- Bikini Bottomites
- Mr. Krabs (Cameo Character)
- People on the Stage
(Squidward is sleeping at his house, then his alarm wakes him up. He then gets on his four slippers and gets out of bed. Scene cuts to him walking in front of a mirror. He pulls up his shirt by his collar, then licks his finger and rubs his eyebrows)
Squidward: Squidward, my man, you are perfect! (Squidward is walking outside with a watering can to water his kelp garden, but it's wilted) Oh no, my kelp garden is all wilted! Don't worry fellas, I've got just the thing to perk you up, kelp grow. Hold still. (Squidward sprays it, and his kelp stands up. Squidward sniffs it, then notices Patrick inside)
Patrick: They're pretty.
Squidward: (screams) Patrick?
SpongeBob: And SpongeBob!
Squidward: What are you two doing here?
SpongeBob: Patrick is helping me to do good deeds today, like trimming your kelp garden. (Patrick eats some of Squidward's kelp and burps)
Squidward: Stop eating my kelp!!
Patrick: Okay, Okay, geez. Try to help a fella out. I'll just have to eat this ice cream cone instead.
Squidward: Oh, do you like to eat ice cream, Patrick?
Patrick: Hmmmmmmm... Yeah.
Squidward: Then have some more. (Squidward sprays the chocolate ice cream with kelp grow, and there's more. Patrick falls from the extra weight. Squidward laughs) Still want that ice cream?
Patrick: Boy I do! Thanks Squidward. Want some SpongeBob? Last one to the cone is a rotten clam. (both start licking it)
Squidward: Are you done yet?
Patrick: (after eating all of it) All done.
SpongeBob: Wow, I wish I had a bottle of that kelp grow stuff. (Patrick takes Squidward's bottle and gives it to SpongeBob)
Patrick: Here you go SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Thank you Patrick. You know my shoes feel kinda tight. (SpongeBob sprays them, and they become bigger) Huh, nice and roomy. (SpongeBob hands the bottle to Patrick)
Patrick: Do you want your grow juice back?
Squidward: Oh no, I only paid for it. I wouldn't want to deprive you of it.
Squidward: Give me that!
Patrick: But you said you didn't want it.
Squidward: Fine! Why don't you two use it for your good deeds.
SpongeBob: That's a great idea Squidward!
Patrick: Yeah, I'll go first. (Patrick sprays Squidward's nose, and it becomes bigger)
Squidward: (screams) What did you do?
SpongeBob & Patrick: Ooh!
Patrick: Quite an improvement, don't you think?
SpongeBob: Oh yes, I agree completely. Come on Patrick, let's do some good deeding!
Patrick: Yay! (they run off)
Squidward: Hey, get back here, (chases after them) and fix my nose! (SpongeBob and Patrick run up to Gary)
SpongeBob: Hey Gary, that shell of yours looks a little cramped.
Gary: Meow. (goes inside his shell. SpongeBob sprays his shell, and it becomes bigger)
SpongeBob: There, now you have plenty of space. (they run off, then Squidward runs on screen, and notices Gary's large shell)
Squidward: Aha, they went this way.
Gary: Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow.
Squidward: Oh, tell me about it. (walks off)
Gary: Meow. (tries to move, but is really hard with a big shell. Cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick behind a rock)
SpongeBob: There he is. (talking about Mr. Krabs, who is throwing his penny in the air)
Patrick: Get ready.
SpongeBob: Now, Patrick! (Patrick sucks him into his belly button, then spits him out. He then sprays Mr. Krabs' penny, and it turns bigger, and crushes Mr. Krabs) There you go, Mr. Krabs. You always wanted to make "big money". (cuts to scene of live people booing somebody off the stage. Now talking to Patrick) Good deed accomplished! I ask for no reward.
Patrick: You're a saint, SpongeBob. A saint!
SpongeBob: I know, and it is a burden I must carry. But times a wasting! We need another good deed!
Patrick: Oh, I got one! You know that thing?
SpongeBob: Um, right, that thing that we did that day.
Patrick: No, no, the other one. (both think, then Squidward walks on screen)
Squidward: SpongeBob! (pants) Hey! Look at what you did to me. You better fix my nose, or you'll hear from my lawyer!
SpongeBob: Are you sure?
Patrick: Yeah, you'd be ugly again.
Squidward: Yes, I'm sure!
SpongeBob: Hmm, how to fix his nose?
Patrick: What if you turn the bottle upside down, maybe it'll shrink it.
SpongeBob:(turns bottle upside down) Patrick, that's brilliant!!
Squidward: No wait, don't. (they spray his nose with the bottle upside down, and it just becomes bigger)
SpongeBob: Didn't work.
Patrick: We'll try it again.
SpongeBob: I think I'll just even him out. First, a bigger head. (SpongeBob sprays his head)
Patrick: Well, now his body is too small.
SpongeBob: Right, too small. (SpongeBob sprays it, and his body becomes fatter)
Patrick: Arm's are too short. (SpongeBob sprays his arm) Leg's are too short. (SpongeBob sprays it) Other arm. (SpongeBob sprays it) Feet too small. (SpongeBob sprays it) Teeth. (SpongeBob sprays it and his teeth become sticking out of his mouth) Belly button. (SpongeBob sprays it and his belly button gets plump. Patrick blows a kiss) Perfect! (Squidward looks ugly)
Squidward: I look horrible! (Squidward inks)
SpongeBob & Patrick: Eww! (they cough) Augh! He inked!
Squidward: Well, pardon my anatomy. (Squidward gets even bigger) What's happening?
SpongeBob & Patrick: (Squidward is really big) All right!
Squidward: What did you do to me?!
Patrick: I know! I know! Um, made you a monster!
SpongeBob: And a giant.
SpongeBob & Patrick: A giant monster!
Squidward: (Echoing) I don't want to be a giant lumbering monster! (picks up SpongeBob and Patrick) What will I do now?
SpongeBob: That's easy, play giant lumbering monster tag!
Patrick: Yeah! Yeah! You chase us!
SpongeBob: And we run around and scream like crazy! (they got out of Squidward's hand) Try and catch us, giant monster Squidward! (they run away from Squidward)
Squidward: (Echoing) SpongeBob, come back here!
SpongeBob: Aaaaaaah! This is really fun.
Patrick: Aaaaaaaaah! I know! We should do this... Aaaaaaaaaah! ...more oftening! (they run into Bikini Bottom, when Squidward is chasing them)
Nancy: Aaaaah! Monster! (gets on the back of her son, and he runs really fast)
Medieval Fish: Monster!
Fish 1: Huh? (takes out a torch from his case, then chases Squidward. Squidward finally gets SpongeBob and Patrick)
SpongeBob: You are very good at pretending, Squidward. Look how you're all sweaty and angry, and you got the whole town to play along. (the angry mob surrounds him)
Squidward: What the?
Cora: Kick him!
Fish 2: Let's get him and make back bacon!
Lifefish: Scoop out his... eyeballs and use 'em as... giant... misshapen soccer balls!
Medieval Kid: Wait! Maybe he's a nice monster, like in my story book. (Sadie and Tina's torches burn out)
Lifefish: Oh right, I, I haven't thought of that. Well, are you?
SpongeBob: Oh, goodness gracious yes. Squidward is the nicest giant of them all.
Patrick: Yeah! Squidward, tell them about all those times that you didn't punch me in the face.
SpongeBob: Even though you really wanted to.
Squidward: (Echoing) D'oh, quiet, you moron!! (all gasp)
Nazz: He hurt the little ones feelings.
Shubie: Why, that's not very nice at all.
Lifefish: Take him down, boys! (all yelling)
Squidward: (Echoing) Ow! (they then set up a giant rake. Squidward steps on it, and he falls down. The lifefish comes in with a big stick of lipstick)
Lifefish: This outta fix him! (Squidward now has lipstick on)
Squidward: Okay, Okay, I'm nice. (zooms out revealing that Squidward is tied up) Now will you leave me alone?
Sadie: Oh yeah, then prove it!
Lifefish: Yeah! Are you nice enough to... um...
Nazz: Compliment me on my new hairdo?
Squidward: Yeah, sure, whatever.
Nazz: (laughs) Thank you.
Camp Counselor: Let the junior guppies camp out under your toe nails? (all snoring)
Skier: Take me to the top of mount humongous? (Squidward does it)
Farmer: Blow on my old windmill? (Squidward does it)
Kid: Do my homework?
Peterson: Dust my attic?
Camp Scout: Feed my snail?
Shubie: Wow, this giant really is friendly after all.
Harold: He taught my grandmother how to read!
Lifefish: He helped me start my own blimp ride company. (the blimp is really Squidward's nose)
Peterson: He helped me build a... a... (sneezes)
Squidward: What? (all gasp)
Evelyn: He didn't say bless you.
Lifefish: Get him! (Everyone yells. Squidward runs away)
Shubie: (Male voice) Where'd he go?
Lifefish: Is that him over there?
Squidward: Uhh, I'm a lamp post.
Lifefish: Oh. Well, let's go check down by the creek! We'll teach him to dip his feet! (They rush away as Squidward tiptoes away. Later Squidward sees that his house has been turned into a makeshift bear trap; he touches his house and barely avoids being hit by the claws of the bear trap)
Squidward: Well Squidward, I guess this is your new life. (cuts to Squidward on a mountain) And this is your new bed. (lays down) Good night, old life. (cries) I'll miss you.
SpongeBob: Good night, Squidward.
Squidward: Where are you?
SpongeBob: Patrick and I are having a sleep over, in your belly button.
Squidward: What the? (Squidward picks them out) Get out of there! You two have ruined my life! (starts crying, and one of the tears fall on SpongeBob and Patrick, and they are traveling down it)
SpongeBob: Oh Patrick, this is terrible! Squidward did not like the kindness we did him.
SpongeBob: We shall do him another. (cuts to next day when SpongeBob and Patrick are working on something) We did it! (they push a giant present out that says "For Squidward")
Squidward: What the?
SpongeBob: Since our last kindness didn't go so well, we brought you a new one. (Squidward opens it)
Squidward: A giant clarinet? (SpongeBob and Patrick nod, then Squidward plays it, then gasps) And it sounds divine! (as Squidward plays he begins to shrink to normal size) Now I'm too small to play my giant clarinet! (cries, then the clarinet crushes him. SpongeBob and Patrick then pull him out) It was the most beautiful thing I've ever played! (sighs) Well, at least I still have my kelp garden. (SpongeBob and Patrick laugh nervously) What? (cuts to where Squidward's kelp garden is cut as he gasps) You cut it down?!
SpongeBob: We used your kelp to make a kelp mache clarinet. (Squidward gets angry, then begins to chase SpongeBob and Patrick. They scream, then laugh, then scream again believing they are playing the "game" from earlier, as Squidward furiously chases them in the distance )