Episode Transcript: Slide Whistle Stooges

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The Splinter	A Life in a Day

Episode Article: Slide Whistle Stooges

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(Squidward wakes up, jumps into the shower, and starts to brush himself when he starts hearing a slide whistling noise every time he moves the brush)

Squidward: Huh? What's that? Hmm, must be hearing things. (goes outside and breathes in) Ahhhh... smell that fresh day good morning sea breeze in peace! (singing to himself) La da dum dum dee. (bends down to pick up the newspaper and hears the slide whistling noise. The same happens when he stands back up) Huh? Must be hearing things... Again! (slide whistling noises happen when he shakes the bag and when the newspaper slides out. Breathes out. Hears the slide whistle) What is all that that noise?! (SpongeBob and Patrick are heard laughing) Ahhhh... I should have guessed. It's too early for this. (SpongeBob and Patrick are heard laughing again) Alright, you two neighbors in the house from Conch Street! (SpongeBob and Patrick are seen as lumps under Squidward's front mat. Stomps on the lumps) What is the meaning of this?! (lifts up the mat)

SpongeBob: What is the meaning of this?! (he and Patrick laugh. They stand up with the slide whistle effect) We're slide whistling with our whistles!

Squidward: Don't you mean, "Playing the slide whistle in my personal space?"

SpongeBob: Squidward, slide whistling is more than just simply tooting on an instrument! It's a way of life! Let's show him Patrick. (Squidward's door opens with the slide whistling effect. SpongeBob and Patrick run inside)

Squidward: Hey! Get out of my house! Huh? (looks around and doesn't see them. SpongeBob and Patrick are heard laughing) Alright you two morons! Show yourselves! (they slide out from the dining room light with the slide whistle effect)

SpongeBob: You see, Squidward? Slide whistling can add a little zest to the humdrum of everyday life.

Squidward: I don't need zest! I need you out of my lampshade! (jumps onto the table to get them out but they're not there. SpongeBob appears with the slide whistle effect behind a plant) Get out of my house! (SpongeBob floats through the air with the slide whistle noise and out the door) Grrrrr... (SpongeBob and Patrick are spinning around the circular windows) Just get out of there! (they land onto Squidward's paintings as the shape of Squidward's head) Okay, that's enough! You've had your fun. Now, get out of my house now!

SpongeBob: True, Squidward, true. We have had our fun. But you know what's twice as much fun? (pops out of the painting) Twice as many slide whistles! After you, my good man. (hands Patrick a slide whistle)

Patrick: Thanks, buddy! (Patrick floats out of the painting and across the room. SpongeBob follows. They start to head toward the windows)

Squidward: Not the windows again! (runs to the window and opens it) Gotcha! They're gone. Whew! Now if they'd just stay out of my house, I might be able to enjoy a little squid time. (makes himself a pot of tea. The slide whistle effect happens when he pours the tea into the cup. SpongeBob and Patrick laugh. Closes the blinds and then sits down to drink his tea. The slide whistle effect is also here. SpongeBob and Patrick laugh outside. SpongeBob and Patrick continue this when Squidward is making his bed, when he brushes his teeth, cleans the toilet, and reads) I gotta get out of here!!! (SpongeBob and Patrick are laughing when Squidward walks through the door, shattering it)

SpongeBob: Look, Patrick! Squidward is finally playing along. (he and Patrick follow Squidward while he is running away from them. They, of course, have their slide whistles)

Squidward: Go away! Can't you idiots take a hit?! (keeps running. Runs into Goo Lagoon with SpongeBob and Patrick following him. SpongeBob and Patrick are shown as mermen underwater. SpongeBob and Patrick have their slide whistles and are playing along with Squidward's movements. Swims into a cave and starts running. Breaks through the back of the cave and stops to catch his breath) I think I lost 'em. (SpongeBob and Patrick are there whistling every time Squidward takes a breath. Takes SpongeBob's slide whistle) How would you like it if someone did this to you?! (starts playing)

SpongeBob: Alright! (he and Patrick dance along to Squidward's whistling. SpongeBob and Patrick are floating around and dancing for a while when Squidward puts down the slide whistle and gives up) Wow, Squidward! You have got quite an ear for music!

Squidward: Why don't you... I do?

SpongeBob: Yes, my friend. You got... the goods!

Squidward: Well, uh...ha... that is true...

SpongeBob: Come, play some more, maestro. Me and Patrick want to your saweeet tunes!

Squidward: Well... If you insist...

SpongeBob: Oh! We insist!

Squidward: Okay! (he, SpongeBob, and Patrick all start slide whistling. Bubble-wipe to the Barg'N Mart. The door opens)

Dennis: (looks up) Hello there? May I help you with anything here in the Barg'N Mart? (door closes with the slide whistle effect) Well, that's unusual. (keeps reading. Slide whistle effect happens when he turns the pages) What is that?! Who's there?! (Squidward, behind the cashiers desk, laughs) Who's back here?! (doors close with the slide whistle effect. Looks behind him. Hears the doors again) Alright, this isn't funny! Come on jerk, you think you can mess with me?! (Squidward is on top of the Barg'N Mart. He laughs. Bubble-wipe to the streets of Bikini Bottom. SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward march with slide whistles playing in a chorus)

Squidward: Watch this! (Sally is pushing a baby carriage. Squidward plays a note on the slide whistle from inside the carriage. Sally looks down) Goo goo wa wa goo goo wa goo goo he ha wa... (jumps out of the carriage) ha ha ha!

Sally: (screams) Someone help! Baby assaulter! (crowd yells "Go assault your own baby" "Hey! Get back here!", etc to Squidward)

Squidward: (laughs while in midair) If you say so. (floats down with the slide whistle effect and into a manhole)

SpongeBob: Patrick, are you thinking what I'm thinking? (Patrick has a thought cloud digging out bellybutton lint)

Patrick: Probably not. (Squidward goes up through a streetlight and hears a couple)

Nancy: Oh honey, I'm so sorry. I promise it'll never happen again. (Nancy and Frank hug. Squidward plays the slide whistle)

Frank: Liar!

Fish: She's not lying. (mob appears with torches) She speaks the truth. Someone wicked has disturbed our peaceful city Frank.

Frank: But who would do such a thing?

Fish: Squidward! Squidward Tentacles! He lives on Conch Drive!

Frank: What?

Fish: Yes, we must capture him. He must pay for his wrong doings!

Mob: He's going to pay! He's going to pay with interest! (Squidward slide whistles by)

Fish: Come on, let's get him! (mob runs after Squidward)

SpongeBob: Patrick, do you think Squidward is taking this a little too far?

Patrick: He's only a block away. (policefish see the mob)

Police Officer: What do you make of it, Sarge?

Sergeant: It looks like a full scale riot. I'm calling for backup! (on his radio) Get me the K-9 unit! (the riot looks up and sees Squidward on top of a building with the slide whistle. Squidward laughs. The cops show up and then the K-9 unit)

Squidward: Would you like some more!? (makes a high-pitched noise on the slide whistle)

K-9 Handler: (the worms start to foam at the mouth and growl) Wait! Wait you stupid worms! (the worms start to attack his face. Screams) I was supposed to retire this week!!!

Squidward: Let's give them a grand finale they'll never forget! (slide whistles his way into the back of a semi truck pulling a gas tanker. The driver shifts gears and the slide whistle noise happens. The driver starts to drink some coffee and the slide whistle noise happens)

Driver: Huh? What is that?! (Squidward silently laughs to himself. Turns the steering wheel and the slide whistling noise happens)

Driver: I can't work under these conditions! (puts on a helmet, jumps from the truck and rolls. Squidward sits in the driver's seat)

Squidward: Now you're in the driver's seat, Squiddy! (does the slide whistle noises and isn't paying attention to the road at all. Accelerates and drives through the Chum Bucket)

Mr. Krabs: (laughs) Well, Plankton finally got what he deserved. (notices Squidward is about to drive through the Krusty Krab) Whoa, wait! STOP! (Squidward drives through the Krusty Krab. Starts crying)

Squidward: (heads toward a ramp and through a ring of fire) I've never felt so alive! (clears the jump) I don't wanna stop! (SpongeBob and Patrick pull up in a car)

SpongeBob: Squidward, are you sure you don't wanna stop?

Squidward: What are you talking about nitwit?!

SpongeBob: Up ahead!!

Squidward: What up ahead?! (sees a cliff. As he goes over the edge, he plays the slide whistle from high to low. The tanker crashes. There is a brief pause)

Mob: Yay!!! (SpongeBob and Patrick play a song on the slide whistle. Bubble-wipe to the Bikini Bottom Hospital)

Dr. Gill Gilliam: Your friend is very lucky. If it wasn't for that slide whistle getting lodged in his throat, the rescue team might have never found him. (the slide whistle starts going crazy in Squidward’s throat) His yelling, or whistling I should say, under all that rubble saved his life.

SpongeBob: Doctor, why did you leave the whistle in his throat?

Dr. Gill Gilliam: Unfortunately, we don't have the technology to remove it yet. But on the bright side, he can still communicate with us. (the slide whistle starts going crazy again)

SpongeBob: Wow Squidward, listen to you! You're getting better already! Here, we'll help. (he and Patrick raise their slide whistles. SpongeBob and Patrick go around the hospital playing the slide whistle to CPR, a guy on a ventilator, and Gill Gilliam stitching Nat Peterson up)

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