Episode Transcript: Sand Castles in the Sand

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Episode Article: Sand Castles in the Sand

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(SpongeBob goes out of his house and knocks on Patrick's rock.)

SpongeBob: Get up Patrick, it's time.

(The rock opens when Patrick wakes up from his sleep)

Patrick: Time for what?

(SpongeBob jumps into Patrick's house)

SpongeBob: The big shindig, remember?

Patrick: No. Besides, I don't really think my shins should be involved. (wiggling his foot) They're a bit flabby today.

SpongeBob: That's shindig, buddy. We're spending the day at the beach in the honor of our best friendship.

Patrick: The beach? Just you and me?

(SpongeBob rips off his pants showing his swim trunks. Then Patrick tears off his skin, revealing his internal organs)

Patrick: So am I ready for the beach, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: Oh, sure. A little sunscreen and I'm sure you'll be fine.

(A bus stops. SpongeBob and Patrick lift a huge bag into the bus' door.)

SpongeBob: I'm spending the whole day at the beach with my best friend.

(SpongeBob puts the huge bag on a chair beside a fish. SpongeBob and Patrick both cram themselves on the same seat along with the fish.)

Fish #1: You're hurting me!

(The bus moves. SpongeBob talks to Harold.)

SpongeBob: Guess what?

Harold: (worried) What?

SpongeBob: (shouting) I'M GOING TO THE BEACH WITH MY BEST FRIEND!!! (Then, he taps on the shoulder of the bus driver.)

SpongeBob: Oh, bus driver....

Bus driver: (crankily) What?!

SpongeBob: Okay. Out of everybody on this bus, guess which one is my best friend?

Bus driver: I don't care!

SpongeBob: You know what this situation calls for? (SpongeBob takes out a keyboard guitar, and Patrick takes out an accordion) A few verses of "The Best Friend Tune!" (singing) Best friends-

(The bus stops. SpongeBob and Patrick are kicked off it. The bus moves from them.)

SpongeBob: Hey, wait! This is not our stop! Oh, how are we going to get to the beach now, Patrick? We don't even know where we are.

Patrick: I knew it! We've been abandoned!

SpongeBob: No!(They start crying) No, Patrick. No one is ever going to find us out here!

(A ball hits SpongeBob's head)

Scooter: A little help bro?

SpongeBob: Look, Patrick. We made it. Hey, best friend... Check this out.(SpongeBob shows his butt and his pants appear to be sagging. SpongeBob takes a plastic disc from his butt.) It's a small plastic disc that you throw.

Patrick: Small plastic disc that you throw?! I love playing small plastic disc that you throw.

SpongeBob: I do too, buddy. If only small plastic disc that you throw had a shorter, catchier name.

Patrick: Oh. Oh! How about small plastic disc that you toss?

SpongeBob: Perfect! Now run along, Patrick and I'll toss it to ya! (Patrick runs and SpongeBob throws the plastic disc) Ready?

(Patrick keeps running to catch the plastic disc. He steps on two people.)

Fish #2 and Fish #3: Ouch!!

(Patrick steps in the sand and kicks sand in a guy's sandwich)

Nat: Ha, ha! That's why they call it a sandwi... (Patrick spreads sand into Nat's mouth)

(Patrick keeps running to chase the plastic disc but he almost runs into a pane of glass being carried by two workers. He crashes through an ice cream cart, and then into a lifeguard tower. When the lifeguard tower is destroyed, Frisbee lands in his hand.)

Patrick: I caught it! Wasn't that cool, SpongeBob?

Life Guard: I can assure you, that that was not cool! Just look at what you've done. Your buffoonery has destroyed the lifeguard tower! Why don't you find something to do that's less obnoxious?

Patrick: Like what?

Life guard: I don't know. Go play in the sand or something.

Patrick: Well, I don't know. Playing with the sand sounds pretty boring.

SpongeBob: Nonsense, Patrick. There are plenty of fun things to do in the sand. We can draw or practice our cursive writing or-

Patrick: Boring, SpongeBob, boring.

SpongeBob: I know, we can made sandcastles.

Patrick: That sounds unboring.(Patrick hits his arm to SpongeBob.)

SpongeBob: No one's ever been annoyed by a sand castle. (laughs)

SpongeBob: Nothing quite like the joy of sand castling.(He is building a sandcastle. SpongeBob talks to the man he has drawn in a window of his castle) Eh, buddy? How you doing over there?

Patrick: Everything's dandy in Patrick's Kingdom.(He starts building a "sandcastle". Then stopped when SpongeBob talks.)

SpongeBob: Oh, a structure like that can't protect a king and his subjects. Here let me help you. First, you should start all over. (starts building sandcastle but stops when Patrick talks)

Patrick: What are you doing? You destroyed my castle!

SpongeBob: I'm just trying to help, buddy.

Patrick: I don't need any help.

(A fish comes)

Billy: Here are those architectural plans you requested.

Patrick: Why, thank you. Here's a little something for you. (Patrick gives sand money to Billy. But the sand breaks.)

SpongeBob: Well I suppose I should just tend to the affairs of my own realm. And I'll start by making a queen to rule by your side. (A piece of metal falls onto the castle and it collapses)

Patrick: Now, we're even.

SpongeBob: All right Patrick. Have it your way. (Draws a line in the sand separating the two of them) You keep to your territory and I'll keep to mine. (He builds his sandcastle fast)

(Patrick looks at his blueprints and throws it away)

Patrick: Now this'll show SpongeBob that he's not the only one who can build a castle! (He builds his sandcastle fast.) Let see SpongeBob destroy this castle.

SpongeBob: I better build a wall just in case King Pinky gets any funny ideas. (He builds the wall fast but then notices that Patrick's castle is over the borderline) Oh, sir. You built onto my side.

Patrick: So?

SpongeBob: So you don't do that! (chops off the portion of Patrick's castle that is crossing) There. That restores the integrity of our shared border.

Patrick: You tyrant! You've done it again! (Builds a hammer out of sand) I'll show you what for.

SpongeBob: But what for what!?

(Patrick charges toward SpongeBob's castle and destroys it using the hammer.)

Patrick: Now we're even. Again!

SpongeBob: Okay, Patrick. I can accept that. No more destruction from this point forward, okay? Okay, back to square one again. (builds this huge castle like a real castle. He looks at Patrick building a sand castle using a telescope. Patrick finishes his castle.)

Patrick: Ah-ha! (He stands on the top of his huge sandcastle with many pointy arrows.)

(SpongeBob plays a sand trumpet)

SpongeBob: I hereby propose a non-aggression treaty to end hostilities between our two kingdoms. (He gives Patrick a sand feather and a sand board to sign. Patrick signs it.) Patrick. By signing this historic armistice you have brought peace to our lands. May your kingdom prosper. (He walks into his door) Well that went well! (An arrow hits his wall) What are you doing? What about the treaty?

Patrick: This treaty isn't worth the sand it's printed on! (The sand board disintegrates)

SpongeBob: Oh, is that so? Well if you think you can take down this castle, my answer is: Bring it on!

(Patrick laughs. He builds a new horse and knight army and SpongeBob stands shocked.)

SpongeBob: (coughs) Patrick, I'm trying to be the nice guy here. Let's call this silly business off.

Patrick: No way! You started it!

SpongeBob: Fine! Have it your way. (He walks away. He gets ready to cut a rope on his catapult releasing sand boulders.)

Patrick: No, no, no, no.

(SpongeBob cuts the rope and the sand rocks from SpongeBob's catapult hurl toward Patrick destroying his army while he runs into his castle. SpongeBob laughs and blows another horn to call his own army. Four members of the army run towards Patrick's castle. SpongeBob's army starts to ram down the door to Patrick's castle while Patrick is building something. SpongeBob's army breaks the door but Patrick had already made a sand cannon.)

Patrick: Oh, hello. And goodbye. (The sandball from the cannon chases SpongeBob's army. They retreat into SpongeBob's castle.)

SpongeBob: Come on! (the rock stops and looks both ways) How do you like them apples? (The rock goes over into the castle and destroys the army like bowling pins.)

Patrick: (laughing) You'll never win! Do you hear me?

(SpongeBob puts his thumb on a scanner, entering a high-tech planning room in his castle. Then he talks to a sand general)

SpongeBob: Uhm. Uhm. Well put general! We'll create a surprise military diversion and break through enemy lines. What say you? (Sand constructed general starts to fall apart) Yes! We'll ready ourselves immediately! (He makes something from sand. A tank smashes through SpongeBob's castle.) How do you like me now?

(A robot like Optimus Prime smashes through Patrick's castle.)

Patrick: I like you this much! (The robot walks towards SpongeBob's tank and lifts it up.)

SpongeBob: No!

Patrick: Feel me! (His robot tries to punch the tank. But SpongeBob manages to blast the robot's head with his tank cannon. The robot explodes. SpongeBob goes out from his tank and goes to the remains of the robot's head)

SpongeBob: Patrick? Patrick, are you okay?!

Patrick: The question is... will you be!? (Patrick punches a button and the robot head flies while SpongeBob hangs on. SpongeBob falls from the robot head.)

SpongeBob: (screams and pulls out his sand parachute and he laughs.)

Patrick: Hey, no fair!

SpongeBob: All is fair in love and war my friend-slash-enemy, or should I say, my friendenemy!? (He pushes a button on a remote. He safely lands on his sand jet and the jet chases the robot head. The jet targets) Now let's have some real fun! (He pushes a button and missiles shoot towards Patrick's head robot. Patrick tries to avoid the missiles but they're still following it.)

Scooter: What was that? Come on, we gotta get out of here. (He takes his girlfriend and everybody at the beach runs from the beach.)

Patrick: Oh, yeah? Two can play at this game! (He pushes a button. Missiles come out from the sand, fly and destroy SpongeBob's missiles. The missiles fly towards the jet. SpongeBob manages to attract the missiles to Patrick's castle, which they destroy. SpongeBob laughs.)

Patrick: I wasn't gonna do this but you've left me no choice. (The robot head drops an atomic bomb on SpongeBob's castle)

Griffin #1: (scream)

Griffin #2: Let's beat it, dude! (he flies away with Griffin #1 as the bomb explodes.)

(Patrick laughs and SpongeBob's jet flies toward the robot head. Then, the jet and the robot head collide. SpongeBob and Patrick are hurt hard.)

Patrick: Uhh, what happened?

SpongeBob: I'll tell you what happened, Patrick. I got carried away.

Patrick: Me too. Was it worth it?

SpongeBob: No, no, it wasn't. What started out as a fun dream turned into a horrible, brutal, nightmare. As the winds of time changed the silvery sands of these dunes to a new landscape, so let us hope that our own winds of change will change our spiritual dunes to a landscape of peace. Oh buddy, let's never forget this lesson. [SpongeBob and Patrick hug]

Life guard: Let's also not forget who's gonna clean this place up.

Spongebo and Patrick: (disgusted noises)

Life guard: (shows SpongeBob and Patrick a broom and a dustpan.) Better get started. (SpongeBob grabs the broom while Patrick grabs the dustpan.) You've got a lot of work to do.

Patrick: (looks at SpongeBob, looking at Patrick as he smiles.) I bet I can clean up faster than you!

SpongeBob: Oh yeah? I bet you can't!

Patrick: (sweeps the sand with his hand) Yes, I can!

SpongeBob: (sweeps the sand with his broom) No, I can!

(SpongeBob and Patrick fight until the episode ends)

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