Episode Transcript: Plankton's Regular

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Episode Article: Plankton's Regular

Characters

Dialogue

(episode starts at the Chum Bucket, where Plankton is grumbling)

Plankton: What is going on here?! (screams, and rips off some of his skin, then Karen comes out)

Karen: What's wrong now?

Plankton: Same as always, look. Empty again.

Karen: So what are you going to do about it?

Plankton: I don't know anymore. (cries)

Karen: (fake cries) Why don't you just work on a new recipe?

Plankton: What's the point? I haven't had a customer in years! (Nat walks in)

Nat: Hello.

Plankton: Away with you! Can't you see that I'm self-loathing here?

Nat: Sorry, I just wanted a Chum Stick.

Plankton: What?

Nat: Yes, I'd like one of your Chum Sticks.

Plankton: You're kidding right?

Nat: No, I'm serious, I want a Chum Stick.

Plankton: Uh, okay, if you insist. (hands him a Chum Stick, and Nat eats it) Oh no, please don't sue me. (Nat finishes the whole thing and says: "Mmm-mmm!") I can't believe someone actually enjoys my Chum. (laughs)

Nat: Now this was so good. I'm going to have to come back, tomorrow. (hands him a dollar) Here you go. See you in the morning.

Plankton: (to Karen) Did you see that? I didn't even have to threaten his life! He loved it!

Karen: How'd you pull that off?

Plankton: Well it's simple, finally someone came in who has good taste. And he's coming back tomorrow! Excuse me Karen, but I've gotta whip up some more. (cuts to Plankton running out of the Kitchen with a Chum Stick) Now, I wait. I wait until he returns. (hops up on a stool, and stares out the window) I wait. I wait. I wait. (bored) I wait. (time card appears)

French Narrator: 8 hours later... (Plankton is asleep, then the clock wakes him up)

Plankton: Huh? Nat? Hello? Huh? What? (sees the clock) Oh, it's closing time. I should have known it was too good to be true.

Nat: Hey.

Plankton: Well hello, Nat.

Nat: I came back like I said yesterday.

Plankton: You certainly did, didn't you?

Nat: I'd like another Chum Stick, please?

Plankton: Well, it's your lucky day, Nat. I happen to have a quite delectable one, right here.

Nat: Oh, boy! (eats it)

Plankton: Is it okay?

Nat: (angry) Okay? (happy) It's perfection! (both laugh, and then do a high five) Hey, how about I have another.

Plankton: You bet 'ya. (gives Nat another one, and he eats it)

Nat: Whoo, boy! I cannot believe how good these things are.

Plankton: Oh, well, you know...

Nat: All right, see you tomorrow. (hands him another dollar)

Plankton: What? You're coming back again?

Nat: Oh, you know it! And the day after that, and the next week after that! You've got a regular customer on your hands! (walks out)

Plankton: Oh my, this is amazing! At last, I've got my revenge! (laughs evilly. Bubble-wipe to the Krusty Krab, where Mr. Krabs is laughing and singing)

Music: Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'

Mr. Krabs: Rollin', rollin' rollin'.
Money keeps on rollin'.

Mr. Krabs: (he is playing bowling with money) One more time! (notices Plankton) No way, Plankton! You're not getting me formula this time, or any time! (throws him on the counter, then gets a spoon, and crushes him)

Plankton: Don't bother. There's no need.

Mr. Krabs: What are you talking about?

Plankton: I'm just saying, I no longer need to copy you, Krabs. I've got my own winning recipe now.

Mr. Krabs: (laughs) You're really funny, man! You think you can compete with me? Look Plankton, look at all these loyal customers. Loyal to me, not to you!

Nat: (enters) Hey Plankton, can I get another one of your delicious Chum Sticks?

Plankton: But of course... loyal customer. (hops out of Mr. Krabs' hands, onto Nat's hand) I'll see you later, loser. Much later! (laughs)

Mr. Krabs: Oh no! How can this be? Boy, front and center!

SpongeBob: Yes, sir!

Mr. Krabs: Plankton's trying to overthrow me business! He's got a customer that actually likes his food! You've gotta get that guy back on our side, with a couple of Krabby Patties.

SpongeBob: Oh, you can count on me sir. (bubble-wipe to Nat walking toward the Chum Bucket) Pardon me, you smart fellow? Down here. (he is laying on the floor, like a mat) Why settle for Plankton's lumpy Chum... (holds up a plate with a Krabby Patty in front of Nat) ...when you can enjoy a steaming Krabby Patty, for free?

Nat: (sniffs it) No thanks. (opens the door, peeling off SpongeBob's skin)

SpongeBob: Barnacles! (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob in a chair) There he is. Just in time for breakfast. (walks down the street, then throws a rock on the ground) Oh, I am such a clumsy oaf. I sure hope nothing happens to this Krabby Patty as I step carefully over this rock here. (deliberately trips on the rock) Oh, no! Too late! No! No! (tries to shove the patty in his mouth, but his mouth dodges it) Oops. Oops. Oops. Oops. Oops. Oops. Come on, Nat. Just one accidental bite! I see you're not hungry right now, but I'm telling you, that Krabby Patty will make a great snack later. (Nat's face is messy)

Nat: Yeah, do me a favor. (rips off SpongeBob's pants, uses it as a napkin to wipe his messy face, then gives it back) From now on, keep those Shabby Patties to yourself. (walks away)

SpongeBob: Oh, fish paste! (bubble-wipe to the Chum Bucket)

Plankton: Nat, back all ready? That's the fifth time today. Not that I'm surprised. Karen. babe, get Nat here another plate of that sweet Chum.

Karen: Yes, your diminutiveness. (goes in the kitchen)

Plankton: Say, Nat, do you have any friends?

Nat: Nope. (Plankton sings a little, then laughs)

Plankton: Would you hurry up with that Chum, Karen?!

SpongeBob: (imitating Karen) Yeah, yeah, yeah, keep your tiny pants on Plankton, bleep bloop. (throws a Krabby Patty) There's your Chum, bleep blap blop.

Nat: Hey, this doesn't look like Chum.

Plankton: And that doesn't look like Karen. (SpongeBob, shaped just like Karen, is shown)

SpongeBob: Why don't be ridiculous my husband, bleep blap. Of course it's me.

Plankton: What have you done with Karen, you brute?! (cut to the kitchen, where Karen is taped up)

Nat: How many times do I have to tell you? I don't want to eat your trash! Plankton's chum is my favorite breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I LOVE CHUM! So forget it! I don't want to eat anything else! (SpongeBob returns to normal, and speaks in his normal voice)

SpongeBob: So you're saying that you love Chum? And all that you ever eat, is Chum?

Nat: Yeah! That's right!

SpongeBob: Interesting. (walks away. Bubble-wipe to Nat walking out of a trailer. He notices a whole with a sign that says "Shortcut 2 Chum Bucket")

Nat: A shortcut to the Chum Bucket? Hmm. That must be for me. (goes through the hole, but it leads to the Krusty Krab)

SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs: Welcome, valued customer.

Nat: This isn't the Chum Bucket.

Mr. Krabs: (laughs) Why go to the Chum Bucket, when the Krusty Krab is adding tasty Chum to our menu?

Nat: That's okay, I only eat Chum Bucket brand Chum.

Mr. Krabs: But we've developed a special recipe for the most discerning Chum lovers. Besides, I locked all the exits until you give it a try. So what do you say? (Nat eats it, then spits it out) You like it?

Nat: (brushes the chum off his tongue) It's... (vomit fills up his cheeks)

Mr. Krabs: Yeah?

Nat: It's... (coughs)

Mr. Krabs: Well, what do you think?

Nat: It's the second foulest thing I've ever tasted! (vomits) I'm going back to Plankton's Chum. (crawls away)

Mr. Krabs: What am I going to do? I can't let Plankton have as much as one single customer! (cries) I just can't afford it.

SpongeBob: I guess you'll have to make Chum just like Plankton's.

Mr. Krabs: But to do that, I'd have to know how Plankton makes his Chum. (his eyes turn into light bulbs) That's it boy-yo! (bubble-wipe to the Chum Bucket at night. Sneaks over, and cuts a hole, allowing him to get in) Where could it be? (notices the safe) There! Plankton's secret formula. (tries to open it) It's gotta be in here (an alarm goes off, and he gets crushed by a giant spoon)

Plankton: (laughs) What do you think, Krabs baby? This time I caught you trying to steal my secret formula! Ironic, isn't it?

Mr. Krabs: Unfortunately, I have no way of knowing. You see, crabs are not born with an inkling of irony.

Plankton: Ouch, double irony! (SpongeBob picks him up)

SpongeBob: Triple irony, Plankton! Though you nabbed Krabs trying to steal your formula, I'm still here to ruin your evil plans! So it's like a dollop of irony on top of an ironic twist. (Plankton groans) I mean just think about that. (Plankton presses a button on his remote) You know, in a weird way, it's like we never left the... (gets crushed by another giant spoon)

Plankton: Good thing I sprang for the dual spoon installation.

Karen: Call it a computer's intuition, but I sense your regular approaching, with an unusually large wad of cash. (her screen shows Nat walking to The Chum Bucket with his money)

Mr. Krabs: Look at all that loot!

Plankton: That's right, Krabs! And you're going to have to keep looking when my customer comes in and pays me for my Chum!

Mr. Krabs: D'oh, just put me out of me misery! (Nat walks in)

Plankton: Back for more of my delicious Chum, I see.

Nat: Not this time!

Plankton and Mr. Krabs: Huh?

Nat: (to Karen) Not ever again! The deal's off, computer! I can't eat another bite of that slop, no matter how much you pay me!

Plankton: Ha-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-huh?

Nat: I have eaten ten of those things, and I've already had to go to the doctor, twice! (passes out. Two men put him on a medical bed) If you need me, I'll be getting my stomach pumped... again. (they carry him out)

Plankton: What's the deal, Karen?

Karen: The deal, was that I paid Nat to eat your Chum, so you'd quit your constant complaining.

Plankton: All this time, I never had one regular customer?

Karen: Duh.

Plankton: I should have known! Why would anyone ever eat my slop?

Karen: Uhh, there he goes again. Cut it out, Plankton!

Plankton: What? It's just obvious that I'm a complete failure, and wasted of a lower life form! Oh, woe is me! (cries)

SpongeBob: Quickly, now is the time to make a hasty retreat!

Mr. Krabs: What? And miss this? I've never enjoyed meself more! This irony is pretty good stuff! (laughs)

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