Episode Transcript: Grandpappy the Pirate

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==Characters==
 
==Characters==
*[[SpongeBob]]
+
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
*[[Patrick]]
+
*[[Patrick Star|Patrick]]
 
*[[Grandpa Redbeard]]
 
*[[Grandpa Redbeard]]
*[[Mr. Krabs]]
+
*[[Eugene H. Krabs|Mr. Krabs]]
*[[Squidward]]
+
*[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]]
 +
*[[Pearl]]
 +
*[[ Mailman]]
  
 
==Dialogue==
 
==Dialogue==
Mr. Krabs: Hey, I'm expecting a fifty cent rebate check. Gimmie, gimmie, gimmie.
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Hey, I'm expecting a fifty cent rebate check. Gimmie, gimmie, gimmie.
  
Mailman: Sorry. No check. But I've got this. (gives Mr. Krabs a bottle and walks away)
+
'''Mailman''': Sorry. No check. But I've got this. (gives Mr. Krabs a bottle and walks away)
  
Mr. Krabs: Oh, a corrospondence in a bottle, eh? (reading) Ahoy, Eugene. I'm so proud you followed your ol' Grampa's peg leg and became a pirate, that I'll be sailing by for a ship's inspection. That vessel better be well-oiled  
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Oh, a corrospondence in a bottle, eh? (reading) Ahoy, Eugene. I'm so proud you followed your ol' Grampa's peg leg and became a pirate, that I'll be sailing by for a ship's inspection. That vessel better be well-oiled  
or you'll be dancing the short plank jig. Happy looting! Grampa Redbeard! (not reading) (Gasp!) Grandpa Readbeard comin bla, bla, bla!
+
or you'll be dancing the short plank jig. Happy looting! Grampa Redbeard! (gasps) Grandpa Readbeard comin bla, bla, bla!
  
SpongeBob: I didn't know your grandpa was a pirate, Mr. Krabs.
+
'''SpongeBob''': I didn't know your grandpa was a pirate, Mr. Krabs.
  
Mr. Krabs: Aye, I come from a whole family of pirates.  Gramps used to say, "The Krabs Clan has been pirates for as long as we've had claws." And he wanted me to be a pirate, too.
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Aye, I come from a whole family of pirates.  Gramps used to say, "The Krabs Clan has been pirates for as long as we've had claws." And he wanted me to be a pirate, too. (flashes back to when he was a baby. His grandpa was babysitting him on his pirate ship. Baby Mr. Krabs is shown chewing a rattle)
  
He flashes back to when he was a baby. His grandpa was babysitting him on his pirate ship.
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': (fighting pirate skeletons) One day, you'll be a plunderin' pirate just like yer ol' granddad here.
  
Baby Mr. Krabs: (chewing a rattle)
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': So I bought me a ship, hired a crew.....
  
Grandpa Redbeard: (fighting pirate skeletons) One day, you'll be a plunderin' pirate just like yer ol' granddad here.
+
'''Crew member''': Aaarrrrr!
  
Mr. Krabs: So I bought me a ship, hired a crew.....
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': And for years, I drifted the high seas as a pirate. And booty did abound. (crew members line up to get paid) I started to notice a recurring fee. I just wasn't turning enough profit. So I fired me crew and sold me ship. 'Twas also the last time I saw me granddad.
  
Crew member: Aaarrrrr!
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': Aaarrr, if it ain't me pirate grandson.
  
Mr. Krabs: And for years, I drifted the high seas as a pirate. And booty did abound.
+
'''Young Mr. Krabs''': Well, actually, Grandpa... I just sold...
  
Crew members: (lined up to get paid)
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': Ya know how proud it makes me to see me only grandson continuin' in the family business.
  
Mr. Krabs: I started to notice a recurring fee. I just wasn't turning enough profit. So I fired me crew and sold me ship. ‘Twas also the last time I saw me granddad.
+
'''Young Mr. Krabs''': Yeah, uh, Grandpa what happened...
  
Grandpa Redbeard: Aaarrr, if it ain't me pirate grandson.
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': And well, I'll be keepin' me eye on yer career to see how you progress. Just remember, the only rule in the Pirate's Code of Honor is: Never tell a lie. (the flash-back ends)
  
Young Mr. Krabs: Well, actually, Grandpa,...I just sold...
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': For all he knows, the Krusty Krab is a pirate ship. If he were to find out the truth, it would break his salty, barnacle encrusted heart. Boo-hoo!
  
Grandpa Redbeard: Ya know how proud it makes me to see me only grandson continuin' in the family business.
+
'''SpongeBob''': Why don't we just make the Krusty Krab look like a pirate ship?
  
Young Mr. Krabs: Yeah, uh, Grandpa what happened  ...
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Hm. Not a bad idea, boy. But we're gonna need a first rate crew.
  
Grandpa Redbeard: And well  I'll be keepin' me eye on yer career to see how you progress. Just remember, the only rule in the Pirate's Code of Honor is: Never tell a lie.
+
'''SpongeBob''': We've got Squidward. And I could get Patrick to join up.
  
The flash-back ends.
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Yeah. (bubble-wipe to an hour or two later) All right, me hearties! Get this one thing clear. If Grandpa Redbeard is ever gonna believe I'm a pirate, ye landlubbers are gonna have to pass for a pirate crew. Which means, I want you to look like a pirate. (puts a bandana on Squidward) I want you to talk like a pirate.
  
Mr. Krabs: For all he knows, the Krusty Krab is a pirate ship. If he were to find out the truth, it would break his salty, barnacle encrusted heart. Boo-hoo!
+
'''SpongeBob''': Who are thee? I mean...shiver me timbers!
  
SpongeBob: Why don't we just make the Krusty Krab look like a pirate ship.
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': But most importantly, I want you to smell like a pirate. (smells Patrick) Very convincing, Patrick. And as me crew, you'll be makin' the Krusty Krab into an imitation pirate ship! Now, let's get this resturant ready to sail! (bubble-wipe to a few minutes later. Breaks the bar holding the table above the ground. Sticks it in the cash register for a steering wheel. Squidward starts painting the floor of the Krusty Krab black. Patrick hammers two wooden boards together. SpongeBob puts the Krusty Krab sign on the roof. Patrick breaks a wooden board with his hammer. SpongeBob removes the shell from the pole and replaces it with a crow's nest. Patrick breaks another wooden board. SpongeBob pours garbage into a bucket and stirs it. Patrick glues some broken wooden board pieces together.Squidward paints some wave-shaped pieces of cardboard. Mr. Krabs pulls on a rope and releases the Jolly Roger. Patrick glues the final wood piece to the rest to make the rim of the ship)
  
Mr. Krabs: Hm. Not a bad idea, boy. But we're gonna need a first rate crew.
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Way to go, fellars.
  
SpongeBob: We've got Squidward. And I could get Patrick to join up.
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': (swings to the ship) Hee-ar!
  
Mr. Krabs: Yeah.
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': He's comin'!
  
An hour or two pass.
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': Har, har, har!
  
Mr. Krabs: All right, me hearties! Get this one thing clear. If Grandpa Redbeard is ever gonna believe I'm a pirate, ye landlubbers are gonna have to pass as a pirate crew. Which means, I want you to look like a pirate. (puts a
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Hide me, boy.
bandana on Squidward) I want you to talk like a pirate.
+
  
SpongeBob: Who are thee? I mean...shiver me timbers!
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': Eugene, me boy! Aye, it's good to see you and yer ship after so many years! Just beginin' to think you was lyin' to yer old granddad!
  
Mr. Krabs: But most importantly, I want you to smell like a pirate. (smells Patrick) Very convincing, Patrick. And as me crew, you'll be makin' the Krusty Krab into an imitation pirate ship! Now, let's get this resturant ready to
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Oh, I...Heh, heh. So, have ya met me hearties?
sail!
+
  
A few minutes pass.
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': Hm...you call this a pirate crew?. But more miserable jellyfishers than swarvy brime-skimmers.
  
Mr. Krabs: (breaks the bar holding the tableabove the ground. He sticks it in the cash register for a steering wheel.)
+
'''SpongeBob''': Um...
  
Squidward: (starts painting the floor of the Krusty Krab black)
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': Har, har, har! I'm just yankin' yer chain, boy! You look like a fine pirate crew.
  
Patrick: (hammers two wooden boards together)
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Oh.
  
SpongeBob: (puts the Krusty Krab sign on the roof)
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': Now, let's see what this rusty old pelican can do! Let's sail!
  
Patrick: (breaks a wooden board with his hammer)
+
'''SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward''': Aye, sir!
  
SpongeBob: (removes the shell from the pole and replaces it with a crow's nest)
+
'''SpongeBob''': Ahoy, Captain! We be catchin' a mighty gale from the northeast.
  
Patrick: (breaks another wooden board)
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Indeed, indeed. And just look at the treacherous surf in our path! (Squidward is hanging from the front of the ship and moving pieces of cardboard he painted to make it look like waves. Patrick is hanging from the window. He takes a drink of water and spits it on Grandpa Redbeard) Oh, that salty sea air be so thick, ya can almost taste it.
  
SpongeBob: (pours garbage into a bucket and stirs it)
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': Aye.
  
Patrick: (glues some broken wooden board pieces together)
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': I better take the helm and guide us to safer waters. Aye, that be a wicked soundin' wind out there, eh, Granddad? I said, "Aye, that be a wicked soundin' wind out there!"
  
Squidward: (paints some wave-shaped pieces of cardboard)
+
'''SpongeBob''': Oh! (turns on a record player. It makes wind noises)
  
Mr. Krabs: (pulls on a rope and releases the Jolly Roger)
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': There it is! That wind storm I mentioned earlier, it...and, apparently me cabin is haunted as well.
  
Patrick: (glues the final wood piece to the rest to make the rim of the ship)
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': (picks up a hair net) What's a hair net doin' on a pirate ship? Every pirate knows that the majority of his daily nutrition comes from whatever hair or skin flakes fall off the coke and into the stew. This hair
 +
net is deprivi' your crew of its essential nutrients.
  
Mr. Krabs: Way to go, fellars.
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Uh, just a sec. (turns a video projector on) Look out, Grandpa! We're under attack! (the video projector shows a kraken emerging from the water)
  
Grandpa Redbeard: (swings to the ship) Hee-ar!
+
'''Kraken''': Grrrrrr....
  
Mr. Krabs: He's comin'!
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': Aye, look at the size of that beast.
  
Grandpa Redbeard: Har, har, har!
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Not to worry, Granddad. (grabs a harpoon)
  
Mr. Krabs: Hide me, boy.
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': Aha! That's the stuff!
  
Grandpa Redbeard: Eugene, me boy! Aye, it's good to see you and yer ship after so many years! Just beginin' to think you was lyin' to yer old granddad!
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': (throws harpoon) Yaahh! Uh... good toss, eh, Granddad?
  
Mr. Krabs: Oh, I...Heh, heh. So, have ya met me hearties?
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': Whah! (SpongeBob catches the harpoon)
  
Grandpa Redbeard: Hm...this might be a pirate crew. But more miserable jellyfishers than swarvy brime-skimmers.
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Oh, nothing. Look! (the video projector shows a harpoon landing on the Kraken and knocking it underwater)
  
SpongeBob: Um...
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': Har, har, har, har! That's me boy!
  
Grandpa Redbeard: Har, har, har! I'm just yankin' yer chain, boy! You look like a fine pirate crew.
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Clear!
  
Mr. Krabs: Oh.
+
'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': Hooray!
  
Grandpa Redbeard: Now, let's see what this rusty old pelican can do! Let's sail!
+
'''Patrick''': Hooray!
  
SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward: Aye, sir!
+
'''SpongeBob''': Woo-hoo!
  
SpongeBob: Ahoy, Captain! We be catchin' a mighty gale from the northeast.
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Sounds like we got a prize. (whispering) Ready, Squidward?
  
Mr. Krabs: Indeed, indeed. And just look at the treacherous surf in our path!
+
'''Squidward''': You owe me big time, Mr. Krabs. (takes off his bandana and inflates his head)
  
Squidward: (hanging from the front of the ship and moving the pieces of cardboard he painted to make it look like waves)
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Ar! Take that, ya, ya scurvy dog! Woo! Check the size of this, Granddad. (he is holding Squidward, who looks like the Kraken) Check the... Granddad?
  
Patrick: (hanging from the window. He takes a drink of water and spits it on Grandpa Redbeard)
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': Ahoy! Trouble aproachin' quick! Approximately ten clips of the starboard bow! Man your battle stations!
  
Mr. Krabs: Oh, that salty sea air be so thick, ya can almost taste it.
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Oh, no. If Granddad sees something, it must be the real deal.
  
Grandpa Redbeard: Aye.
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': What have ya got, cotton in yer ears?! Move! (SpongeBob stacks some bags of sand. Patrick raises the Jolly Roger. Squidward is reading a book)
  
Mr. Krabs: I better take the helm and guide us to safer waters. Aye, that be a wicked soundin' wind out there, eh, Granddad? I said, "Aye, that be a wicked soundin' wind out there!"
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': What exactly are we dealin' with, Grandpa?
  
SpongeBob: Oh!! (turns on a record player. It makes wind noises)
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': Somethin' bigger than I've ever seen! A ravin' garganst comin' by with coarsmatic tangled locks!
  
Mr. Krabs: There it is! That wind storm I mentioned earlier, it...and, aparrently me cabin is haunted as well.
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': (gasps) Oh, so repulsive.
  
Grandpa Redbeard: (picks up a hair net) What's a hair net doin' on a pirate ship? Every pirate knows that the majority of his daily nutrition comes from whatever hair or skin flakes fall off the coke and into the stew. This hair
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': Yeah. It must be destroyed! Here, see for yourself. (gives Mr. Krabs a telescope)
net is deprivi' your crew of its essential nutriants.
+
  
Mr. Krabs: Uh, just a sec. (turns a video projector on) Look out, Grandpa! We're under attack! (The video projector shows a kraken emerging from the water.)
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Go get it, Granddad.
  
Kraken: Grrrrrr....
+
'''Pearl''': Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!
  
Grandpa Redbeard: Aye, look at the size of that beast.
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Wait a minute. What kinda disgusting, horrible abomination is dare invade me vessel? (looks over the rim of the ship)
  
Mr. Krabs: Not to worry, Granddad. (grabs a harpoon)
+
'''Pearl''': Dad!
  
Grandpa Redbeard: Aha! That's the stuff!
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': (gasps) That disgusting, horrible thing is me daughter! (Grandpa Redbeard points a cannon at Pearl)
  
Mr. Krabs: (throws harpoon) Yaahh! Uh... good toss, eh, Granddad?
+
'''Pearl''': Open up!
  
Grandpa Redbeard: Whah!
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': Prepare to meet yer maker, sea witch.
  
SpongeBob: (catches the harpoon)
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Nooooo! (puts out the fuse on the cannon)
  
Mr. Krabs: Oh, nothing. Look! (The video projector shows a harpoon landing on the Kraken and knocking him underwater.)
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': What are ya doin'?
  
Grandpa Redbeard: Har, har, har, har! That's me boy!
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Oh, I, oh, I was just checkin' the cannon and makin' sure it was loaded. (the cannon collapses)
  
Mr. Krabs: Clear!
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': What is this?!
  
SpongeBob and Patrick: Hooray!
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': I can explain.
  
Patrick: Hooray!
+
'''Pearl''': Dad! Dad!
  
SpongeBob: Woo-hoo!
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': Now it's even more angry!
  
Mr. Krabs: Sounds like we got a prize. (whispering): Ready, Squidward?
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Don't worry! I have it under control! (jumps off the ship)
  
Squidward: You owe me big time, Mr. Krabs.  (takes off his bandana and inflates his head)
+
'''Pearl''': Daddy!
  
Mr. Krabs: Ar! Take that, ya, ya scurvy dog! Woo! Check the size of this, Granddad.(He is holding Squidward, who looks like the Kraken.) Check the... Granddad?
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Pearl! Could ya pipe down? Your Great-Granddad Redbeard is in there!
  
Grandpa Redbeard: Ahoy! Trouble aproachin' quick! Aproxamitly ten clips of the starboard bow! Man your battle stations!
+
'''Pearl''': (giggles) What's with the lame outfit?
  
Mr. Krabs: Oh no. If Granddad sees something, it must be the real deal.
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': What? Oh, never mind that! (pushes Pearl away) Just go home. (climbs back up the ship. Grandpa Redbeard breaks a cardboard wave) I bet you're wondering about that.
  
Grandpa Redbeard: What have ya got, cotton in yer ears?! Move!
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': Ar, you're darn tootin' I am! (Patrick spits on Grandpa Redbeard)
  
SpongeBob: (stacks some bags of sand)
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Do you mind?
  
Patrick: (raises the Jolly Roger)
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': What kinda ship are you runnin' here?
  
Squidward: (reading a book)
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Just a second. (removes the wind record from the record player and throws it on Grandpa Redbeard's nose)
  
Mr. Krabs: What exactly are we dealin' with, Grandpa?
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': Arrrrrrrrrrrr. (breaks the wind record) ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
  
Grandpa Redbeard: Somethin' bigger than I've ever seen! A ravin' garganst comin' by with coarsmatic tangled locks!
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Now, Granddad. There's a simple explanation.
  
Mr. Krabs: (Gasp!) Oh, so depulsive.
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': I've smelled sticky things, but nothin' smells stickier than a lie! The code that all pirates live by, you knows what it is, don't ya?
  
Grandpa Redbeard: Yeah. It must be destroyed! Here, see for yourself. (gives Mr. Krabs a telescope)
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Of course I do, Granddad.
  
Mr. Krabs: Go get it, Granddad.
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': Well, then, say it!
  
Pearl: Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Okay. It's... it's... it's... a pirate never lies! (starts crying) A-and I've been a dirty liar! (starts crying again) Everything you see is a lie! This sail is a lie! (tears down the sail) This crew is a lie! (rips their pirate clothes and they're animals)
  
Mr. Krabs: Wait a minute. What kinda disgusting, horrible abomination is dare invade me vessel? (looks over the rim of the ship)
+
'''SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidward''': We're animals!
  
Pearl: Dad!
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Even the ship is a lie! (takes a wrecking ball as Squidward, SpongeBob, and Patrick run away and he destroys the ship. The regular Krusty Krab restaurant is back) All of it! All a lie! (takes the cloth with a Jolly Roger design on it off the Galley Grub)
  
Mr. Krabs: (Gasp!) That disgusting, horrible thing is me daughter!
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': Krabby Patties: $2.00. Krusty Combo: $3.99! Gourmet: $1.95?!
  
Grandpa Redbeard: (points a cannon at Pearl)
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': You see, Granddad? I'm no pirate. I'm just a lowly restaurant owner! (crying) I'm sorry I failed ye. (sobbing)
  
Pearl: Open up!
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': Fail, me boy?! Ha, ha, ha! Why, I couldn't be more proud. Look at yer ludicrous prices! Now, that's real piracy. Ya done good, boy-o!
  
Grandpa Redbeard: Prepare to meet yer maker, sea witch.
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Really? Thanks, Granddad!
  
Mr. Krabs: Nooooo! (puts out the fuse on the cannon)
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': Why, thank yourself, lad! You created this dynasty on yer own! Now, I'll be takin' me lead, boy!
  
Grandpa Redbeard: What are ya doin'?
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Goodbye, Granddad! What an honest man!
  
Mr. Krabs: Oh, I, oh, I was just checkin' the cannon and makin' sure it was loaded. (The cannon collapses.)
+
'''Grandpa Redbeard''': (steals Mr. Krabs's money) I hope ya don't mind, boy-o, but I helped myself to a little bit of yer booty! (laughs)
  
Grandpa Redbeard: What is this?!
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': I knew I got me talent from someone! (laughs)
 
+
Mr. Krabs: I can explain.
+
 
+
Pearl: Dad! Dad!
+
 
+
Grandpa Redbeard: Now it's even more angry!
+
 
+
Mr. Krabs: Don't worry! I have it under control! (jumps off the ship)
+
 
+
Pearl: Daddy!
+
 
+
Mr. Krabs: Pearl! Could ya pipe down? Your Great-Granddad Redbeard is in there!
+
 
+
Pearl: What's with the lame outfit?
+
 
+
Mr. Krabs: What? Oh, never mind that! (pushes Pearl away) Just go home. (climbs back up the ship)
+
 
+
Grandpa Redbeard: (breaks a cardboard wave)
+
 
+
Mr. Krabs: I bet you're wondering about that.
+
 
+
Grandpa Redbeard: Ar, you're darn tootin' I am!
+
 
+
Patrick: (spits on Grandpa Redbeard)
+
 
+
Mr. Krabs: Do you mind?
+
 
+
Grandpa Redbeard: What kinda ship are you runnin' here?
+
 
+
Mr. Krabs: Just a second. (removes the wind record from the record player and throws it on Grandpa Redbeard's nose)
+
 
+
Grandpa Redbeard: Arrrrrrrrrrrr! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
+
 
+
Mr. Krabs: Now, Granddad. There's a simple explanation.
+
 
+
Grandpa Redbeard: I've smelled sticky things, but nothin' smells stickier than a lie! The code that all pirates live by, you knows what it is, don't ya?
+
 
+
Mr. Krabs: Of course I do, Granddad.
+
 
+
Grandpa Redbeard: Well, then, say it!
+
 
+
Mr. Krabs: It's, it's, it's a pirate never lies! (starts crying) And I've been a dirty liar! Everything you see is a lie! This sail is a lie! (tears down the sail) This crew is a lie! (rips their pirate clothes) Even the ship is a lie! (takes a
+
wrecking ball and destroys the ship. The regular Krusty Krab resturant is back.) All of it! All a lie! (Takes the cloth with a jolly roger design on it off the Gally Grub)
+
 
+
Grandpa Redbeard: Krabby Patties: $2.00. Krusty Combo: $3.99! Gourmet: $1.95?!
+
 
+
Mr. Krabs: You see, Granddad? I'm no pirate. I'm just a lowly resturant owner! I'm sorry I failed ye.
+
 
+
Grandpa Redbeard: Fail, me boy?! Ha, ha, ha! Why, I couldn't be more proud. Look at yer ludicris prices! Now, that's real piracy. Ya done good, boy-o!
+
 
+
Mr. Krabs: Really? Thanks, Granddad!
+
 
+
Grandpa Redbeard: Why, thank yourself, lad! You created this dynasty on yer own! Now, I'll be takin' me lead, boy!
+
 
+
Mr. Krabs: Goodbye, Granddad! What an honest man!
+
 
+
Grandpa Redbeard: (steals Mr. Krabs's money) I hope ya don't mind, boy-o, but I helped myself to a little bit of yer booty! (laughs)
+
 
+
Mr. Krabs: I knew I got me talent from someone! (laughs)
+
 
+
{{Slogan}}
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{{Transcripts/Season 6}}
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{{Transcripts/Season 6 Ver. 2}}
 
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 6]]  
 
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 6]]  
 
[[Category:Transcript]]
 
[[Category:Transcript]]

Latest revision as of 03:46, 14 December 2022

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Ditchin Cephalopod Lodge

Episode Article: Grandpappy the Pirate

[edit] Characters

[edit] Dialogue

Mr. Krabs: Hey, I'm expecting a fifty cent rebate check. Gimmie, gimmie, gimmie.

Mailman: Sorry. No check. But I've got this. (gives Mr. Krabs a bottle and walks away)

Mr. Krabs: Oh, a corrospondence in a bottle, eh? (reading) Ahoy, Eugene. I'm so proud you followed your ol' Grampa's peg leg and became a pirate, that I'll be sailing by for a ship's inspection. That vessel better be well-oiled or you'll be dancing the short plank jig. Happy looting! Grampa Redbeard! (gasps) Grandpa Readbeard comin bla, bla, bla!

SpongeBob: I didn't know your grandpa was a pirate, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: Aye, I come from a whole family of pirates. Gramps used to say, "The Krabs Clan has been pirates for as long as we've had claws." And he wanted me to be a pirate, too. (flashes back to when he was a baby. His grandpa was babysitting him on his pirate ship. Baby Mr. Krabs is shown chewing a rattle)

Grandpa Redbeard: (fighting pirate skeletons) One day, you'll be a plunderin' pirate just like yer ol' granddad here.

Mr. Krabs: So I bought me a ship, hired a crew.....

Crew member: Aaarrrrr!

Mr. Krabs: And for years, I drifted the high seas as a pirate. And booty did abound. (crew members line up to get paid) I started to notice a recurring fee. I just wasn't turning enough profit. So I fired me crew and sold me ship. 'Twas also the last time I saw me granddad.

Grandpa Redbeard: Aaarrr, if it ain't me pirate grandson.

Young Mr. Krabs: Well, actually, Grandpa... I just sold...

Grandpa Redbeard: Ya know how proud it makes me to see me only grandson continuin' in the family business.

Young Mr. Krabs: Yeah, uh, Grandpa what happened...

Grandpa Redbeard: And well, I'll be keepin' me eye on yer career to see how you progress. Just remember, the only rule in the Pirate's Code of Honor is: Never tell a lie. (the flash-back ends)

Mr. Krabs: For all he knows, the Krusty Krab is a pirate ship. If he were to find out the truth, it would break his salty, barnacle encrusted heart. Boo-hoo!

SpongeBob: Why don't we just make the Krusty Krab look like a pirate ship?

Mr. Krabs: Hm. Not a bad idea, boy. But we're gonna need a first rate crew.

SpongeBob: We've got Squidward. And I could get Patrick to join up.

Mr. Krabs: Yeah. (bubble-wipe to an hour or two later) All right, me hearties! Get this one thing clear. If Grandpa Redbeard is ever gonna believe I'm a pirate, ye landlubbers are gonna have to pass for a pirate crew. Which means, I want you to look like a pirate. (puts a bandana on Squidward) I want you to talk like a pirate.

SpongeBob: Who are thee? I mean...shiver me timbers!

Mr. Krabs: But most importantly, I want you to smell like a pirate. (smells Patrick) Very convincing, Patrick. And as me crew, you'll be makin' the Krusty Krab into an imitation pirate ship! Now, let's get this resturant ready to sail! (bubble-wipe to a few minutes later. Breaks the bar holding the table above the ground. Sticks it in the cash register for a steering wheel. Squidward starts painting the floor of the Krusty Krab black. Patrick hammers two wooden boards together. SpongeBob puts the Krusty Krab sign on the roof. Patrick breaks a wooden board with his hammer. SpongeBob removes the shell from the pole and replaces it with a crow's nest. Patrick breaks another wooden board. SpongeBob pours garbage into a bucket and stirs it. Patrick glues some broken wooden board pieces together.Squidward paints some wave-shaped pieces of cardboard. Mr. Krabs pulls on a rope and releases the Jolly Roger. Patrick glues the final wood piece to the rest to make the rim of the ship)

Mr. Krabs: Way to go, fellars.

Grandpa Redbeard: (swings to the ship) Hee-ar!

Mr. Krabs: He's comin'!

Grandpa Redbeard: Har, har, har!

Mr. Krabs: Hide me, boy.

Grandpa Redbeard: Eugene, me boy! Aye, it's good to see you and yer ship after so many years! Just beginin' to think you was lyin' to yer old granddad!

Mr. Krabs: Oh, I...Heh, heh. So, have ya met me hearties?

Grandpa Redbeard: Hm...you call this a pirate crew?. But more miserable jellyfishers than swarvy brime-skimmers.

SpongeBob: Um...

Grandpa Redbeard: Har, har, har! I'm just yankin' yer chain, boy! You look like a fine pirate crew.

Mr. Krabs: Oh.

Grandpa Redbeard: Now, let's see what this rusty old pelican can do! Let's sail!

SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward: Aye, sir!

SpongeBob: Ahoy, Captain! We be catchin' a mighty gale from the northeast.

Mr. Krabs: Indeed, indeed. And just look at the treacherous surf in our path! (Squidward is hanging from the front of the ship and moving pieces of cardboard he painted to make it look like waves. Patrick is hanging from the window. He takes a drink of water and spits it on Grandpa Redbeard) Oh, that salty sea air be so thick, ya can almost taste it.

Grandpa Redbeard: Aye.

Mr. Krabs: I better take the helm and guide us to safer waters. Aye, that be a wicked soundin' wind out there, eh, Granddad? I said, "Aye, that be a wicked soundin' wind out there!"

SpongeBob: Oh! (turns on a record player. It makes wind noises)

Mr. Krabs: There it is! That wind storm I mentioned earlier, it...and, apparently me cabin is haunted as well.

Grandpa Redbeard: (picks up a hair net) What's a hair net doin' on a pirate ship? Every pirate knows that the majority of his daily nutrition comes from whatever hair or skin flakes fall off the coke and into the stew. This hair net is deprivi' your crew of its essential nutrients.

Mr. Krabs: Uh, just a sec. (turns a video projector on) Look out, Grandpa! We're under attack! (the video projector shows a kraken emerging from the water)

Kraken: Grrrrrr....

Grandpa Redbeard: Aye, look at the size of that beast.

Mr. Krabs: Not to worry, Granddad. (grabs a harpoon)

Grandpa Redbeard: Aha! That's the stuff!

Mr. Krabs: (throws harpoon) Yaahh! Uh... good toss, eh, Granddad?

Grandpa Redbeard: Whah! (SpongeBob catches the harpoon)

Mr. Krabs: Oh, nothing. Look! (the video projector shows a harpoon landing on the Kraken and knocking it underwater)

Grandpa Redbeard: Har, har, har, har! That's me boy!

Mr. Krabs: Clear!

SpongeBob and Patrick: Hooray!

Patrick: Hooray!

SpongeBob: Woo-hoo!

Mr. Krabs: Sounds like we got a prize. (whispering) Ready, Squidward?

Squidward: You owe me big time, Mr. Krabs. (takes off his bandana and inflates his head)

Mr. Krabs: Ar! Take that, ya, ya scurvy dog! Woo! Check the size of this, Granddad. (he is holding Squidward, who looks like the Kraken) Check the... Granddad?

Grandpa Redbeard: Ahoy! Trouble aproachin' quick! Approximately ten clips of the starboard bow! Man your battle stations!

Mr. Krabs: Oh, no. If Granddad sees something, it must be the real deal.

Grandpa Redbeard: What have ya got, cotton in yer ears?! Move! (SpongeBob stacks some bags of sand. Patrick raises the Jolly Roger. Squidward is reading a book)

Mr. Krabs: What exactly are we dealin' with, Grandpa?

Grandpa Redbeard: Somethin' bigger than I've ever seen! A ravin' garganst comin' by with coarsmatic tangled locks!

Mr. Krabs: (gasps) Oh, so repulsive.

Grandpa Redbeard: Yeah. It must be destroyed! Here, see for yourself. (gives Mr. Krabs a telescope)

Mr. Krabs: Go get it, Granddad.

Pearl: Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!

Mr. Krabs: Wait a minute. What kinda disgusting, horrible abomination is dare invade me vessel? (looks over the rim of the ship)

Pearl: Dad!

Mr. Krabs: (gasps) That disgusting, horrible thing is me daughter! (Grandpa Redbeard points a cannon at Pearl)

Pearl: Open up!

Grandpa Redbeard: Prepare to meet yer maker, sea witch.

Mr. Krabs: Nooooo! (puts out the fuse on the cannon)

Grandpa Redbeard: What are ya doin'?

Mr. Krabs: Oh, I, oh, I was just checkin' the cannon and makin' sure it was loaded. (the cannon collapses)

Grandpa Redbeard: What is this?!

Mr. Krabs: I can explain.

Pearl: Dad! Dad!

Grandpa Redbeard: Now it's even more angry!

Mr. Krabs: Don't worry! I have it under control! (jumps off the ship)

Pearl: Daddy!

Mr. Krabs: Pearl! Could ya pipe down? Your Great-Granddad Redbeard is in there!

Pearl: (giggles) What's with the lame outfit?

Mr. Krabs: What? Oh, never mind that! (pushes Pearl away) Just go home. (climbs back up the ship. Grandpa Redbeard breaks a cardboard wave) I bet you're wondering about that.

Grandpa Redbeard: Ar, you're darn tootin' I am! (Patrick spits on Grandpa Redbeard)

Mr. Krabs: Do you mind?

Grandpa Redbeard: What kinda ship are you runnin' here?

Mr. Krabs: Just a second. (removes the wind record from the record player and throws it on Grandpa Redbeard's nose)

Grandpa Redbeard: Arrrrrrrrrrrr. (breaks the wind record) ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Mr. Krabs: Now, Granddad. There's a simple explanation.

Grandpa Redbeard: I've smelled sticky things, but nothin' smells stickier than a lie! The code that all pirates live by, you knows what it is, don't ya?

Mr. Krabs: Of course I do, Granddad.

Grandpa Redbeard: Well, then, say it!

Mr. Krabs: Okay. It's... it's... it's... a pirate never lies! (starts crying) A-and I've been a dirty liar! (starts crying again) Everything you see is a lie! This sail is a lie! (tears down the sail) This crew is a lie! (rips their pirate clothes and they're animals)

SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidward: We're animals!

Mr. Krabs: Even the ship is a lie! (takes a wrecking ball as Squidward, SpongeBob, and Patrick run away and he destroys the ship. The regular Krusty Krab restaurant is back) All of it! All a lie! (takes the cloth with a Jolly Roger design on it off the Galley Grub)

Grandpa Redbeard: Krabby Patties: $2.00. Krusty Combo: $3.99! Gourmet: $1.95?!

Mr. Krabs: You see, Granddad? I'm no pirate. I'm just a lowly restaurant owner! (crying) I'm sorry I failed ye. (sobbing)

Grandpa Redbeard: Fail, me boy?! Ha, ha, ha! Why, I couldn't be more proud. Look at yer ludicrous prices! Now, that's real piracy. Ya done good, boy-o!

Mr. Krabs: Really? Thanks, Granddad!

Grandpa Redbeard: Why, thank yourself, lad! You created this dynasty on yer own! Now, I'll be takin' me lead, boy!

Mr. Krabs: Goodbye, Granddad! What an honest man!

Grandpa Redbeard: (steals Mr. Krabs's money) I hope ya don't mind, boy-o, but I helped myself to a little bit of yer booty! (laughs)

Mr. Krabs: I knew I got me talent from someone! (laughs)


Transcripts Episodes
Season 1 Season 1
Season 2 Season 2
Season 3 Season 3
Season 4 Season 4
Season 5 Season 5
Season 6 Season 6
Season 7 Season 7
Season 8 Season 8
Season 9 Season 9
Season 10 Season 10
Season 11 Season 11
Season 12 Season 12
Season 13 Season 13
Season 14 Season 14
Season 15 Season 15
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