Episode Transcript: Boating Buddies

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|align="center"| [[Episode Transcript: Plankton's Regular|Plankton's Regular]]
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    * SpongeBob
+
Episode Article: [[Boating Buddies (Episode)|Boating Buddies]]
    * Squidward
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    * Mr. Krabs
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    * Patrick
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    * Peterson
+
  
[edit]
+
==Characters==
Dialogue
+
*[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]]  
 +
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
 +
*[[Mrs. Puff]]
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*[[Gary the Snail|Gary]]
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*[[Grandma]]
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*[[Bikini Bottom Police Force|Policeman]]
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*Students in [[Boating School]]
  
SpongeBob: 6,5,4,3,2,1! Open for business!
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==Dialouge==
 +
(episode starts at SpongeBob's house. SpongeBob is brushing Gary's shell)
  
Squidward: Yahoo.
+
'''SpongeBob:''' ...97, 98, 99, 100. Okay Gary, let's do the other side now. Gary, can you hear that? (Gary is confused, then SpongeBob walks outside, and over to Squidward) Oh Squidward, it's you. I thought I heard something.
  
SpongeBob: Oh, Mr. Krabs, Mr. Krabs, can I do it today? Can I?
+
'''Squidward:''' SpongeBob, I've been sitting here motionless for 45 minutes. What could you possibly have heard me doing?
  
Mr. Krabs: (laughs) I suppose you can have the honor today, lad.
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Breathing.
  
(SpongeBob turns the closed sign to open) (laughs)
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'''Squidward:''' SpongeBob, I will give you $5 if you let me enjoy the rest of my morning, in peace.
  
Squidward: (counting money) 27...28... (SpongeBob steps on Squidward's face)
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'''SpongeBob:''' (mouth open as a box) Okay! (Squidward takes out his wallet)
  
SpongeBob: Freshness, check. Buns, check. Fresh patties...check. Whoops, I'm forgetting one minor detail. (squeezes hat out of his head) Oh, yeah. Is it getting hot in here, or is it just you? (eyelashes burn off)
+
'''Squidward:''' Hey, I could have sworn I had $5 in here.
  
Note (from Squidward): 2 Krabby Patties. P.S. SpongeBob, you're an idiot. ♥ Squidward
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'''SpongeBob:''' I have it, Squidward, you gave it to me to leave you alone yesterday. (Squidward gets up) Squidward, you can have the $5 back. Mr. Krabs says...
  
SpongeBob: Two Krabby patties. P.S., SpongeBob, you're an idiot. Looove, Squidward! Hah, love you, too, Squiddy. Two Krabby Patties, coming right up! (twirls Spat, but it gets stuck on the roof. tries jumping for it. he thinks. cut to a scene where a pile of stuff os stacked up to the ceiling. tries to reach it, but it fails. suddenly, some jars of tartar suace from the pile break. meanwhile, SpongeBob goes up to the ceiling and reaches for Spat. he takes it off.) Wow, this thing was really stuck good. (puts it back on) Gotcha! (he falls, and is about to land on fallen swords) Well, I guess this is it. (he is saved by Spat, who gets stuck on a single sword) Oh, you really saved me! (he slips on some tartar sauce, and his finger gets run down on a splinter) Hey, a splinter! Ok, well it's been nice knowing you but you've got to go. Now. OK, out we go. (he fails to take it off) Ow! Oh, that kinda hurts. Ow, that really hurts. Oh, barnacles, this hurts! Conch shell manatee, this is painful! (tries to use Spat to take it off) Ok, you're tough, you're smart, you're charming, but you're still no match for me! Look! A bald eagle with a mustache! (tries to bite it off, but reveals his skeleton.) OK, fine, stay. But I hope you like making Krabby Patties.
+
'''Squidward:''' I don't care what Mr. Krabs said! I just want... (bangs on the table, and the liquid in his cup spills on him)
  
Peterson: (talking to Squidward) Excuse me, sir, but I ordered a couple of Krabby Patties a while ago, and I'm wondering when they'll be out.
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Coffee rain!
  
Squidward: (plays with his tentacles) It looks like I'm crushing your face. (laughs)
+
'''Squidward:''' It's hot chocolate. (walks away)
  
Peterson: So, will they be ready soon?
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Chocolate rain! (Squidward is still walking) Squidward! (Squidward runs screaming) Squidward, wait! (scene then shows both of them running for a while, then Squidward gets to his boat. He tries to open it but can't)
  
Squidward: Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't move too much, it ruins it.
+
'''Squidward:''' It's locked!
  
SpongeBob: (receives a crumpled note. tries to reach for Spat, but the splinter prevents him) Ow. Ow. Ow. You're making this a little bit difficult. Luckily, I am ambidexterous! (presses button on Spat, string comes out, and he ties the spatula to his nose. so he makes them.) Perfection!
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Squidward! Squidward! (Squidward screams, then jumps in the boat, then tries to start it but it won't start)
  
SpongeBob: (dinging the serving bell) Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding.
+
'''Squidward:''' Huh? (realizes the key isn't there) The key! Oh, where did I put that stupid...
  
Squidward: I hear you! I hear you!
+
'''SpongeBob:''' (as he is yelling, Squidward is searching) Squidward! Squidward!
  
SpongeBob: OK, good, because these 2 Krabby Patties are ready!
+
'''Squidward:''' Oh, why can't I just find... (SpongeBob makes it to the boat)
  
Squidward: SpongeBob?
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Squidward?  
  
SpongeBob: Yes?
+
'''Squidward:''' (yells in SpongeBob's face) '''''What?!'''''
  
Squidward: Can I ask you something?
+
'''SpongeBob:''' You left your keys on the table back there. (Squidward starts the boat) Hey Squidward?
  
SpongeBob: Yes.
+
'''Squidward:''' Yes?
  
Squidward: (smiling with a calm, relaxed voice) What's that? [referring to the spatula tied onto SpongeBob's nose]
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Didn't you used to have one of those cucumber bicycles?
  
SpongeBob: What's what?
+
'''Squidward:''' Oh, (laughs) that was a recumbent bicycle, and I sold it.
  
Squidward: You know. (flicks spatula tied to SpongeBob's nose)
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Why?
  
SpongeBob: Know what?
+
'''Squidward:''' (angry) So I could get further away from you! (rushes off)
  
Squidward: (in the same tone as before) This.
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Okay, I'll see you later then, Squidward.
  
SpongeBob: What?
+
'''Squidward:''' Bon voyage, nincompoop! (accidentally runs through a stop sign (literally). Realizes he is being chased by cops) What the? (pulls over, then the policeman walks up) Can I help you, officer?
  
Squidward: (same tone) This thing, here.
+
'''Policeman:''' No, but you can help yourself to this ticket.
  
SpongeBob: What thing where?
+
'''Squidward:''' (gasps) Ticket? Officer, please! I have impenetrable boat smarts! I pried myself in obtaining an un-soiled driving record! It's all that I have!
  
Squidward: (same tone) The spatula...TIED TO YOUR NOSE!!
+
'''Policeman:''' Well, you can have it again, right after you complete boating school. (drives off)
  
SpongeBob: Ohhh, this! (explains quickly)Well, you see, this got stuck up there so I stacked stuff and I climbed up to reach it. I reached it and grabbed it. I got it but then I fell and I screamed! I was sure I was dead but then I wasn't but then I tripped and I got this splinter and Squidward? Squidward, were you listening at all? I got this really bad splinter, you see? And I couldn't hold the spatula with my hand so I used my nose. Makes sense now, huh?
+
'''Squidward:''' Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-boating school? (bubble-wipe to Mrs. Puff's boating school. Knocks on door) Oh well, it's just one day out of your life, Squiddy. How bad can it be? (SpongeBob opens the door)
  
Squidward: (sarcastic) Oh, yeah, that makes perfect sense. You're a half-wit who injured himself at work being a nitwit.
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, Squidward! (Squidward cries, then the bell rings)
  
SpongeBob: (laughs) Good one, Squiddy.
+
'''Mrs. Puff:''' Good morning class. Would everyone please take a seat? (SpongeBob sits in his desk)
  
Squidward: (grumbles) Injury. Your brain is injured! (gets an idea) Wait a minute. Did you say that you got that splinter injury at work?
+
'''SpongeBob''': Psst, Squiward, sit here. Here.
  
SpongeBob: Yeah.
+
'''Squidward:''' Um, excuse me, there don't seem to be any empty seats left.
  
Squidward: Oh, no, no, no, no. That's nooooot good.
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'''Mrs. Puff:''' But there's one right next to SpongeBob. (Squidward sits there, and SpongeBob touches him)
  
SpongeBob: I know, it hurts so bad.
+
'''Squidward:''' Do you mind?!
  
Squidward: Yeah, when Mr. Krabs finds out, oh maaan.
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Don't worry Squidward, we're boating buddies now! I'll teach you everything I know, and then we can...
  
SpongeBob: Finds out what?
+
'''Squidward:''' ''We'' won't be doing anything, because there is no we! Understand?
  
Squidward: Finds out about this injury.
+
'''Mrs. Puff:''' Quiet in the front please.
  
SpongeBob: You mean my splinter?
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, I understand. I understand perfectly, boating buddy.
  
Squidward: He'll be forced to send you home.
+
'''Mrs. Puff:''' Okay, class, how about we get to know our new students, by telling each other why we were sentenced to... I mean why we are enrolled in boating school.
  
SpongeBob: H-H-H-H-Home? But I'm fine!
+
'''Student:''' Um, I got caught speeding.
  
Squidward: Here, let me take this for you. (takes SpongeBob's hat and spatula)
+
'''Mrs. Puff:''' Very good. Next.
  
SpongeBob: Why? Hey, wait, I'm fine!
+
'''Student:''' I don't see what's so very good about it.
  
Squidward: It was a good shift while it lasted. (walks into the bathroom. SpongeBob follows)
+
'''Mrs. Puff:''' No, I didn't mean very...
  
SpongeBob: While it lasted? What are you doing?
+
'''Student:''' (sighs) I know exactly what you meant.
  
(both walk into a stall. Squidward flushes SpongeBob's hat and spatula down the toilet)
+
'''Mrs. Puff:''' Next.
  
SpongeBob: W-W-W-W-What are you doing?
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, I am here because I...
  
Squidward: I know it's hard to say good-bye.
+
'''Mrs. Puff:''' We all know why you're here, SpongeBob. What about you, sir?
  
SpongeBob: But, but, but Squidward, I'm fine! (starts dancing) Look at me! I'm fine! I'm OK! Look at me, nothing's wrong! (takes some toilet paper and wraps up his splinter) See? See?
+
'''Squidward:''' Me?
  
Squidward: Oh, I believe you SpongeBob, but unfortunately the rules clearly state that you must be sent home.
+
'''Mrs. Puff:''' Yes. Would you like to tell the rest of the class, why you're with us today?
  
SpongeBob: No, anything but that. Please Squidward, you can't let this happen! (cries) You can't let the force be away!
+
'''Squidward:''' Why I'm... (sees SpongeBob staring, and breathing at him) All right, I'll tell you. I was trying to get away, from him! He is the bane of my existence!
  
Squidward: Sorry, the rules are the rules.
+
'''Mrs. Puff:''' Yours too? Uhh... What I meant to say was, please come up to the chalkboard, and draw a diagram of the incident.
  
(SpongeBob starts crying)
+
'''Squidward:''' Gladly. (begins drawing what he is saying) It all started when I left my house. And then, he appeared. He made an immediate right turn, and parked here. (drawing of Squidward's house is shown) Seeing the oncoming hazard, I looked both ways and proceeded safely toward my vehicle. It was then that I realized that I was being followed at an unsafe distance. So, in order to create more optimal driving conditions, I was then forced to par-take in evasive action. (screeches the chalk board) And by increasing speed slightly, I created a safety cushion, while inadvertently attracting the attention of said law enforcement officer. May I sit down now, sweet cheeks?
  
Squidward: Yeah, it'll be pretty quiet around here with Mr. Krabs sending you home early and all. I just hope we'll make it through the whole rest of the day without you here. (smiles)
+
'''Mrs. Puff:''' Why, certainly. And perhaps now SpongeBob would like to come up, and illustrate his side of the story.
  
(SpongeBob breathes deeply)
+
'''Squidward:''' His side?
  
SpongeBob: Please, Squidward! Don't tell Mr. Kra-a-a-abs!
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Well, first, I started over here. And then I went way over here. Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo, like that. Then, I went around like this, and over here like that, and across this lane, and down here like this, and then... (continues writing, without speaking) ...and then I went around, and stopped right here. (he has written "SpongeBob + Squidward, Best Boating Buddies 4-ever")
  
Squidward: What? Me? Tell Mr. Krabs? Oh ,noooo. No, no, no no no no no. No.
+
'''Students:''' (reading) SpongeBob and Squidward, best boating buddies, forever? (all are confused, then SpongeBob sits down)
  
SpongeBob: Phew.
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Do you like it, Squidward?
  
Squidward: Well, maybe.
+
'''Squidward:''' Shut it. (bell rings. Bubble-wipe to everyone eating lunch, and SpongeBob sits next to Squidward)
  
SpongeBob: AAAAAH! (holds heart emitting from his chest)
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Ah, lunch time, eh boating buddy? (SpongeBob sits, and Squidward walks away, over to the trash cans)
  
Squidward: I don't have to tell Mr. Krabs...
+
'''Squidward:''' I'll have to eat over here, like in grade school. (Squidward is about to eat, then SpongeBob pops up from a trash can)
  
(SpongeBob is relieved)
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Squidward, do you have any mustard in there? (Squidward runs away screaming. Bubble-wipe to the bathroom, where Squidward is eating)
  
Squidward: (leans close to SpongeBob's ear) ...because he already knows.
+
'''Squidward:''' Mm, bon appetit, Squidy. (is about to eat, but then sees SpongeBob's feet in the other stall. Squidward gets angry, and throws his sandwich on the ground) You've ruined my morning, you've ruined my lunch, and you're ruining my... (door opens, revealing that it's a muscular tough fish, with feet that looks like SpongeBob's. Bubble-wipe to Squidward walking to his seat, bandaged up)
  
(SpongeBob's eyes open wide and his nose droops) (Squidward grabs 2 pillows and places them over his ears while SpongeBob screams)
+
'''Mrs. Puff:''' Okay class, it's time for our behind the wheel lesson. Squidward, you'll be riding with SpongeBob.
  
SpongeBob: He does?
+
'''Squidward:''' Eh, didn't see that coming. (bubble-wipe to them in a boat)
  
Squidward: Oh, yeah. Mr. Krabs has preturnatural instincts when it comes to situations like this. It's almost as if when something's amiss in his restaurant (leans close to SpongeBob) he can smell it.
+
'''Mrs. Puff:''' Now, we're going to take this nice and slow. SpongeBob, what do we do when pulling away from the curb?
  
(SpongeBob and Squidward look out the kitchen window at Mr. Krabs, who is sniffing around. Mr. Krabs smells someone's wallet, and 2 quarters get stuck in his nostrils)
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Uh, step on the gas?
  
Mr. Krabs: These quarters smell sad. You're not planning to get a refill with them, are ya!
+
'''Mrs. Puff:''' Good. Nice and easy. Now let's slowly... (SpongeBob steps on the petal, and Mrs. Puff screams)
  
Fish: No, I wasn't. (throws soda on the ground and walks out)
+
'''Squidward:''' SpongeBob, look out! (they bump through the cones, then they barge out through the fence. They go through a red light) SpongeBob, give me that wheel!
  
SpongeBob: (gasps) You're right, Squidward! I need help!
+
'''SpongeBob:''' I got it, I got it. (they fight over it)
  
(shows SpongeBob dialing a phone)
+
'''Squidward:''' Just let go of it! (the steering wheel breaks, and Mrs. Puff screams. They drive into a grandma)
  
SpongeBob: Please pick up, please pick up, please pick up. (Patrick answers but doesn't say anything.)
+
'''Grandma:''' Hooligans! (they drive through the Barg 'n Mart, and a costume shop, and they are about to drive into a secret lab)
  
SpongeBob: (taps his foot while waiting) Patrick?
+
'''Scientist #1:''' Johnson, I finally figured out a way to shrink an ordinary mail man, down to the size of a grain of sand.
  
Patrick: Yeah?
+
'''Johnson:''' How?
  
SpongeBob: Oh, thank goodness you're there. I got a splinter on my thumb and...
+
'''Scientist #1:''' By using this shrink ray. (pulls a lever that turns it on. The boat comes in, and they get shrunk instead)
  
Patrick: Mm-hm, mm-hm. I see. Well, I'm pretty booked today, but I think I can fit you in.
+
'''Johnson:''' Mother of mercy! (they shrink) Where'd they go?
  
SpongeBob: (opens back door with Patrick sitting in the dumpster with his phone.) Thanks, Patrick.
+
'''Scientist #1:''' There! They're heading right for that discarded potato chip. (mailman growls)
  
Patrick: No problem. (hangs up)
+
'''Johnson''' What's the matter?
  
(Patrick dives into the dumpster and comes back up wearing a doctor outfit)
+
'''Scientist #1:''' Potato chips are his favorite snack. (the mailman breaks out) Johnson! NO! (mailman is about to eat it, but then gets sprayed with water) No, no, no. (they then go through a drain. A cowboy is about to drink from a drinking fountain, but then Mrs. Puff and SpongeBob come out and return to normal size)
  
Patrick: (putting on gloves) You called the right person, Mr. SpongeBob. Now, let's see where the problem's at. (grabs SpongeBob's leg and inspects it) Hmmm...interesting. (sniffs his leg)
+
'''Cowboy:''' I never will understand these city folk.
  
SpongeBob: Uh, Patrick...
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Hey, where'd Squidward go? (the tough fish from earlier is going to go to the bathroom again, and Squidward returns to normal in the toilet)
  
Patrick: (puts SpongeBob's leg in his mouth) Hmmm...interesting.
+
'''Squidward:''' I was just leaving. (bubble-wipe to Squidward walking toward his desk all bandaged up)
  
SpongeBob: Patrick?
+
'''Mrs. Puff:''' Okay class, it's time to take our final exam. Please have your pencils ready.
  
(Patrick plays with SpongeBob's foot)
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Pst, hey, boating buddy, if you need any help, I've taken this test hundreds of times, and...
  
SpongeBob: Patrick, this isn't helping!
+
'''Squidward:''' How many times do I have to tell you?! I am not your buddy! I don't need your help, and I don't need you, ever! Now just kindly let me take this stupid test, so I can get out of here, and never have to see you again, for the rest of my life!
  
Patrick: Oh, I'm sorry. (pulls SpongeBob's foot out of his mouth) I didn't realize you were a doctor.
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Okay Squidward, if that's the way you want it.
  
SpongeBob: I'm not!
+
'''Squidward:''' Thank you. (tries to pick up his pencil, then picks it up in both hands, but then it drops and rolls out the room)
  
Patrick: I'm sure you can figure it out with your 12 years of med school.
+
'''Mrs. Puff:''' 3 more minutes, class.
  
SpongeBob: Patrick, you didn't go to med school.
+
'''Squidward:''' SpongeBob? SpongeBob, I need your help.
  
Patrick: So?
+
'''Mrs. Puff:''' 2 more minutes.
  
SpongeBob: Patrick, I'm sorry, I really need your help!
+
'''Squidward:''' SpongeBob, please? This is important.
  
Patrick: Oh, no no, it looks like you have things under control.
+
'''SpongeBob:''' You said you didn't need my help, Squidward, and that you didn't need me.  
  
SpongeBob: Please, Patrick! I don't want to go home early! (cries)
+
'''Squidward:''' No no, I didn't. I never said that. (student plays back what Squidward said on a tape) I don't need your help, and I don't need you! (now talking) Jerk! (to SpongeBob) All right, I said it. But that was before.
  
Patrick: OK. But we play by my rules, SquareBob.
+
'''SpongeBob:''': Before what?
  
(SpongeBob smiles and nods)
+
'''Squidward:''' Before... before...
  
 +
'''Mrs. Puff:''' 1 more minute, class.
  
Patrick: (as a doctor, inspecting SpongeBob's thumb which has a splinter in it) Well, here's your problem! Don't you worry, buddy. We'll make it go away.
+
'''Squidward:''' Before we were... (gulps) boating buddies.
  
SpongeBob: Phew, thanks Patrick, you're a life saver.
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Yay!
  
Patrick: (takes out a huge wooden spike and a hammer, placing the spike ontop of the splinter and lines up the hammer, then Patrick slams the splinter further into SpongeBob's thumb)
+
'''Mrs. Puff:''' Okay class, time's up.
  
SpongeBob: Ow! (SpongeBob's thumb swells up horrifically and grows ten times in size)
+
'''Squidward:''' Time can't be up. I didn't even get a chance to fill in a single answer! What am I supposed to do?
  
Patrick: There appears to be a little bit of swelling. (Patrick picks up a lump of trash_ This garbage compress should help that go down. (Patrick smothers the swollen thumb with the garbage. The garbage slides off of it and the area where the splinter is inserted fizzes a sickly green ooze and turns SpongeBob's thumb a dark purple) That doesn't look good. (Patrick's pager beeps) But my shift's over. Call me in the morning...if you can still dial the phone. (Puts hat on and walks away)
+
'''Mrs. Puff:''' You do the same thing that everybody else does who failed the test - you take it again next week.
  
(SpongeBob walks back inside, but Mr. Krabs and Squidward are there)
+
'''Squidward:''' Next week?
  
Mr. Krabs: What's that?
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Don't worry Squidward, I've never gotten one answer right on this test. But we'll meet again next week, at Mrs. Puff's boating school! (Squidward screams)
  
SpongeBob: What's what?
+
{{Transcripts/Season 6 Ver. 2}}
 
+
[[Category:Transcript]]
Mr. Krabs: Behind your back?
+
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 6]]
 
+
[[de:Episodenmitschrift: Bootsbrüder]]
SpongeBob: You mean this? (pulls his splinter out from behind his back, but the splinter is covered by his hat)
+
 
+
Mr. Krabs: Put your hat on, boy! Show some company pride!
+
 
+
SpongeBob: (puts hat on) Haha, company pride, of course.
+
 
+
Mr. Krabs: Uhh.. SpongeBob?
+
 
+
SpongeBob: Yes?
+
 
+
Mr. Krabs: Have you always had 3 legs?
+
 
+
SpongeBob: (SpongeBob has a sock and shoe over his splintered thumb to hide it) Yes...
+
 
+
Mr. Krabs: (believing tone) Interesting... well what's this about a splinter that Squidward's been telling me all about?
+
 
+
(SpongeBob panicks)
+
 
+
Mr. Krabs: All right, boy, let's see it.
+
 
+
(SpongeBob gets scared)
+
 
+
Mr. Krabs: Come on, SpongeBob, it's just a little splinter. I mean how bad can it... (SpongeBob reveals his massive, swollen thumb which has a slight area of pale green fizz around the impaled center.) gah-gah, ai-ai, rah-AAHH! Oh, merciful Neptune!
+
 
+
Squidward: (moans and faints)
+
 
+
Mr. Krabs: OK, no problem. No problem. (easily picks out the splinter. there is a brief pause and the tip of SpongeBob's thumb pops and shoots out confetti) Problem solv-- [a mass amount of pale green pus shoots out of SpongeBob's thumb onto Mr. Krabs' face, he makes gurgling sounds but takes out an umbrella as it dies down) Whew. For a second there, I thought I was gonna have to pay you worker's compensation.
+
 
+
SpongeBob: What's worker's compensation?
+
 
+
Mr. Krabs: You know, when you get paid for sitting at home.
+
 
+
Squidward: (Squidward's eyes shoot open) You mean I can get paid while I'm at home?
+
 
+
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, what did ya think compensation stands for? Squidward: (breaks the cash register out of the boat counter and slowly smashes it onto his head two times) Ow!
+
 
+
Mr. Krabs: Uhhh...Squidward?
+
 
+
Squidward: (throws the cash register up into the air and gets crushed by it, then squirms) Can I get my compensation now?
+
 
+
Mr. Krabs: Whoops. Sorry, Squidward, your shift ended over 2 minutes ago.
+
 
+
Squidward: (groans)
+

Latest revision as of 03:25, 14 December 2022

Back Episode Transcript Next Episode Transcript
Plankton's Regular The Krabby Kronicle

Episode Article: Boating Buddies

[edit] Characters

[edit] Dialouge

(episode starts at SpongeBob's house. SpongeBob is brushing Gary's shell)

SpongeBob: ...97, 98, 99, 100. Okay Gary, let's do the other side now. Gary, can you hear that? (Gary is confused, then SpongeBob walks outside, and over to Squidward) Oh Squidward, it's you. I thought I heard something.

Squidward: SpongeBob, I've been sitting here motionless for 45 minutes. What could you possibly have heard me doing?

SpongeBob: Breathing.

Squidward: SpongeBob, I will give you $5 if you let me enjoy the rest of my morning, in peace.

SpongeBob: (mouth open as a box) Okay! (Squidward takes out his wallet)

Squidward: Hey, I could have sworn I had $5 in here.

SpongeBob: I have it, Squidward, you gave it to me to leave you alone yesterday. (Squidward gets up) Squidward, you can have the $5 back. Mr. Krabs says...

Squidward: I don't care what Mr. Krabs said! I just want... (bangs on the table, and the liquid in his cup spills on him)

SpongeBob: Coffee rain!

Squidward: It's hot chocolate. (walks away)

SpongeBob: Chocolate rain! (Squidward is still walking) Squidward! (Squidward runs screaming) Squidward, wait! (scene then shows both of them running for a while, then Squidward gets to his boat. He tries to open it but can't)

Squidward: It's locked!

SpongeBob: Squidward! Squidward! (Squidward screams, then jumps in the boat, then tries to start it but it won't start)

Squidward: Huh? (realizes the key isn't there) The key! Oh, where did I put that stupid...

SpongeBob: (as he is yelling, Squidward is searching) Squidward! Squidward!

Squidward: Oh, why can't I just find... (SpongeBob makes it to the boat)

SpongeBob: Squidward?

Squidward: (yells in SpongeBob's face) What?!

SpongeBob: You left your keys on the table back there. (Squidward starts the boat) Hey Squidward?

Squidward: Yes?

SpongeBob: Didn't you used to have one of those cucumber bicycles?

Squidward: Oh, (laughs) that was a recumbent bicycle, and I sold it.

SpongeBob: Why?

Squidward: (angry) So I could get further away from you! (rushes off)

SpongeBob: Okay, I'll see you later then, Squidward.

Squidward: Bon voyage, nincompoop! (accidentally runs through a stop sign (literally). Realizes he is being chased by cops) What the? (pulls over, then the policeman walks up) Can I help you, officer?

Policeman: No, but you can help yourself to this ticket.

Squidward: (gasps) Ticket? Officer, please! I have impenetrable boat smarts! I pried myself in obtaining an un-soiled driving record! It's all that I have!

Policeman: Well, you can have it again, right after you complete boating school. (drives off)

Squidward: Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-boating school? (bubble-wipe to Mrs. Puff's boating school. Knocks on door) Oh well, it's just one day out of your life, Squiddy. How bad can it be? (SpongeBob opens the door)

SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward! (Squidward cries, then the bell rings)

Mrs. Puff: Good morning class. Would everyone please take a seat? (SpongeBob sits in his desk)

SpongeBob: Psst, Squiward, sit here. Here.

Squidward: Um, excuse me, there don't seem to be any empty seats left.

Mrs. Puff: But there's one right next to SpongeBob. (Squidward sits there, and SpongeBob touches him)

Squidward: Do you mind?!

SpongeBob: Don't worry Squidward, we're boating buddies now! I'll teach you everything I know, and then we can...

Squidward: We won't be doing anything, because there is no we! Understand?

Mrs. Puff: Quiet in the front please.

SpongeBob: Oh, I understand. I understand perfectly, boating buddy.

Mrs. Puff: Okay, class, how about we get to know our new students, by telling each other why we were sentenced to... I mean why we are enrolled in boating school.

Student: Um, I got caught speeding.

Mrs. Puff: Very good. Next.

Student: I don't see what's so very good about it.

Mrs. Puff: No, I didn't mean very...

Student: (sighs) I know exactly what you meant.

Mrs. Puff: Next.

SpongeBob: Oh, I am here because I...

Mrs. Puff: We all know why you're here, SpongeBob. What about you, sir?

Squidward: Me?

Mrs. Puff: Yes. Would you like to tell the rest of the class, why you're with us today?

Squidward: Why I'm... (sees SpongeBob staring, and breathing at him) All right, I'll tell you. I was trying to get away, from him! He is the bane of my existence!

Mrs. Puff: Yours too? Uhh... What I meant to say was, please come up to the chalkboard, and draw a diagram of the incident.

Squidward: Gladly. (begins drawing what he is saying) It all started when I left my house. And then, he appeared. He made an immediate right turn, and parked here. (drawing of Squidward's house is shown) Seeing the oncoming hazard, I looked both ways and proceeded safely toward my vehicle. It was then that I realized that I was being followed at an unsafe distance. So, in order to create more optimal driving conditions, I was then forced to par-take in evasive action. (screeches the chalk board) And by increasing speed slightly, I created a safety cushion, while inadvertently attracting the attention of said law enforcement officer. May I sit down now, sweet cheeks?

Mrs. Puff: Why, certainly. And perhaps now SpongeBob would like to come up, and illustrate his side of the story.

Squidward: His side?

SpongeBob: Well, first, I started over here. And then I went way over here. Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo, like that. Then, I went around like this, and over here like that, and across this lane, and down here like this, and then... (continues writing, without speaking) ...and then I went around, and stopped right here. (he has written "SpongeBob + Squidward, Best Boating Buddies 4-ever")

Students: (reading) SpongeBob and Squidward, best boating buddies, forever? (all are confused, then SpongeBob sits down)

SpongeBob: Do you like it, Squidward?

Squidward: Shut it. (bell rings. Bubble-wipe to everyone eating lunch, and SpongeBob sits next to Squidward)

SpongeBob: Ah, lunch time, eh boating buddy? (SpongeBob sits, and Squidward walks away, over to the trash cans)

Squidward: I'll have to eat over here, like in grade school. (Squidward is about to eat, then SpongeBob pops up from a trash can)

SpongeBob: Squidward, do you have any mustard in there? (Squidward runs away screaming. Bubble-wipe to the bathroom, where Squidward is eating)

Squidward: Mm, bon appetit, Squidy. (is about to eat, but then sees SpongeBob's feet in the other stall. Squidward gets angry, and throws his sandwich on the ground) You've ruined my morning, you've ruined my lunch, and you're ruining my... (door opens, revealing that it's a muscular tough fish, with feet that looks like SpongeBob's. Bubble-wipe to Squidward walking to his seat, bandaged up)

Mrs. Puff: Okay class, it's time for our behind the wheel lesson. Squidward, you'll be riding with SpongeBob.

Squidward: Eh, didn't see that coming. (bubble-wipe to them in a boat)

Mrs. Puff: Now, we're going to take this nice and slow. SpongeBob, what do we do when pulling away from the curb?

SpongeBob: Uh, step on the gas?

Mrs. Puff: Good. Nice and easy. Now let's slowly... (SpongeBob steps on the petal, and Mrs. Puff screams)

Squidward: SpongeBob, look out! (they bump through the cones, then they barge out through the fence. They go through a red light) SpongeBob, give me that wheel!

SpongeBob: I got it, I got it. (they fight over it)

Squidward: Just let go of it! (the steering wheel breaks, and Mrs. Puff screams. They drive into a grandma)

Grandma: Hooligans! (they drive through the Barg 'n Mart, and a costume shop, and they are about to drive into a secret lab)

Scientist #1: Johnson, I finally figured out a way to shrink an ordinary mail man, down to the size of a grain of sand.

Johnson: How?

Scientist #1: By using this shrink ray. (pulls a lever that turns it on. The boat comes in, and they get shrunk instead)

Johnson: Mother of mercy! (they shrink) Where'd they go?

Scientist #1: There! They're heading right for that discarded potato chip. (mailman growls)

Johnson What's the matter?

Scientist #1: Potato chips are his favorite snack. (the mailman breaks out) Johnson! NO! (mailman is about to eat it, but then gets sprayed with water) No, no, no. (they then go through a drain. A cowboy is about to drink from a drinking fountain, but then Mrs. Puff and SpongeBob come out and return to normal size)

Cowboy: I never will understand these city folk.

SpongeBob: Hey, where'd Squidward go? (the tough fish from earlier is going to go to the bathroom again, and Squidward returns to normal in the toilet)

Squidward: I was just leaving. (bubble-wipe to Squidward walking toward his desk all bandaged up)

Mrs. Puff: Okay class, it's time to take our final exam. Please have your pencils ready.

SpongeBob: Pst, hey, boating buddy, if you need any help, I've taken this test hundreds of times, and...

Squidward: How many times do I have to tell you?! I am not your buddy! I don't need your help, and I don't need you, ever! Now just kindly let me take this stupid test, so I can get out of here, and never have to see you again, for the rest of my life!

SpongeBob: Okay Squidward, if that's the way you want it.

Squidward: Thank you. (tries to pick up his pencil, then picks it up in both hands, but then it drops and rolls out the room)

Mrs. Puff: 3 more minutes, class.

Squidward: SpongeBob? SpongeBob, I need your help.

Mrs. Puff: 2 more minutes.

Squidward: SpongeBob, please? This is important.

SpongeBob: You said you didn't need my help, Squidward, and that you didn't need me.

Squidward: No no, I didn't. I never said that. (student plays back what Squidward said on a tape) I don't need your help, and I don't need you! (now talking) Jerk! (to SpongeBob) All right, I said it. But that was before.

SpongeBob:: Before what?

Squidward: Before... before...

Mrs. Puff: 1 more minute, class.

Squidward: Before we were... (gulps) boating buddies.

SpongeBob: Yay!

Mrs. Puff: Okay class, time's up.

Squidward: Time can't be up. I didn't even get a chance to fill in a single answer! What am I supposed to do?

Mrs. Puff: You do the same thing that everybody else does who failed the test - you take it again next week.

Squidward: Next week?

SpongeBob: Don't worry Squidward, I've never gotten one answer right on this test. But we'll meet again next week, at Mrs. Puff's boating school! (Squidward screams)


Transcripts Episodes
Season 1 Season 1
Season 2 Season 2
Season 3 Season 3
Season 4 Season 4
Season 5 Season 5
Season 6 Season 6
Season 7 Season 7
Season 8 Season 8
Season 9 Season 9
Season 10 Season 10
Season 11 Season 11
Season 12 Season 12
Season 13 Season 13
Season 14 Season 14
Season 15 Season 15
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