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Episode Transcript: Suction Cup Symphony
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Episode Article: Suction Cup Symphony
Characters
- Squidward
- SpongeBob
- Patrick
- Billboard workers
- Conductor
- Orchestra audience
- Random boyhead
- Harp player
- Piano player
- Tuba players
- Violin players
- Drum player
- Flute players
- Trumpet players
- Bass players
Dialogue
(Squidward is playing his clarinet, and SpongeBob is gardening, then SpongeBob notices him playing clarinet)
SpongeBob: Sounds like Squidward ate at Mario's last night. (laughs) Good thing no one's around to notice his embarrassing... (gasps, because he sees two guys working on a bill board) Those construction workers! Squidward will die of embarrassment if they hear his dilemma! Poor Squidward, he must be in too much pain to make courtesy noises. (breathes in then puffs out his chest) I'll cover for him! Whoa! (trying to get the construction workers attention) Sorry fellas, this sure is a noisy trowel. (makes noises) Look at this thing! (construction workers go back to work, and SpongeBob laughs) Ah, I really should get... (Squidward plays his clarinet again, and SpongeBob tries to make the noises again. Squidward notices him)
Squidward: SpongeBob, will you keep it down? I am trying to hold my musical talent here.
SpongeBob: You mean that wasn't gastro intestinal distress?
Squidward: And you guys! (referring to the workers) Do you really think that bill board is more important than my musical genius?
Worker: Well sorry, but some of us rather enjoy the Bikini Bottom Symphony Orchestra.
Squidward: Bikini Bottom Symphony Orchestra?
Worker: And we find their public announcements to be quite interesting. (other worker puts up a part that reads "Original Compositions Wanted")
Squidward: Original Compositions Wanted? Me, a famous composer? (imagines himself riding in a limo) Thank you! (walks out of the limo and walks down a red carpet. Imagines himself composing. Then it goes back to Squidward. Melts from the thought of it) That would be nice. (runs outside and kisses the worker)
Worker: Ew!
Squidward: Wooo-hooo! Yeah! Yeah!
SpongeBob: You've really made him happy.
Worker #2: I know what I've done!
SpongeBob: (confused) Okay. (bubble-wipe to later when Squidward is writing)
Squidward: Okay. (breathes in then out) Get it together Squidward. Put your game face on. (puts a mask on himself that says "I'm #1!") Huh, that's better. (picks up his pen) Take your time with this one, Squidward old boy. (hears something outside. Screams as he notices a sign next to the Orchestra sign that reads "Due Tomorrow") Due tomorrow? (runs around his house screaming) Only one day to write my master piece! (SpongeBob is next to him)
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Squidward, we'll do it together!
Squidward: No! (shapes SpongeBob into a ball) Get out! (tries to kick the ball out the window. Another ball comes back, and it is Patrick) Patrick? What are you doing here?
Patrick: Uh... I don't know. I'm funny. (Squidward puts Patrick in a ball, then kicks it. SpongeBob and Patrick come back in one ball, then turn back into themselves)
SpongeBob: Are you sure you don't want any help Squidward?
Squidward: No thank you. (drops them out the window) I am a solitary artiste.
Patrick: SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Yes, Patrick?
Patrick: Well, I think I broke my bottom.
SpongeBob: (laughs) Oh, broke your bottom. Oh, Patrick, you're a card! (Patrick shows him his butt) Whoa! (there are two bones sticking out of it)
Patrick: Yeah. (sticks the bones back up his butt. They are in his mouth) Ah. Much better.
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick, I think you should see a doctor.
Patrick: I can't see a doctor. My job doesn't provide me with health insurance.
SpongeBob: What job is that?
Patrick: Exactly. (bubble-wipe to later where Squidward is writing, and laughing)
Squidward: I'm a genius.
SpongeBob: The doctor will see you now, Mr. Star. (he and Patrick are playing doctor. SpongeBob is using a blood pressure pump to blow up Patrick, then pops him. Patrick returns to normal, and SpongeBob stops the stop watch) Hm, Hm, Hm.
Squidward: Can't you two be quiet for one day? My composition is due tomorrow.
SpongeBob: Oh no! No, no, no, no, no! My patient is very sick!
Patrick: Hey, I broke my butt!
Squidward: Become famous, revenge later. (thinking) Come on! Be inspired! (cross-fade to Squidward's brain where there is a rain storm going on. The storm then stops, and a rainbow comes out of Squidward's head. Starts writing) Brilliant! (Patrick is heard screaming. Continues writing, but Patrick screams again, and his rainbow melts) No! (starts crying) Why? Why? Oh, why? (Patrick is hitting his knee with a hammer, and SpongeBob is timing how long it takes until he screams. He then writes something down on his clipboard. Goes back to writing, but is interrupted when SpongeBob his looking at Patrick's mouth. Then by an X-ray, then by some squeaking. Struggles to write, but keeps getting interrupted by screaming. Hours pass by and then Squidward is finally finished) I did it! (kisses it then laughs) Yes! (runs outside) I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! And I did it!
Patrick: (laughs) Did what? (Squidward runs over to the stadium)
Squidward: Here you go, maestro, my masterpiece.
Conductor: Hm, oh, very unusual. I think we have a winner Mr. Tentacles! (Squidward smiles. Bubble-wipe to later where Squidward is about to conduct his song)
Realistic Fish Head: Good evening, music lovers of Bikini Bottom. Tonight, is the premiere of a new symphony, written by one of our own, Squidward Tentacles. (Squidward walks up on stage and starts his song. Everything is fine until he hears Patrick going "ahh" then doing the hammer thing)
Squidward: I wrote down everything I heard? (Gulps and looks at the audience. SpongeBob drops a brick on Patrick's leg, then an anchor)
Pilar: That's gonna leave a mark! (SpongeBob then squeaks a rubber duck near Patrick, then uses the X-ray, then the laugh machine, then reading magazines, then SpongeBob plays with his brain, then he's reading magazines again, then using the X-ray again. This repeats with the laugh machine, then the duck, then the magazine, then playing with the brain. Finally he's using the blood pressure pump to pump up Patrick, sending him flying. All of this is in tune with the song)
Nazz: Poor little guy. (Patrick lands on Squidward. The song ends as Patrick deflates, then bows)
Squidward: Patrick, get off of me! (Patrick does so. Growls at him, then looks at the audience. Begins to walk off the stage, but then everyone begins cheering)
Female Voice: Ooh, now that's what I call music!
Shubie: That little yellow guy is awesome!
Bill: Let us not forget the chubby starfish!
Fred: Oh yeah, but the real genius is the composer!
All: (chanting) Squid-ward! Squid-ward!
SpongeBob: Wow Squidward, they really liked you! Just don't get a "swelled head" (Squidward's head begins to inflate; Patrick is using the blood pressure pump. Cut to black as his head explodes)
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