Episode Transcript: The Card

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Episode Article: The Card

Characters

Dialogue

Quincy: Next! Oh, no...

SpongeBob: Hey, Quincy! How's my favorite money-man?

Quincy: SpongeBob... what can I do for you?

SpongeBob: The new Mermaidman and Barnacleboy cards come out today! So I need to take out some mon-ey.

Quincy: Ugh. Let me see your bank book.

SpongeBob: Sure thing, Quincy, sure thing. (takes out his bank book)

Quincy: Nice... bunnies.

SpongeBob: I know, I know. It's so embarrassing. (Whispering) I wanted the one with the kittens on it.

Quincy: Right. (pulls out SpongeBob's money) Here you are, sir.

SpongeBob: Thank you. Hm... Um, Quincy, this one is wrinkled. I couldn't possibly give this to Mermaidman. It simply won't do.

Quincy: I don't think they go directly to Mermaidman, SpongeBob. But, um. Here. Try this one. (hands SpongeBob a dollar.)

SpongeBob: (sniffs the dollar) This one... smells funny.

Customer in line: Come on! Would ya hurry up?

Customer with mask and money bag: Yeah, some of us have withdrawals to make, ya know?

All customers: (complaining)

SpongeBob: Well, I'll have you know that this is for Mermaidman. And I'm not leaving until I have money that shows him the proper respect. (gets kicked out of bank) Whoa!

All customers: (cheering)

SpongeBob and Patrick are at Near Mint Comic Books.

Patrick: One, two, three, four...

SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick. Counting up your change for a pack of Mermaidman and Barnacleboy trading cards?

Patrick: No, I'm thinking about buying this book on counting. Three, four. What's gonna happen next? FIVE? Holy super-happy-fun-time! This book's good! I'll take it! One, two, three...

SpongeBob: One pack of Mermaidman and Barnacleboy cards, please.

Comic book dealer: (gets a pack of cards)

SpongeBob: All right!

Comic book dealer: Not so fast! Where's my dollar?

SpongeBob: (pulls out a roll of dollars and pulls one off) Here you are, my good sir.

Comic book dealer: Here you go, kid.

Patrick: Seventeen...

SpongeBob: So... shiny... and smooth! (rubs it against his face and smells it) Ah... oh! Oh! (opens cards) Oooh! Mermaidman's bubble-powered wheelchair from season twelve! And Barnacleboy's bunion! Holy scallops! It's the dentures that Mermaidman used to pop the Dirty Bubble in episode four hundred two! Wow! These must be the most valuable cards in the world! I'll treasure them forever.

Comic book dealer: Ha ha! Those cards aren't worth nothin'. I wouldn't put those cards in the spokes of my bike. Now, if you wanna see a card worth talkin' about, check this one out. This is the super-rare platinum hologram animated talking card: number fifty-four.

Voice: Mermaidman says: (fist swings by and hits Barnacleboy, while Mermaidman barely ducks out of the way)

Mermaidman: Buy more cards!

Comic book dealer: There are only five in existence.

SpongeBob: How much is it? For this one?

Comic book dealer: This one's just a display. If you want a real one, you'll have to buy as many packs as you can and hope you get lucky.

SpongeBob: (buys another pack) Oh, I have a good feeling about this one. Oh, come on. And it's... not there. (throws the cards and buys more) Mmmmmmm... no. (process continues until there are no pack left) OHHHHH! I'll find the card fifty-four!

Patrick: Ninety-six, ninety-seven, ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one hundred! Oh! I hate counting! I want the pack of cards!

Comic book dealer: Sorry, Patrick. It's solded out.

Patrick: I want the pack of cards. Give me one, please.

SpongeBob: Yes, it's just a number...

Voice: Mermaidman says:

Mermaidman: Buy more cards!

SpongeBob: Number fifty-four! That's the best card there is! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

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