Episode Transcript: Truth or Square

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Episode Article: Truth or Square

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Transcript

(the episode begins with a opening narration)

Ricky Gervais: 10 years ago, an unknown pirate from Encino began a decade-long obsession with TV's most beloved and absorbent sponge. And today, a mere 10 years later obviously 10 years ago I said that he has traveled all the way to a far off land known as Burbank. To find Nicktoons animation studio and meet his idol face to face for the first time in 10 years it's 10 years ago. It's 10 years ago. Let's see what happens, yeah. (live-action part of the episode begins. We see posters of SpongeBob SquarePants, Dora Marquez from Dora the Explorer, Cosmo and Wanda from The Fairly OddParents, Uniqua from The Backyardigans, Diego from Go Diego Go, Max and Ruby from Max & Ruby, Kiki, Shout, Marina and Twist from The Fresh Beat Band, Kai-lan from Ni-hao Kai-lan, Skipper from The Penguins of Madagascar, and Carly from iCarly. Patchy gets out of the car)

Patchy the Pirate: Oh. Bye, mom. Thanks for the lift. Hey kids. Isn't this exciting? I'm here at Nickelodeon, home of SpongeBob SquarePants and I'm gonna ask him if he'll be my guest of honor on my tenth fan-iversary TV special! Come on. Ahoy.

Security Guard: Sir, may I help you?

Patchy: Yes. This is Patchy the Pirate for SpongeBob SquarePants. I believe he's expecting me. I sent him over 400 letters this week.

Security Guard: Uh, yes. SpongeBob is not here right now sir.

Patchy: That's okay. I can wait. Oh, SpongeBob!

Security Guard: Sir, please step away from the gate.

Patchy: Aw, poopdeck. I was hoping I could ask SpongeBob to phone up some of his famous friends so he could ask them to be guests on my show.

Security Guard: Uh-huh. Oh. You're here for the casting department.

Patchy: Yeah.

Security Guard: In that case, please step right inside, sir. (Patchy thrusts his arm and mouths the word, "yes." Patchy follows the security guard inside. Inside, Patchy and the security guard walk down a hallway where a cardboard cutout of SpongeBob and a model of SpongeBob made out of Lego bricks are seen. Patchy jumps up in the air and laughs. He returns to the ground)

Patchy: Woo! Oh, hey, when'll SpongeBob be here? Where's he? At lunch? At an important meeting?

Security Guard: I'm not sure, sir.

Patchy: Getting his boat waxed?

Security Guard: This way, sir.

Patchy: What's he really like?

Security Guard: This way, sir.

Patchy: Does he come in everyday?

Security Guard: Go this way.

Patchy: Does he dye his hair?

Security Guard: Walk this way, sir.

Patchy: Huh? (the scene shifts to show a room. It has a couch, a TV, a poster for The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie, and an animation cel of SpongeBob at the Krusty Krab. The security guard opens the door. Patchy walks in)

Security Guard: Here you are, sir. Please wait here while you wait. (Patchy sits down on the couch) Can I get you anything, sir?

Patchy: Yeah. A shrimp cocktail. (Patchy chuckles. The security guard puts his hand out and then back in with a shrimp cocktail. He gives it to Patchy) Ooh! Now, that's what I call service... (the security guard smiles) with a smile! (smiles. The security guard closes the door, and the SpongeBob part of the episode begins with the title card and opening credits. The episode proper begins showing the three houses of Conch Street at night. The scene transitions to morning. The scene changes to SpongeBob's bedroom, where Gary's shell is shaking with a blanket on top of it. Next to him is an traditional alarm clock)

Gary: (in his shell) Meow. (the alarm clock goes off) Meow. (Gary's head pops out of his shell) Meow. (a long line of alarm clocks go off, which leads from Gary, who is in the front of the bed to SpongeBob's foghorn alarm clock. It goes off and spits out more alarm clocks. SpongeBob wakes up. He gets out of bed and turns the alarm clocks off)

SpongeBob: Good morning, Gary!

Gary: (angrily) Meow.

SpongeBob: A little overboard? And take a chance at being late for the single most greatest day of my career. (the shot widens and a thought bubble appears. It shows the Krusty Krab) The eleventy-seventh anniversary of the Krusty Krab. (leans near Gary and shakes his head) Oh, oh, oh, I think not. (returns to his previous position) No self-respecting Krusty Krab employee would be late on this day. (the scene changes to show the exterior of SpongeBob's pineapple, where SpongeBob's door open and a line of alarm clocks are leading to the inside of an Easter Island Head house. The camera follows the alarm clocks to the door and then moves up. A voice is heard muttering)

Voice: What the? (the scene returns to SpongeBob's room. He is yelling out of his window)

SpongeBob: See you at the big event, Squidward! (gets hit with an alarm clock. This causes him to fly and land next to Gary. Gets up) Can you believe that it's been eleventy-seven years already?

Gary: (snidely) Meow, meow, meow.

SpongeBob: Oh, watch the potty mouth, Gare. Today is a day for gentle reflection. Aw, I remember my first visit to the Krusty Krab. (flashback begins. It shows the exterior of the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob's parents, Harold and Margaret, are walking to it. The scene shifts to show SpongeBob's parents)

Harold SquarePants: I don't know. This doesn't seem like a family restaurant.

Margaret SquarePants: Oh. (zoom out to reveal that she is pregnant with SpongeBob) Well, what do you think, baby? Should we eat here? (the scene moves to show the inside of Margaret's womb. SpongeBob swims off-screen. The scene returns to show Margaret. She is moved inside to the front of the cash register boat) Well, okay, then. (the scene returns to the womb and SpongeBob is next to Margaret's belly button which looks like a window. Margaret's voice is echoing) What would you like? (SpongeBob looks out Margaret's belly button and sees the Galley Grub)

SpongeBob: Krabby Patty! (the scene changes to show Margaret and Harold sitting at a table eating Krabby Patties. In the womb, SpongeBob is eating the Krabby Patties through the umbilical cord) Yummy! (takes the cord, rips it out, and sucks on the cord. The flashback ends and SpongeBob is shown laying on the ground being held up by his elbows) Good times. (an alarm clock appears. SpongeBob jumps up and starts running in the air) Oh, sorry, Gary, we can reminisce later. I gotta get ready. (runs off-screen and Gary hisses at the alarm clock. The alarm clock "runs" away. The scene changes to show SpongeBob with a towel around his waist in the bathroom. Turns on the shower and takes the towel off. The scene shows SpongeBob showering)

Music: A Day That Couldn't Get Much Better

SpongeBob:I never thought that I would have a chance like this.
What dreams exist as big as this one? If happiness are patties frying on the grill, I'll have my fill, upon each fresh bun. 
Here's a day that couldn't get much better. 
It is the greatest that's ever been.
It's so cool I ought'a wear a sweater, just to hold on to that warm feeling.
A miracle is something that you don't believe, you will receive, and then it happens. 
This is what I have to call a miracle, my heart is full and toes are tapping. 

Here's a day that couldn't get much better.
It is the greatest that's ever been.
It's so cool I ought'a wear a sweater, just to hold on to that warm feeling.
Sure I know it's gonna take a lot of work, but here's the perk, I think I must say.
When you're doing something that you really love, and so proud of, then work is like play.

Here's a day that couldn't get much better.
It is the greatest that's ever been. 
It's so cool I ought'a wear a sweater, just to hold on to that warm feeling.

(SpongeBob melts through the ice cube. He falls into a soda. He gets sucked up by a straw, which is being sucked up by SpongeBob. SpongeBob then jumps away. The scene changes to black and then shows the exterior of SpongeBob's pineapple. He opens the door and starts to jog to the Krusty Krab. A crash is heard off-screen. The scene moves to the origin of the crash. SpongeBob is laying down behind a line of fish)

Harold: Hey, hey. Chill out, buddy. We all want to get into the Krusty Krab as much as you do. (camera reveals the line goes all of the way to the Krusty Krab. The scene returns to SpongeBob. He looks at his watch)

SpongeBob: But I don't have time to wait in line. Sorry, but I can't be late today. (steps on people's heads to get to the Krusty Krab)

Mable-Monica: Ah!

Isabelle Fish: Ooh!

Sadie: What the?

Frankie Billy: Hey!

Fred: Ah!

Tom: Eh!

Shubie: Uh!

SpongeBob: Sorry, everyone, but Mr. Krabs needs me. (more fish make annoyed noises. Once SpongeBob reaches the end, the scene changes to the interior of the Krusty Krab. The scene shows several fish waiting on the door. Squeezes himself through the cracked between the doors and the ground. Enters the Krusty Krab. Lands in the arms of Mr. Krabs) Reporting for duty, sir. (salutes him. He puts SpongeBob down in a seat next to Squidward)

Mr. Krabs: Sit down, boy.

SpongeBob: Happy eleventy-seventh, Squidward.

Mr. Krabs: (walking past the table) Today's a big a day for the Krusty Krab. (Mr. Krabs ends up at a button) So I want yous to listen up. (pushes the button. It causes a shield to go around the Krusty Krab) It's a perfect opportunity for Plankton to try and steal the Krabby Patty formula. (pulls a lever that looks like a handle on a table. It causes a panel to open. The table goes down the panel and is replaced by a hologram table. It turns on a hologram of the Krusty Krab)

Squidward: Isn't that just the Krusty Krab?

Mr. Krabs: No. It's a holographic projection of the Krusty Krab. I want you two to watch all the entrances.

Squidward: You mean the front door and the back door? (Mr. Krabs pushes a button on the hologram table)

Mr. Krabs: Those are just the ones on the surface. (the hologram expands to show the duct work) There is an entire network of tunnels and air ducts underground and I want all eyes on the look out!

SpongeBob: Aye, aye, Mr. Krabs. (eyes grow on SpongeBob, filling his holes)

Mr. Krabs: Right. Study the map, stay extra vigilant. Don't fall asleep on the job. That means you, Squidward.

Squidward: What? I have never fallen asleep on duty.

Mr. Krabs: Don't make me have a flashback. (a flashback begins. It shows Squidward sleeping at his station. Fred is on the other side of the Cash register. The scene changes to show SpongeBob opening the Krusty Krab broom closet to find Squidward sleeping. The scene changes to show a close shot of Frankie Billy about to eat a patty at the Krusty Krab. The shot widens to show Squidward sleeping on Frankie Billy's table. It also reveals that Frankie Billy is dining with Nancy. The scene changes to show a close shot of the sink in the Krusty Krab kitchen. Bubbles are coming out of the sink and Squidward's snoring is heard. The shot widens to show Squidward with his head in the sink. The scene changes to show SpongeBob on a Krusty Krab stall and reading a newspaper. Squidward's snores are heard. SpongeBob looks into the stall next to his and sees Squidward holding a newspaper and sleeping. The flashback ends)

Squidward: All right, point taken. (Mr. Krabs turns off the hologram)

Mr. Krabs: And to help watch out for Plankton, I've hired some extra security. (a dark figure is shown in the corner. It walks into the light. It is revealed to be Patrick. He has an angry look on his face. He smacks his fist into his palm)

Squidward: (while Patrick is walking to them) You hired Patrick?

Mr. Krabs: What, you expect me to spend money on a real security guard? You are my first line of defense, Patrick. So, look out for any suspiciorous characters.

Patrick: (no longer having an angry face; saluting) Yes, sir. (surveys the area. Sees Squidward and pushes him to the wall) Who are you, and who are you working for?! (Mr. Krabs chuckles)

Mr. Krabs: Plankton doesn't stand a chance. (the scene changes to show the exterior of the Chum Bucket. It has a banner on it that reads "Celebrating 50 years of failure." The camera zooms in. As it does this, the doors open and an image of the dining area is shown and it pans into that. Cross-fade to a wide shot of the lab. Karen is shown in her computer form and Plankton is shown at his desk)

Plankton: (as the camera is still panning in) It's a conspiracy, I tell you! A thousand and three times I've almost had that recipe, and a thousand and three times I've been launched by that Krabs! He celebrates eleventy-seven years of success, (cut to a medium shot of Plankton at his desk) I'm left with four score and forty fortnights of failure! (cut to a closer shot of Plankton. He tears up) I give up, Karen. Krabs has won!

Karen': (offscreen) Well, you'll never get the formula with that attitude. (onscreen) Maybe a thousand and four will be your lucky number.

Plankton: Oh, yeah? You try getting launched.

Karen: Oh, right, the launchings. (her face is replaced by a loading bar and the word "accessing" above it) I've got them all on my hard drive. (on Karen's monitor, we see Mr. Krabs in a baseball uniform, exiting the Krusty Krab. The scene shifts to show just the scene. Mr. Krabs pushes Plankton into the air. Mr. Krabs does this with a glove that he is wearing. Mr. Krabs spits and then throws Plankton. Plankton hits the Chum Bucket. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs' claw putting down a golf tee. He puts Plankton on the tee. He is then shown in a golf outfit, holding a golf club. He then prepares to hit Plankton)

Mr. Krabs: Fore! (hits Plankton. Plankton hits the Chum Bucket)

Plankton: Ow! (the scene changes to show Mr. Krabs riding on a seahorse, wearing a polo uniform, and holding a polo stick. Plankton is shown running away from the polo stick. Mr. Krabs hits Plankton. Plankton screams and hits the Chum Bucket. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs holding a slingshot with Plankton on it. Mr. Krabs is holding the slingshot back. Mr. Krabs releases the slingshot. Plankton screams and hits the Chum Bucket. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs in a hockey uniform holding a hockey stick. He is pushing Plankton on some ice that is outside of the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs hits Plankton. Plankton screams and hits the Chum Bucket. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs with a curling stone that has Plankton on it. Mr. Krabs pushes the curling stone on the ice. SpongeBob takes a broom and sweeps and walks backwards until he reaches the Chum Bucket. Plankton screams until he hits the Chum Bucket doors. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob in football uniforms. SpongeBob is holding Plankton horizontally in front of Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs runs up and kicks Plankton. Plankton screams and hits the Chum Bucket. There is a goal post painted on the Chum Bucket. SpongeBob pops and puts both his arms horizontally in the air, signally that Mr. Krabs got the point. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs holding Plankton, walking outside the Krusty Krab)

Mr. Krabs: I'm tired today, Plankton. (drops Plankton) You're just gonna have to launch yourself. (walks back inside. Plankton tears up. He walks to the Chum Bucket and hits his head on the door)

Plankton: Splat. (begins to cry. Karen's laughing is heard. The scene pans out to show the scene on Karen's monitor. The scene shifts to not-recording Plankton) Karen?! (the footage is removed and replaced with Karen)

Karen: I'm sorry. That last part always makes me laugh. (Plankton jumps off his desk)

Plankton: It's just no use!

Karen: Today's the perfect day to steal the recipe. Krabs will be completely distracted by all the festivities. You can do this.

Plankton: You really think so?

Karen: Of course, I do. Now who's my big man?

Plankton: Oh, Karen.

Karen: Come on. Come on. Who's my big strong man?

Plankton: I am.

Karen: That's right. Now get out there and steal that recipe.

Plankton: (saluting Karen) Yes, Ma'am! (bubble-wipe to show fish outside of the Krusty Krab)

Crowd: We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties! (the scene changes to show a close up shot of the numbers on the Galley Grub menu)

Mr. Krabs: Now to add some special anniversary deals to the menu. (claw, holding a pencil appears and he starts adding decimal points after the first zero in the prices and adding an extra zero at the end of the prices as he talks) Krabby Patty... 20 bucks. 39 bucks. 30. (chuckles. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs on a ladder next to the Galley Grub) Oh, number zero, how I love you so. (Squidward walks into frame and Mr. Krabs starts to walk down the ladder) SpongeBob! (the scene shifts to show a similar scene as before, but with the frame moved down. SpongeBob runs into the frame)

SpongeBob: Yes, sir? (Mr. Krabs finishes climbing down the ladder)

Mr. Krabs: I'm putting you in charge of decorations. (scribbles something on his clipboard)

SpongeBob: Oh, but Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: Yes, boy?

SpongeBob: I thought you said that I would be in charge of decorations.

Mr. Krabs: What? But you are.

SpongeBob: I am? (SpongeBob flings his arms in the air) Yay! (runs around with his arms in the air) Yeah! Yeah!

Mr. Krabs: Squidward! I had chores for you, but you won't do 'em anyway.

Squidward: It only took you eleventy-seven years for you to figure that out? (the scene shows SpongeBob next to Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs takes out two quarters)

Mr. Krabs: Here's your budget, boy. (gives SpongeBob the quarters) Decorate it any way you want.

SpongeBob: Wow! Fifty cents!

Squidward: You’re letting SpongeBob decorate? Remember all the other times SpongeBob decorated?

Squidward, SpongeBob, and Mr. Krabs: Hmm... (a flashback begins. It shows the interior of the Krusty Krab with a western theme. Frankie Billy and Evelyn are shown at a table. On the table is the bone of a cow head. The floor looks like a desert. It has rocks and cacti on it. The lights have been replaced by a western-style chandelier. The metal wall has been replaced with a gray wood one. The doors have been replaced by saloon doors. The scene pans to show Squidward in the order boat. The boat has wagon wheel next to it. The order window looks like an old style window with red shutters. SpongeBob pops his head out of the window. He is wearing a cowboy hat and holding a tray of food)

Cowboy SpongeBob: Yee-haw! (laughs) (the scene changes to show the interior of the Krusty Krab with a 1970s theme. Frankie Billy and Evelyn are shown at a table. On the table is a lava lamp. The floor is a rug. The window has green wallpaper with a pattern on it. The metal wall has orange and red striped wall paper on it. The lights have been replaced by a disco ball. The boxes that are in the rafters have been pained with a blue pattern. The doors have been replaced by bead entrances. The scene pans to show Squidward in the order boat. The boat has carpet material around it. The order window has been painted to have a blue and red pattern. SpongeBob pops his head out of the window. He is wearing an Afro wig and holding a tray of food)

Disco-Man SpongeBob: You come here often? (laughs)

(the scene changes to show the interior of the Krusty Krab with a space theme. Frankie Billy and Evelyn are shown at a table. They are wearing space helmets. The tables have been replaced and the barrels have been replaced with moon craters which goes along with the moon floor. The window has space wallpaper on it. The lights have been replaced by images of Mars, a moon, and Saturn. The doors have been replaced by doors that have two sides and jagged edges and open up, instead of go outward. The scene pans to show Squidward in the order boat. The order boat looks similar to a moon rover. The metal wall has stars and a meteor. The order window looks similar to the doors. Squidward is wearing a space helmet. The order window opens and things and Squidward go through it. The scene then shows Squidward in space. He is screaming. He passes SpongeBob who is wearing his water helmet. He is cooking on his grill. He laughs. The flashback ends)

Squidward, SpongeBob, and Mr. Krabs: Hmm... (Mr. Krabs turns to Squidward)

Mr. Krabs: Well, you want want to do it, then?

Squidward: No.

Mr. Krabs: Then shut your porthole.

Squidward: Battening down the word hatches, sir.

(Squidward and Mr. Krabs walk away. SpongeBob looks at the two quarters. He smiles. He flies up into the air. The scene changes to show the inside of the bathroom. SpongeBob prances into the bathroom. He goes into a stall, takes out a pair of tongs and grabs the end of a pink toilet paper roll. The scene changes to the exterior of the bathroom. Squidward is walking by. SpongeBob runs out of the bathroom holding on to the tongs which are holding on to the toilet paper. Squidward stops. SpongeBob takes a piece of the toilet paper, twirls it around, and throws it up and swings on it. He swings around a pole, making the toilet paper look like a swirl on the pole. He lands on a table. The table spins around and ends up with bows on it. SpongeBob jumps in the air and lands between Patrick and Squidward. He twists the toilet paper around Patrick making him look muscular with a bow belt. Patrick flexes. SpongeBob twirls the toilet paper in the air and twists it around Squidward's head. He ends up with two bows on his head, which are connected to his mouth)

Squidward: What? What are you...?

(SpongeBob pulls on one of the strings that is attached to the bow. It makes Squidward smile)

SpongeBob: There we go.

(He runs off twirling the toilet paper. Runs across the top and bottom of the main windows, giving them bows. Twirls the toilet paper and dances. The scene changes to show SpongeBob in the kitchen. He is stepping on a ketchup bottle and a mustard bottle. The scene shifts to show the back of SpongeBob. Above him, there is a banner that is written in ketchup and mustard. It reads "Eleventy-Seventh Anniversary." The scene changes to show SpongeBob squeezing a mustard bottle. He is then show squeezing a mustard bottle. Part of either the bathroom or kitchen door is shown. It shows the mustard and the ketchup crossing over to look similar to a strand of DNA. The scene changes to show mustard going on a wall in a wave pattern. The scene changes to show a table. SpongeBob puts a design on the table. SpongeBob is then shown tip-toeing sideways while holding a bottle of mustard and ketchup. He then spins it around. The scene changes to show a Krabby Patty. SpongeBob puts a hose in the Krabby Patty. SpongeBob is then shown pushing a pressure handle. It inflates the Krabby Patty. The scene then shows Krabby Patties that are attached to string. They are on the ceiling. The last patty floats up. The scene pans out to show the decorated Krusty Krab. The banner is now in the dining area and the order boat has bows on it. The kitchen door is shown. He walks out. SpongeBob floats down to him on a Krabby Patty balloon. SpongeBob releases it and it floats away.] Your change, sir. (gives Mr. Krabs the 2 quarters)

Mr. Krabs: Good work, boy. What, that's it?

(SpongeBob walks away. Mr. Krabs takes out his clipboard)

Mr.Krabs:Decorations, check. Security?

(Patrick is shown standing outside the bathroom. Squidward leaves the bathroom. Patrick sees Squidward and pushes him to the wall. The scene returns to Mr. Krabs)

Mr Krabs:Check. [The scene changes to show the exterior of the Krusty Krab. The crowd is chanting.]

Crowd: We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties! [The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs' arm. He has a watch with money on it. The hand moves.] [Off-screen] We want Krabby Patties!

Mr. Krabs: [As the crowd is still saying, "We want Krabby Patties!"] Okay, open your ears. These people have come from miles around because they love my patties. I want every employee on their best behavior.

[SpongeBob and Squidward are shown sitting at a table. Squidward has his head down. By this point, the crowd has stopped.]

Squidward: Are you getting any of this, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: Every word, Squidward, every word.

Mr. Krabs: So, let's get out there and sell some Krabby Patties!

[SpongeBob is shown standing up]

SpongeBob: Yes! Yeah! Ooh, I almost forgot. Mr. Krabs, wait! There's one last decoration! [The scene changes to show the Kitchen, focused on the door. SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, Squidward, and Patrick walk to the freezer. SpongeBob pulls a bar that is holding the shut.] I present to you... [SpongeBob tries to open the freezer door, but it is difficult.] [Straining] I present to you... [He yells and pulls the handle off. It hits Squidward in the face. He falls over and twitches his leg. The scene changes to show a white cloud. It fades away and the four are shown looking into the freezer. Mr. Krabs and Squidward gasp.] ... my ode to the Krabby Patty [the scene shows a giant ice sculpture of a Krabby Patty on a pedestal.] made entirely out of ice.

Mr. Krabs: Yessh, boy. [The four walk into the freezer. The scene pans out to show how big the sculpture is.] This thing's enormous.

Squidward: [Shivering] And cold.

[The scene shows Mr. Krabs' claw on the backside of the sculpture.]

Mr. Krabs: All right, let's get this thing out of here. Me customers are waiting.

[The scene shows Mr. Krabs, followed by Squidward and Patrick on the backside of the sculpture and SpongeBob on its front side.]

SpongeBob: Ready? Set? [SpongeBob pulls the sculpture while the other three push it. It does not move. Instead, SpongeBob goes flying. out the freezer. He bounces off the kitchen's front wall and enters the freezer again. The door closes after him. SpongeBob hits the sculpture's pedestal and slides to the floor. The other three stare at the freezer door. Squidward, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick scream.] Guys, I'm okay. No need to scream.

[Squidward and Mr. Krabs scream and run to the freezer door. When they do so, they trample SpongeBob and Patrick. Squidward and Mr. Krabs start pounding on the door.]

Mr. Krabs: The door!

[The exterior of the freezer is shown. The door is extruding as the two pound on it. The scene shows Patrick and SpongeBob on the floor.]

SpongeBob: Oh, no. Patrick, stand up! [The two stand up.] We're locked in! [SpongeBob pulls Patrick close.] This is gonna spoil the eleventy-seventh anniversary.

[The scene changes to show the crowd outside.]

Crowd: We want Krabby Patties! We want...

[The scene returns to the exterior of freezer where Squidward and Mr. Krabs are still screaming and pounding on the door.] Mr. Krabs: Somebody...

[The scene returns to the interior of the freezer.]

Mr. Krabs and Squidward: Anybody, I don't care who!

[The two stop pounding on the door.]

SpongeBob: How do we get out?!

Mr. Krabs: Everybody calm down. I spent a lifetime working in this restaurant, and I know there's only one way out of here.

Patrick: A high school diploma?

Mr. Krabs: No, [The scene pans up to an air duct on the ceiling. It is right above the Krabby Patty Sculpture] the air duct. [A ladder falls on the side of the sculpture. Mr. Krabs walks up the ladder, goes to the air duct and takes off the cover. The scene changes to show the interior of an air duct. Mr. Krabs pops his walks in.] This way boys. [SpongeBob follows him. Squidward pops his head into the duct. Patrick, pops his head in too, but when he does, his head pushes Squidward up to the top of the duct. The scene shows the center of the duct system with ducts in every direction.] All we gotta to do is head through this duct.

Squidward: Which one? There must be 20 ways to go.

SpongeBob: Not to worry, Squidward. I have the entire map memorized.

[SpongeBob turns around and grunts. His holes mash together and makes the map.]

Mr. Krabs: [While SpongeBob is still grunting] Uh, hmm, uh...

SpongeBob: [Stressed] Hurry up, guys, this kind of hurts.

Mr. Krabs: Well, according to the map, we just go straight, take a right between these three moldy tree stumps, then head towards that kidney-bean shaped puddle of gravy.

Squidward: That's not the map, you old barnacle. Those are [The scene zooms into SpongeBob's back, showing the three "stumps" and the "pile of gravy."] three moles and a birthmark.

Mr. Krabs: Oh. All right, [Mr. Krabs turns around and points to one of the vents] then, let's try this one.

[The scene changes to an area that shows the exterior of several vents. A bulge in the closest vent appears. The screaming of Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward is heard.]

Squidward: [Off-Screen] It's this way.

[The bulge continues until it stops. The scream is heard again, but it is heard three times, each with an additional bulge to the vent.]

Patrick: Here it is.

[The bulge moves until it finds a vertical pipe, then falls quickly. The scene changes to show the interior of the vent. Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob, Squidward, and Patrick fall past the scene, screaming. The scene changes to show the exterior of the pipes, except the one that the four are in is not the exterior. The four go through a few curves until they land in a large vent room. They way that they land is, Mr. Krabs on the right, then SpongeBob on top of Squidward, and Patrick lying on his belly on the left. Next to Mr. Krabs there is a yellow wrapper that says, "Krabby Patty" in blue and has a Krabby Patty.]

Mr. Krabs: Hey, what's this? [Mr. Krabs picks it up and the scene zooms in to show the wrapper clearly.] It's an old Krabby Patty wrapper. [The scene returns to the one before.] Aah, that takes me back to the good old days.

[The scene returns to the wrapper and fades to show a black and white scene. The animation is in the style of 1950s cartoons. The scene shows baby SpongeBob in front of a TV.]

TV Narrator (1950s): Now a word from our sponsor.

[SpongeBob leans towards the TV and screams in happiness. The scene shifts to the TV.]

Female Singers: [As the letters appear] ♪ K-R-A-B-B-Y [The letters go up and down. The letters in the next part are not shown.] P-A-T-T-Y ♪

[A Krabby Patty falls on top of the letters.]

Male Singers: ♪ Bud dum dum dum dum ♪

[A bell rings]

Female Singers: ♪ Krabby Patty [The scene widens to show the Krabby Patty on a plate, which is being held by a young Mr. Krabs] give 'em a try ♪

[The scene changes to show SpongeBob's face]

Mr. Krabs: [Off-Screen] ♪ Come on down and... ♪

Mr. Krabs and the Female Singers: ♪ ...buy, buy, buy. ♪

[The scene changes to show a Krabby Patty]

Female Singers: ♪ Not just one or [The patty becomes smaller and a second patty appears] two or [The two patties become small and a third patty appears] three, but [The Krabby Patties spin left, getting smaller, and three more patties join them.] enough for the whole, [6 fish appear next to each patty.] family. ♪

[The scene changes to show a container of fries with "K K" on it, a Krabby Patty, and a soda container with "K K" on it.]

TV Narrator (1950s): [Off-Screen] Yes, folks, nine out of ten doctors recommend eating at least one Krabby Patty a day to maintain a healthy lifestyle and a youthful, positive attitude.

[The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs in a doctor's office, wearing a doctor outfit.]

Dr. Krabs: [As the scene pans in] I'm a doctor... as far as you know, and I believe Krabby Patties add years to your life. [The panning stops] So, what are you waiting for? Go out and get yourself a Krabby Patty. [The scene changes to show a sack with "K K" on it.] [Off-Screen] Or go out and buy a Sackful of Krabbies. [The scene changes to show a crate with "K K" on it. The crate is full of Krabby Patties.] Or better yet, go out and get yourself a case of the Krabbies. [The scene returns to "Dr. Krabs." He lifts up a Krabby Patty.] For your health.

[The scene changes to show SpongeBob. The scene changes to show "K."]

Female Singers: [As each letter goes on the screen individually] ♪ K-R-A-B-B-Y P-A-T-T-Y [The scene changes to show the Soda, Krabby Patty, and Fries from earlier.] Krabby Patty. ♪

[The scene changes to show SpongeBob walking to the Krusty Krab. The scene changes to show the order boat and an octopus that might be Squidward. He presses a button on the cash register and it opens. Six Krabby Patties appear. The scene changes to show a counter. SpongeBob pops his head above the counter. Margaret and Harold SquarePants run into the scene. The octopus comes into the scene with a plate of three Krabby Patties. SpongeBob starts grabbing for them. The octopus gives SpongeBob a Krabby Patty. SpongeBob eats the Patty and then hearts form in his eyes. The hearts get bigger and cover the screen. There is an old TV turning off and the flashback ends. Mr. Krabs sighs.]

Mr. Krabs: Back then, Krabby Patties only cost a dime. [Mr. Krabs gets angry and crumples up the wrapper.] It was a dark and [He throws the wrapper on the floor.] evil time. [Mr. Krabs' eyes are shown with a dime in each, where his pupils should be. He starts sweating.] I still have nightmares.

[Squidward sobs.]

Squidward: We'll never get out of here.

SpongeBob: Don't worry Squidward. We'll find a way out and then we'll have the best eleventy-seventh anniversary ever. All we have to do is stick together.

[The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob, Squidward, and Patrick in a short vent. They are all close together. They are crawling along. The scene then shows a close shot of Patrick and Squidward. Patrick does some shallow breathing. Squidward gets angry. Squidward turns his head.]

Squidward: Stop breathing on my neck. Yuck.

[Patrick holds his breath. He strains more and more until he cannot take it anymore. He breaths and spit gets all over Squidward's face. The group stops. The scene shifts to show a medium shot of the group.]

Mr. Krabs: Hey, I think [He points ahead] I see the exit.

[The scene changes to show a red metal room. A circular door is shown. It starts turning. Mr. Krabs enters the room. A wider shot of the room is shown. It shows 11 TVs, a chair, and a control panel. One of the screens shows Conch Street. One of the screens shows the exterior of Patrick's rock. One of the screens shows the exterior of Mr. Krabs' anchor. One of the screens shows the exterior of the Chum Bucket. One of the screens shows the exterior of the Krusty Krab. One of the screens shows the exterior of a Treedome. One of the screens shows part of a bathroom. One of the screens shows part of downtown Bikini Bottom. One of the screens shows a lady screaming inside of the Barg'N-Mart. One of the screens shows Mr. Krabs' office. One of the screens shows the Krusty Krab kitchen.]

Mr. Krabs: Ah, barnacles. It's just the Surveillance Room.

[Mr. Krabs walks inside. SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward enter.]

SpongeBob: Oh. My house is on TV.

Squidward: All of our houses are on TV.

[Mr. Krabs backs away until he is out of frame]

[A TV is shown. It shows SpongeBob's bedroom. Gary is jumping on SpongeBob's bed.]

Gary:(last words) Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow.

SpongeBob: [while Gary meows] Gary the Snail, you get down from that bed this instant.

Patrick: [pointing to another TV] Hey, there's my house.

[The screen shows the interior of Patrick's house. In it, there is a couch and a TV that has the Realistic Fish Head on it. The scene returns to the three.]

Squidward: You left your TV on.

Patrick: Well, duh. I don't want to miss my shows.

SpongeBob: [Pointing to a TV] Look, it's Sandy!

[The scene shows a TV that shows a land squirrel brushing her teeth in her bathroom.]

Squidward: Mr. Krabs, [He turns his head around] why do you have cameras watching us?

Mr. Krabs: Oh, uh... uh... uh... [He shrugs] I just want to make sure you all floss after every meal.

SpongeBob: Thank you, Mr. Krabs. Dental hygiene is very, very important.

Patrick: [pointing to a screen] Hey, who are those guys?

[The scene shows the back of the group looking at the screen of themselves. Mr. Krabs walks back into frame.]

SpongeBob: I think it's us, Patrick. [The four turn around] But, who are they?

[The screen shows a side view of the room. The four are shown on one side of the room and a cameraman and boom microphone operator are shown on the other.]

[The boom microphone operator drops the boom microphone. He then lifts the cameraman up a vent that is located above them. The cameraman then lifts up the boom microphone operator. They leave. The scene changes to show SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs in front of the TVs. The Krusty Krab TV that shows the exterior shows the crowd of fish outside.]

Crowd: [On TV] We want Krabby Patties!

[Mr. Krabs gasps.]

[While the crowd says, "We want Krabby Patties!"]

Mr.Krabs: Me customers are getting antsy.

[The Scene shows the outside of the Krusty Krab]

Crowd: ...Patties! We want Krabby Patties! [A line is shown, it then pans down to show that Plankton is between the fishes' legs] Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties! [Plankton sneaks past the line] We want Krabby Patties!

[Plankton makes it to an exterior air vent. He squeezes in. He then sneaks inside an air vent. He sneaks into a hole and falls in. He screams. He hits parts of vents. The scene changes to show another vent.]

Mr. Krabs: [Off-screen] We're [On screen with the rest of the group] getting warm. I can feel it.

SpongeBob: That might just be my hand, Mr. Krabs.

[The scene shows a fork in the vents. The scene returns to the four.]

Mr. Krabs: Hmm, a crossroads. [Mr. Krabs points to the right] I'll go this way, and SpongeBob, [He points to the left] you lead them down that way.

[Mr. Krabs enters the right path]

SpongeBob: Lead them? I can finally [He takes off his Krusty Krab hat and takes out a a Tyrolean hat and puts it on.] use my leader hat... [The scene shows SpongeBob wearing sock garters.] and my lederhosen.

Patrick: Nice.

Squidward: Those are just sock garters, you idiot.

SpongeBob: Follow me!

[The three start moving.]

Squidward: This is not happening. It's just not happening.

[Mr. Krabs is shown going down the right path. The other three are shown going down the left path. Their path ends with a dead end. They try to move forward, but start struggling.]

SpongeBob: Guys, its a dead end.

[The vent breaks and the three start screaming. They fall.]

[The scene changes to show Plankton falling through the pipes. He falls through another vent grate into a vent.]

Plankton: Thank Neptune that's over. [SpongeBob is heard screaming of screen]

[SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward fall through the top of the vent and land on Plankton] [Squidward and Patrick lift their heads up. Plankton manages to get out from under the three. He is dizzy. He recovers from being dizzy.]

Plankton: SpongeBob! Aggh! [Squidward, Patrick, and SpongeBob are shown. They are all sitting up. SpongeBob puts his work hat back on.] Why must you always ruin my plans?

SpongeBob: Plankton, [He lift Plankton up] you're trying to steal the Krabby Patty recipe again.

Plankton: Uh, I didn't, uh... Okay fine. You caught me. You happy now?

SpongeBob: You know, this reminds me of the time Mr. Krabs confided in me the Krabby Patty recipe. Oh, I don't want to bore you with my silly old stories.

Plankton: Oh, you couldn't possibly bore me.

SpongeBob: Well, okay. Mr. Krabs called me into his office.

[A flashback begins. Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob are shown in Mr. Krabs' office.]

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you've been working here for a while now, so I think I can trust you. It's time I told you.

[SpongeBob screams and gasps.]

SpongeBob: You mean?

[Mr. Krabs' lips are shown.]

Mr. Krabs: Yes. The Krabby Patty formular. Follow me, son. [Mr. Krabs puts his arm around SpongeBob and they start walking.] We need to go where no one will ever hear us. [They walk out of the Krusty Krab. They are shown leaving Bikini Bottom. They are shown going through a jungle. They are wearing safari explorer clothing. They are shown going a desert. They are wearing desert clothing. They are shown on the seas in a storm. They are wearing rain coats and hats. They are shown crossing a bridge in the mountains. They are shown climbing up a mountain. They are wearing winter clothing. They are shown walking up to flat land. They are tired and dirty.] Ugh. We finally made it. [Mr. Krabs pushes SpongeBob ahead quickly until they reach the back of the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs opens the door.] Quick, into me office before anyone sees us.

[The door closes. The flashback ends. Plankton is shown in SpongeBob's hand.]

Plankton: What? You went in a circle. Why didn't you just stay in the Krusty Krab?

SpongeBob: We wanted to make sure we weren't followed. Then, Mr. Krabs leaned close and whispered the recipe.

Plankton: Yes? Go on.

[The flashback resumes. Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob are shown in the Krusty Krab. They are cleaned up.]

Mr. Krabs: Now, remember, you can never tell another living soul.

Plankton: [Off-Screen] Wait! [The scene expands it shows Mr. Krabs in a thought bubble connected to SpongeBob. Plankton has a pen.] Wait! Hold on!

Mr. Krabs: [Holding on to the edge of the bubble] What's that?

Plankton: My pen is out of ink. [Plankton tries to get the pen to work. Eventually, it works.] Okay, okay, go ahead.

Mr. Krabs: Plankton. [He grabs Plankton.] You'll never have get me formula. [He squishes Plankton up like a ball.] Not even in a flashback.

[Mr. Krabs laughs and throws Plankton through another grate. Plankton falls through the pipes again. The scene returns to SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward. Mr. Krabs has joined the group.]

Squidward: SpongeBob, if you had never come to Bikini Bottom, this wouldn't be happening-

[Squidward realizes something and smiles.]

Mr. Krabs: Squidward, what's with the creepy smile?

Squidward: I was just [he chuckles] remembering the world before SpongeBob.

[He laughs a flashback begins. Squidward is shown sleeping in his bed. He wakes up, takes a deep breath, yawns, and stretches out his arm tentacles. He jumps out of bed. He opens the window. He takes out a watering can and waters a plot of land that is where SpongeBob's house should be. Flowers with faces pop out of the ground.]

Flowers: Morning, Squidward.

[Squidward is shown in his doorway. There is a rainbow above his house and scallops are floating around the rainbow. Squidward sniffs and then sighs contently. He skips out of his house. He then twirls. Presents fall around him. One part opens like a door and Squidward rides his recumbent bicycle. He rides until he hits a rock. He flies out of the bicycle. His helmet also falls off revealing Squidward's Krusty Krab hat. He hits the door to the Krusty Krab. The door opens. He walks to his station while getting his balance back. He passes a line of customers. He listens into the Kitchen and then looks in. A brown fish is shown.]

Squidward: Good morning, Not SpongeBob.

[Squidward lifts up Not SpongeBob and kisses him on the forehead. He runs to the front of his station. He puts his arm tentacles on the top of the cash register and sighs. SpongeBob's laughing his heard, which makes Squidward cringe. The scene changes to show the group in modern day. SpongeBob is laughing. SpongeBob grabs Squidward's head and pulls it next to his.]

SpongeBob: But, Squidward, you're glad I moved in. Remember that day? [A flashback begins. SpongeBob is shown with a fish named Patty Rechid. SpongeBob has his hand on his "chin." A shoe house is shown.] Uh-uh. [A castle in a fishbowl is shown.] Nah. [A toilet house is shown.] Ew.

[The scene moves upwards to the surface of the water. a boat is shown. The boat turns. The side of the boat is shown. A pineapple falls off the boat. It falls into the water. Patrick and Squidward's houses are shown next to a garden, where SpongeBob house should be. Squidward leaves his house and goes over to the garden. He takes a deep breath, sighs, and starts working. SpongeBob and Patty walk by. They are sad.]

Patty Rechid: Okay, well, that's every available house in Bikini Bottom.

[They look up to see the pineapple. Squidward stops working.]

Squidward: My secret garden is finally done.

[The pineapple falls on Squidward. He cuts out a hole so that he can leave. It is in the same place where SpongeBob's door should be. Squidward falls down.]

Patty Rechid: Oh yeah, I forgot about that one.

[The pineapple house is shown fully formed.]

SpongeBob: It's beautiful. [He gives Patty a large bag of money] I'll take it. [He walks forward. Patty is happy. Squidward gets up.] [As he is walking] Howdy, neighbor! [He stops walking.] I'm SpongeBob SquarePants. [He hugs Squidward.] And we're going to be bestest friends. [Patrick walks into the scene.] Hey, Patrick. Guess who just moved in right next door?

Patrick: Neighbor hug!

[Patrick hugs Squidward and SpongeBob. Squidward groans. The flashback ends to show the group, except Mr. Krabs, hugging. They are in a different part of the vent than before.]

Crowd: [Off-Screen] We want Krabby Patties! We Want [Mr. Krabs turns his head and gasps.] Krabby Patties!

Mr. Krabs: What's the sound?[Mr. Krabs looks through a hole in the ventilation wall. The scene shows a hole in the Krusty Krab with Mr. Krabs' eye behind it. He gasps.] Customers!

[The scene widens to show a large crowd of fish outside the Krusty Krab.] Crowd: We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties! We want to spend money!

Harold: What do we want?

Crowd: Krabby Patties!

Harold: Why do want them?

Crowd: To spend money!

[The scene returns to the vents. Mr. Krabs' pocket is bulging out.]

Mr. Krabs: Oh no. All that loose change out there [He takes out his wallet] is driving me wallet mad with money lost. [It barks and then pants.] Poor little guy's starving. [He then puts his wallet through the hole.] There you go, boy. You're free. Go towards the money boy. Towards the money!

[The wallet falls in front of the Krusty Krab doors. Dave walks by.]

Dave: Hey, a wallet! [He picks it up and opens it.] And there's 50 bucks in it. All right!

[Dave walks away, holding it in the air. The scene returns to the vents.] Mr. Krabs: Hey! Oh no! [He starts crying.] What am I going to do? [He stops crying.] We gotta get out of here. Now!

SpongeBob: Oh. If only Sandy were here. She could help us.

Patrick: Oh! Hey, maybe we can use this. [He goes into his pants a takes out a walkie talkie.] I borrowed it from Sandy's treedome. It might be our way outta here. Shh! Everybody quiet! [Shouts] Hey, Sandy, I got your radio! If you want it back, come and get it! She'll come.

[Patrick pats the walkie talkie.]

Squidward: Oh, give me that. [He takes the Walkie Talkie. He tunes it.] Sandy, come in, Sandy.

Voice: Sandy Cheeks here. [The scene changes to show the exterior of the Treedome.] So it was

[The scene changes to show the squirrel]

Sandy Cheeks:(first word) You who stole my other radio, Squidward!

[The scene returns to the vents.]

Squidward: What? No. I'm just-- I...

[Patrick screams.]

Patrick: Sandy's trapped in that box! [Patrick grabs the walkie talkie and throws it on the ground, breaking it.] Sandy?

[Squidward growls. SpongeBob sighs.]

SpongeBob: Remember the day Sandy and I got married?

[The other three gasp.]

Mr. Krabs: What?!

Squidward: No!

Patrick: I'm freaking out!

SpongeBob: Mm-hmm...

[A flashback starts.A female pufferfish named Mrs. Puff is shown playing the organ. Sandy is shown in a wedding dress. She starts to walk down the aisle. The scene changes to show SpongeBob at the end of the aisle with a wedding officiant. Patrick is near SpongeBob. One each side of the aisle there is a crowd of people, including Mr. Krabs and a whale named Pearl. Sandy finishes walking down the aisle.]

Wedding officiant: Friends, we have gathered here today to join these two hearts [The crowd is shown] in the bonds of love. [Plankton is shown. He looks up. The scene widens to shown Karen in her mobile form. She looks at Plankton. The scene returns to SpongeBob, Sandy and the wedding officiant] SpongeBob, do you take Sandy as your lawfully wedded wife?

SpongeBob: I do.

Wedding officiant: And Sandy, do you take SpongeBob as your lawfully wedded husband?

Sandy:(last word) And how!

[The wedding officiant walks away backwards. SpongeBob sprays breath spray into his mouth. He straightens his bow tie. SpongeBob and Sandy lean in and SpongeBob kisses Sandy's helmet. SpongeBob and Sandy look at the crowd. A light breaks and falls down, nearly hitting SpongeBob and Sandy. The scene shows the crowd. They are all angry.]

Frank (red shirt): Boo! You stink!

Mr. Krabs: Worst play I've ever seen. [The scene changes to shows part of the exterior of the Recreation Center. There is a sign that reads, "Tonight" and below that "The Marriage of SpongeBob" and below that there is an image of SpongeBob's head with a bow tie. The audience starts to leave.] And a total rip-off!

Fish: What has happened to the theater?

[The scene then shows a wide shot of the Recreation Center. There is a sign that reads, "Tonight Only The Marriage of SpongeBob"]

Another Fish: Lousy costumes.

[The scene returns to the interior. SpongeBob, Patrick, Sandy, and the wedding officiant remain.]

Wedding officiant: I didn't know this was a play.

Transcripts	Episodes
Season 1	Season 1
Season 2	Season 2
Season 3	Season 3
Season 4	Season 4
Season 5	Season 5
Season 6	Season 6
Season 7	Season 7
Season 8	Season 8
Season 9	Season 9
Season 10	Season 10
Season 11	Season 11
Season 12	Season 12
Season 13	Season 13
Season 14	Season 14
Season 15	Season 15