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Episode Transcript: New Digs
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Episode Article: New Digs
SpongeBob: Got to hurry, Gary. The sooner I get to bed, the sooner I'll get to sleep, and the sooner I get to sleep, the sooner I'll wake up, and the sooner I wake up, ooh ho-ho! The sooner I get to go to work at the best job in the whole wide world: The Krusty Krab! Now, to just put on these sleepy time blinders, before I run excitedly to bed. (trips over a treasure chest. Gary slithers past him and onto his newspaper. SpongeBob finally gets into bed) Well, good night, Gary.
SpongeBob: I'm just going to turn out the lights. (does so) Clickety poo. And close my eyes and go to sleep. (SpongeBob lays in bed awake while Gary is snoring) Just close my eyes and go to sleep. (grunts trying to close his eyes but can't) Maybe if I run around it'll tire me out. (runs around the room then jumps on the bed but breaks it) Oh, I just got to get some sleep! (stand on his head on the floor) There's only one thing for this. (cut to SpongeBob holding a glass of milk) Ah, that's the stuff. A glass of warm snail milk. (drinks it then throws the glass away. Cannot go to sleep yet) Ah, why isn't it working? (falls face first on the ground and goes to sleep. Gary crawls over him. Cut to morning when the clam being smacked by a guppy wakes everyone up. SpongeBob wakes up with drool all over his mouth) Whoa, Gary, what happened? (remembers what time it is and crashes through his front door with all his clothes on except for his left show, which is still in his home) Help, I'm late for work! (checks his pocket watch) Oh, my gosh, only twenty seconds to go! What the...? (sees the bridge ahead is out) Bridge out? (jumps over the gap and continues to run then gasps again after he sees a hopscotch board on the ground
where three girls are) Hopscotch! (plays a game of hopscotch perfectly. The three little girls cheer as SpongeBob continues to run) Almost there. (runs in the Krusty Krab and jumps at the time clock with his time slip in hand. The clock turns to 9:01) No!! I'm late. What's Mr. Krabs going to say? (Mr. Krabs is cleaning the door. SpongeBob runs into the kitchen) (thinking) Tardy Pants! You, sir, are a tardy pants! Wait till Mr. Krabs finds out. You better think of something to save your job.
Squidward: One Krabby Patty and Krabby Fries for table number four.
SpongeBob: Order up! (runs to the table) Here you go, sir. One Krabby Patty, Krabby Fries, and Krabby drink in three seconds flat. (smiles at Mr Krabs as he leaps into the kitchen. Customer spills her drink)
Squidward: Spill at table...
SpongeBob: I'm on it. (mopping spill) Nothing a dedicated, on-time employee can't handle. (mops the kids head) Kiddies get a free touch-up. (leaps into the kitchen) Ta-da! All done the job.
Mr. Krabs: Hey, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: (jumps at Mr. Krabs' feet) No! Please don't throw me out into the street. I am so sorry for what I did to you.
Mr. Krabs: What'd you do?
SpongeBob: I was a minute late for work.
Mr. Krabs: A minute late?
SpongeBob: A whole sixty seconds.
Mr. Krabs: Well, uh, don't do it again.
SpongeBob: No, no! You have to punish me.
Mr. Krabs: What? Okay, uh, then wipe down the salad bar.
SpongeBob: Aye aye, sir.
Mr. Krabs: (walks out of the Krusty Krab) And good night, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: I love it here, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sheesh.
Squidward: If you love it so much, why don't you just live here? (chuckling. Cut to SpongeBob straining to get his feet through a cardboard box he's going to sleep in. He gets his feet through the box and uses napkins as a blanket)
SpongeBob: Somethin's not right. What is it? Do I miss my own clock? Maybe it's my own bed. (snaps fingers) Oh, that's it. I'll make the Krusty Krab just like home. What do you say Gary? (Gary is a toilet paper roll with cucumbers for eyes. Cut to next day where Mr Krabs enters the Krusty Krab and sees SpongeBob sleeping in his bed in the dining area)
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob? What in Neptune's Navy is going on here?
SpongeBob: SpongeBob reporting for duty, sir.
Mr. Krabs: How long you been here?
SpongeBob: All night, sir.
Mr. Krabs: All night?
SpongeBob: That's right, I'm going to live here from now on, so I'll never ever be tardy pants again.
Mr. Krabs: Hold on! This ain't no hotel, son.
SpongeBob: (gets out a stack of cash from his pocket) Here's my first month's rent.
Mr. Krabs: rent? Okay. Well, let's get ready for the customers. Start scrubbing the grill...
SpongeBob: Already done, sir. (grill is spotless)
Mr. Krabs: Well, start cooking some Krabby Patties...
SpongeBob: Done. (a bunch of Krabby Patties are in the kitchen ready for serving. SpongeBob punches his time card) All that, before we even open up our doors, sir.
Mr. Krabs: Okay. Then get cleaned up. You're a mess.
SpongeBob: Eww, I guess I could use some freshening up. (ketchup and mustard stains are all over his clothes. Cut to Squidward putting a bucket of dishes on the conveyor belt but the dishwasher stops)
Squidward: Jammed again. (reaches inside to fix it but pokes SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: Ooh. Hi, Squidward.
Squidward: SpongeBob? What are you doing here?
SpongeBob: Oh, I live here now.
Squidward: In the dishwasher?
SpongeBob: No, at the Krusty Krab. Now, if you'll excuse me.
Squidward: SpongeBob living at the Krusty Krab? Wait a minute, if he's living here, that means he won't be living next to me. Oh. (imagines falling in a pile of flowers but it's really pots and pans. Mr. Krabs is seeing Squidward making an angel on the floor)
Mr. Krabs: Must be a full moon. (cut to closing time) Mr. Squidward?
Squidward: Just saying goodnight to SpongeBob tardy pants, Mr. Krabs. Sweet dreams, SpongeBob. You look much more comfier in here than in your old home next to me!.
SpongeBob: Won't you miss me living next door, Squidward?
Squidward: (laughing) No. Coming Eugene. (cheers as he walks out the Krusty Krab) Good night's sleep, here I come. (cut to next day where Squidward is talking to a customer) And when I went home at night, guess what?
Customer: He wasn't there?
Squidward: Right! And when I woke up in the morning...
Customer: Can I just get my change?
Squidward: (laughing) He still wasn't there.
Customer: Come on, man, my change.
Squidward: (grabs something out of the register) Here you go.
Customer: Yeah, thanks... (gasps) Oh, real funny, buddy. Two socks and a pair of tighty whities.
Squidward: Socks and... (gasps. socks and underwear are in the register instead of money) What the...? SpongeBob, why is your underwear in the cash register?
SpongeBob: Well, I had to put them somewhere and my underwear drawer is all filled up with Krabby Patties and the freezer is filled up with my iced snowflake collection. (blocks of snowflakes are in the freezer) So I put the cash from the cash register in the pickle jar.
Mr. Krabs: (laughs) Oh, lighten up, Squidward. 'Tis harmless tomfoolery.
SpongeBob: Do you want to know where the mustard is? (Gary is covered in mustard)
Squidward: Ah! Eww. (cut to later) Well, he may be twice as annoying at work, but it still beats having him as a neighbor. (sighs. A clothesline of underwear enter the dining area)
SpongeBob: (sings) Laundry song, la-la-la! Sing about your laundry all day long. La-la-la-la laundry song.
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you can't be hanging your delicates in me customer's faces. (customer sees underwear and stops chewing)
SpongeBob: Well, they don't see to mind. (customer takes down a pair of underwear and uses it as a napkin)
Mr. Krabs: Oh! I have a disgusting clientele. Who spend their money freely.
SpongeBob: (chuckles) Aye aye, captain.
Mr. Krabs: Because I'd hate for a certain living arrangement-- meaning yours-- to interfere with said money spending. (tries opening his office door but can't) What the barnacles? (opens the door slightly to see all of SpongeBob’s stuff in his office) SpongeBob! Why is your bed in me office?
SpongeBob: It was getting kind of crowded in the kitchen. (squeezes inside the office)So I moved in here.
Mr. Krabs: You can't stay in here. These are my private quarters, boy. The only play I can escape for solitude during the day.
SpongeBob: But I'll only be here at night. Please, Mr. Krabs, I won't get in your way. Please!
Mr. Krabs: Oh... Okay, but I'll have to raise your rent.
SpongeBob: Oh, thank you, Mr... (doorbell rings. SpongeBob gasps) My parents!
Mr. Krabs: Your parents?
SpongeBob: (opens up front doors) Mom! Dad! Come on in. (enters Mr. Krabs' office) And this is the guest room. Mom, Dad, Mr. Krabs.
Mrs. SquarePants: Oh, hello. (Mr. Krabs' eye twitches. In the dining area, customers are slipping on snail trail that Gary is leaving on the floor)
SpongeBob: Well, I'll let you two get settled.
Customer #2: Is this your snail?
SpongeBob: (gasps) Gary! Bad boy! No!
Customer #2: Put that thing on a leash.
Mr. Krabs: (holding golden clam-shaped soap containers in his hand) Squidward, who put these fancy smelling soaps in the restroom?
Squidward: The same person who knitted these napkin holders and embroidered the menu. (shows both items)
Mr. Krabs: (gasps) Argh. (walks to his office) That boy's taking the manliness out of me restaurant. Oh, he didn't. Floral print curtains in me office? That's it. That's the last straw! I'm not putting up with this any longer. (rips curtains down to reveal Mrs. SquarePants taking a shower)
Mrs. SquarePants: Oh!
Mr. Krabs: Oh, oh, I...I'm sorry. I didn't know... (walks backwards into Mr. SquarePants)
Mr. SquarePants: What's going on in here?!
Mr. Krabs: No, I... (thrown out of his office. Hears buzzing in the kitchen) What the...?
Patrick: (walks out of the kitchen) Thanks, SpongeBob. (points to his lower back) If I could reach it, I'd do it myself. (all the customers run out in disgust)
Mr. Krabs: Me customers! (cries...) Gone! Gone! Gone!! All they wanted... was to give me...their money. (strained cries...) SpongeBob! Pack your bags, boy. You're moving out. (SpongeBob is shaving in the kitchen. Meanwhile, Squidward is about to relax in his lawn chair when a moving truck drives up)
Squidward: What the...? SpongeBob, what are you doing here?
SpongeBob: Oh, Mr. Krabs kicked me out, so now we're neighbors again. Hey, my drums! (plays the drums frantically. Squidward yells. Cut to next day where Mr. Krabs opens up the Krusty Krab but, this time, all of Squidward's stuff is inside)
Mr. Krabs: Squidward!!!!