Episode Transcript: What Ever Happened to SpongeBob?

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The Battle of Bikini Bottom The Two Faces of Squidward

Episode Article: What Ever Happened to SpongeBob?

[edit] Characters

[edit] Dialogue

(episode begins with the "Patchy the Pirate Presents a SpongeBob SquarePants Special" opening. The episode proper starts at SpongeBob's house)

SpongeBob: (frantically jumps out of bed) Good morning, Gary! Good morning, Mister Mailman!

Mailman: Morning, SpongeBob. Ah, it is a good morning, isn't it? (crashes into a truck on his bicycle and flies across the sky, screaming)

SpongeBob: Isn't life great, Gary? Oh, what a beautiful day. I have the best friends...

Squidward: Ah, stay away! Oh, another SpongeBob nightmare.

SpongeBob: The best job...

Mr. Krabs: He's already 10 seconds late. I'm doubting he's not paying for this.

SpongeBob: And, of course, the best pet.

Gary: Meow. (SpongeBob squeezes Gary in a hug, which causes Gary's shell to break. SpongeBob runs out of his house)

SpongeBob: I'm sorry, I'm sorry! (runs into Patrick)

Patrick: Hi, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick! How goes it?

Patrick: Well, it was great until you showed up. (turns around and shows a cake splattered on his stomach)

SpongeBob: What's that?

Patrick: Oh, just a birthday cake for my mom... (angrily throws the squashed cake on the ground; annoyed) ...that I spent all day baking. (angrily goes back into his rock. SpongeBob looks on sadly. Briefly opens his rock again) Idiot Boy. (angrily shuts it again)

SpongeBob: Oh, that's the first time someone's called me that. Wait, I know who will enjoy my company. (SpongeBob goes to the door of Squidward's house and uses his feet to knock on the door)

SpongeBob: Squidward!

Squidward: (bursts out of the door; angrily) Don't you ever wake me up from my beauty sleep! Do you understand?! Idiot Boy! (angrily slams the door. Bubble-wipe to the Treedome, where Sandy has invented a robot)

Sandy: It's all done! My greatest invention yet! (the robot starts to dance)

SpongeBob: Sandy! What a neat robot! (trips on a log. Some of the water from his helmet goes onto Sandy's robot)

Sandy: No...!! (her robot blows up)

SpongeBob: Let me explain. You see... I was passing by the tree, and I thought it'd be funny if I gave you a surprise.

Sandy: (lividly) Oh, you gave me a surprise, alright. (angrily shows the destroyed robot) LOOK AT THE SURPRISE I GOT!!!!! GET OUT OF HERE, IDIOT BOY!! (furiously shoves SpongeBob out the door, angrily slamming it behind him)

SpongeBob: (sniffles) I guess that means there's only one place left to go. A place where I am wanted, wherever they like it or not! (Bubble-wipe to the Krusty Krab) SpongeBob WorkPants reporting for duty, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: Hurry up and get in there, boy! Patties need flipping.

SpongeBob: No worries, captain! (SpongeBob accidentally trips on some frying pans) Oops, well, all in a day's work. Now, back to doing what I do best! No way I can mess this up... (SpongeBob slides on a puddle of water and starts screaming)

Mr. Krabs: (playing with his dollars, laughing) Mr. Dollar, allow me to introduce you to Mrs. Dollar. (hears SpongeBob's screaming) What the barnacles is going on?

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! (slides and accidentally hits Mr Krabs. Mr. Krabs falls in the fryer and gets out immediately) Mr. Krabs, are you OK?

Mr. Krabs: I'm fine, as long as me money's OK. (SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs notice both dollars in the fryer)

Mr. Dollar: (to Mrs. Dollar) Although we know each other a short time, I want you to know... I love you. (both dollars disintegrate as they cry. SpongeBob laughs nervously)

Mr. Krabs: (angrily kicks out SpongeBob) If I were you, I'd get as far away from me as possible-- IDIOT BOY! (angrily shuts the doors. SpongeBob is shocked and alarmed)

SpongeBob: I guess that's it, then. If Mr. Krabs is calling me Idiot Boy, it must be true. I know what must be done. (SpongeBob starts crying, his blue tears creating a river that leads him to his house) I somehow managed to make everyone mad at me. At least you still like me, right, Gary? (Gary is putting a bandage on his back. He angrily hisses at SpongeBob. Sighs) I'll miss you too, buddy. There's a year's supply of snail food for you. (walks out of his house and turns around) Goodbye, pineapple. (the chimney blows SpongeBob up in the sky) Goodbye, Squidward. Goodbye, Patrick. Goodbye, Sandy. Goodbye, Bikini Bottom. Goodbye, life as I know it. (lands on the road next to the sign) Welcome to Bikini Bottom. Population 538. (crosses out the eight with a chalk and puts a seven next to it) Minus one. (leaves Bikini Bottom down the road) Idiot Boy! Idiot Boy! Idiot Boy! (bubble-wipe to that night) Idiot Boy! Idiot Boy! Idiot Boy! Idiot Boy! Idiot Boy! Idiot Boy! Idiot Boy! (he is scared by a bunch of very weird people. Runs for his life, but falls off a cliff) Whoa! (falls down the cliff upside down, causing him to boink his head on a bunch of rocks until he reaches the bottom of the cliff. Now he's got a long bump on his head) Oooh, boy, that's quite a lump. (deleted line) I better not hit my head again. That might cause a concession. (the things that SpongeBob packed hit him on the head, causing him to faint. Bubble-wipe to Patrick, who is knocking on SpongeBob's door and drinking a milkshake)

Sandy: Patrick, where's SpongeBob?

Patrick: I don't know. I've been knocking on his door for three hours. I need his hot sauce for my milkshake. (drinks his milkshake)

Sandy: We ain't got time for that. Hi-yah! (brushes through the door)

Gary: Mrloooow.

Sandy: Gary? Where are you, little guy? (searches for Gary)

Gary: Mrloooow.

Sandy: Gary? Gary? (bumps on some of Gary's snail slime on his bottom. Camera zooms out to reveal that Gary is now extremely huge and overweight)

Gary: Mrloow.

Sandy: Gary! What happened to you?

Gary: Mrlooooooowrooowroowrooow. (Sandy sees a note on Gary's food bowl)

Sandy: A note. (picks up the note and reads it) To whom it may concern: if you found this letter, that means Gary's food bowl is empty and that it needs to be refilled. It also means it's been approximately one year since I've split town, and no one's noticed 'til now. No one needs to worry, I won't bother anyone again. Sincerely, SpongeBob. A.K.A. Idiot Boy. (Patrick and Sandy look at each other sadly. Bubble-wipe to SpongeBob, who wakes up when he hears villagers)

Male Villager: I could use this.

Female Villager: Yeah, I like these here.

Male Villager: This is top quality.

SpongeBob: Hello there. (the villagers gasp) What's going on?

Male Villager: Oh, we thought you were taking a dirt nap, but we organized your clothes for you... SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: (looks behind, then turns around to the villagers) Are you talking to me?

Male Villager: Isn't this your name? (shows SpongeBob's nametag)

SpongeBob: I don't know, is it?

Male Villager: You don't know your name?

SpongeBob: All I know is that I hit my head on some rocks! Now I can't seem to remember anything. (the villagers wink at each other)

Male Villager: Err, well, then I'll remind you that these are not your clothes, and your name isn't SpongeBob, it's, umm... it's... CheeseHead BrownPants. Ha ha! That's it!

SpongeBob: CheeseHead, huh? (checks his pockets) Wait a minute, what's this? (shows a bubble bottle)

Male Villager: Bubbles?! (the villagers scream and run away)

SpongeBob: I wonder what got into them? (sees New Kelp City. Cut to a "BREAKING NEWS" slide)

Perch Perkins: We interrupt this program for an important announcement. (cut to Perch Perkins in Bikini Bottom, where a crowd of people are panicking) Bikini Bottom is literally in a state of total chaos tonight. (a muscular guy pushes Perch)

Muscular Guy: (yelling on screen) Literally!! (runs off)

Perch Perkins: (gets up weakly with a black eye) We go now to news scene chopper 7. What's up?

News Chopper: (we see Bob flying in a helicopter) Not looking too good out here, Perch. The Krusty Krab is about to come apart of the henges. Customers are in a rage over not getting their Krabby Patties.

Mr. Krabs: (running to Squidward) Squidward, where the barnacles is SpongeBob? This place is going down the toilet! Patties need flipping!

Squidward: If I knew, do you think I'd be standing here getting yelled at by a bunch of morons?

Mr. Krabs: Don't talk back to your superior officer, you... (both start arguing. Sandy comes in)

Sandy: Squidward! Mr. Krabs! Y'all seen SpongeBob?

Squidward: I think we just went through this...

Mr. Krabs: What he means to say is, no, we haven't.

Sandy: Well, apparently, he's left Bikini Bottom, and he ain't coming back. (hands Mr. Krabs the note)

Mr. Krabs: Let me see that. (begins to read) "To whom that may concern, if you found this letter, that means... (muttering) ...sincerely... AKA?" "AKA?" "Idiot Boy?" (horrified) "IDIOT BOY?!" It is SpongeBob! What am I gonna do without me fry cook?

Patrick: What am I gonna do without my best friend? I should never have been mean to you! (starts to cry)

Sandy: I should have never kicked you out of my house! (starts to cry. Her helmet fills up with blue tears)

Squidward: (sadly) If I knew that was the last time I've seen SpongeBob, I would have (happily) slammed the door in his face even harder!!!!! (starts laughing. Patrick and Sandy are very sad. Mr. Krabs pushes the customers out of the Krusty Krab)

Mr. Krabs: All right, all right, group meeting. Everybody out! The Krusty Krab's closed until further notice! (closes the doors) Now... (he and the others gather around) ...how do you propose we find me money-making employee? (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob in the streets of New Kelp City)

SpongeBob: Whoo, I live in a dump! (bumps into a green fish)

Fish: Hey, watch where your stepping!

SpongeBob: Sorry, sir, I was just-

Fish: I know what you was doing. You was doing the old "bump into the sucker and reach into his pockets and take his change" routine, but it ain't gonna work this time. You want money? Get a job, you deadbeat!

SpongeBob: I'm a jobless deadbeat? What a sad existence I don't remember I live. (fade to black. Fade back in on SpongeBob. His tummy is grumbling) Ooh, seems like I'm running on empty. (checks his pockets and sighs) Not a penny to my name. Well, I guess if I want to fill the hole in my gut, I'll need to fill a job somewhere. (checks a bank sign that reads "Help Wanted") Help wanted? (cut to inside the bank)

Help Wanted Lady: Well, Mr.... BrownPants... you seem to have left this entire application blank.

SpongeBob: (laughs) I can't remember a thing.

Help Wanted Lady: Well, do you have any special skills?

SpongeBob: Special skills... oh, I can do this! (blows a bubble)

Help Wanted Lady: (screams) Oh, what do you think you're doing?! (kicks out SpongeBob) Sorry, sir, but we run a respectable business here! (slams the door)

SpongeBob: Okay, I guess they don't want you blowing bubbles, unless it directly relates to the job at hand. (bubble-wipe to later. SpongeBob is hired as a builder) Thanks for the job, boss! You won't be disappointed.

Builder: That's real sweet, BrownPants, but I don't hear that hammer pounding.

SpongeBob: (pounding the hammer while flying on a bubble) Then this might be music to your ears.

Builder: (sees the bubble) Neptune's son, what are you doing? (gets down from the building) You aren't doing that on my building site! You're fired! (the bubble pops and SpongeBob falls down)

SpongeBob: I do not understand this. What is wrong with this city? Maybe it's not the city. Maybe it's me. (looks at a man) Hey, mister, Look at me! Mister, look at me! Is there something wrong with me? (we see a gruesome look on SpongeBob's face. The man screams and runs away. Bubble-wipe to the Krusty Krab)

Sandy: Listen up, y'all! I got a plan to bring back SpongeBob.

Mr. Krabs: You do?

Sandy: Yup, and it involves this. (shows a device known as the Sponge-Tracker) It'll track any sponge within a 50-mile radius.

Squidward: So you're saying this thing can actually find SpongeBob?

Sandy: You got it, SquidCakes, but it's gonna take all of us to find-- (Squidward smashes the Sponge-Tracker with a hammer)

Squidward: Oops, I dropped it. (Mr. Krabs is enraged. His nose rises and blows up like a balloon, then bursts)

Mr. Krabs: (shouting furiously) MR. SQUIDWARD! This device was me last chance to get this place back into ship shape. And since you destroyed it, I am ordering you to find SpongeBob!

Squidward: (laughs) I wouldn't seek out that twit for all the leotards of the sea.

Mr. Krabs: If you don't find him, you'll be out of a job forever.

Squidward: Ha! Is that your version of a threat?

Mr. Krabs: Oh, Squidward, don't forget your retirement gift.

Squidward: Mr. Krabs, I am not interested in any- (gasps) Is that a handcrafted jewel-encrusted ornamental egg? That'll complete my collection! Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: (pushes Squidward) Not so fast! Bring back me number one fry cook first. (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob, who is cold in the streets of New Kelp City. He goes to get warm near a fire)

Fish: Real drag, isn't it? Having to stand around the fire for warmth every night?

SpongeBob: Yeah.

Other Fish: Heh, not for us... (camera zooms out to reveal a store named Games We Play) ...we're just waiting in line for a new video game.

SpongeBob: I guess I am just a jobless deadbeat. (sighs) You guys mind if I bubble?

Fish: (frightened) You can't do that here!

SpongeBob: But... bubbles will steady the ol' nerves. Watch. (blows a bubble) See? Feeling better already. (citizens gasp)

Citizen: A bubble! (everyone who sees the bubble screams and runs away)

SpongeBob: What could possibly be wrong with practicing the bubble arts? Seems like a harmless activity. (laughs. Gets ready to blow another bubble when he is approached by a gang who are snapping their fingers. They grab SpongeBob)

Bubble Poppin' Boy: Do you have any... (the others continue snapping) I think we've made our point with the snapping! (they stop snapping) As I was saying... do you have any idea who we are?

SpongeBob: Um, wait... err, um... don't tell me, um...

Bubble Poppin' Boy: Don't answer. (laughs) I'll show ya. (turns around to show the back of his shirt, which reads "Bubble Poppin' Boys") We call us the Bubble Poppin' Boys. And article 1 of our charter prohibits bubble blowing on our turf. (pops the bubble. Its water gets in his eyes and he gets angry, showing his red eyes) You see why we don't allow bubbles in our city? Fortunately, we have ways of dealing with careless bubble blowers like you. Let's rough him up, boys! (the gang is ready to beat SpongeBob, but he runs away) Where'd he go? (sees SpongeBob run) After him! (SpongeBob tries to hide from the Bubble Poppin' Boys, but they surround him. SpongeBob blows four bubbles to make a stairway. One of the Bubble Poppin' Boys climbs up a street light. SpongeBob then blows a bubble raft and hops on it)

SpongeBob: Ah, I'll be making this getaway in comfort. (the Bubble Poppin' Boys try to shoot down the bubble raft with slingshots. Blows a bubble paddle and paddles away, but one of the slingshots pop the bubble raft and paddle, causing SpongeBob to fall. Lands on the street safely, but the bottle of bubble soap spills, and the bubble wand falls in the sewer. The Bubble Poppin' Boys are running towards SpongeBob, but he sticks his hand into the spilled bubble soap and blows a big bubble to trap the Bubble Poppin' Boys, causing them to float up and out of New Kelp City)

Man: You- you did it! (grunts and runs over to SpongeBob) Do you realize what you've done?

SpongeBob: No.

Man: You have freed the city. Citzens of New Kelp, come out of the shadows, 'cause CheeseBoy kicked the Bubble Poppin' gang right out of town! (all of the citizens of New Kelp City come out and blow bubbles)

All: Thank you, CheeseBoy!

Citizen #2: What an amazing gift CheeseBoy has given us.

SpongeBob: Actually, it's CheeseHead. (a car appears. Its horn honks as a window rolls down, and the mayor of New Kelp City appears)

Mayor: Well, CheeseHead, this is a historic day for New Kelp City. You have rid this city of the Bubble Poppin' Boys, and restored bubble-blowing to the streets. (laughs) Something I wasn't able to do for 20 years as mayor. For this, I appoint you... (puts his hat on SpongeBob's head) mayor of New Kelp City!

All: (lifting up SpongeBob) All hail mayor CheeseHead!! (SpongeBob smiles. Bubble-wipe to Patrick, Sandy and Squidward, who are still searching for SpongeBob)

Sandy: SpongeBob!

Patrick': SpongeBob!

Sandy: SpongeBob!

Patrick: (lifts up the road) Buddy? You there? (puts the road down)

Sandy: SpongeBob! (points at the truck stop) Maybe someone at that truck stop has seen our porous little buddy.

Patrick: SpongeBob! (they walk to the truck stop)

Sandy: There he is, guys!

Patrick: Huh? SpongeBob! (laughs and runs into Evelyn) Oh, I knew I'd find you, buddy! Look at you. You haven't changed a bit. Let's go home and eat a gallon of Seanut Butter.

Sandy: That's not SpongeBob, Patrick. There's SpongeBob. (Patrick drops Evelyn. She points to the newspaper carrier)

Patrick: (yells) I'll get ya out of this cage, buddy! (breaks the glass with a brick and hugs the newspaper) You're safe now in my arms. (notices that the picture of SpongeBob on the newspaper is gone) Huh? Where'd you go now? (cries)

Sandy: Uh, Pat? All the ink came off on your belly.

Patrick: Oh.

Sandy: Now let's see what that little critter's up to. (reads) New mayor of... (gasps) SpongeBob's mayor of New Kelp City! (bubble-wipe to New Kelp City, where SpongeBob is giving a speech)

SpongeBob: Citizens of New Kelp City, I can't say that I blame you, but I don't know much about politics or balanced budgets, but I do know this, while I am wearing the mayor's hat it will always be safe to blow bubbles on the streets of New Kelp, or my name isn't CheeseHead BrownPants!

Sandy: CheeseHead BrownPants?

Citizen #3: New Kelp City has brown-pants mania! (citizens rip their pants off, revealing square pants identical to SpongeBob's)

Sandy: Hang on a minute. I don't mean to put a damper on the mood here but Bikini Bottom needs you back, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: What's that?

Sandy: Well, I'm sorry I yelled at you, buddy.

SpongeBob: Oh, this is a surprise.

Sandy: Surprised I found you?

SpongeBob: No, surprised at seeing a talking weasel.

Sandy: It's me, Sandy. Don't pretend you don't remember me, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Sandy. But I'd probably remember an underwater, talking weasel.

Sandy: You may not remember the weasel but you haven't forgotten your best friend, have you?

SpongeBob: I have no idea how that got there. All I remember is hitting my head, blowing some bubbles and now, poof, I'm mayor.

Sandy: You must've lost your memory when you hit your head. You'll just have to come back with us to Bikini Bottom. The familiar surroundings will bring your memory right back.

SpongeBob: Uh, sorry, weasel girl, I can't leave. These people need my leadership.

Sandy: SpongeBob, wait! Don't just stand there, get in. (SpongeBob walks into a boat-like limousine. The driver's window rolls down, revealing that Squidward is driving the limo) Squidward?

Squidward: Hurry up! (Sandy and Patrick enter the limo) Decorative egg, here I come. (drives the limo out of New Kelp City. Bubble-wipe to later. The limo has arrived at the Krusty Krab) Here it is.

Sandy: You must recognize this place.

SpongeBob: Nope.

Mr. Krabs: Don't recognize the Krusty Krab? Stop your kidding, boy. And start frying up them patties.

SpongeBob: I was a fry cook before?

Mr. Krabs: Aye, the best in the business. Now get flipping.

SpongeBob: Look, guys, as much as I'd love to toil the days away flipping burgers I think I'll just go back to my modest job as mayor of a major city.

Squidward: Whoo-hoo-hoo, SpongeBob's leaving for real this time! Krabs, I brought back your number one fry cook, you gotta pay up.

Mr. Krabs: All right, Mr. Squidward, a deal's a deal. Here's your fancy egg.

Squidward: Ohh, it's BEAUTIFUL! (sobs with excitement and is admiring his egg until he slips on a greasy spatula, which sends the egg flying through the air) NO...! (when SpongeBob starts to leave the Krusty Krab, the egg shatters against the back of his head. Squidward is upset that his egg is destroyed, as a bump rises on SpongeBob's head)

Sandy: You okay, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: Yeah, just a bit of a headache, Sandy. Hey, I remember this place!

Sandy: SpongeBob's back!

Mr. Krabs: We're really sorry we ran you out of town, boy. But we're glad you're back.

SpongeBob: I'd really love to stay, but the people of New Kelp City need their mayor. Goodbye, everyone.

Mr. Krabs: Huh? What? Oh, not again.

Squidward: He's leaving again!

Perch Perkins: Stop what you're doing and don't go out that door. (television is shown with a "KNKC Special Report" card) This is a KNKC special report. Panic in the streets of New Kelp City as rampant bubbles bring visibility down to 0. The angry citizens here blame the apocalyptic scene on Mayor CheeseHead BrownPants and his newly-enacted bubble policy. (another muscular fish, looking almost identical to the one from below, pushes him off the screen)

Construction Fish: If I ever see Mayor Brown Pants again I'm gonna grab his little, yellow neck and literally rip his--! (screen changes to a card reading "We Are Experiencing Technical Difficulties. Share The Frustration.")

Mr. Krabs: Where's SpongeBob? (SpongeBob is in the Krusty Krab kitchen)

SpongeBob: (rings a bell) Order up! (hands a Krabby Patty on plate)

Mr. Krabs: Who wants to be a dumb old mayor when you're the best fry cook in town?

SpongeBob: And how could I ever leave behind my bestest friend?

Patrick: Krabby Patty! (eats the Krabby Patty) SpongeBob, another masterpiece.

Sandy: It's great to have you back, Spongy.

SpongeBob: Looks like I'm back in Bikini Bottom forever. (in the background cows are mooing. Squidward opens his head, removes his brain, and throws into the trash)

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