Episode Transcript: The Gift of Gum
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Episode Article: The Gift of Gum
(Patrick's rock opens up and a giant ball of pink gum rises up from the ground and Patrick is holding it)
Patrick: Best Friends Day. Best Friends Day. Best Friends Day. Best Friends Day. (giggling)
SpongeBob: Patrick! Happy Best Friend...whoa.
Patrick: This chewing gum is my most beloved possession, and I'm giving it to my bestest friend, on Best Friends Day.
SpongeBob: Patrick, I am truly honored and... (cries)
Patrick: What's wrong, buddy?
SpongeBob: You got me such an amazing gift, and all I got you was...that. (a robot comes out)
Robo 2.1: Greetings. I am Robo 2.1, your personal robot servant. I am proficient in providing over 250,000 creature comforts. Would you care for a pastry? (shoots a pastry into Patrick's mouth)
Patrick: Yum. Sweet, hot, and juicy. SpongeBob, this is a great gift.
SpongeBob: Well, thanks for your appreciation, Patrick, but it's no giant, old, used ball of gum.
Patrick: Aww, don't be so hard on yourself, SpongeBob. I love my gift. In fact, I'll go play with it right now. Come on, Robo.
Robo 2.1: Coming, Master Patrick.
Patrick: Oh, SpongeBob, you don't mind if I say good-bye to Gummy, do you?
SpongeBob: No, not at all.
Patrick: Thanks. Good-bye, Gummy. You be good to SpongeBob, you hear? (pokes his finger in the ball of gum and it squirts out water on Patrick) I love you, too, Gummy. (hugs it) Well, he's all yours.
SpongeBob: Oh, majestic and much masticated Gummy, although I am not worthy to be in your presence, may my humble abode please you. (struggles to push the giant ball of gum in his house. Breaks his arms in half in the process) Oh, you sure are a big boy, aren't you. Ooh. Hey, I know how to handle this. With a little karate. Hyah! (rolls the giant ball of gum into his pineapple. Crawls out using his legs) Ooh. Oh, Gummy, what a beautiful centerpiece you make. With your dirty sock and used toothbrush, flies, and moldy pizza. (has a zero coming out of his nose and almost barfs) Get ahold of yourself, SpongeBob. It's not so bad. After all, it is a gift from Patrick. (a pair of underwear come out of the gum and crawls onto SpongeBob)
Underwear: You're not Patrick. (SpongeBob screams and runs into another room)
SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Patrick, but your gift has got to go. (cut to SpongeBob taking the ball of gum out of the garage and holds it up) Good-bye, stinkball. See ya never. (throws it on top of his garbage can)
Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob, whatcha doing? (Robo is carrying Patrick on a mattress)
Robo 2.1: It appears that he is throwing Gummy away.
Patrick: What? Is that true?
SpongeBob: No way, Patrick.
Patrick: Well, how do you explain this? (points to Gummy on the garbage can)
SpongeBob: Well, you see, I liked Gummy and I decided to dress him up. (puts the garbage can top on Gummy) Isn't this a cute look?
Patrick: Hmmm. Bold yet understated. Brilliant idea, SpongeBob. Keep up the good work. Come on, Robo, let's find more belly button lint. (cut to SpongeBob digging a giant hole)
SpongeBob: (looks around) Okay, no sign of Patrick. Better make this fast. (drives a bulldozer) Get ready for your dirt nap, Gummy. (laughs then stops when he sees Patrick on the bulldozer)
Patrick: SpongeBob, what are you doing? I'm waiting.
SpongeBob: Uh... I was digging a hole so I could get a better view of Gummy because he is so attractive and... Allow me to demonstrate. (gets in hole) See, Patrick, the view is beautiful down here.
Patrick: Yeah, he does look rather dashing from this angle. Be that as it may, Gummy must be displayed properly and proudly. And I know just the place. (puts Gummy above SpongeBob’s door) Isn't he breathtaking? All right, SpongeBob, we got to go. I'm gonna learn how to use a fork. Right, Robo?
Robo 2.1: It will be my pleasure, master.
Patrick: By the way, your house looks a million times better. (the old sock falls from the giant ball of gum and onto SpongeBob’s nose)
SpongeBob: Thanks. (cut to later) Oh, what am I going to do, Gary? It's hideous.
SpongeBob: Wishful thinking, Gary. What burglar would want to steal that thing? (Looks at him and then Gary and cycles until he goes into his closet and stuff comes out. He comes out dressed as a burglar.) Shhh. (Gary zips his mouth and his eyes. Cut to night where SpongeBob sneaks around his house, looking back and forth at Patrick's rock to make sure he is not awake. He struggles to get into the ball of gum but does. A fish digs his way to where he is)
Fish: Who are you? Where did you come from?
SpongeBob: Uh, up there.
Fish: Oh, thank Neptune. Hey, guys, I found a way out. Come on! (manages to get out of the ball of gum) I'm free! I'm free! I'm sugar-free! (jumps off the gum as everyone else does the same) At last! (They all run off, soon to be reunited with their homes and families. SpongeBob gets out of the gum and tries pulling it off his house but gets launched back at the gum. Cut to the next day where Sandy is walking up to SpongeBob’s house)
Sandy: (steps in some gum) What in tarnation? (notices SpongeBob’s house covered in gum) Oh my gosh. SpongeBob? SpongeBob? (knocks on his door) SpongeBob, open up.
Sandy: SpongeBob? (gasps)
SpongeBob: Hi, Sandy. Looks like I got myself into a sticky situation. (chuckles nervously then sighs)
Sandy: Oh my gosh. How long you've been stuck there, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: All day.
Sandy: Well, your old pal, Sandy knows how to cut you down.
SpongeBob: No, wait, Sandy. The more you touch it, the angrier it gets.
Sandy: Oh, that's just crazy talk. Ho-yah! (karate chops it but gets stuck to it)
SpongeBob: Told ya. Save yourself, Sandy. Runaway before you end up like me!
Sandy: Oh, come on now, there's got to be a way. (sees a truck driving down the street) I've got an idea. (takes the gum and lassos it onto a truck. The truck slows down but the driver puts the pedal to the metal but it's still not going anywhere) Hang on tight, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Yeah, all righty.
Truck Driver: Come on, Old Blue. Don't you talk back to me. Do as your told. Do it! Do it! Do it! Come on girl, do it. Come on! (truck splits in half. The front half flies away. The back half hits Sandy and sends her back into the pile of gum, making it explode everywhere)
Squidward: What the...? Just let it go, Squidward. Let it go. Don't get involved, Squidward. (Squidward's house attaches itself to SpongeBob’s and Squidward is sent out his window and onto the sticky gum) Of course.
Sandy: I'm okay.
Patrick: What's this? SpongeBob, what have you done?
SpongeBob: Now, Patrick, I can explain.
Patrick: It's-it's...it's amazing. It's like a gummy wonderland. Whee! Wow, I wish I were having this much fun. I knew you'd love it.
SpongeBob: Patrick, I have something to tell you.
Robo 2.1: Would you care for a massage, Master?
Patrick: Enough already. Sheesh. So, you were saying something, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Uh, well, how can I put this?
Patrick: Aw, just come right out and... (Robo blows a fan at Patrick) Will you stop? Just stop. (Robo stops)
Squidward: Get on with it, SpongeBob.
Sandy: Wrap it up.
Patrick: Squidward? Sandy? Gee, everyone is having fun with my Gummy but me. I-I-I mean, your Gummy.
SpongeBob: Patrick, do you miss your Gummy?
SpongeBob: Well, it's still Best Friends Day. How would you like your Gummy back?
SpongeBob: It's yours, buddy. But first, you got to get us out of this.
Patrick: Oh, that's easy. (chews all the gum up, with lawnmower sounds) I told you it was easy. (tummy rumbles. He hiccups a giant ball of gum and it pops over the entire town and it explodes. Gum covers the four characters as their shapely figure) Wow! This is best Best Friends Day ever!
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