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Episode Transcript: Pineapple Fever
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Episode Article: Pineapple Fever
Characters
Dialogue
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick.
Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: All ready to go jellyfishing today?
Patrick: No. Just kidding! (SpongeBob laughs. Shows a net with two scoops)
SpongeBob: I see you even brought your double net.
Patrick: Yep. It's three times as fun.
SpongeBob: Um, Patrick? Don't you mean twice as fun?
Patrick: What is?
SpongeBob: Your-- never mind.
Patrick: Oh, SpongeBob, That reminds me. We should probably check the weather report before we go.
SpongeBob: Good idea. (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob's house where Patrick and SpongeBob are watching the weather report on television)
TV Reporter: And now the weather.
SpongeBob: Here we go.
Weatherman: Thank you, Phil. Today's weather forecast calls for... (a piece of paper is given) A horrible storm will ravage the Bikini Bottom area.
SpongeBob and Patrick: A horrible storm?
Weatherman: You heard me. Panic is not advised although it is recommended. Also, an advisory has been issued to avoid any and all jellyfishing if possible. (TV turns off. SpongeBob stands in front of his living room window with some boards in his hands)
SpongeBob: Patrick, help me get these boards nailed on.
Patrick: SpongeBob, this seems like a strange time to start decorating.
SpongeBob: Start dec -- you sir, do not recognize fine decorating when you see it. (goes up to his big bass on the wall to show an example)
Patrick: Hmm....
SpongeBob: Admire it later, Patrick. Right now, we got to convert my house into a shelter capable to withstand extreme weather.
Patrick: You can say that again.
SpongeBob: Actually, I can't.
Patrick: Why not?
SpongeBob: Because I just stepped on one of these nails. (shoe is shown with a nail sticking out. Cut to Squidward's house humming and tweezing his eyebrows)
Squidward: Got ya. Now just one quick flick of the wrist, and... (cut back to SpongeBob's house where Patrick angrily nails a hammer causing a racket at Squidward's. Falls and bumps his head on his toilet, and it looks like his eyebrows are bleeding, but it's not, because his skin is off his eyebrow. Gets angry. Back at SpongeBob's house, SpongeBob and Patrick are hammering the pineapple's door)
Patrick: Violin.
SpongeBob: Whoo! Nice work buddy. Now my house can withstand anything nature has to throw at us. (Squidward angrily knocks down SpongeBob's door)
Patrick: I guess Squidward's not part of nature.
SpongeBob: Squidward! Did you come to weather out the storm with us?
Squidward: No! I-- what storm?
SpongeBob: The one Phil Preflemuster told us about.
Squidward: Who's that?
Patrick: He's the weatherman on the news channel. He said--
Squidward: I can't understand a word you're saying.
SpongeBob: C'mon Squidward, it'll be fun! While the elements rage outside, we'll snuggle in here and pass the time by playing board games, and playing tic-tac-toe, and drinkin' hot cocoa, and playing tic-tac-toe, and doing jigsaw puzzles, and watchin' TV, and playin' board games, and drinkin' hot cocoa, and doing jigsaw puzzles, and playin' board games, and drinkin' hot teeeeea-
Patrick: I THOUGHT IT WAS COCOA!
SpongeBob: Oh, yeah. Hot cocoooooooa, we'll be drinking.
Patrick: That's better.
Squidward: Well, I think I'll pass.
SpongeBob: Even if I let you borrow my huggly snuggly bunny slippers?
Squidward: Hmm, I'll have to think about that.
SpongeBob: OK, but you better think fast. Because Partick really likes-- (Squidward starts to leave when a bolt of lightning strikes. Squidward comes back burnt from the lightning strike) Squidward, welcome back! Here's your slippers. (another bolt of lightning strikes, and now candles are lit) That's better.
Squidward: What's better about it? I liked it better before, when I could see.
SpongeBob: Squidward, the lights went out
Squidward: Yes, they did, when you turned them off. (Patrick spits out his cocoa.)
Patrick: SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Patrick! What is it?
Patrick: I never realized how delicious your hot cocoa is.
SpongeBob: Thank you, Patrick.
Squidward: Oh, boy. How about some of those games you promised? (another bolt of lightning strikes. The lightning causes impact on the pineapple's leaves. SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward get ready to play tic-tac-toe)
SpongeBob: Okay, boys let's roll to see who goes first.
Squidward: This is tic-tac-toe. You don't roll to see who goes first.
Patrick: He's right. You play rock, paper, scissors for it.
SpongeBob: Oh yeah. (cut to the exterior of the pineapple. Back inside, Patrick holds up a "paper" hand, Squidward also holds up a "paper" hand, and SpongeBob holds up a "paper" hand)
Patrick: One.
SpongeBob: Two.
Squidward: Three. (they each have "paper" hands)
SpongeBob: Oh, it's a tie.
Patrick: Darn it!
All: One, two, three.
Patrick: Darn it! I'll get you next time.
Squidward: One, two, three.
SpongeBob: Tie.
Patrick: Darn it!
Squidward: One, two --
SpongeBob: Tie.
Patrick: Darn it!
(cut to outside the pineapple. Back inside, Squidward has a tic-tac-toe board already made crossed off the X's)
Squidward: There, I win. See? (SpongeBob and Patrick are thinking. The clothes that Patrick is wearing is a bow, and SpongeBob is wearing a visor with reading glasses)
Patrick: I'm not seeing anything here.
SpongeBob: Yeah it looks like a lot of junk.
Squidward: What do you mean, you're not seeing anything? That's three in a row. Tic-tac-toe!
Patrick: Easy, friend.
SpongeBob: Yeah, relax, Squidward. We're just having fun. (takes out a rulebook for tic-tac-toe.and flips through pages) Oh, okay, yeah, okay. Here we go. Congratulations, Squidward.
Patrick: Well played. (they clap. Squidward looks as if he's about to cry. Cut to outside the pineapple)
SpongeBob: Come on, Patrick. You can do it. (Patrick groans) Be the puzzle piece.
Patrick: Cannot complete jigsaw puzzle! Difficulty level too advanced. Rate of brain activity increasing aging process by 30 years per second. (ages rapidly)
SpongeBob: Come on, Grandpa, you can do it. You got a few years left in you.
Patrick: Eh?
SpongeBob: Go, Patrick, go! Go, Patrick, Go! Go, Patrick, go! (Squidward wakes up from a nap) Go, Patrick!
Squidward: I told you creatures I was trying to take a nap over here. Now for the last time can't you just-
SpongeBob: Hang on, Squidward. Patrick was just about to figure out where this last piece of the puzzle goes. WEREN'T YOU, PATRICK?!
Patrick: Who's the green guy?
Squidward: It's the last piece of the puzzle! There's only one place it can go. Right here! (points to an empty part of the puzzle)
SpongeBob: (gasps) Squidward! It wasn't your turn. That's cheating.
Squidward: (fuming badly) Cheating?! It's a jigsaw puzzle! You can't cheat!
SpongeBob: Oh, it's OK, Squidward. We'll just start over. (jumbles the pieces. Squidward mumbles)
Squidward: I've got to get out of here! (another lightning bolt strikes Squidward. Comes back burnt again)
SpongeBob: oh, welcome back, Squidward. We Were about to figure out where the first piece of the puzzle goes. Oh, maybe Squidward can help us.
Squidward: No, he can't.
SpongeBob: Please, Squidward?
Squidward: No way.
SpongeBob: Please.
Squidward: I have an even better idea.
SpongeBob: What is it?
Patrick: Tell us.
Both: Tell us! Tell us! Tell us! Tell us!
Squidward: Shh. Quiet time. It's a game called "Boundaries".
Patrick: Ooh-ooh!
Squidward: Yes, Patrick?
Patrick: Will there be any spelling in that game?
Squdward: Oh, no, no spelling.
Patrick: Yes!
Squidward: It's very simple. The object of the game is to see how long everyone leaves Squidward alone until the storm passes. He will stay inside boundaries he will define by chalk lines on the floor.
SpongeBob: I have a question.
Squidward: What?
SpongeBob: Where are we going to get the chalk?
Squidward: The chalk? I brought some! (another flash of lightning. An organ plays an ominous tune as Squidward goes up to SpongeBob's room. Draws the chalk line at the top of the stairs. Tosses the chalk to SpongeBob and Patrick. Slams SpongeBob's bedroom door) Brilliant work, as usual, Squidward. Now all I have to do is sit here until this storm passes over. (stomach starts growling) Wait a minute. I'm starving. SpongeBob's got to have some snacks around here. Ah, Jackpot. (starts eating snail food)
Gary: Meow.
Squidward: I bet you wish I had some of this -- Snail food? (spits the food out) I've got to get some real food. (SpongeBob is now dressed as a security guard)
SpongeBob: HALT! Nobody's to cross this boundary.
Squidward: I'm the one who drew the line. You're not supposed to cross.
SpongeBob: If you're the one who drew it, let me see some identification papers.
Squidward: Fine. But when this storm blows over, you'll regret this, mister. What the-- what? I don't have them. they must be in my other pants. Look, if you just let me cross, I can go get them.
SpongeBob: You may be telling the truth.
Squidward: Oh, thank you. I'm just so hungry.
SpongeBob: But then again, you may not. Come with me. We shall find out the truth.
Squidward: That'll be the day. (runs downstairs. SpongeBob blows his whistle. Squidward makes it towards the kitchen, and near SpongeBob's refrigerator)
SpongeBob: Stop that cephalopod! (jumps out of his security guard costume leaving on his underwear, and jumps on Squidward's back)
Squidward: Please. I just want to get onto the other side of my boundary.
SpongeBob: This, I cannot allow. It's against the rules.
Squidward: But all I wanted was something to eat.
Patrick: Did somebody say something to eat? (SpongeBob and Squidward run into Patrick, leaving food everywhere)
Squidward: My food!
SpongeBob: Your food?
Patrick: Hey, I want some too. (they run around in circles screaming)
Squidward: Is this what we've really come to? is one little storm all it takes to turn us all into complete animals?
SpongeBob: Apparently so. Well, that and a refrigerator full of food anyways.
Squidward: Did you guys hear that?
SpongeBob: It's just Patrick gnawing on his can.
Squidward: No, not that. I mean from outside.
SpongeBob: I don't hear anything.
Squidward: The storm must've stopped.
SpongeBob: Squidward, wait!
Squidward: (rips door off) So long, suckers! (runs off but then falls from the house. The pineapple is now at the top of a tornado) Curse you, Preflemuster.
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