Episode Transcript: Slimy Dancing

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Episode Article: [[Slimy Dancing]]
+
Episode Article: [[Slimy Dancing (Episode)|Slimy Dancing]]
  
 
==Characters==
 
==Characters==
*[[SpongeBob]]
+
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
*[[Patrick]]
+
*[[Patrick Star|Patrick]]
*[[Squidward]]
+
*[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]]
 
*Contestants
 
*Contestants
 
*Judges
 
*Judges
Line 19: Line 19:
  
 
==Dialogue==
 
==Dialogue==
 +
(Squidward is putting the finishing touches on a trophy case)
  
(Squidward is putting the finishing touches on a trophy case)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Well, Squidward, ol' boy, all that's left is to go win that dancing trophy and give it a home. After all, nobody ever worked harder to get it than you. (flashback to him dancing with some other fish) All those years of training with the masters. Your tireless effort to keep your instrument supple. (flashback to him getting his legs twisted and stretched) Not to mention your weekly thigh waxing. (pulls some hair off his leg) And now, it's time to go get it. So, let's do it. Whoo...! (runs out of his house and into a bar of bamboo)
  
Squidward: Well, Squidward, ol' boy, all that's left is to go win that dancing trophy and give it a home. After all, nobody ever worked harder to get it than you. (flashback to him dancing with some other fish) All those years of training with the masters. Your tireless effort to keep your instrument supple. (flashback to him getting his legs twisted and stretched) Not to mention your weekly thigh waxing. (pulls some hair off his leg) And now, it's time to go get it. So, let's do it. Whoo...! (runs out of his house and into a bar of bamboo)<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk. Want to give me a ruling, SpongeBob?
  
Patrick: Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk. Want to give me a ruling, SpongeBob?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Sorry, Squidward, you got to go lower to win.
  
SpongeBob: Sorry, Squidward, you got to go lower to win.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': What? What are you two doing?
  
Squidward: What? What are you two doing?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': We're limbo dancing to get ready for the Dance-A-Thon auditions.
  
SpongeBob: We're limbo dancing to get ready for the dance-a-ton auditions.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': We're gonna win the trophy.
  
Patrick: We're gonna win the trophy.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Ha. The two of you? Don't make me laugh. Come here... see that? That's where the trophy's going. (shows them the trophy case)
  
Squidward: Ha. The two of you? Don't make me laugh. Come here... see that? That's where the trophy's going. (shows them the
+
'''SpongeBob''': You built us a trophy case for when we win? (both hug Squidward) Oh, you are a true friend.
trophy case)<br>
+
  
SpongeBob: You built us a trophy case for when we win? (both hug Squidward) Oh, you are a true friend.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': No, you twits. I built that trophy case for ''me'' when ''I'' win. I'm going to ace the tryouts today and then I'm going to the finals tomorrow and win the trophy. I am going forth to meet my destiny. Good-bye. (runs out but runs into the limbo bar again)
  
Squidward: no, you twits. I built that trophy case for me when I win. I'm going to ace the tryouts today and then I'm going
+
'''Patrick''': Ruling, SpongeBob?
to the finals tomorrow and win the trophy. I am going forth to meet my destiny. Good-bye. (runs out but runs into the limbo
+
bar again)<br>
+
  
Patrick: Ruling, Spongebob?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': I think we better raise the bar. (bubble-wipe to the tryouts where Squidward sits down on the bench)
  
SpongeBob: I think we better raise the bar. (cut to the tryouts where Squidward sits down on the bench)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob & Patrick''': Hiya, Squidward.
  
SpongeBob & Patrick: Hiya, Squidward.
+
'''Squidward''': Oh, great. The flying Gyvonne Brothers. Just ignore them, Squidward.
  
Squidward: Oh, great. The flying Gyvonne Brothers. Just ignore them, Squidward.<br>
+
'''Female''': (over loudspeaker) Contestants 51 and 52 to the stage, please.
  
Female: (over loudspeaker) Contestants 51 and 52 to the stage, please.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': We're up, Patrick. Wish us luck, Squidward.
  
SpongeBob: We're up, Patrick. Wish us luck, Squidward.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Do I know you?
  
Squidward: Do I know you?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': (laughs) You kidder. Let's go, Patrick.
  
SpongeBob: (laughs) You kidder. Let's go, Patrick.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Poor boobs, they don't stand a chance. (laughs)
  
Squidward: Poor boobs, they don't stand a chance. (laughs)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Well, see you at the finals tomorrow, Squidward.
  
SpongeBob: Well, see you at the finals tomorrow, Squidward.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': You actually got in?
  
 +
'''SpongeBob''': Yep.
  
Squidward: You actually got in?<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Humph, if those two nitwits made it then I'm a shoe-in.
  
SpongeBob: Yep.<br>
+
'''Female''': (over loudspeaker) Contestant 53 to the stage, please.
  
Squidward: Humph, if those two nitwits made it then I'm a shoo-in.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Look out, dancing world, here comes your future. Music, please. (dances)
  
Female: (over loudspeaker) Contestant 53 to the stage, please.<br>
+
'''Judge''': Next.
  
Squidward: Look out, dancing world, here comes your future. Music, please. (dances)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Excuse me?
  
Judge: Next.<br>
+
'''Judge''': You're done. You know, next contestant. You didn't make the cut, sorry, Mac.
  
Squidward: Excuse me?<br>
+
'''Squidward''': But, but, but, but, you don't understand. I already build a trophy case with the cutest little plaque. If I could just touch it... (grabs the trophy)
  
Judge: You're done. You know, next contestant. You didn't make the cut, sorry, Mac.<br>
+
'''Judge''': Hey!
  
Squidward: But, but, but, but, you don't understand. I already build a trophy case with the cutest little plaque. If I could just touch it... (grabs the trophy)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': But I, hey... (guards kick Squidward out of the building) Unhand me, you brutes. Ah! (bubble-wipe to Squidward crying while walking back into his house and walking into a limbo bar again)
  
Judge: Hey!<br>
+
'''Patrick''': SpongeBob?
  
Squidward: But I, hey... (guards punch Squidward out of the building) Unhand me, you brutes. Ah! (cut to Squidward crying
+
'''SpongeBob''': You're just not getting into the spirit of this thing, Squidward.
into his house and walking into a limbo bar again)<br>
+
  
Patrick: SpongeBob?<br>
+
'''Squidward''': D'oh, help me up.
  
SpongeBob: You're just not getting into the spirit of this thing, Squidward.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': How'd the audition go, Squidward?
  
Squidward: Doh, help me up.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': The audition? My trophy? (cries) I mean, uh, uh, yeah, the audition. (chuckles) Evidently, I'm such a great dancer that I've been banned from the competition for life.
  
SpongeBob: How'd the audition go, Squidward?<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Whoa.
  
Squidward: The audition? My trophy? (cries) I mean, uh, uh, yeah, the audition. (chuckles) Evidently, I'm such a great
+
'''SpongeBob''': Impressive. (gasps) Hey, Squidward, would you be our coach for the finals?
dancer that I've been banned from the competition for life.<br>
+
  
Patrick: Whoa.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': What? I've got better thinks to do than help you two dopes.
  
SpongeBob: Impressive. (gasps) Hey, Squidward, would you be our coach for the finals?<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Like polishing your empty trophy case?
  
Squidward: What? I've got better thinks to do than help you two dopes.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Fine. But I keep the trophy when we win, deal?
  
Patrick: Like polishing your empty trophy case?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob & Patrick''': Deal.
  
Squidward: Fine. But I keep the trophy when we win, deal?<br>
+
'''Squidward''': OK. Show me what you got, Patrick.
  
SpongeBob & Patrick: Deal.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Okay, here I go. Watch me now. (goes under the limbo stick but gets a cramp before going all the way through) Cramp! (screams and rolls around. Squidward opens the door and Patrick rolls outside)
  
Squidward: Ok. Show me what you got, Patrick.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Well, I guess that just leaves you, SpongeBob. Show me your stuff. Ready, and... (turns on some music. SpongeBob wiggles his arms and legs all around the room, laughing. Squidward grabs his arms) Having fun?
  
Patrick: Ok, here I go. Watch me now. (goes under the limbo stick but gets a cramp before going all the way through) Cramp! (screams and rolls around. Squidward opens the door and Patrick rolls outside)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Yes, yes I am.
  
Squidward: Well, I guess that just leaves you, SpongeBob. Show me your stuff. Ready, and... (turns on some music. SpongeBob  
+
'''Squidward''': SpongeBob, dancing isn't supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be art, '''''AND ART IS SUFFERING!!!!''''' Now, we'll start with some ballet. Watch my feet and follow my lead. Ready, and plie. (SpongeBob and Squidward bend their knees) Releve. (they twirl around on their toes) And now grand jete. (Squidward slips on the limbo stick) Where am I? See if I can find the lights. (turns on the light and sees a giant SpongeBob face. Squidward's head is stuck inside SpongeBob’s body. The two start screaming) Wait a minute. (feels around) This gives me an idea. (Squidward's body is now inside SpongeBob’s) Ready, SpongeBob? A one and a two, and plie. Releve. Grand jete. (a close look at SpongeBob's legs, his socks, and his shoes dancing Squidward's moves is shown. SpongeBob’s legs get tangled in a knot) No, no, no. This will never work. You've got two left feet.
laughs and wiggles his arms and legs all around the room. Squidward grabs his arms) Having fun?<br>
+
  
SpongeBob: Yes, yes I am.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': How'd you know?
  
Squidward: SpongeBob, dancing isn't supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be art and art is suffering! Now, we'll start with
+
'''Squidward''': Gimme those. (takes SpongeBob’s legs and puts his own legs through SpongeBob’s pants) That's better. OK, let's go. SpongeBob, what are you doing? (SpongeBob’s arms are in the air wiggling) Why are you moving your arms like that?
some ballet. Watch my feet and follow my lead. Ready, and ply. (SpongeBob and Squidward bend their knees) Relive. (twirl around on their toes) And now grand jet. (Squidward slips on the limbo stick) Where am I? See if I can find the lights.
+
(turns on the light and sees a giant SpongeBob face. Squidward's head is stuck inside SpongeBob’s body) Wait a minute.  
+
(feels around) This gives me an idea. (Squidward's body is now inside SpongeBob’s) Ready, SpongeBob? A one and a two, and ply. Relive. Grand jet. (SpongeBob’s legs get tangled in a knot) No, no, no. This will never work. You've got two left
+
feet.<br>
+
  
SpongeBob: How'd you know?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': (laughs) I guess they're happy.
  
Squidward: Gimme those. (takes SpongeBob’s legs and puts his own legs through SpongeBob’s pants) That's better. Ok, let's
+
'''Squidward''': Grr... hand 'em over. (SpongeBob hands Squidward one of his arms) And the other one, come on. (Squidward breaks off the other one, then uses his arms as SpongeBob’s) Ah, now that's more like it.
go. SpongeBob, what are you doing? (SpongeBob’s arms are in the air wiggling) Why are you moving your arms like that?<br>
+
  
SpongeBob: (laughs) I guess they're happy.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Gee, Squidward, with your arms and legs doing all the work, I'm not really doing anything. I think I should help.
  
Squidward: Argh, hand 'em over. (SpongeBob hands Squidward one of his arms) And the other one, come on. (Squidward breaks
+
'''Squidward''': Are you questioning my leadership?
off the other one then uses his arms as SpongeBob’s) Ah, now that's more like it.<br>
+
  
SpongeBob: Gee, Squidward, with your arms and legs doing all the work, I'm not really doing anything. I think I should
+
'''SpongeBob''': Well, I just...
help.<br>
+
  
Squidward: Are you questioning my leadership.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': OK, hand it over. (SpongeBob hands his mouth to Squidward)
  
SpongeBob: Well, I just...<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': You know what, Squidward?
  
Squidward: Ok, hand it over. (SpongeBob hands his mouth to Squidward)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': What?
  
SpongeBob: You know what, Squidward?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': I think I'm suffering for my art now. (bubble-wipe to the dance recital where a fish is already dancing) Good gravy. Get a load of the talent here.
  
Squidward: What's that?<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Oh, please. Just wait until you see my brilliant moves. (the fish who is dancing falls on his face. The crowd gasps as the judges give him a total score of 5. The next dancer is a whale balancing a ball on its head. The judges' total score is 23.5. The next dancer is a giant sea horse. Then a dancer who can balance coins on his arms while jumping up and
 +
down. The judges score him a 29.5)
  
SpongeBob: I think I'm suffering for my art now. (cut to the dance recital where a fish is already dancing) Good gravy. Get
+
'''SpongeBob''': Oh, my goodness. I am honored to be in the presence of such divine talent. (he bows)
a load of the talent here.<br>
+
  
Squidward: Oh, please. Just wait until you see my brilliant moves. (the fish who is dancing falls on his face. The crowd
+
'''Squidward''': Quit groveling. Where is your dignity? (his arm pulls SpongeBob up, then slaps him) These losers are here to worship us-- I mean ''me''. By the end of the night I'll have them on their knees just begging for more.
gasps as the judges give him a total score of 5. The next dancer is a whale balancing a ball on its head. The judges total
+
score is 23.5. The next dancer is a giant sea horse. Then a dancer who can balance coins on his arms while jumping up and
+
down. The judges score him a 29.5.)<br>
+
  
SpongeBob: Oh my goodness. I am honored to be in the presence of such divine talent.<br>
+
'''Female''': (over loudspeaker) Now that's what I like to call a hard act to follow. Next up, we have SpongeBob SquarePants.
  
Squidward: Quit groveling. Where is your dignity? These losers are here to worship us. I mean me. By the end of the night
+
'''Fish''': Oh, man. I can't wait. I am so stoked on dancing right now.
I'll have them on their knees just begging for more.<br>
+
  
Female: (over loudspeaker) Now that's what I like to call a hard act to follow. Next up, we have SpongeBob SquarePants.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Now, before I begin, let me just thank you all for coming out tonight. (Squidward grabs SpongeBob’s mouth)
  
Fish: Oh, man. I can't wait. I am so stoked on dancing right now.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Will you stop it? And let my dancing do the talking. (dances)
  
SpongeBob: Now, before I begin, let me just thank you all for coming out tonight. (Squidward grabs SpongeBob’s mouth)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Wow, Squidward, the crowd's gone silent.
  
Squidward: Will you stop it? And let my dancing do the talking.<br> (dances)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Of course they have. They are in the presence of a true artiste.
  
SpongeBob: Wow, Squidward, the crowd's gone silent.<br>
+
'''Fish''': What's he doing?
  
Squidward: Of course they have. They are in the presence of a true artiste.<br>
+
'''Fish #2''': Is he hurt?
  
Fish: What's he doing?<br>
+
'''Fish #3''': I don't know man, but it's hurting my eyes.
Fish #2: Is he hurt?<br>
+
  
Fish #3: I don't know man, but it's hurting my eyes.<br>
+
'''Fish #4''': I think I'm gonna be sick. (throws up)
  
Fish #4: I think I'm gonna be sick. (throws up)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Uh, Squidward?
  
SpongeBob: Uh, Squidward?<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Ha. If they think that's good, wait till they see... (gets a knot in his leg) Cramp! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! (bounces around on the floor while everyone leaves. A fish who was asleep wakes up and is about to walk out the door)
  
Squidward: Ha. If they think that's good, wait till they see... (gets a knot in his leg) Cramp! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! (bounces
+
'''Fred''': Hey, guys, wait up. Huh? What's this? (sees SpongeBob dancing) That's kind of nice. Hey, guys, come check this out.
around on the floor while everyone leaves. A man who was asleep wakes up and is about to walk out the door)<br>
+
  
Fish #5: Hey, guys, wait up. Huh? What's this? (sees SpongeBob dancing) That's kind of nice. Hey guys, come check this
+
'''Squidward''': (screams) Must finish dance... on other... (gets another cramp in the other leg and screams)
out.<br>
+
  
Squidward: Must finish dance... on other... (gets another cramp in the other leg)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Um, Squidward, is this part of the act?
  
SpongeBob: Um, Squidward, is this part of the act?<br>
+
'''Squidward''': (screams) The pain! (SpongeBob's limbs pop out as the crowd cheers and throws flowers onto the stage)
  
Squidward: (screams) The pain! (crowd cheers and throws flower onto the stage)<br>
+
'''Judge #2''': By unanimous decision, we have a winner.
  
Judge #2: By unanimous decision, we have a winner.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Mine! (grabs the trophy, pulls it inside SpongeBob's mouth, and hugs it) I won, I won!
  
Squidward: (grabs the trophy and hugs it) I won, I won!<br>
+
'''Judge #2''': Never before have I seen such zest, such joie de vivre.
  
Judge #2: Never before have I seen such zest, such joie de vivre.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Oh, thank you, you're too kind. But I couldn't have done it without a very special someone. (grabs Squidward)
  
SpongeBob: Oh, thank you, you're too kind. But I couldn't have done it without a very special someone. (grabs Squidward)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Wait, SpongeBob, no! (is pulled out from SpongeBob’s body)
  
Squidward: Wait, SpongeBob, no! (is pulled out from SpongeBob’s body)<br>
+
'''Judge #2''': The rules clearly state a single dancer must perform without any further assistance from a partner. Therefore, you're the winner. (hands trophy to coin balancing dancer)
  
Judge #2: The rules clearly state "A single dancer must perform without any further assistance from a partner." Therefore,  
+
'''Dancer''': Oh man, the jig's up, [[Pedro]]. We're going home. (rips his wig in half and shows a small man inside of it. Everyone else gasps)
you're the winner. (hands trophy to coin balancing dancer)<br>
+
  
Fish #6: Oh man, the jig's up, Pedro. We're going home. (rips his wig in half and shows a man inside of it)<br>
+
'''Pedro''': It's all right, I'll go call a taxi.
  
Pedro: It's all right, I'll go call a taxi.<br>
+
'''Judge #2''': Merciful Neptune. Are there any more cheaters?
  
Judge #2: Merciful Neptune. Are there any more cheaters?<br>
+
'''Dancer #2''': (takes off the sea horse costume) Ah, crud, we're 2 dancers.
  
Fish #7: (takes off the sea horse costume) Ah, crap, we're two dancers.
+
'''Scottish Octopus''': We're 9 dancers, actually. (lifts his kilt up to show 8 little ones around his legs)
  
Octopus: We're nine dancers, actually. (lifts his kilt up to show 8 little ones around his legs)<br>
+
'''Dancer #4''': (takes [[Frank (Muscular Goldfish)]] out of his pants) Does this count?
  
Fish #8: (takes a muscle fish out of his pants) Does this count?<br>
+
'''Judge #2''': Isn't there a single dancer here who is not assisted by a partner?
  
Judge #2: Isn't there a single dancer here who is not assisted by a partner?<br>
+
'''Judge''': Uh, what about number 52 over there? (Patrick is shouting and rolling around on the ground)
  
Judge: Uh, what about number 52 over there? (Patrick is screaming and moving around on the ground)<br>
+
'''Judge #2''': Is he alone?
  
Judge #2: Is he alone?<br>
+
'''Judge''': Well, let me see. (looks inside Patrick's mouth) Why, yes, he is a single dancer.
  
Judge: Well, let me see. (looks inside Patrick's mouth) Why, yes, he is a single dancer.<br>
+
'''Judge #2''': Oh, well, then. I guess he wins. (Patrick screams some more as everyone else cheers)
  
Judge #2: Oh, well, then. I guess he wins. (Patrick screams some more as everyone else cheers)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': I love your new dance, Patrick.
  
SpongeBob: I love your new dance, Patrick.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': (screams again) Thanks.
  
Patrick: Thanks.<br>
+
'''French Narrator''': ''Epilogue.''
  
Narrator: Epilogue.<br>
+
'''Sadie Rechid (Mom)''': Tommy? I've got a fresh load of laundr-- (screams as she thinks Tommy is having a seizure on the floor) Tommy, oh, oh, dear me, no! (dials 911) Hello, it's an emergency! My son! He's--
  
Mom: Tommy? I've got a fresh load of laundr... (screams as she thinks Tommy is having a seizure on the floor) Tommy, oh,
+
'''Tommy''': (scoffs) Mom, calm down. (stops music) I'm just doing "the cramp"!
oh, dear me, no! (dials 911) Hello, it's an emergency! My son! He's...<br>
+
  
Tommy: (scoffs) Mom, calm down. (stops music) I'm just doing "the cramp"!<br>
+
'''Mom''': (hangs up phone) Oh, oh, you kids and your crazy dance fads. (she laughs and is soon joined by Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward)
  
Mom: (hangs up phone) Oh, oh you kids and your carzy dance fads. (she laughs and is soon joined by Mr Krabs, SpongeBob,
+
'''Patrick''': Hey, everybody, let's all do "the cramp"!
Patrick, and Squidward)<br>
+
  
Patrick: Hey, everybody, let's all do "the cramp"!<br>
+
'''All''': Yeah! (Tommy's mom sets up the music. Everybody dances "the cramp" while they scream)
 
+
All: Yeah! (Patrick sets up the music. Everybody dances "the cramp" while they scream.
+
 
+
{{Transcripts/Season 5}}
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{{Transcripts/Season 5 Ver. 2}}
 
[[Category:Transcript]]
 
[[Category:Transcript]]
 
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 5]]
 
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 5]]
 
{{Slogan}}
 

Latest revision as of 23:15, 12 April 2023

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SpongeBob vs. The Patty Gadget The Krusty Sponge

Episode Article: Slimy Dancing

[edit] Characters

[edit] Dialogue

(Squidward is putting the finishing touches on a trophy case)

Squidward: Well, Squidward, ol' boy, all that's left is to go win that dancing trophy and give it a home. After all, nobody ever worked harder to get it than you. (flashback to him dancing with some other fish) All those years of training with the masters. Your tireless effort to keep your instrument supple. (flashback to him getting his legs twisted and stretched) Not to mention your weekly thigh waxing. (pulls some hair off his leg) And now, it's time to go get it. So, let's do it. Whoo...! (runs out of his house and into a bar of bamboo)

Patrick: Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk. Want to give me a ruling, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: Sorry, Squidward, you got to go lower to win.

Squidward: What? What are you two doing?

SpongeBob: We're limbo dancing to get ready for the Dance-A-Thon auditions.

Patrick: We're gonna win the trophy.

Squidward: Ha. The two of you? Don't make me laugh. Come here... see that? That's where the trophy's going. (shows them the trophy case)

SpongeBob: You built us a trophy case for when we win? (both hug Squidward) Oh, you are a true friend.

Squidward: No, you twits. I built that trophy case for me when I win. I'm going to ace the tryouts today and then I'm going to the finals tomorrow and win the trophy. I am going forth to meet my destiny. Good-bye. (runs out but runs into the limbo bar again)

Patrick: Ruling, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: I think we better raise the bar. (bubble-wipe to the tryouts where Squidward sits down on the bench)

SpongeBob & Patrick: Hiya, Squidward.

Squidward: Oh, great. The flying Gyvonne Brothers. Just ignore them, Squidward.

Female: (over loudspeaker) Contestants 51 and 52 to the stage, please.

SpongeBob: We're up, Patrick. Wish us luck, Squidward.

Squidward: Do I know you?

SpongeBob: (laughs) You kidder. Let's go, Patrick.

Squidward: Poor boobs, they don't stand a chance. (laughs)

SpongeBob: Well, see you at the finals tomorrow, Squidward.

Squidward: You actually got in?

SpongeBob: Yep.

Squidward: Humph, if those two nitwits made it then I'm a shoe-in.

Female: (over loudspeaker) Contestant 53 to the stage, please.

Squidward: Look out, dancing world, here comes your future. Music, please. (dances)

Judge: Next.

Squidward: Excuse me?

Judge: You're done. You know, next contestant. You didn't make the cut, sorry, Mac.

Squidward: But, but, but, but, you don't understand. I already build a trophy case with the cutest little plaque. If I could just touch it... (grabs the trophy)

Judge: Hey!

Squidward: But I, hey... (guards kick Squidward out of the building) Unhand me, you brutes. Ah! (bubble-wipe to Squidward crying while walking back into his house and walking into a limbo bar again)

Patrick: SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: You're just not getting into the spirit of this thing, Squidward.

Squidward: D'oh, help me up.

SpongeBob: How'd the audition go, Squidward?

Squidward: The audition? My trophy? (cries) I mean, uh, uh, yeah, the audition. (chuckles) Evidently, I'm such a great dancer that I've been banned from the competition for life.

Patrick: Whoa.

SpongeBob: Impressive. (gasps) Hey, Squidward, would you be our coach for the finals?

Squidward: What? I've got better thinks to do than help you two dopes.

Patrick: Like polishing your empty trophy case?

Squidward: Fine. But I keep the trophy when we win, deal?

SpongeBob & Patrick: Deal.

Squidward: OK. Show me what you got, Patrick.

Patrick: Okay, here I go. Watch me now. (goes under the limbo stick but gets a cramp before going all the way through) Cramp! (screams and rolls around. Squidward opens the door and Patrick rolls outside)

Squidward: Well, I guess that just leaves you, SpongeBob. Show me your stuff. Ready, and... (turns on some music. SpongeBob wiggles his arms and legs all around the room, laughing. Squidward grabs his arms) Having fun?

SpongeBob: Yes, yes I am.

Squidward: SpongeBob, dancing isn't supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be art, AND ART IS SUFFERING!!!! Now, we'll start with some ballet. Watch my feet and follow my lead. Ready, and plie. (SpongeBob and Squidward bend their knees) Releve. (they twirl around on their toes) And now grand jete. (Squidward slips on the limbo stick) Where am I? See if I can find the lights. (turns on the light and sees a giant SpongeBob face. Squidward's head is stuck inside SpongeBob’s body. The two start screaming) Wait a minute. (feels around) This gives me an idea. (Squidward's body is now inside SpongeBob’s) Ready, SpongeBob? A one and a two, and plie. Releve. Grand jete. (a close look at SpongeBob's legs, his socks, and his shoes dancing Squidward's moves is shown. SpongeBob’s legs get tangled in a knot) No, no, no. This will never work. You've got two left feet.

SpongeBob: How'd you know?

Squidward: Gimme those. (takes SpongeBob’s legs and puts his own legs through SpongeBob’s pants) That's better. OK, let's go. SpongeBob, what are you doing? (SpongeBob’s arms are in the air wiggling) Why are you moving your arms like that?

SpongeBob: (laughs) I guess they're happy.

Squidward: Grr... hand 'em over. (SpongeBob hands Squidward one of his arms) And the other one, come on. (Squidward breaks off the other one, then uses his arms as SpongeBob’s) Ah, now that's more like it.

SpongeBob: Gee, Squidward, with your arms and legs doing all the work, I'm not really doing anything. I think I should help.

Squidward: Are you questioning my leadership?

SpongeBob: Well, I just...

Squidward: OK, hand it over. (SpongeBob hands his mouth to Squidward)

SpongeBob: You know what, Squidward?

Squidward: What?

SpongeBob: I think I'm suffering for my art now. (bubble-wipe to the dance recital where a fish is already dancing) Good gravy. Get a load of the talent here.

Squidward: Oh, please. Just wait until you see my brilliant moves. (the fish who is dancing falls on his face. The crowd gasps as the judges give him a total score of 5. The next dancer is a whale balancing a ball on its head. The judges' total score is 23.5. The next dancer is a giant sea horse. Then a dancer who can balance coins on his arms while jumping up and down. The judges score him a 29.5)

SpongeBob: Oh, my goodness. I am honored to be in the presence of such divine talent. (he bows)

Squidward: Quit groveling. Where is your dignity? (his arm pulls SpongeBob up, then slaps him) These losers are here to worship us-- I mean me. By the end of the night I'll have them on their knees just begging for more.

Female: (over loudspeaker) Now that's what I like to call a hard act to follow. Next up, we have SpongeBob SquarePants.

Fish: Oh, man. I can't wait. I am so stoked on dancing right now.

SpongeBob: Now, before I begin, let me just thank you all for coming out tonight. (Squidward grabs SpongeBob’s mouth)

Squidward: Will you stop it? And let my dancing do the talking. (dances)

SpongeBob: Wow, Squidward, the crowd's gone silent.

Squidward: Of course they have. They are in the presence of a true artiste.

Fish: What's he doing?

Fish #2: Is he hurt?

Fish #3: I don't know man, but it's hurting my eyes.

Fish #4: I think I'm gonna be sick. (throws up)

SpongeBob: Uh, Squidward?

Squidward: Ha. If they think that's good, wait till they see... (gets a knot in his leg) Cramp! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! (bounces around on the floor while everyone leaves. A fish who was asleep wakes up and is about to walk out the door)

Fred: Hey, guys, wait up. Huh? What's this? (sees SpongeBob dancing) That's kind of nice. Hey, guys, come check this out.

Squidward: (screams) Must finish dance... on other... (gets another cramp in the other leg and screams)

SpongeBob: Um, Squidward, is this part of the act?

Squidward: (screams) The pain! (SpongeBob's limbs pop out as the crowd cheers and throws flowers onto the stage)

Judge #2: By unanimous decision, we have a winner.

Squidward: Mine! (grabs the trophy, pulls it inside SpongeBob's mouth, and hugs it) I won, I won!

Judge #2: Never before have I seen such zest, such joie de vivre.

SpongeBob: Oh, thank you, you're too kind. But I couldn't have done it without a very special someone. (grabs Squidward)

Squidward: Wait, SpongeBob, no! (is pulled out from SpongeBob’s body)

Judge #2: The rules clearly state a single dancer must perform without any further assistance from a partner. Therefore, you're the winner. (hands trophy to coin balancing dancer)

Dancer: Oh man, the jig's up, Pedro. We're going home. (rips his wig in half and shows a small man inside of it. Everyone else gasps)

Pedro: It's all right, I'll go call a taxi.

Judge #2: Merciful Neptune. Are there any more cheaters?

Dancer #2: (takes off the sea horse costume) Ah, crud, we're 2 dancers.

Scottish Octopus: We're 9 dancers, actually. (lifts his kilt up to show 8 little ones around his legs)

Dancer #4: (takes Frank (Muscular Goldfish) out of his pants) Does this count?

Judge #2: Isn't there a single dancer here who is not assisted by a partner?

Judge: Uh, what about number 52 over there? (Patrick is shouting and rolling around on the ground)

Judge #2: Is he alone?

Judge: Well, let me see. (looks inside Patrick's mouth) Why, yes, he is a single dancer.

Judge #2: Oh, well, then. I guess he wins. (Patrick screams some more as everyone else cheers)

SpongeBob: I love your new dance, Patrick.

Patrick: (screams again) Thanks.

French Narrator: Epilogue.

Sadie Rechid (Mom): Tommy? I've got a fresh load of laundr-- (screams as she thinks Tommy is having a seizure on the floor) Tommy, oh, oh, dear me, no! (dials 911) Hello, it's an emergency! My son! He's--

Tommy: (scoffs) Mom, calm down. (stops music) I'm just doing "the cramp"!

Mom: (hangs up phone) Oh, oh, you kids and your crazy dance fads. (she laughs and is soon joined by Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward)

Patrick: Hey, everybody, let's all do "the cramp"!

All: Yeah! (Tommy's mom sets up the music. Everybody dances "the cramp" while they scream)


Transcripts Episodes
Season 1 Season 1
Season 2 Season 2
Season 3 Season 3
Season 4 Season 4
Season 5 Season 5
Season 6 Season 6
Season 7 Season 7
Season 8 Season 8
Season 9 Season 9
Season 10 Season 10
Season 11 Season 11
Season 12 Season 12
Season 13 Season 13
Season 14 Season 14
Season 15 Season 15
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