Squidward's House is an "Easter Island Head" (a
 The Tiki House
The house resembles Squidward. In the book Bottoms Up!, a joke hinted that Squidward bought the house so he can get a head. In Plankton!, the house was one floor and this marked a cartoon goof because this is the only time that Squidward's house is low. In Christmas Who?, the Tiki House became Bikini Bottom's Christmas Present! In the episode: Squidville all of the houses in Tentacle Acres were Easter Island Heads. In Truth or Square it was called a monument.
Inside the house, Squidward's house decor is distinctively egotistical; Squidward tends to depict his own face all over rugs, portraits, and busts throughout his house. As he has vanity in his own artworks, common examples of such decor are plastered all over his art gallery, with each artwork a varying style of self-portrait.
- Living Room: Blue and green, has couch, TV, chocolates, shell phone, stereo system, and connected to the mouth door. It is shown in "Squid's Visit" that Squidward keeps a vase, coasters, a pillow saying "with love- mama" magazines, and a bowl On his coffee table. Most of the furniture is made from bamboo.
- Kitchen: Only seen in Naughty Nautical Neighbors, Nature Pants, Opposite Day, Growth Spout and No Nose Knows. Squids kitchen is where his telephone is sometimes. The kitchen consists of a bamboo fridge, bamboo cabinets, a counter, and a breakfast bar.
- Garden Room Squidward keeps a lot of plants in this room and garden utensils. It can be seen in Curse of Bikini Bottom.
- Bathroom: Has little bath and sink. Squidward normally has a "pink" bath soap. In the episode: Squid's Day Off, this is where he spent his Day Off but SpongeBob found him. The toilet paper and the toilet itself can speak.
- Bedroom: Where he sleeps with purple or pink pajamas that has four slippers. It has many mirrors (as seen in Night Light) and an alarm cabinet with 58 alarm clocks inside (as seen in Employee of the Month ) The bedroom is behind the bathroom. In some episodes, Squidward has a TV in his bedroom. He has a roof over his bed, and square shaped lamps on his nightstand. Clarie, his clarinet, sleeps next to him.
- Gallery: The place where Squidward makes good portraits of himself and plays his Clarinet very bad. SpongeBob calls it "The worst room in the house.", although he thought that it was opposite day, so he really thinks it is the best room in the house.
- Back Room: Seen only in Squidward, the Unfriendly Ghost. It is completely empty except for wallpaper that makes the room look like a mess. Squidward sends SpongeBob and Patrick to clean it, thinking they won't figure out how to clean it, but they just rip the wallpaper off.
- Study: Seen only in Squid Wood. The study has lots of books, a chair, and a light behind the chair.
 Destroyed Instances/Losses
- Naughty Nautical Neighbors: When Squidward's house fills with the bubbles from SpongeBob and Patrick, it explodes of carbon dioxide.
- The Paper: When Squidward tries to have SpongeBob break his promise, he trades all of his house for the paper. His house becomes only a circular shape for the foundation.
- Squidville: SpongeBob and Patrick use their Reef Blowers to grab pieces of his house, then shoot it back out to blow the house up.
- I Was a Teenage Gary: SpongeSnail made Squidward run on the ceiling and Squidward kept making the house shake, destroying everything inside the house and Squidward gets his nose pinned into the Snail Plasma. The house had been shaken over and drops to it's left next to SpongeBob's House, crushing all the furniture and objects.
- Sandy, SpongeBob, and the Worm: It was crushed by the worm as well as the rest of Bikini Bottom.
- Skill Crane: It wasn't destroyed but he gives the deed to his house to Mr. Krabs.
- Can You Spare a Dime? Squidward loses his house because he can't afford to pay the house's needs after quitting his job.
- Plankton!: SpongeBob is brainwashed by Plankton's Plan A and SpongeBob uses his hands to destroy some of the house's walls.
- Sandy's Rocket: SpongeBob and Patrick mistake Squidward for an alien, and destroyed the house by shaking it in an alien-hunting rampage destroying the inside of the house.
- Rule of Dumb: Patrick as king uses the Bikini Bottom Construction to throw away and wipe out Squidward's house to make room for a Ferris wheel for his home on his front yard.
- House Fancy: Squidward was in such a hurry to make his house look good. SpongeBob tried to help, but he made the vacuum cleaner suck everything, destroying and remodeling the house.
- Giant Squidward: The angry and vicious citizens of Bikini Bottom turned the house into a bait to catch Squidward.
- Squid's Visit: The house caught fire while Squidward was at SpongeBob's house when his casserole was in the oven.
- Big Sister Sam: Patrick's sister Sam removes parts of his house and later spits the pieces back to the house collapsing the remaining parts.
- The Monster Who Came to Bikini Bottom: The house was destroyed by the monster.
- A Friendly Game: It was destroyed when SpongeBob and Patrick were looking for their golf balls and making shots where they left it.
- Mermaid Man Begins: It was taken away by the storm.
- Are You Happy Now?: The downstairs was left a mess with Squidward being depressed.
- Bubblestand: Squidward made a big bubble which the Eastern Island Head got inside.
 A Life of Its Own?
In some episodes it is shown that Squidward's house may have a life of its own:
- The Secret Box, where Patrick says "Not even...Squidward's house." and his house leans down to hear.
- Good Neighbors, the house became controlled by the atrocious installation of destroying called Security System 5000 (Free Installation). The only threat of the Security System 5000 was Squidward Tentacles, and the house became controlled (similar to the Godzilla films where monsters are controlled by machines), and destroyed Bikini Bottom. It was shut down by the Off Button.
- In Funny Pants, the Tiki Eastern Island Head made an "ANGRY!" face and had some hands to cover it's ears because of SpongeBob's crying.
- In Growth Spout, the house said after Mr. Krabs stole Squidward's food, "Oh Well, I needed to lose some weight anyway".
- In A Friendly Game, the house did the same thing as in Funny Pants except it had sand hands and did not make an angry face.
- In There's a Sponge in My Soup - Squidward's House screams "Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh! Hippies!" at the end of the episode.