Episode Transcript: The Inside Job

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Someone's in the Kitchen with Sandy
Greasy Buffoons

Episode Article: The Inside Job

[edit] Characters

[edit] Dialogue

(episode begins at the Chum Bucket. Plankton is sitting on a small couch, watching a hamster on a hamster wheel on Karen and eating Kelp Chips)

Plankton: Oh. (heavy sigh) That's the life. (screen turns back to Karen and Karen gets mad)


Plankton: Hey, I was watching that!

Karen: And I'm tired of watching you sit around all day. Admit it, the Chum Bucket is a total failure.

Plankton: It is not! Business is just slow.

Karen: Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah. If you took my advice, the Krabby Patty formula would be yours.

Plankton: You? You're just a computer. I'm the evil genius here. (door bangs open)

Timmy's dad: This is it, son. The Chum Bucket.

Plankton: Looks like this failure has a customer. (opens door) Hello. Are you lost?

Timmy's dad: Ha ha ha! No, we're not lost. I promised my boy here that I'd take him to the Chum Bucket.

Plankton: Really?

Timmy's dad: Wow! Look at that order window! It's completely covered in grim and filth!

Timmy: Cooool!

Timmy's dad: (smells the, um, "air") Smell that air!

Timmy: (smells it as well) It makes me wanna hurl!

Timmy's dad: Ha ha ha! I think the Chum Bucket is the high point of our tour!

Plankton: Tour?

Timmy's dad: That's right! We're visiting the most disgusting places in Bikini Bottom, and so far, you're number 1! Farewell, you filthy little fella. (the two leave) What do ya say we try the city dump next?

Timmy: Oh boy! (door slams open. Plankton groans)

Karen: So how'd it do?

Plankton: You're right. I'm such a failure.

Karen: Aww. So, do you give up?

Plankton: Yes.

Karen: You'll do what I tell you now?

Plankton: Yes.

Karen: Here's all you have to do. You want the patty recipe, then go to the man who wrote it, Eugene Krabs.

Plankton: Right. Why didn't I think of that before?

Karen: With my mind connector, you'll be able to read Krabs' mind, transferring the recipe into your teeny-tiny little brain.

Plankton: Wow, that's a pretty good idea! Whoa! Um, Karen? Whoa!

Karen: Hold still.

Plankton: Mmph!

Karen: You'll need this. (puts a smaller tool with plungers attached at the end)

Plankton: And just how am I supposed to attach it to Krabs' brain?

Karen: Leave that to me, hon. (sucks him in a pipette. the Chum Bucket's doors burst open) Prepare for launch. Target in range. Launch sequence initiated.

Plankton: No, wait! (Karen squeezes it) There he is! (launches him to Mr. Krabs, but Squidward is carrying a garbage bag) Get out of the way! This is it! (Patrick walks outside) Move it! Ha, ha! You're mine! (hits a cardboard cutout of Mr. Krabs that SpongeBob was holding)

SpongeBob: Hey, where do you want this life-size cutout of you, Mr. Krabs?

Plankton: No! (gets inside SpongeBob) Aah! Oof!

Mr. Krabs: (offscreen) I told ya to stop playing with that thing and get back to work!

Plankton: Ugh, great.

Karen: (antenna comes out) Plankton, what happened?

Plankton: Thanks to your brilliant aim, honey, I'm stuck inside that fool of a fry cook.

Karen: Well, honey, you'll just have to change plans. (bubble-wipe to sometime later. Plankton unplugs SpongeBob's eye plugs)

SpongeBob: Huh? (his eyes go completely black as if a lightbulb turned off) Hey, Squidward, we blew a fuse.

Squidward: I'm gonna blow a fuse if you don't get that order up.

Plankton: It works! (plugs himself with SpongeBob's eye plugs, making his eye glow in the dark) I can see everything SpongeBob sees.

SpongeBob: Hey, can somebody hit the lights?

Squidward: SpongeBob, where's the Krabby Patty for order 17?

SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward, is that you? Oh, it's so dark in here. I can't see a thing.

Squidward: Can you just get the Krabby Patty?

SpongeBob: Sure thing Squidward. One Krabby Patty coming up!

Plankton: He's gonna make a Krabby Patty right in front of me!

SpongeBob: Oh no, where are those patties? No, nuh uh, a-ha! (grabs some aluminum) There are you patty! (grabs a sponge) And one fluffy bun, like so, (uses soap as the "special sauce") and a squirt of special sauce.

Plankton: Heh, heh, special sauce. Wait, soap is the special sauce?

SpongeBob: Then you grab yourself some lettuce. (takes out strings from the mop, and uses the other sponge) And voila! One perfect Krabby Patty! I only wish I could see how beautiful it looks. Number 17, your patty is ready. Whoa! Watch your step, Squidward. It is pitch black out here.

Squidward: Don't know, don't want to.

SpongeBob: Order number 17? Order number 17. Order 17? (he pulls a customer's face and then searches in his mouth) Nope. Mmm... no. Order 17? (puts his hands in a customer's mouth.) Order 17. (puts the "patty" down in front of a male customer) Your Krabby Patty, ma'am.

Plankton: That's it! (unplugs from SpongeBob's eyes and plugs them back into SpongeBob) I'm trying something else. Where are those eardrums?

SpongeBob: Hey, the lights are back on! (screams when he sees the "Krabby Patty" that he just made. Goes in Mr. Krabs' office) Mr. Krabs! Help me, Mr. Krabs. I've forgotten how to make Krabby Patties. Please tell me the secret recipe again.

Plankton: (climbs up the SpongeBob's ear drums) Finally, the ear drum. Whew. Now, I'll just unplug this thing. (struggles)

Mr. Krabs: Need a little refresher, eh? Okay, boy. I'll run through the Krabby Patty formula one more time. First... (Plankton unplugs the ear plugs. It is now silent)

Plankton: Let me see what I can tune in here. (plugs it in) Hmm.

Mr. Krabs: The secret of the Krabby Patty formula is...

Plankton: Jackpot!

SpongeBob: Huh?

Mr. Krabs: I said, The secret of the Krabby Patty formula is-

SpongeBob: Could you speak a little louder, please?

Mr. Krabs: (louder) The secret to the Krabby Patty formula is-

SpongeBob: (yelling) What?

Plankton: Here it comes!

Mr. Krabs: (grabs a megaphone and speaks through it) THE SECRET TO THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA IS-

Plankton: (his eardrums burst out. Screams and unplugs with hard force from SpongeBob's eardrums) I hate my life!

Mr. Krabs: Is this thing loud enough?

SpongeBob: Oh, sure, I can hear you fine now.

Mr. Krabs: What was the question again?

SpongeBob: Oh, it, uh-- you know, I don't remember.

'Mr. Krabs: Me neither. So we good?

SpongeBob: Yeah.

Mr. Krabs: Get out!

SpongeBob: Okay!

Plankton: Enough with these petty carnal senses! If I'm going to get the Krabby Patty recipe, I'm gonna have to go to command central. (laughs evilly) The brain! (plugs into the brain and laughs evilly) Ugh! (acts like SpongeBob) Hi, friend. Why am I making idiotic comments? (gasps as he sees "Superficial Greetings" on the brain) Superficial Greetings? (unplugs) What kind of idiot-- (sees the parts of the brain) Personal Opinions? Knock-knock Jokes? No, no, no, no! This is all useless! I'm gonna have to go in deeper. (goes deeper and gets inside a brain version of SpongeBob's living room; it's actually part of SpongeBob's Brain House) Ugh. (notices exactly where he is) Where am I? (a version of Gary made entirely out of brain slithers in)

Brain Gary: Meow, meow, meow! (slithers away)

Plankton: Ew. That's disgusting. Now, where do morons keep all their secrets? (goes through the brain house. Enters the brain closet, but finds nothing) Nope. (goes through the brain bedroom and looks under the brain bed, but again finds nothing) Doesn't this kid have any secrets? Aha! (opens a brain door and enters the brain library) The library. Where he keeps records of his every thought. All of his deepest, juiciest secrets. (opens the file drawer and grunts) In convenient alphabetical order. Look at that. Q, R, S. "Sounds that make Squidward upset?" (opens the file and hears SpongeBob's laugh) "Patrick's favorite places to be scratched?" (scratches the file)

Squidward: What are you doing? (his back is being scratched by SpongeBob)

SpongeBob: Uh, uh, scratching.

Plankton: Aagh, all of these secrets are lame! Wait a minute. What's this? (picks up a pink paper that reads "Krabby Patty Recipe") The secret recipe isn't in the brain? It's located in the heart. How cheesy. (slides down SpongeBob's spine and lands near the heart) Ugh. Uh. (plugs himself to the heart) The Krabby Patty recipe. Yes, yes, yes! Here it is! (his lips are licking) My mouth is watering! (cut to SpongeBob's tongue being cleaned) My taste buds are tingling! Mm, mm. oh, yeah. It feels so good! I can feel it all the way to my finger! Stumps. All of the ingredients coming together in perfect harmony! And it's all mine! (laughs evilly) Hwuh. Okay, that was weird. Like I was saying, the Krabby Patty recipe is the delicious sole property of the Krusty Krab. Hwuh. Who said that? What's happening to me? (gasps) Fuzzy. It's-- (his body is transforming. Sponge emerges out of him, he grows eyelashes, his eye rolls to SpongeBob's, his teeth shatters, and he grows buckteeth) It's beautiful! (laughs just like SpongeBob) All of the delicious ingredients living in perfect harmony.

Karen: You got the recipe?

Plankton: I sure did.

Karen: Well, what are you waiting for? Bring it back to the Chum Bucket.

Plankton: Karen, wouldn't that be stealing?

Karen: Stealing?

Plankton: The Krabby Patty recipe is the delicious sole property of the Krusty Krab.

Karen: Oh, brother. (presses a button. Plankton is emerging out of SpongeBob's nostril)

Patrick: Hey, everybody! Wait, that's not what I wanted to say. Now, what was it?

Plankton: (lands on Patrick's forehead and he begins to transform) Huh? (his hand changes to a starfish's hand, his eyelashes fall, his eye rolls to Patrick's, his buckteeth shatters and he grows a tooth. Sighs as his body turns pink)

Patrick: Oh, well. Never mind. (Karen's hand opens the door, and removes Plankton from Patrick. Plankton is pulled back to the Chum Bucket)

Karen: Well, where's the recipe?

Plankton: The what? (cut to the camera zooming away from the Chum Bucket)

Karen: (offscreen) I knew you'd louse this up.

Plankton: (offscreen) Louse what up?

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