Episode Transcript: SpongeBob Vs. The Patty Gadget

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Episode article: SpongeBob vs. The Patty Gadget

[edit] Characters

[edit] Dialogue

(a book entitled "The Legend of SpongeBob SquarePants" is on a wooden type platform)

Patchy: Ahoy, mateys! Today I be spillin' a tale ye won't soon forget. (book opens and shows a chapter called "SpongeBob vs. The Patty Gadget") It's "SpongeBob SquarePants Vs. The Patty Gadget". (The scene we starts with the Krusty Krab restaurant)

Now, SpongeBob was workin'. 
His eye on the grill 
till he heard a sharp sound 
that gave him a chill.


What's going on? 
What could it mean?


Wow, it's a deep-fry 
patty cookin' machine.

(a round, metal machine comes through the doors)

And hiding behind it, 
who do we see? 
None other than Squidward 
and his bad face acne. 

(zoom in on Squidward's zits on his face)

Squidward: Hey!

Mr. Krabs:

What's is this contraption 
you've hauled into me place?


A miracle, a marvel. 
It'll cook Krabby Patties at a fabulous pace.

Mr. Krabs:

But how are the patties? 
I mean, how do they taste?


I'll let you try one. 
Shove this in your face. 

(hands Mr. Krabs a Krabby Patty)

Mr. Krabs:

I have to admit, 
that patty was yummy. 
Though it sits like a rock 
when it lands in me tummy. 

But I've already got a fry cook 
and he's always on time.


Ah, but this gizmo is faster 
and you won't pay it a dime.

Mr. Krabs:

Your machine sounds delightful. 
But how much does it cost?


Hmm, just fire SpongeBob 
and tell him get lost. 

(SpongeBob is staring from the kitchen window)


The machine wanted his job 
to make SpongeBob quit. 
But SpongeBob didn't like it. 
No, not one bit. 
Pushing his grill, 
SpongeBob burst through the door.

SpongeBob: (pushes the grill out the kitchen)

I challenge your gadget; 
I declare patty war!


With 3 little words, 
Krabs started the show. 
His flag in the air, 
he cried-

Mr. Krabs:

Ready, set, go!


Quick as a flash, 
Squidward pulled the big lever 
and then sat back 
feeling oh, so quite clever. 
SpongeBob, with spatula 
held tight in his fist, 
flung twenty patties, 
not a single one missed. 

(SpongeBob throws twenty patties on the grill)

The crowd was VERY impressed.

Sandy: Wow!


They cheered full of glee. 
All except Patrick, 
who had to go pee. 

(everyone cheers but Patrick, who is wiggling a lot)


A noise and a clatter 
came from the machine, 
and out popped the patties 
in a burst of hot steam. 
The gadget was fast, 
its first batch completed, 
but SpongeBob yelled out-


I won't be defeated!


He took in some air. 
SpongeBob swelled his physique. 
And dozens of patties 
filled up in his cheeks. 

(breaths in so hard that a bag of patties flee into his mouth)

He strained and he sweated, 
he summoned his will. 
And shot Krabby Patties 
all on the grill.


Not bad!


Yelled out Squidward.


A really good try. 
But let's see how you do against 
my machine set on high. 

(pulls down the machine lever to set it on high)


The gizmo, it shuddered. 
It crackled, it shook! 
And as Squidward laughed:


Ha, ha.


Sandy said-


What a schnook.


But SpongeBob cried out-


I won't lose to that thing!


Then he held up two spatulas
and leapt like a spring. 

His hands were a blur, 
the patties went flying. 
He fried up a hundred 
with out even trying. 
Squidward was worried.
SpongeBob couldn't be beat.


I got one last chance, 
I'll turn up the heat!

Patchy :

He struggled and strained 
'till his face turned dark blue. 
Then the lever moved forward 
and broke right in two. 
The gadget buckled and sparked. 
It cracked like a gun. 
So Squidward took off, yelling-

Squidward: (runs out of the Krusty Krab)

Let me know if I won!


Lightning flew from its maw. 
It looked ready to burst. 
But SpongeBob, still standing, yelled...


Foul beast, do your worst!


The patties came flying, 
by twos and be threes. 
By dozens, by hundreds, 
oh, it was something to see. 
Aye,that machine, it was fast, 
but SpongeBob was faster. 
He proved to that thing that 
he was its master. 

(patty gadget blows up)

The gadget blew into bits 
and died with a boom. 
The blast was so loud 
that it woke King Neptune. 

(King Neptune is in his bed, asleep, til he hears the boom)

King Neptune: (mumbles) What's that?

(cut back to the Krusty Krab)


It was all over, 
finished and done. 
With his head held up high, 
SpongeBob knew he had won. 
The crowd yelled "Hooray, 
Squidward's name is now mud!" 
But as they were cheering, 
SpongeBob fell with a thud. 

(SpongeBob falls over. The crowd gasps. Cut to a grave, where Sandy, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward are standing in front of it)

The service was short. 
Tears shed with regret. 
Squidward, it seemed, 
was the one most upset. 

(Squidward sets flowers over the grave and walks away, crying. Then, SpongeBob walks up to the grave)

SpongeBob: Whoo, yeah! (dances cheerfully)


What's that? You thought SpongeBob 
was buried down there? 
They just buried the gadget. 
Ha-ha, this I swear. 

(pan below the dirt where we see the patty gadget underground. Storybook closes)

Well, that ends me tale, 
straight from the book. 
Now I gotta go 
and polish me hook.
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