Episode Transcript: 20,000 Patties Under the Sea

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Episode Article: 20,000 Patties Under the Sea

Characters

SpongeBob
Patrick
Plankton
Sea Monster
Mr. Krabs
Squidward
Plankton's customers
Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob and Patrick's customers
Jack M. Crazyfish

Dialogue

(in Jellyfish Fields)

SpongeBob: Breaker, breaker auto perimeter clear. Over.

Patrick: Robert, Robert...uhh...Ronald.

SpongeBob: Are you sure your not trying to say Rodger?

Patrick: Oh, wait I got it. Ringo...

SpongeBob: Patrick, we have visual contact. It's now taking evasive action. Subject still in close proximity. Over.

Patrick: Hello?

SpongeBob: Please reply.

Patrick: I wonder if I can order pizza with these things.

SpongeBob: Contact open. Respond now. Please. Please!

Patrick: SpongeBob, you're gonna need to speak up. My eardrums aren't what they used to be.

SpongeBob: Patrick, there's a jellyfish here and I'm afraid it will sting me! (both scream) Is he still after us, Patrick?

Patrick: I don't know, buddy.

SpongeBob: Can you turn back and check?

Patrick: Ok. (trip)

SpongeBob: I think I landed on my pain center.

Patrick: I think I landed on a rock.

SpongeBob: Patrick, look! There's a weird thing sticking out of the ground over there.

Patrick: That's just Squidward sunbathing again. (Squidward lowers down his sunglasses)

SpongeBob: No, not that, Patrick. This!

Patrick: What is it?

SpongeBob: I don't know. I think something's buried underneath it. And I'm gonna get some shovels so we can dig it up.

Patrick: We?

(cut to large piles of dirt)

SpongeBob: Nothing like a manual labor to put some hair on your chest, right, Patrick?

Patrick: Yeah, I'll say. (his entire chest is covered with hair)

SpongeBob: Let's see what we did unearth! A UFO! (look inside) Go on, you first. (Patrick climbs down a ladder) Kinda dark.

Patrick: Yeah, dark.

SpongeBob: There has to be a light switch around here somewhere. Found it. Excuse me, sir. (pulls off a skeleton and proceeds to start the submarine) Hey, Patrick, look! We're moving! Here's the steering wheel!

Patrick: Hold it, SpongeBob. You better let me drive.

SpongeBob: Gimme the wheel!

Patrick: No! I wanna drive! (the submarine goes crazy)

(scene cuts to the Krusty Krab)

Mr. Krabs: I don't understand. Where are all the customers? I know the Krusty Krab isn't Bikini Bottom's most prostegious eatery, but at least it's better than that salty old Chum Bucket across the street. And that's certainlt no competiton.

Squidward: Why don't you pay extra for this conversation?

Mr. Krabs: Oh, come on, Squidward. Can't you pretend to listen for just once in your life? Do it for old Mr. Krabs.

Squidward: Well, since you can't bring the customers to the Krusty Krab, why don't you just bring the Krusty Krab to the customers?

Mr. Krabs: Quiet, Squidward, I'm brainstorming! Ooh, ooh! What if instead of bringing customers to the Krusty Krab, why don't we just bring the Krusty Krab to the customers?

Squidward: La la la la la la la la la la.

Mr. Krabs: Well, of course! But how? (the submarine crashes into the Krusty Krab)

SpongeBob: Can we park here? Hey, Mr. Krabs! Look what Patrick and I found! We're gonna use it to go on a long journey.

Patrick: We're from around the block!

Mr. Krabs: That's it! We'll take the Krusty Krab on the road. (cut to outside) So long, boys. Make me lots of money!

SpongeBob: Bye, Squidward. Bye, Mr. Krabs. (dreamily) Bye, Squidward.

Patrick: You said "Bye, Squidward" twice.

SpongeBob: I like Squidward.

Plankton: (looking through a telescope) A traveling restaurant. That's not fair! I had that idea years ago! No matter. If Mr. Krabs wants to play dirty, then Plankton's ready to take his turn to take his turn. (laughs and turns the fist from the Chum Bucket building into a flying vehicle)

SpongeBob: Hello!

Con Man: Hello.

SpongeBob: Could I interest you in a Krabby Patty?

Con Man: No thanks.

Patrick: Now what?

SpongeBob: I don't know, Patrick. Mr. Krabs said if we couldn't find customers we'd have to come back. (to Con Man) Uh, are you sure you don't want to be out first customer.

Con Man: Yeah, I'm pretty sure. (walks away)

SpongeBob: Wait! We'll pay you!

Con Man: Thanks again, guys. Good luck with the restaurant!

SpongeBob: Thanks, sir, come again!

Plankton: Those nincompoops are better salesmen than I expected. (an alarm sets off)

Voice: Customer approaching.

Plankton: Hello, little boy. Would you like a chumburger?

Boy: Does it come in raspberry?

Plankton: No.

Boy: Blueberry?

Plankton: No.

Boy: Uh...raspberry?

Plankton: Come on, kid. You asked that already. Now quit wasting my time!

Lady Fish: Hey, you can't talk to my son that way! Just who do you think you are?

Plankton: I'm Plankton, you old hag. And your son smells like boogers.

Man Fish: Hey, you can't talk about my wife that way. What do you think this is?

Plankton: I think it's time for you to lose some weight, fatty. That's what this is.

Grandma: You can't talk about my grandson like that. Someone oughta put you in a mental hospital.

Plankton: Someone should put you in a box floating down the river, Grandma.

Grandma: You're probably right.

Plankton: You people are crazy. I'm getting out of here. (people start throwing rocks) What the? No! The controls! They're not working!

SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick.

Patrick: Yeah?

SpongeBob: Weren't you supposed to be on kitchen duty? (cut to the kitchen, where the patties are burnt) Oh, no. You burnt all the patties. It's hard as a rock. How are we gonna find someone who would buy these?

Man Fish: Look. The rocks are all gone.

Crowd: Aww! (Plankton smiles)

SpongeBob: Folks, have I got a deal for you. (the crowd sees the hard patties. they buy them and proceed to hit Plankton with them) Mr. Krabs is gonna be so proud of us when he sees the money.

Patrick: I see a sign. It says. A...bise.

SpongeBob: No, Patrick, that says Abyss.

Patrick: Ok. What's an abyss?

SpongeBob: An abyss is a bottomless...(the submarine breaks down and falls down the abyss)...cavern! (an alarm goes off) Pat, we're falling!

Patrick: And now we're being bathed in an eerie red light!

Plankton: (sees it falling) Yes! Yes!

Patrick: And now a deafening warning siren! (SpongeBob imitates the sound. the submarine hits a sludgy item, which turns out to be the head of the Sea Monster)

Sea Monster: (shouts)

SpongeBob: Look, Patrick! We're floating back up out of the deep, dark, depressing, horrible abyss! (looks at the Sea Monster)

Sea Monster: Who you calling dark and depressing?

SpongeBob: No, Mr. Sea Monster, sir. We wouldn't insult you. We'd just like to now...are you hungry?

Sea Monster: Hungry? I've been asleep for 79 years. Which means my last meal was 79 years ago. Yes, I'm hungry.

SpongeBob: Then try one of our Krabby Patties.

Sea Monster: Mmm! That's the best thing I've tasted since that sewer spill...back in '76. I'll take 640 of them.

SpongeBob and Patrick: Woo hoo!

Patrick: Order..uh...up. (the Sea Monster gives them large wads of cash)

Plankton: Now that those two are out of the picture, all of the customers will come running to me. (looks at the Sea Monster paying them) This calls for drastic measures! Okay, you dums, time for the chum charges!

Patrick: SpongeBob! Our hull's been breached. Do you know what that means?

SpongeBob: No!

Patrick: Neither do I!

Plankton: Yes! I sunk the Krusty Krab! I sunk the Krusty Krab! I sunk the...(the vehicle into a cavern wall) Ah, who needs the Rust Bucket anyhow.

Sea Monster: Come on in there! I want more sandwiches!

Patrick: (a piece of chum enters) SpongeBob, look!

SpongeBob: What is it?

Patrick: It's a liquid.

SpongeBob: No, Patrick. It's a solid! It's a solid!

SpongeBob and Patrick: It's a lousquid!

Sea Monster: All right, what's going on in there? That looks like a sandwich to me!

SpongeBob: It's not just a sandwich. It's a...Chumwich.

Sea Monster: (eats it) Now that's a sandwich, all right!

(cut to a sequence of SpongeBob making Chumwiches, Patrick collecting the Chum, and the Sea Monster paying them for the chumwiches)

SpongeBob: Is there anything else you want before we shove off?

Sea Monster: I want dessert!

SpongeBob: We don't have dessert.

Plankton: (lands from his parachute) Don't give another penny to those fast-food phonies. That's right, they stole my idea. My, my, my, my, my...(falls down and rolls into some mud)

Sea Monster: Hey, a choclate eclair! Now that looks like dessert to me!

Plankton: No! Hey, you've got it all wrong, see...(the Sea Monster chases Plankton)

(cut to the Krusty Krab)

Janitor: (repairing the windows SpongeBob and Patrick broke previously) There, Mr. Krabs, all brand new again.

Squidward: Now all we have to do is keep SpongeBob away from the...(the submarine crashes into the windows)

SpongeBob: We're back, Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: Tell me all about it. Tell me, tell me!

SpongeBob: You wouldn't believe it, we got so many new customers!

Mr. Krabs: I don't care about that. Just tell me about the money.

SpongeBob: There we were at the bottom of the deep, dark, abyss. And we had to let go of something heavy.

Patrick: And that was the green paper.

Mr. Krabs: You let go of all the money I earned as a balance?