Episode Transcript: Truth or Square

Transcript

Ricky Gervais: 10 years ago an unknown pirate from Encino began a decade-long obsession with TV's most beloved an absorbent sponge. And today a mere 10 years later obviously 10 years ago I said that he has traveled all the way to a far off land known as Burbank. To find nicktoons animation studio and meet his idol face to face for the first time in 10 years it's 10 years ago. It's 10 years ago. Let's see what happens yeah.

(We see posters of SpongeBob SquarePants, Dora Marquez from Dora the Explorer, Cosmo and Wanda from The Fairly OddParents, Uniqua from The Backyardigans, Diego from Go Diego Go, Max and Ruby from Max & Ruby, Kiki Shout Marina and Twist from The Fresh Beat Band, Kai-lan from Ni hao Kai-lan, Skipper from The Penguins of Madagascar, and Carly from ICarly. Patchy gets out of the car.)

Patchy: Oh. Bye mom. Thanks for the lift. Hey kids. Isn't this exciting? I'm here at nickelodeon home of SpongeBob SquarePants and I'm gonna ask him if he'll be my guest of honor on my tenth fan-iversary tv special! Come on. Ahoy.

Security Guard: Sir may I help you?

Patchy: Yes. This is patchy the pirate for SpongeBob SquarePants. I believe he's expecting me. I sent him over 400 letters this week.

Security Guard: Uh yes. SpongeBob is not here right now sir.
Patchy: That's okay. I can wait. Oh SpongeBob!

Security Guard: Sir please step away from the gate.

Patchy: Aw poopdeck. I was hoping i could ask SpongeBob to phone up some of his famous friends so he could ask them to be guests on my show.

Security Guard: Uh-huh. Oh. You're here for the casting department.

Patchy: Yeah.

Security Guard: In that case, please step right inside, sir.

(Patchy thrusts his arm and mouths the word, "yes." Patchy follows the security guard inside. Inside, Patchy and the security guard walk down a hallway where a cardboard cutout of SpongeBob and a model of SpongeBob made out of Lego bricks are seen. Patchy jumps up in the air and laughs. He returns to the ground.)

Patchy: Woo! Oh, hey, when'll SpongeBob be here? Where's he? At lunch? At an important meeting?

Security Guard: I'm not sure, sir.

Patchy: Getting his boat waxed?

Security Guard: This way, sir.

Patchy: What's he really like?

Security Guard: This way, sir.

Patchy: Does he come in everyday?

Security Guard: Go this way.

Patchy: Does he dye his hair?

Security Guard: Walk this way, sir.

Patchy: Huh?

(The scene shifts to show a room. It has a couch, a TV, a poster for The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie, and an animation cell of SpongeBob at the Krusty Krab. The security guard opens the door. Patchy walks in.)

Security Guard: Here you are, sir. Please wait here while you wait. [Patchy sits down on the couch.] Can I get you anything, sir?

Patchy: Yeah. A shrimp cocktail. [Patchy chuckles. The security guard puts his hand out and then back in with a shrimp cocktail. He gives it to Patchy.] Ooh! Now, that's what I call service... [The security guard smiles.] with a smile! [he smiles]

[The SpongeBob part of the episode begins with the title card. The episode begins showing the three houses of Conch Street at night. The scene transitions to morning. The scene changes to SpongeBob's room, where a Snail's shell shaking with a blanket on top of it. Next to the shell is an traditional alarm clock.]

Gary the Snail: [In his shell] [first word] Meow. [The alarm clock goes off.] Meow. [Gary's head pops out of his shell.] Meow.

A long line of alarm clocks go off, which leads from Gary, who is in the front of the bed to a normal alarm clock. It goes off and spits out more alarm clocks. A Young Optimistic Sea Sponge wakes up.He gets out of bed and turns the alarm clocks off.]

SpongeBob SquarePants:[first words] Good morning, Gary!

Gary: [Angrily] Meow.

SpongeBob: A little overboard? And take a chance at being late for the single most greatest day of my career. [The shot widens and a thought bubble appears. It shows the Krusty Krab.] The eleventy-seventh anniversary of the Krusty Krab. [SpongeBob leans near Gary and shakes his head.] Oh, oh, oh, I think not. [He returns to his previous position.] No self-respecting Krusty Krab employee would be late on this day.

[The scene changes to show the exterior of SpongeBob's pineapple, where SpongeBob's door open and a line of alarm clocks are leading to the inside of a house. The scene follows the alarm clocks to the door and then moves up. A voice is heard muttering.]

Voice:What the?

[The scene returns to SpongeBob's room. He is yelling out of his window.]

SpongeBob:See you at the big event, Squidward!

[SpongeBob gets hit with an alarm clock. This causes him to fly and land next to Gary. SpongeBob gets up.]

SpongeBob:Can you believe that it's been eleventy-seven years already?

Gary: [Snidely] Meow, meow, meow.

SpongeBob: Oh, watch the potty mouth, Gare. Today is a day for gentle reflection. Aw, I remember my first visit to the Krusty Krab.

[A flashback begins. It shows the exterior of the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob's Mom and Dad are walking to it. The scene shifts to show Harold and Margaret's front.]

Harold SquarePants:[first words] I don't know. This doesn't seem like a family restaurant.

Margaret SquarePants: [first words] Oh. [The scene widens to reveal that she is pregnant with SpongeBob] Well, what do you think, baby? Should we eat here? [The scene moves to show the inside of Margaret's womb. SpongeBob swims off-screen. The scene returns to show Margaret. She is moved inside to the front of the cash register boat.] Well, okay, then. [The scene returns to the womb and SpongeBob is next to Margaret's belly button which looks like a window. Margaret's voice is echoing.] What would you like?

[SpongeBob looks out Margaret's belly button and sees the Galley Grub]

SpongeBob: Krabby Patty! [The scene changes to show Margaret and Harold sitting at a table eating Krabby Patties. In the womb, SpongeBob is eating the Krabby Patties through the umbilical cord.] Yummy! [He takes the cord, rips it out, and sucks on the cord. The flashback ends and SpongeBob is shown laying on the ground being held up by his elbows.] Good times. [An alarm clock appears. SpongeBob jumps up and starts running in the air.] Oh, sorry, Gary, we can reminisce later. I gotta get ready.

[SpongeBob runs off-screen and Gary hisses at the alarm clock. The alarm clock "runs" away. The scene changes to show SpongeBob with a towel around his waist in the bathroom. He turns on the shower and takes the towel off. The scene shows SpongeBob showering]

SpongeBob: I never thought that I would have a chance like this,What dreams exist as big as this one? If happiness are patties frying on the grill, I'll have my fill, upon each fresh bun. Here's a day that couldn't get much better, It is the greatest that's ever been.It's so cool I ought'a wear a sweater, Just to hold on to that warm feeling.A miracle is something that you don't believe,You will receive, and then it happens. This is what I have to call a miracle,My heart is full and toes are tapping.Here's a day that couldn't get much betterIt is the greatest that's ever been.It's so cool I ought'a wear a sweater,Just to hold on to that warm feeling.Sure I know it's gonna take a lot of work，But here's the perk, I think I must say.When you're doing something that you really love,And so proud of, then work is like play.Here's a day that couldn't get much better It is the greatest that's ever been. It's so cool I ought'a wear a sweater,Just to hold on to that warm feeling.

[SpongeBob melts through the ice cube. He falls into the soda. He gets sucked up by a straw, which is being sucked up by SpongeBob. SpongeBob then jumps away]

[The scene changes to black and then shows the exterior of SpongeBob's pineapple. He opens the door and starts to jog to the Krusty Krab. A crash is heard off-screen. The scene moves to the origin of the crash. SpongeBob is laying down behind a line of fish.]

Harold: Hey, hey. Chill out, buddy. We all want to get into the Krusty Krab as much as you do.

[The scene shows that the line goes all of the way to the Krusty Krab. The scene returns to SpongeBob. He looks at his watch.]

SpongeBob: But I don't have time to wait in line. Sorry, but I can't be late today.

[SpongeBob steps on people's head's to get to the Krusty Krab.]

Mable-Monica: Ah! Isabelle Fish: Ooh! Sadie: What the? Frankie Billy: Hey! Fred: Ah! Tom: Eh! Shubie: Uh!

SpongeBob: Sorry, everyone, but Mr. Krabs needs me. [More fish make annoyed noises. Once SpongeBob reaches the end, the scene changes to the interior of the Krusty Krab. The scene shows several fish waiting on the door. SpongeBob Squeezes himself through the cracked between the doors and the ground. He enters the Krusty Krab. He lands in the arms of a greedy crab.] Reporting for duty, sir. [SpongeBob salutes Him. The Crab puts SpongeBob down in a seat next to an octopus.]

Mr.Eugene Harold Krabs:[first words] Sit down, boy.

SpongeBob: Happy eleventy-seventh, Squidward.

Mr. Krabs: [Walking past the table] Today's a big a day for the Krusty Krab. [Mr, Krabs ends up at a button.] So I want yous to listen up. [He pushes the button. It causes a shield to go around the Krusty Krab.] It's a perfect opportunity for Plankton to try and steal the Krabby Patty formula.

[Mr. Krabs pulls a lever that looks like a handle on a table. It causes a panel to open. The table goes down the panel and is replaced by a hologram table. It turns on a hologram of the Krusty Krab.]

Squidward Tentacles:[first words] Isn't that just the Krusty Krab?

Mr. Krabs: No. It's a holographic projection of the Krusty Krab. I want you two to watch all the entrances.

Squidward: You mean the front door and the back door?

[Mr. Krabs pushes a button on the hologram table.]

Mr. Krabs: Those are just the ones on the surface. [The hologram expands to show the duct work.] There is an entire network of tunnels and air ducts underground and I want all eyes on the look out!

SpongeBob: Aye, aye, Mr. Krabs.

[Eyes grow on SpongeBob, filling his holes.]

Mr. Krabs: Right. Study the map, stay extra vigilant. Don't fall asleep on the job. That means you, Squidward.

Squidward: What? I have never fallen asleep on duty.

Mr. Krabs: Don't make me have a flashback.

[A flashback begins. It shows Squidward sleeping at his station. Fred is on the other side of the Cash register. The scene changes to show SpongeBob opening the Krusty Krab broom closet to find Squidward sleeping. The scene changes to show a close shot of Frankie Billy about to eat a patty at the Krusty Krab. The shot widens to show Squidward sleeping on Frankie Billy's table. It also reveals that Frankie Billy is dining with Nancy. The scene changes to show a close shot of the sink in the Krusty Krab kitchen. Bubbles are coming out of the sink and Squidward's snoring is heard. The shot widens to show Squidward with his head in the sink. The scene changes to show SpongeBob on a Krusty Krab stall and reading a newspaper. Squidward's snores are heard. SpongeBob looks into the stall next to his and sees Squidward holding a newspaper and sleeping. The flashback ends.]

Squidward: All right, point taken.

[Mr. Krabs turns off the hologram.]

Mr. Krabs: And to help watch out for Plankton, I've hired some extra security.

[A dark figure is shown in the corner. He walks into the light. It is revealed to be a diwitt sea-star. He has an angry look on his face. He smacks his fist into his palm.]

Squidward: [While He is walking to them] You hired Patrick?

Mr. Krabs: What, you expect me to spend money on a real security guard? You are my first line of defense, Patrick. So, look out for any suspiciorous characters.

Patrick Star: [No longer having an angry face. Saluting.] [first words] Yes, sir. [Patrick surveys the area. He sees Squidward and pushes him to the wall] Who are you, and who are you working for?!

[Mr. Krabs chuckles]

Mr. Krabs: Plankton doesn't stand a chance.

[The scene changes to show the exterior of the Chum Bucket. It has a banner on it that reads, "Celebrating 50 years of failure." The scene pans in. As it pans in, the doors open and an image of the dining area is shown and it pans into that. The scene fades to a wide shot of the lab. A computer is show in her computer form and a tiny deep green planktonic copepod is show at his desk.]

Sheldon James Plankton:(first words) [As it is still panning in] It's a conspiracy, I tell you! A thousand and three times I've almost had that recipe, and a thousand and three times I've been launched by that Krabs! He celebrates eleventy-seven years of success, [The scene changes to show a medium shot of Plankton at his desk.] I'm left with four score and forty fortnights of failure! [The scene changes to show a closer shot of Plankton. He tears up.] I give up, Karen. Krabs has won!

Karen Plankton: [Off-Screen][first words] Well, you'll never get the formula with that attitude. [On-Screen] Maybe a thousand and four will be your lucky number.

Plankton: Oh, yeah? You try getting launched.

Karen: Oh, right, the launchings. [Her face is replaced by a loading bar and the word "accessing" above it.] I've got them all on my hard drive.

[The scene shows, on Karen's monitor, Mr. Krabs in a baseball uniform, exiting the Krusty Krab. The scene shifts to show just the scene. Mr. Krabs pushes Plankton into the air. Mr. Krabs does this with a glove that he is wearing. Mr. Krabs spits and then throws Plankton. Plankton hits the Chum Bucket. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs' claw putting down a golf tee. He puts Plankton on the tee. He is then shown in a golf outfit, holding a golf club. He then prepares to hit Plankton.]

Mr. Krabs: Fore!

[Mr. Krabs hits Plankton. Plankton hits the Chum Bucket.]

Plankton: Ow!

[The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs riding on a seahorse, wearing a polo uniform, and holding a polo stick. Plankton is shown running. away from the polo stick. Mr. Krabs hits Plankton. Plankton screams and hits the Chum Bucket. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs holding a slingshot with Plankton on it. Mr. Krabs is holding the slingshot back. Mr. Krabs releases the slingshot. Plankton screams and hits the Chum Bucket. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs in a hockey uniform holding a hockey stick. He is pushing Plankton on some ice that is outside of the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs hits Plankton. Plankton screams and hits the Chum Bucket. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs with a curling stone that has Plankton on it. Mr. Krabs pushes the curling stone on the ice. SpongeBob takes a broom and sweeps and walks backwards until he reaches the Chum Bucket. Plankton screams until he hits the Chum Bucket doors. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob in football uniforms. SpongeBob is holding Plankton horizontally in front of Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs runs up and kicks Plankton. Plankton screams and hits the Chum Bucket. There is a goal post painted on the Chum Bucket. SpongeBob pops and puts both his arms horizontally in the air, signally that Mr. Krabs got the point. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs holding Plankton, walking outside the Krusty Krab.]

Mr. Krabs: I'm tired today, Plankton. [He drops Plankton.] You're just gonna have to launch yourself.

[Mr. Krabs walks back inside. Plankton tears up. He walks to the Chum Bucket and hits his head on the door.]

Plankton: Splat.

[Plankton begins to cry. Karen's laughing is heard. The scene pans out to show the scene on Karen's monitor. The scene shifts to not-recording Plankton.]

Plankton: Karen?!

[The footage is removed and replaced with Karen]

Karen: I'm sorry. That last part always makes me laugh.

[Plankton jumps off his desk.]

Plankton: It's just no use!

Karen: [Off-Screen] Today's the [On-Screen] perfect day to steal the recipe. Krabs will be completely distracted by all the festivities. You can do this.

Plankton: You really think so?

Karen: Of course, I do. Now who's my big man?

Plankton: Oh, Karen.

Karen: Come on. Come on. Who's my big strong man?

Plankton: I am.

Karen:[last words] That's right. Now get out there and steal that recipe.

Plankton: [Saluting Karen] Yes, Ma'am!

[The scene changes to show fish outside of the Krusty Krab.]

Crowd: We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties!

[The scene changes to show a close up shot of the numbers on the Galley Grub menu.]

Mr. Krabs: [Off-Screen] Now to add some special anniversary deals to the menu. [Mr. Krabs' claw holding a pencil appears and he starts adding decimal points after the first zero in the prices and adding an extra zero at the end of the prices as he talks.] Krabby Patty... 20 bucks. 39 bucks. 30. [He chuckles. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs on a ladder next to the Galley Grub.] Oh, number zero, how I love you so. [Squidward walks into frame and Mr. Krabs starts to walk down the ladder.] SpongeBob!

[The scene shifts to show a similar scene as before, but with the frame moved down. SpongeBob runs into the frame.]

SpongeBob: Yes, Sir?

[Mr. Krabs finishes climbing down the ladder.]

Mr. Krabs: I'm putting you in charge of decorations.

[Mr. Krabs scribbles something on his clipboard.]

SpongeBob: Oh, but Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: Yes boy?

SpongeBob: I thought you said that I would be in charge of decorations.

Mr. Krabs: What? But you are.

SpongeBob: I am? [SpongeBob flings his arms in the air] Yay! [SpongeBob runs around with his arms in the air.] Yeah! Yeah!

Mr. Krabs: Squidward! I had chores for you, but you won't do 'em anyway.

Squidward: It only took you eleventy-seven years for you to figure that out?

[The scene shows SpongeBob next to Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs takes out two quarters.]

Mr. Krabs: Here's your budget, boy. [He gives SpongeBob the quarters.] Decorate it any way you want.

SpongeBob: Wow! Fifty cents!

Squidward: You’re letting SpongeBob decorate? Remember all the other times SpongeBob decorated?

Squidward, SpongeBob, and Mr. Krabs: Hmm...

[A flashback begins. It shows the interior of the Krusty Krab with a western theme. Frankie Billy and Evelyn are shown at a table. On the table is the bone of a cow head. The floor looks like a desert. It has rocks and cacti on it. The lights have been replaced by a western-style chandelier. The metal wall has been replaced with a gray wood one. The doors have been replaced by saloon doors. The scene pans to show Squidward in the order boat. The boat has wagon wheel next to it. The order window looks like an old style window with red shutters. SpongeBob pops his head out of the window. He is wearing a cowboy hat and holding a tray of food.]

Cowboy SpongeBob: Yee-haw!

[SpongeBob laughs. The scene changes to show the interior of the Krusty Krab with a 1970s theme. Frankie Billy and Evelyn are shown at a table. On the table is a lava lamp. The floor is a rug. The window has green wallpaper with a pattern on it. The metal wall has orange and red striped wall paper on it. The lights have been replaced by a disco ball. The boxes that are in the rafters have been pained with a blue pattern. The doors have been replaced by bead entrances. The scene pans to show Squidward in the order boat. The boat has carpet material around it. The order window has been painted to have a blue and red pattern. SpongeBob pops his head out of the window. He is wearing an Afro wig and holding a tray of food.]

Disco-Man SpongeBob: You come here often?

[SpongeBob laughs. The scene changes to show the interior of the Krusty Krab with a space theme. Frankie Billy and Evelyn are shown at a table. They are wearing space helmets. The tables have been replaced and the barrels have been replaced with moon craters which goes along with the moon floor. The window has space wallpaper on it. The lights have been replaced by images of Mars, a moon, and Saturn. The doors have been replaced by doors that have two sides and jagged edges and open up, instead of go outward. The scene pans to show Squidward in the order boat. The order boat looks similar to a moon rover. The metal wall has stars and a meteor. The order window looks similar to the doors. Squidward is wearing a space helmet. The order window opens and things and Squidward go through it. The scene then shows Squidward in space. He is screaming. He passes SpongeBob who is wearing his water helmet. He is cooking on his grill. He laughs. The flashback ends.]

Squidward, SpongeBob, and Mr. Krabs: Hmm...

[Mr. Krabs turns to Squidward.]

Mr. Krabs: Well, you want want to do it, then?

Squidward: No.

Mr. Krabs: Then shut your porthole.

Squidward: Battening down the word hatches, sir.

[Squidward and Mr. Krabs walk away. SpongeBob looks at the two quarters. He smiles. He flies up into the air. The scene changes to show the inside of the bathroom. SpongeBob prances into the bathroom. He goes into a stall, takes out a pair of tongs and grabs the end of a pink toilet paper roll. The scene changes to the exterior of the bathroom. Squidward is walking by. SpongeBob runs out of the bathroom holding on to the tongs which are holding on to the toilet paper. Squidward stops. SpongeBob takes a piece of the toilet paper, twirls it around, and throws it up and swings on it. He swings around a pole, making the toilet paper look like a swirl on the pole. He lands on a table. The table spins around and ends up with bows on it. SpongeBob jumps in the air and lands between Patrick and Squidward. He twists the toilet paper around Patrick making him look muscular with a bow belt. Patrick flexes. SpongeBob twirls the toilet paper in the air and twists it around Squidward's head. He ends up with two bows on his head, which are connected to his mouth.]

Squidward: What? What are you...?

[SpongeBob pulls on one of the strings that is attached to the bow. It makes Squidward smile.]

SpongeBob: There we go.

[SpongeBob runs off twirling the toilet paper. He runs across the top and bottom of the main windows, giving them bows. He twirls the toilet paper and dances. The scene changes to show SpongeBob in the kitchen. He is stepping on a ketchup bottle and a mustard bottle. The scene shifts to show the back of SpongeBob. Above him, there is a banner that is written in ketchup and mustard. It reads, "Eleventy-Seventh Anniversary." The scene changes to show SpongeBob squeezing a mustard bottle. He is then show squeezing a mustard bottle. Part of either the bathroom or kitchen door is shown. It shows the mustard and the ketchup crossing over to look similar to a strand of DNA. The scene changes to show mustard going on a wall in a wave pattern. The scene changes to show a table. SpongeBob puts a design on the table. SpongeBob is then shown tip-toeing sideways while holding a bottle of mustard and ketchup. He then spins it around. The scene changes to show a Krabby Patty. SpongeBob puts a hose in the Krabby Patty. SpongeBob is then shown pushing a pressure handle. It inflates the Krabby Patty. The scene then shows Krabby Patties that are attached to string. They are on the ceiling. The last patty floats up. The scene pans out to show the decorated Krusty Krab. The banner is now in the dining area and the order boat has bows on it. The kitchen door is shown. He walks out. SpongeBob floats down to him on a Krabby Patty balloon. SpongeBob releases it and it floats away.]

SpongeBob: Your change, sir.

[SpongeBob gives Mr. Krabs the 2 quarters.]

Mr. Krabs: Good work boy. What, that's it?

[SpongeBob walks away. Mr. Krabs takes out his clipboard.]

Mr. Krabs: Decorations, check. Security?

[Patrick is shown standing outside the bathroom. Squidward leaves the bathroom. Patrick sees Squidward and pushes him to the wall. The scene returns to Mr. Krabs.]

Mr. Krabs: Check.

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