Episode Transcript: Boating Buddies

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Episode Article: Boating Buddies

Characters

Squidward
SpongeBob
Mrs. Puff
Gary
Policeman
Students in Boating School
Grandma

Dialouge

(Episode starts at SpongeBob's house, and SpongeBob is brushing Gary's shell)

SpongeBob: ...97, 98, 99, 100. Okay Gary, let's do the other side now. Gary, can you hear that? (Gary is confused, then SpongeBob walks outside, and over to Squidward) Oh Squiward, it's you. I thought I heard something.

Squidward: SpongeBob, i've been sitting here motionless for 45 minutes. What could you possibly have heard me doing?

SpongeBob: Breathing.

Squidward: SpongeBob, I will give you $5 if you let me enjoy the rest of my morning, in peace.

SpongeBob: (mouth open as a box) Okay! (Squidward takes out his wallet)

Squidward: Hey, I could have sworn I had $5 in here.

SpongeBob: I have it, Squidward, you gave it to me to leave you alone yesterday. (Squidward gets up) Squidward, you can have the $5 back. Mr. Krabs says...

Squidward: I don't care, what Mr. Krabs said! I just want... (bangs on the table, and the liquid in his cup spills on him)

SpongeBob: Coffee rain!

Squidward: It's hot chocolate. (walks away)

SpongeBob: Chocolate rainSome stay dry and others feel the pain Chocolate Rain A baby born will die before the sin

Chocolate Rain The school books say it can't be here again Chocolate Rain The prisons make you wonder where it went

Chocolate Rain Build a tent and say the world is dry Chocolate Rain Zoom the camera out and see the lie

Chocolate Rain Forecast to be falling yesterday Chocolate Rain Only in the past is what they say

Chocolate Rain Raised your neighborhood insurance rates Chocolate Rain Makes us happy 'livin in a gate

Chocolate Rain Made me cross the street the other day Chocolate Rain Made you turn your head the other way

Chocolate Rain History quickly crashing through your veins Chocolate Rain Using you to fall back down again

Chocolate Rain Seldom mentioned on the radio Chocolate Rain Its the fear your leaders call control

Chocolate Rain Worse than swearing worse than calling names Chocolate Rain Say it publicly and you're insane

Chocolate Rain No one wants to hear about it now Chocolate Rain Wish real hard it goes away somehow

Chocolate Rain Makes the best of friends begin to fight Chocolate Rain But did they know each other in the light?

Chocolate Rain Every February washed away Chocolate Rain Stays behind as colors celebrate

Chocolate Rain The same crime has a higher price to pay chocolate Rain The judge and jury swear it's not the face

Chocolate Rain Dirty secrets of economy Chocolate Rain Turns that body into GDP

Chocolate Rain The bell curve blames the baby's DNA Chocolate Rain But test scores are how much the parents make

Chocolate Rain 'Flippin cars in France the other night Chocolate Rain Cleans the sewers out beneath Mumbai

Chocolate Rain 'Cross the world and back its all the same Chocolate Rain Angels cry and shake their heads in shame

Chocolate Rain Lifts the ark of paradise in sin Chocolate Rain Which part do you think you're 'livin in?

Chocolate Rain More than 'marchin more than passing law Chocolate Rain Remake how we got to where we are.

! (Squidward is still walking) Squidward! (Squidward runs screaming) Squidward, wait! (scene then shows both of them running for a while, then Squidward gets to his boat. Tries to open it but can't)

Squidward: It's locked!

SpongeBob: Squidward! Squidward! (Squidward screams, then jumps in the boat, then tries to start it but it won't start)

Squidward: Huh? (realizes the key isn't there) The key! Oh, where did I put that stupid...

SpongeBob: (as he is yelling, Squidward is searching) Squidward! Squidward!

Squidward: Oh, why can't I just find... (SpongeBob makes it to the boat)

SpongeBob: Squidward?

Squidward: What?!

SpongeBob: You left your keys on the table back there. (Squidward starts the boat) Hey Squidward?

Squidward: Yes?

SpongeBob: Didn't you used to have one of those cucumber bicycles?

Squidward: Oh, (laughs) that was a recumber bicycle, and I sold it.

SpongeBob: Why?

Squidward: So I could get further away from you! (rushes off)

SpongeBob: Okay, I'll see you later then, Squidward.

Squidward: Bon voyage, nincompoop! (Squidward accidently runs through a stop sign, literally. He then realizes he is being chased by cops) What the? (pulls over, then the policeman walks up) Can I help you, officer?

Policeman: No, but you can help yourself to this ticket.

Squidward: (gasps) Ticket? Officer, please! I have impenetrable boat smarts! I pried my self in obtaining an un-soiled driving record! It's all that I have!

Policeman: Well, you can have it again, right after you complete boating school. (drives off)

Squidward: Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo? (cuts to Mrs. Puff's boating school) Boating school. (knocks on door) Oh well, it's just one day out of your life Squiddy. How bad can it be? (SpongeBob opens the door)

SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward! (Squidward cries, then the bell rings)

Mrs. Puff: Good morning class. Would everyone please take a seat? (SpongeBob sits)

SpongeBob: Psst, Squiward, sit here. Here.

Squidward: Um, excuse me, there don't seem to be any empty seats left.

Mrs. Puff: But there's one right next to SpongeBob. (Squidward sits there, and SpongeBob touches him)

Squidward: Do you mind?!

SpongeBob: Don't worry Squidward, we're boating buddies now! I'll teach you everything I know, and then we can...

Squidward: We won't be doing anything, because there is no we! Understand?

Mrs. Puff: Quiet in the front please.

SpongeBob: Oh, I understand. I understand perfectly, boating buddy.

Mrs. Puff: Okay, class, how about we get to know our new students, by telling each other why we were sentenced to... I mean why we are enrolled in boating school.

Student: Um, I got caught speeding.

Mrs. Puff: Very good. Next.

Student: I don't see what's so very good about it.

Mrs. Puff: No, I didn't mean very...

Student: (sighs) I know exactly what you meant.

Mrs. Puff: Next.

SpongeBob: Oh, I am here because I...

Mrs. Puff: We all know why you're here, SpongeBob. What about you, sir. (refering to Squidward)

Squidward: Me?

Mrs. Puff: Yes. Would you like to tell the rest of the class, why you're with us today?

Squidward: Why i'm... (sees SpongeBob staring, and breathing at him) All right, i'll tell you. I was trying to get away, from him! He is the vain, of my exsistance!

Mrs. Puff: Your's too? Uhh... What I meant to say was, please come up to the chalkboard, and draw a diagram of the incident.

Squidward: Gladly. (begins drawing what he is saying) It all started when I left my house. And then, he appeared. He made, an immediate right turn, and parked, here. (refering to Squidward's house) Seeing the oncoming hazard, I looked both ways, and proceeded safely toward my vehicele. It was then, that I realized that I was being followed, at an unsafe distance. So, in order to create more optimal driving conditions, I was then forced to par-take in (screeches the chalk board) evasive action. And by increasing speed slightly, I created a safety cushion, while in-invertenttly attracting the attention, of said law inforcement offical. May I sit down now, sweet cheeks?

Mrs. Puff: Why, certainlly. And perhaps now, SpongeBob would like to come up, and illustrate his side of the story.

Squidward: His side?

SpongeBob: Well, first, I started over here. And then I went way over here. Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo, like that. Then, I went around like this, and over here like that, and across this lane, and down here like this, and then... (continues writing, without speaking) ...and then I went around, and stopped right here. (SpongeBob writes "SpongeBob + Squidward, Best Boating Buddies 4-ever")

All: SpongeBob and Squidward, best boating buddies, forever? (all are confused, then SpongeBob sits down)

SpongeBob: Do you like it Squidward?

Squidward: Shut it. (bell rings, then cuts to everyone eating lunch, and SpongeBob sits next to Squidward)

SpongeBob: Ah, lunch time, eh boating buddy? (SpongeBob sits, and Squidward walks away, over to the trash cans)

Squidward: I'll have to eat over here, like in grade school. (Squidward is about to eat, then SpongeBob pops up from a trash can)

SpongeBob: Squidward, do you have any mustard in there? (Squidward runs away screaming, then cuts to the bathroom, where Squidward is eating)

Squidward: Mm, bon appetite, Squidy. (is about to eat, but then sees SpongeBob's feet in the other stall. Squidward gets angry, and throws his sandwich on the ground) You've ruined my morning, you've ruined my lunch, and you're ruining my... (door opens, revealing that it's a muscular tough fish, with feet that looks like SpongeBob's. Scene cuts to Squidward walking to his seat, bandaged up)

Mrs. Puff: Okay class, it's time for our behind the wheel lesson. Squidward, you'll be riding with SpongeBob.

Squidward: Eh, didn't see that coming. (cuts to them in a boat)

Mrs. Puff: Now, we're going to take this nice and slow. SpongeBob, what do we do when pulling away from the curb?

SpongeBob: Uh, step on the gas?

Mrs. Puff: Good. Nice and easy. Now let's slowly... (SpongeBob steps on the petal, and Mrs. Puff screams)

Squidward: SpongeBob, look out! (they bump through the cones, then they barge out through the fence, then they go through a red light) SpongeBob, give me that wheel!

SpongeBob: I got it, I got it. (they fight over it)

Squidward: Just let go of it! (the steering wheel breaks, and Mrs. Puff screams. They drive into grandma)

Grandma: Hooligans! (they drive through the Barg 'n Mart, and a costume shop, and they are about to drive into a secret lab)

Scientest 1: Johnson, I finally figured out a way to shrink an ordinary mail man, down to the size of a grain of sand.

Johnson: How?

Scientist 1: By using this shrink ray. (he pulls a lever that turns it on, then the boat comes in, and they get shrunk instead)

Johnson: Mother of mercy! (they shrink) Where'd they go?

Scientist 1: There! There heading right for that discarded potato chip. (mail man growls)

Johnson: What's the matter?

Scientist 1: Potato chips are his favorite snack. (he breaks out) Johnson! (is about to eat it, but then gets sprayed with water)

Johnson: No, no, no. (they then go through a drain. A cowboy is about to drink from a drinking fountain, but then Mrs. Puff and SpongeBob come out and return to normal size)

Cowboy: I never will understand these city folk.

SpongeBob: Hey, where'd Squidward go? (the tough fish from earlier is going to go to the bathroom again, and Squidward returns to normal in the toilet)

Squidward: I was just leaving. [[(cuts to Squidward walking toward his desk all bandaged up)

Mrs. Puff: Okay class, it's time to take our final exam. Please have your pencils ready.

SpongeBob: Pst, hey, boating buddy, if you need any help, i've taken this test hundreds of times, and...

Squidward: How many times do I have to tell you?! I am not your buddy! I don't need your help, and I don't need you, ever! Now just kindly let me take this stupid test, so I can get out of here, and never have to see you again, for the rest of my life!

SpongeBob: Okay Squidward, if that's the way you want it.

Squidward: Thank you. (tries to pick up his pencil, then picks it up in both hands, but then it drops and rolls out the room)

Mrs. Puff: 3 more minutes class.

Squidward: SpongeBob? SpongeBob, I need your help.

Mrs. Puff: 2 more minutes.

Squidward: SpongeBob, please? This is important.

SpongeBob: You said you didn't need my help, Squidward, and that you didn't need me.

Squidward: No no, I didn't. I never said that. (Student play's back what Squidward said) I don't need your help, and I don't need you! (now talking) Jerk! All right, I said it. But that was before.

SpongeBob: Before what?

Squidward: Before... before...

Mrs. Puff: 1 more minute, class.

Squidward: Before we were, (gulps) boating buddies.

SpongeBob: Yay!

Mrs. Puff: Okay class, times up.

Squidward: Time can't be up. I didn't even get a chance to fill in a single answer. What am I supposed to do?

Mrs. Puff: You do the same thing that everybody else does who failed the test, you take it again next week.

Squidward: Next week?

SpongeBob: Don't worry Squidward, I've never gotten 1 answer right on this test. But we'll meet again next week, at Mrs. Puff's boating school! (Squidward screams)

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