Episode Transcript: A Flea in Her Dome

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Episode Article: A Flea in Her Dome

Characters

Dialogue

(SpongeBob is crying outside his house)

Patrick: There There, SpongeBob. No need to cry.

SpongeBob: Yes there is, Patrick. Sandy's been gone for two whole days.

Patrick: Two whole days? (cries so hard his eyes come out and tears are falling out of his sockets)

SpongeBob: Oh, why'd she have to go to that science convention in Texas?

Patrick: Texas? (cries more)

SpongeBob: She won't be back for one whole hour, twenty-six minutes, and forty-seven seconds!

Patrick: Oh, forty-seven seconds... (cries) I miss Sandy so much. Her tentacles, the way she plays clarinet. (grows Squid's nose) Her massive nose.

SpongeBob: Patrick, that's Squidward. He's not gone, he's right here.

Squidward: (planting flowers) No, I'm not. (walks inside)

SpongeBob: I sure do miss that squirrel. Her karate chopping. That 10-gallon glass dome over her dome. And who can forget those buck teeth? After Sandy gets back, we're gonna let her know how much we miss her.

Patrick: Is Sandy the one I call "mom"?

SpongeBob: No, Patrick, that's your mother. But that does give me an idea. We'll throw Sandy the mother of all welcome home parties. Patrick, to the tree dome. (Patrick cheers. Cut to Sandy's tree dome where SpongeBob and Patrick are carrying in pieces of wood and some tools. They paint "Welcomandy!" on a sign because they ran out of the room. Patrick tries to blow up a balloon but his head is inside a bowl. SpongeBob points up to the tree and they jump down from it, filling up the balloon with air but they can't touch the ground due to the balloon lifting them up. Cut to SpongeBob putting the finishing touches on a round cake that reads "Welcome Home Sandy!". When he puts down the icing, the cake is gone. Patrick is chewing it but when he takes it out of his mouth, it's in the shape of Texas. Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick lifting up a banner that reads "Welcome Dome Sandy!") We've readied this place for Sandy's arrival which should be in about... whoa, right now! (bus drops off Sandy. Both SpongeBob and Patrick run out to her)

SpongeBob: (singing) Welcome home, Sandy. You know that we missed ya.

Bus Driver: No! No one wants to hear you sing!

Sandy: Sorry, SpongeBob, he's got a fierce no singing policy.

SpongeBob: That's quite all right, Miss Cheeks. As long as you don't have a fierce "no partyin'" policy. (Sandy laughs) First, cake, then we'll karate chop and then...

Sandy: Wow, guys. You two... uh, really know how to... uh, throw a party. (scratches her neck)

SpongeBob: I knew it! You have been itchin' to see us.

Sandy: Well, something's been making my skin crawl.

SpongeBob: Maybe a slice of cake will take your mind off your crawling hide? (cut to SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy sitting at the table) Patrick and I made this cake especially for your return.

Patrick: This is gonna taste so good again.

SpongeBob: Dig in, Sandy.

Sandy: (scratching herself with the fork) Uh... look tasty, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: You okay, Sandy?

Sandy: I'm fine. My skin just hasn't adjusted to this here underwater air. (she's shedding hair all over the food. SpongeBob pushes his plate away while Patrick combs his hair on his food)

SpongeBob: Uh, hey, Sandy? Sandy? (takes out a present) Surprise, Patrick and I chipped in and got you a little somethin' somethin'.

Sandy: Aw, guys, you shouldn't have. (opens present to reveal a giant clam board) A new itch board... I mean, a new snow bard. Boy, I can't wait to scratch this down Cafe Mountain.

SpongeBob: Don't you mean ride this down Scab Mountain?

Sandy: Thank you very rawness, SpongeBob and Pat.

SpongeBob: Uh, you're welcome, Sandy. Hey, are you still up for some karate chops?

Sandy: Yes.... Rashy sore... I mean, sure. (cut to both having their gloves on but Sandy still scratching)

SpongeBob: You ready? (Sandy's grunting) And how about now? You ready?

Sandy: Creeping critters, feels like something's bitin' me. (looks inside her skin to find a bug biting her) I've got a flea? Well, I ain't gonna take that without a fight. Hi-ya! (karate chops the flea but it jumps into her right leg) I'll get you. Hi-ya, hi-ya, hi-ya! (karate chops and gnawls at her leg) SpongeBob, ah... my suitcase, hurry. I'm ashamed of saying this, SpongeBob, but while I was in Texas, I seem to have picked up a flea.

SpongeBob: What's a flea?

Sandy: A flea is a dastardly little vermin that bites us air breathers. (puts on a spikey collar) But this here flea collar will send the critter a-runnin'. (flea jumps onto SpongeBob’s right hand)

SpongeBob: (laughs) He tickles. Oh, this isn't so bad. (flea bites him) Ow! He bit me! Got any more of those fancy collars, Sandy?

Sandy: No, but you can use this one right quick. (takes off her collar and puts it on SpongeBob. The flea jumps onto Patrick and bites a bunch. Patrick screams then laughs at all the red marks he has on his stomach)

Patrick: Connect the dots! (connects his bite marks) I drawn a horsie. Ouch, why does this flea keep biting me?

Sandy: 'Cause he's hungry. When a flea bites ya, it's cause he's suckin' up your blood for nutrition.

Patrick: I've been bit by a vampire flea! No...! I'm going to turn into a vampire now! It's already happening! (makes noises)

Sandy: Patrick, there ain't no such thing as vampires.

Patrick: Yah, doesn't matter. Oh, this itch is killing me. (takes the collar and wraps it around his waist. The flea jumps onto Sandy)

Sandy: Ah... give me that! (takes the collar and puts it around her neck) Whew. (flea jumps onto SpongeBob and bites him)

SpongeBob: Sandy, please, help me!

Sandy: I need this!

SpongeBob: I need it more! (SpongeBob takes the collar causing the flea to jump to Patrick. Then Patrick grabs the collar causing the flea to jump into Sandy's nose and crawl across her eyes. This goes on for a while until the flea lays an egg on Sandy's head. More flea's emerge and jump on everyone)

Sandy: Enough, I will not take this anymore. (wraps the collar around all three of them) What ya gonna do now, punks? (fleas jump off) Looky, it worked! Whew! I'm glad that's over.

SpongeBob: Um, is that what "over" look like? (points to a pile of fleas)

Sandy:(fleas eat the belt) Run!

SpongeBob & Patrick: Okay. (all three run but the fleas act as a cannon and shoot their own kind at SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy)

Sandy: Ya'll got the aim of a cross-eyed armadillo. (screams) Run again!

SpongeBob & Patrick: Okay. (fleas surround the other three and make their skin puff up)

SpongeBob: Uh, thanks for having us, Sandy, but we gotta go. (the fleas block the exit. SpongeBob & Patrick scream until they see Squidward walking down the street)

SpongeBob & Patrick: (muffled) Help! Help!

Squidward: Just ignore them, Squidward and continue your power walk. heel toe, heel toe, heel toe, heel toe.

Sandy: Back off! (steps on fleas but the fleas surround her)

SpongeBob: Sandy! Oh, no! Are you okay?

Sandy: (spits out some fleas) Them varmints is tough! They're from Texas! Whew.

Patrick: It's gonna be all right, we will help you. (fleas fly in and SpongeBob and Patrick scream) Okay, you know what? None of this would have happened if you didn't come back with your infestation. All you've brought us is fleas and trouble and pain and itching ...and rash and pain and fleas and itching and ...pain. So much pain! So much pain. (to SpongeBob) And as for you... if you hadn't thrown his surprise party, we wouldn't be in this mess.

SpongeBob: Wait a minute. You had as much to do with this party as I did.

Patrick: You call this a party? I'm beginning to question our friendship.

SpongeBob: Stop smudging my helmet!

Patrick: Oh, I got half a mind, buddy.

Sandy: (shoves them both down) Will you two men stop yelling at each other? What's that gonna prove? If we're gonna get out of this, we gotta work together.

Patrick: You're right. I have an idea. SpongeBob, you get on Sandy's shoulders. (SpongeBob does so) Uh-huh, good. Now... (grunts) I'll get on top of you. (does so and grabs an apple from the tree and eats it) Ah, much better. (falls to the ground)

Sandy: I do not play games! (flea makes an pieces of eight of cryingness) Quick, get in the tree house. It's the only safe place left. (all three climb to the top of the tree) We should be protected here. (fleas come in through an opening of the tree that acts like a window) Hold on. (throws an acorn at a button named "emergency escape hatch". All three slip through a hole in the board onto the ground. The fleas surround them again)

SpongeBob: Is this how we're going to spend the rest of our lives? Living in fleas instead of water?

Patrick: Surprise!

Sandy: SpongeBob, that's it! Water! (puts on a water helmet and karate chops her way through the fleas and opens the door to cause the whole ocean water to come rushing into her dome and the fleas to disappear)

SpongeBob & Patrick: Water! (all the fish and water comes pouring into her dome and causing everyone to be squished inside against the glass)

SpongeBob: (through glass) It sure is good to have you back, Sandy. (cut to treedome exterior with small puddles of water surrounding the treedome)

Patrick: (through slass, outtake) Someone ate the window. By the way, I gotta go to the bathroom.

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