Episode Transcript: Sun Bleached

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A Life in a Day	Giant Squidward

Episode Article: Sun Bleached

Characters

Dialogue

(episode starts at Goo Lagoon. Patrick is running there wearing SpongeBob as a towel, and both are laughing. When they get there, he takes him off, then puts on his shorts)

SpongeBob: I thought you left your swimsuit at home.

Patrick: No, I just didn't want to get it all wrinkled up. Last one in is a rotten egg! (runs over to the lagoon laughing)

SpongeBob: Rotten eggs? (runs over to Patrick laughing. Cut to a lot of fish tanning. Nat Peterson takes out some tan accelerator)

Pink Fish: Honey.

Nat: Huh?

Pink Fish: You're not using that tan accelerator again, are you?

Nat: Oh, don't pretend you don't love it. (pours the entire thing on him, and he turns into a strip of bacon)

Craig: Good work man, (Pink Fish gasps) I see you've read my book.

Nat: Craig Mammalton?

Pink Fish: The tannest man on TV?

Craig: (laughs) None other. (winks, then a large crowd surrounds him)

Sadie: Oh, look at those gorgeous wrinkles.

Craig: What, these? (shows off his wrinkles, then everyone cheers)

Nancy: Oh, and his skin, it's so leathery.

Craig: Well, I don't mean to brag, but uh... (pulls off some of the skin on his feet, revealing leather, and everyone cheers again)

SpongeBob: Who's Craig Mammalton?

Harold: You don't know who Craig Mammalton is? He's like, so tan. Legend has it that his tan is so deep, that even his bones are a rich caramel brown!

SpongeBob an Patrick: Wow!

Patrick: His mother must be so proud.

Craig: Please, people, please. They'll be plenty of time to admire my body this weekend, at my annual summer shindig. (everyone cheers, then lines up to receive invitations)

SpongeBob: Wow Patrick, an invitation to our first summer shindig! And here it is! (Craig won't let go)

Craig: Can I help you, little fella?

SpongeBob: It seems to be stuck.

Craig: Yeah, I don't think this is your type of party. I don't want to embarrass you guys. Hey everyone, check this out! (everyone comes back) But this party is for the pigmentally gifted. (shows them the invitation)

SpongeBob: Must be this tan to enter.

Craig: And your skin is as light and smooth as a, well as a baby's bottom. (everyone laughs)

SpongeBob: Why thank you.

Patrick: We did put on a few extra coats of sun screen today.

SpongeBob: In fact, (gets a lot of sun block) it's time for another coat. (shapes it into a coat, and puts it on. Patrick also has a coat of sun block)

Patrick: We've gotta look our best.

Harold: (hides it with a cough) Losers. (everyone laughs)

Craig: You're not coming to my party, without a tan. (their coats fall off. Bubble-wipe to Patrick's rock. It then opens, revealing tanning lights)

SpongeBob: There, now that we've turned your rock into a tanning bed, we're sure to get tan enough for the party! Let's just test it out first to be sure. (places an apple in the tanning bed. Presses a button on the outside which turns it on. Looks at his watch, then turns it off. The apple is all dried out)

Both: Hooray! (both run around laughing)

Patrick: Me first! Me first! (rips off his pants, revealing black speedos, then jumps on the bed. SpongeBob then turns it on, then off. Patrick has a really good tan. Walks out)

SpongeBob: Ooh, Patrick, how do you feel?

Patrick: Like one of those hip young old folks on a soda commercial. (cut to real live old man in a soda commercial)

Old Man: It's radical! (drinks it) Radical! (drinks it again) Drink it! (cut back to SpongeBob and Patrick)

SpongeBob: My turn! (SpongeBob jumps in, and his pants and shirts vanish, revealing blue speedos) Remember Patrick, 15 seconds exactly.

Patrick: Got 'ya, 15 seconds, it'll take a few minutes.

SpongeBob: No, no, Patrick, 15 seconds exactly! It's really important... (Patrick turns the tanning bed on. SpongeBob is now tanning) It's working. (SpongeBob gets a good tan also) Okay Patrick, I'm done. (gets no answer) Patrick? Patrick, you there? (Patrick is listening to music outside SpongeBob's house) Patrick?

Patrick: What? Did somebody say something? (a car with five ladies drives up to him)

Ladies: Hey, there!

Lady #1: Is that tan for us?

Patrick: What? (they bring him into the boat and they drive off)

SpongeBob: Uh, Patrick, it's time for me to get out. (begins to dry out, speedos loosening. Time card appears)

French Narrator: Two hours later. (The boat then drives back up to Patrick's house)

Lady #2: Do you really have to go Patrick?

Patrick: Afraid so. Bye, girls.

Ladies: Bye, Pat.

Lady #3: Huh, he's so leathery. (Patrick turns off the tanning bed, then SpongeBob comes out with loose speedos, and he's "Sun Bleached")

'SpongeBob: (in dried out voice) Well Patrick, how do I look?

Patrick: (screams, and dances around in a ladies shoes and skirt) Oh, it's you. You don't look too good.

SpongeBob: What, what, what do you mean?

Patrick: See for yourself. (pulls out a mirror, and SpongeBob screams)

SpongeBob: I must have been under the tanning machine too long. (cries, then Patrick pulls off some of his skin)

Patrick: Eww, what are you gonna do?

SpongeBob: I'll ask Squidward, he's always so helpful. He'll know what to do. (cuts to them walking up to Squidward) Hi Squidward.

Squidward: What is it now, Sponge... (sees him and screams) Ghost! I'm sorry I was so mean to you while you were alive, please don't haunt me.

SpongeBob: Oh, I'm not a ghost, Squidward. (laughs) I used Patrick's tanning booth, and I stayed under too long.

Squidward: (laughs) Oh, this is too precious! You're sun bleached! Looks like you won't be at the party. (walks into his house, then opens his top window.) Sun Bleached!

SpongeBob: Huh, now I'll never get into that party.

Patrick: Hey, that's quitter talk mister! You're going to that party tonight! What you need, is a makeover! (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob on a rock next to Patrick. Uses a hose to make mud, then puts SpongeBob in it. Wipes the mud out of his eyes, then takes out a bag of Kelp Jerky) A little Kelp Jerky? Open wide. (puts 2 strips of Kelp Jerky on SpongeBob's teeth. Pulls out his arm pit hair, screams, then puts it on SpongeBob's head. Gives him a mirror) What do you think?

SpongeBob: (screams. Talks in his normal voice) I look, amazing! Time to go to the Party! (cuts to them walking down the street. SpongeBob pats a baby in a stroller) Oh what a cute little baby. Cootchie-cootchie-coo.

Sadie: MONSTER! (runs away, running over SpongeBob, then comes back and stomps on him then walks off screen)

Patrick: Well, hey buddy, look like you could use an ice cream. (cuts to them in an ice cream palace. SpongeBob is eating a shake, then eats the cherry)

SpongeBob: Oh yeah, that hit the spot. (SpongeBob's Puppy happily barks and wags his tail)

Patrick: (talking to cashier) One caramel sundae please. (cashier gives him one, then he goes back to the table)

SpongeBob: Oh, I think you'll have to go to the party without me Patrick. There's just no way I can get that golden brown in time. But that's no reason you shouldn't go. (Patrick throws some caramel on SpongeBob) Patrick, why did you...

Patrick: Can't talk, working.

SpongeBob: No, really Patrick, what are you... (Patrick smooths out the caramel, then puts a cherry on it) Uh, I feel sticky.

Patrick: Take a look. (SpongeBob looks at himself in a mirror)

SpongeBob: Wooh! (hugs Patrick) Thanks, Patrick. (tries to let go, but he can't) Uh, I'm stuck. (bubble-wipe to the Party. There is a long line, and Craig is judging the peoples tans. He let's one guy in, then another fish comes up)

Craig: Nice job, ma'am. Join the party! Ahem, but the baby's going to have to wait outside.

Pink Fish: But he's the perfect shade of tropical toddler.

Craig: Yes, but... (takes off his shorts, revealing that his butt is un-tan)

Pink Fish: (gasps) Tyler, how could you?

Craig: Now don't worry, ma'am. He can wait out here with the other rejects. (throws him in a trash can, next to a dumpster filled with fish)

Fish: Oh, no tears, son. We'll get in next year.

Craig: Next. (SpongeBob and Patrick walk up) Hey! Hey! Hey! Looks like you two took my advice! Nice job gentlemen. Come on in! (cut to the party, where a lot of people are dancing) All right, party people. It's time to roll out the portables. (some fish bring some tanning lights. Craig then sets the setting on the remote to "Golden". The tanning lights are making SpongeBob's caramel harden)

SpongeBob: Oh, no! Caramel, hardening! Gotta get out of here. (tries to walk out, but the caramel hardens) Patrick? Patrick?

Patrick: What?

SpongeBob: Can I get a little help here?

Patrick: Oh, sure thing pal. Hey everybody, make some room! The floor's all yours. Knock 'em dead, kid.

SpongeBob: No, Patrick I... (notices the people staring at him. Laughs nervously, then the caramel cracks, which reveals some light. All gasp, then the caramel breaks)

Frankie: So, bright!

Fish #2: Honey, look away! (Frankie's eye's melt. SpongeBob laughs nervously)

Fred: Nice job!

Harold: You're hideously white skin just ruined the party! I mean look at you! Do you hug your mother with that skin?! (everyone complains)

Tina: Can you believe this guy crashed your party? Craig? (Craig walks up to him)

Craig: I have seen this only one other time. It's the ultimate tan! He's... (pulls a strip from the invitation, revealing the color skin that SpongeBob has) ...Sun Bleached! (all gasp. Frankie puts his eyes back in his head, then gasps)

Frankie: Sun Bleached?

Craig: This young man... This young, hero, should be praised for his dedication to tanliness! (all cheer) If you guys are feeling it, we should all follow in his foot steps. (all cheer again) Frankie, crank it up. (Frankie uses the remote to put the lights on "Bleached". Everyone dances, then the camera pans up. Time card appears)

French Narrator: Two hours later... (camera pans back down, revealing that everyone is dust)

SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick, do you think that too much sun is a bad thing? (the wind blows the dust away, so now only their eyes are there)

Patrick: Whatever. I just go with the flow.

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