Episode Transcript: One Coarse Meal

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Episode Article: One Coarse Meal

Characters

SpongeBob SquarePants
Eugene H. Krabs
Sheldon J. Plankton
Plankton's Cousins
Pearl Krabs
Mime
Unnamed Whale that ate Plankton's Cousins

Dialogue

(episode begins at the Krusty Krab)

Mr. Krabs: (turns off lights, lights a cigar, and bathes in money) Ahh, that's the stuff. (sniffs) Hey, something don't smell right. SpongeBob! Hey, what are you burning out here, boy?

SpongeBob: (sniffs) Hmm... I'd say a hydrated explosive.

Mr. Krabs: EXPLOSIVE?! (cut to outside the Krusty Krab where Plankton is flying on a glider laughing evilly)

Plankton: Enjoy, Eugene! (activates bomb, which blows up roof)

Mr. Krabs: (with a wooden plank in his mouth) PLANKTON! (crunches the plank, breaking it) I just had that roof redone last week!

Plankton: You will be re-re-doing it when I'm through with you!

Mr. Krabs: Ready for instant? (SpongeBob takes off his hat and reveals a can of peas. Opens the can with his claw and pours all the peas into SpongeBob. Uses SpongeBob as a gun) Fire! (SpongeBob shoots peas at Plankton. The peas shoot through Plankton's air glider. Plankton blows a bubble over himself causing the peas to be deflected. The deflected peas hits the frying pans. One of the frying pans fall and hits SpongeBob. Plankton fires a missile at them) Take cover! (picks up SpongeBob and uses him as a shield, but the missile just falls straight to the ground) Oh, ha, ha, it didn't blow up. Another dud, Plankton.

Plankton: Another dud huh? (pushes a button which causes the missile to transform into a robotic arm and it squeezes Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob)

Mr Krabs: Oh, you're playin' with fire now, Plankton!

Plankton: No need to get worked up with this, Krabs. Just give me the secret formula and off I go.

Mr. Krabs: Well, you ain't gettin' it

Plankton: Well, I constrict you to reconsider. (presses a button and the arm squeezes harder)

Mr. Krabs: Oh, go jump of a plank!

Plankton: Oh well, I have other ways of getting it when I need. Where is the formula, Krabs? (tickles Mr. Krabs with feather. Mr. Krabbs laughs) Still not going to talk 'ey, Krabs? (tickles Mr. Krabs' nose with the feather causing him to sneeze and blowing Plankton to the ground) OK Krabs, I see you're still not going to crack but I don't think your underling is of the same metal.

SpongeBob: I'll never talk

Plankton: Well, we'll see what Mr.Feather has to say about that,

SpongeBob: OK, OK! but I don't how to get into the safe behind the painting in Mr. Krabs' office that houses the secret formula! He won't let me near it! (everyone pauses)

Plankton: Clever, behind the painting 'ey, Krabs?

Mr. Krabs: Errrrrrrr...

Plankton: (sniffs) Say what am I smelling? You got something burning?

SpongeBob: (sniffs) Smells like blubber to me,

Plankton: Bl-bl-blubber?

Pearl: Daddy!

Plankton: (screams) Call off your daughter Krabs! CALL HER OFF!!

Mr. Krabs: She's a big girl, Plankton. I have no control over what she does. Oh, and you better watch out. I think she's extra hungry today.

Plankton: Stay back whale! I'm pippy to what you do to organisms like me. I've seen those documentaries! (as he says this, he backs up into the freezer)

Pearl: Did he just go into the freezer?

Plankton: (exits freezer and walks out the door) Don't say it!

Pearl: I prefer salad over Plankton anyway.

Mr. Krabs: Who knew Plankton was so afraid of whales? (chuckles evilly) Pearl, me darling daughter, you saved my business and my Formular now get us out of this trap.

Pearl: Mall money.

Mr. Krabs: Alright, alright. You're gettin' more like your old man every day. (gives dollar to Pearl) Pearl, why don't you swing to the Chum Bucket on your way to the mall? Give Plankton a little scare?

Pearl: Double my mall money!

Mr. Krabs: (grunts) Alright, SpongeBob. It's your turn!

SpongeBob: Here you go, Pearl. Buy something pretty.

Pearl: Hey, this isn't money!

SpongeBob: No, it's even better! It's the money Mr. Krabs pays me with. (money is shown) Mr. Krabs' Wacky Bucks!

Mr. Krabs: (to himself) It's all catching up to me... (to Pearl) Please, Pearl?

Pearl: No way! The Chum Bucket is, like, totally gross!

Mr. Krabs: Hmmm... in that case, I'll need to borrow one of your dressers.

SpongeBob: Hummina-hunh?

Pearl: (at the same time) Huh?! (bubble-wipe to the Chum Bucket. Plankton runs inside)

Karen: My triumphant husband returns. How'd you fail this time?

Plankton: Krabs had a whale!

Karen: You mean his big, scary, teenage daughter?

Plankton: I hear that mocking tone in your voice Karen, and I don't appreciate it! Don't you remember what happened to my ancestors at the hands of those beasts? (Plankton's family is shown having a picnic before being eaten by a whale)

Karen: OK. When you take a break from your delusional paranoia, the trash needs some attention. It's ripened. (bubble-wipe to Plankton taking out the trash)

Pearl: (emerges from dumpster) I'M HUNGRY!!

Plankton: NO!! (runs back inside and bars the door) That should keep her out!

Pearl: (sneaks up behind him) I WANT PLANKTON MEAT!

Plankton: Holy crap! (runs out the lab) Karen! She's here! She got in!

Karen: What are you talking about?

Plankton: There's a whale in the laboratory!

Karen: Are you out of your mind?

Plankton: See for yourself!!

Karen: (checks the lab) No whale in here.

Plankton: I swear! A whale was just in here. She was next to the transmutator. She was right here in this spot! Her mouth all frothy, her blowhole blowing!

Karen: Oh that's enough Plankton! If you'll excuse me, I have to get back to more permanent primary functions. (rolls away)

Plankton: Karen! Karen--!

Karen: I'm not listening! Hm hm hm! (time card appears)

French Narrator: 16 paranoia-filled days later...

Karen: (off microphone) Plankton, your dinner is ready. Plankton, can you hear me?

Plankton: Yes, Karen. I can hear you. Could you please bring it up? I can't risk stepping into the light. The whale might see me. (cries. Mr. Krabs, in a costume looking like Pearl, laughs. Bubble-wipe to night. Plankton is shown having a nightmare) No! No, no! (he is seen being chased by Pearl and falls into her blowhole) Whoa! (lands in Pearl's mouth) Hey! Get me out of here! (Pearl flings him into her throat with her tongue) No, no! (falls into her stomach, where his ancestors find him)

Grand-Dad: Hey, Plankton! Glad you could join the rest of the family!

Plankton: Grand-Dad?

Grand-Dad: Yep, and you're pretty brave standing in that there gastric acid.

Plankton: Gastric acid? (his body is half-burned. Screams while Pearl laughs evilly and lightning strikes. Wakes up from nightmare and screams) I CAN'T TAKE IT! Oh, this is driving me crazy! (cries. Mr. Krabs takes off his disguise and laughs. Bubble-wipe to morning; crying) What's the point of going on? I'll just be tortured for the rest of my life by that whale! (lies down) That's it. I'm done. The 4:15 bus should be here any time now.

SpongeBob: Hi, Plankton. Whatchya doin' laying on the middle of the road?

Plankton: Go away, CheeseHead! Can't you see I'm trying to get run over? In fact, better yet just step on me as hard as you can, will ya?

SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Plankton, but that flies in the face of my good nature.

Plankton: Forget it kid. I'll just wait for the next bus. Go on back to the Krusty Krab and enjoy yourself.

SpongeBob: Okay! (bubble-wipe to the Krusty Krab)

Mr. Krabs: (erases a picture of Plankton) Goodbye, pipsqueak!

SpongeBob: Sorry to interrupt your gloating, sir. I just thought it would be pertinent for you to know that Plankton is laying on the street, forlorn.

Mr. Krabs: Really? He's a mess!

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, I know you and Plankton are both sworn enemies and all, but putting on a dress to frighten him? Isn't that taking it a little too far?

Mr. Krabs: May I remind you of the fact that you've disclosed the location of me safe, where I keep the secret formula?

SpongeBob: No need to remind me, sir. I've broken Rule #2 in the employee rulebook: Never disclose the location of the secret formula! Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. I'll fix this. (bubble-wipe to Plankton)

Plankton: (angrily) Man, what does it take to get run over around here?!

SpongeBob: Hi, Plankton.

Plankton: What, do you have mud in your ears? TAKE A HIKE!

SpongeBob: Yes, I remember. But I just wanted to tell that the secret formula is not, I repeat NOT, in the safe behind the painting in the Krusty Krab.

Plankton: What difference does it make? There's no point ever since I've been tortured by that blasted whale.

SpongeBob: Don't worry. Everyone has a secret fear! For instance, Mr. Krabs' secret fear is... (whispers in Plankton's ear)

Plankton: Really?

SpongeBob: Mmm-hmm, and guess what else? that was Mr. Krabs in whale suit that you've been scared of.

Plankton: So, you're saying that this whole time it was Krabs masquerading as a whale?! (angrily) Why that conniving bottomfeeder!

SpongeBob: But certainly, you wouldn't have use for such innocuous information, would you?

Plankton: No, of course not.

SpongeBob: Well, back to your self-destructive behavior, Plankton. Thank you for this talk!

Plankton: No, no. Thank you! (laughs evilly. Bubble-wipe to the Krusty Krab)

Mr. Krabs: This is almost too fun! (puts on the Pearl costume) Plankton ain't even a challenge no more!

Plankton: Oh, is that so.

Mr. Krabs: Oh, Plankton. Back for more, aren't ya? Okay, here it goes. (breaths deeply) Boo!

Plankton: You don't scare me, Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: I ain't Krabs, I'm... uh, I mean... (in Pearl's voice) I'm Pearl, not Krabs.

Plankton: The jig is up, Krabs. I know all about the suit, and your secret fear!

Mr. Krabs: Secret fear? (takes off the head; in regular voice) What are you talkin' about?

Plankton: See for yourself. (the robotic arm squeezes Mr. Krabs) Enjoy the show! (a mime is shown)

Mr. Krabs: No. No. Muh-muh-make it stop! Make it stop!

Plankton: Doesn't feel so good on the other end of the stick, doesn't it, scaredy pants? I feel wonderful!

SpongeBob: Um, Plankton, if I were you I wouldn't be so smug.

Plankton: Why?

SpongeBob: Because a hungry pod of whales have just arrived for its early feeding. (whales are outside)

Plankton: (screams) Not another feeding! Get me out of here! (removes a nail from the floor and jumps inside. SpongeBob puts a cork in the hole, turns off a projector, making the whales disappear, and gets Mr. Krabs out of the robot arm)

Mr. Krabs: Whew! You really redeemed yourself boy! (to mime) Okay, you're beginning to creep me out.

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