Episode Transcript: Good Ol' Whatshisname

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!Back Episode Transcript
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|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transscript: Boat Smarts|Boat Smarts]]
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|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transcript: Boat Smarts|Boat Smarts]]
|[[Episode Transscript: New Digs|New Digs]]
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|[[Episode Transcript: New Digs|New Digs]]
 
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Episode Article: [[Good Old Whathisname]]
+
Episode Article: [[Good Ol' Whatshisname (Episode)|Good Ol' Whathisname]]
  
 
==Characters==
 
==Characters==
*[[SpongeBob]]
+
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
*[[Patrick]]
+
*[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]]
*[[Squidward]]
+
*[[Eugene H. Krabs|Mr. Krabs]]
*[[Mr. Krabs]]
+
 
*[[What Zit Tooya]]
 
*[[What Zit Tooya]]
 +
*[[Patrick Star|Patrick]]
 +
*[[Bikini Bottom Police Force|Officer]] Johnson
 +
*[[Nancy|Susie Fish]]
 +
*[[Gus]]
 +
*[[The Pink Fish|Chirstina]]
 +
*[[Thaddeus]]
 +
*Lenny
  
 +
==Dialogue==
 +
(Mr. Krabs is laughing in his office as he is reading a book. SpongeBob and Squidward enter)<br>
  
(Mr Krabs is laughing in his office as he is reading a book. Spongebob and Squidward enter)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Exciting reading Mr Krabs?<br>
  
Spongebob: Exciting reading Mr Krabs?<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Oh, you bet you SpongeBob. Listen to this. Individual waste of the enus will substantially broaden the probability of multiple substantial visits, generating an inverse negative revenue margin of three quarters and one half of one percent: meaning if you call the customers by their names, they keep coming to spend more of their green back! So I want you two to learn the names of every customer.<br>
  
Mr Krabs: Oh, you bet you Spongebob. Listen to this. Individual waste of the enus will substenualy broaden the probablility
+
'''Squidward''': I have an important life to live, and it doesn't include chattering with you two ninnies.<br>
of multiple substental visits, generating an inverse negative revenue margin of three quarters and one half of one percent:
+
meaning if you call the customers by their names, they keep coming to spend more of their green back! So I want you two to
+
learn the names of every customer.<br>
+
  
Squidward: I have an important life to live, and it doesn't include chattering with you two ninnies.<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': I thought you might say that, so I decided to turn this into a contest. The employee who learns more names wins this. (Squidward takes a brochure and gasps)<br>
  
Mr Krabs: I thought you might say that, so I decided to turn this into a contest. The employee who learns more names wins
+
'''Squidward''': A tropical getaway? On the triple decker Con-Huge-Go cruise liner? Sunbathing.... Parcheesi... ballroom dancing! This is gonna be so easy. SpongeBob doesn't realize that I'm the face of the Krusty Krab. While he's isolated in the kitchen all day, I'll be out here, building a rapport with the customers. (walks up to a female) Hello. May I get you anything else, Miss...<br>
this. (Squidward takes a brochure and gasps)<br>
+
  
Squidward: A tropical getaway? On the triple decker Conhugo cruise liner? Sunbathing....Parcheesi...ballroom dancing! This
+
'''Christina''': Since when do you give two shrimps about customer service, Mr. Grouchy Squid guy?<br>
is gonna be so easy. Spongebob doesn't realize that I'm the face of the Krusty Krab. While he's isolated in the kitchen all
+
day, I'll be out here, building a rapport with the customers. (walks up to a female) Hello. May I get you anything else,  
+
Miss...<br>
+
  
Lady Fish: Since when do you give two shrimps about customer service, Mr Grouchy Squidguy?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Hi Sally! Hi, Sadie! Hi, Shubie!<br>
  
Spongebob: Hi Sally! Hi, Sadie! Hi, Shooby!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': How does SpongeBob know all these names?<br>
  
Squidward: How does Spongebob know all these names?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Right back at you, Lenny!<br>
  
Spongebob: Right back at you, Lenny!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Hey, SpongeBob, could you take a look in the cash register? I think it's broken.<br>
  
Squidward: Hey, Spongebob, could you take a look in the cash register? I think it's broken.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Oh, sure, Squidward.<br>
  
Spongebob: Oh, sure, Squidward.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': I think you might need a closer look. Let me give you a hand. (shoves SpongeBob into the cash register)<br>
  
Squidward: I think you might need a closer look. Let me give you a hand. (shoves Spongebob into the cash register)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': I can't see anything in here, Squidward.<br>
  
Spongebob: I can't see anything in here, Squidward.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Keep looking, SpongeBob, keep on looking. (walks up to another fish) So, what's your name? (SpongeBob squeezes out of a mustard bottle)<br>
  
Squidward: Keep looking, Spongebob, keep on looking. (walks up to another fish)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Hi, Thaddeus!<br>
  
Squidward: So, what's your name? (Spongebob squeezes out of a mustard bottle)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Good-bye, SpongeBob. (takes the mustard bottle from the customer and puts it on the ground outside. Stomps on it and sends SpongeBob soaring into the background. Then he walks back into the Krusty Krab) That should buy me enough time to win that cruise. (another fish walks in)<br>
  
Spongebob: Hi, Squidward!<br>
+
'''Gus''': Good day, young sir! My name is... (SpongeBob pops up from under his hat)<br>
  
Squidward: Good-bye, Spongebob. (takes the mustard bottle from the customer and puts it on the ground outside. Stomps on it
+
'''SpongeBob''': Gus!<br>
and sends Spongebob soaring into the background. Then he walks back into the Krusty Krab) That should buy me enough time to
+
win that cruise. (another fish walks in)<br>
+
  
Male Fish: Good day, young sir! My name is... (Spongebob pops up from under his hat)<br>
+
'''Gus''': He's right! This guy's so good, you should give him a prize.<br>
  
Spongebob: Gus!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': (grabs SpongeBob) How in Neptune's creation do you know all of these names, SpongeBob?<br>
  
Gus: He's right! This guy's so good, you should give him a prize.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Well, I simply compile the name of every customer in this book. (holds up a book named "[[The Customers Of The Krusty Krab|The Customers of the Krusty Krab and Why I Love Them]]. By SBSP")<br>
  
Squidward: (grabs Spongebob) How in Neptune's creation do you know all of these names, Spongebob?<br>
+
'''Squidward''': (grabs the book) Thanks, SpongeBob! (jumps from table to table saying all the fishes names)  
Spongebob: Well, I simply compile the name of every customer in this book. (holds up a book named "The Customers of the  
+
Krusty Krab and Why I Love Them. By SBSP")<br>
+
  
Squidward: (grabs the book) Thanks, Spongebob! (jumps from table to table saying all the fishes names)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Let's see. Halbert, Norma, Isabel, Gus, Chas, Pelar, Gus, Jess, Cara, Ivy, Harv, Mable, Mavis... (crawls over to a female fish who is eating her food) And your name is... Susie Fish, correct?<br>
  
Squidward: Let's see. Halbert, Norma, Isabel, Gus, Chas, Pelar, Gus, Jess, Cara, Ivy, Harv, Mable, Mavis... (crawls over to
+
'''Susie''': Yes, and you'd also be correct in saying you ruined my food with your sweat, you nitwit! (walks out)<br>
a female fish who is eating her food) And your name is... Susie Fish, correct?<br>
+
  
Susie: Yes, and you'd also be correct in saying you ruined my food with your sweat, you nitwit! (walks out)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Mr. Krabs! That's the last customer. Do I win?<br>
Squidward: Mr Krabs! That's the last customer. Do I win?<br>
+
  
Mr Krabs: Uh, well, actually, I wasn't keeping score. But I'll just say that you and Spongebob are neck and neck. That  
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Uh, well, actually, I wasn't keeping score. But I'll just say that you and SpongeBob are neck and neck. That mystery guy over there will be the tie breaker.<br>
mystery guy over there will be the tie breaker.<br>
+
  
Squidward: Uh, that's, that's...<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Uh, that's, that's...<br>
  
Spongebob: Oh, that's... that's... I know him. It's... something.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Oh, that's... that's... I know him. It's...something.<br>
  
Mr Krabs: He's the ticket to your prize.<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': He's the ticket to your prize.<br>
  
Squidward: (shoves Spongebob) Out of the way, loser. (runs over to the customer)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': (shoves SpongeBob) Out of the way, loser. (runs over to the customer)  
  
Squidward: Um, hello. My name is Squidward. (customer looks at him with an annoyed face) Uh, so, what's your name?<br>
+
'''Squidward''' Um, hello. My name is Squidward. (customer looks at him with an annoyed face) Uh, so, what's your name?<br>
  
Male Fish #2: What's it to ya?<br>
+
'''What Zit Tooya''': What Zit Tooya.<br>
  
Squidward: Uh, it's just that I was going to...enter your name in our sweepstakes! (takes out paper and pen)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Uh, it's just that I was going to...enter your name in our sweepstakes! (takes out paper and pen) So, what should I put down?<br>
  
Squidward: So, what should I put down?<br>
+
'''What Zit Tooya''': (gulps) First and last name?<br>
  
Male Fish #2: First and last name?<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Sure.<br>
  
Squidward: Sure.<br>
+
'''What Zit Tooya''': Yeah, why don't you write this on your form. What Zit... (inhales deeply) ...Tooya! Now leave me alone! (eats his food and SpongeBob walks over)<br>
  
Male Fish #2: Yeah, why don't you write this on your form. What's it... (inhales deeply) ...to ya?! Now leave me alone!
+
'''Squidward''': I see he wants to play hard to get. So be it! I have ways of making the likes of him talk. (runs up to him with a cup of soda) Uh, sir, you forgot your soda.<br>
(Spongebob walks over)<br>
+
  
Squidward: I see he wants to play hard to get. So be it! I have ways of making the likes of him talk. Uh, sir, you forgot
+
'''What Zit Tooya''': I didn't order any soda.<br>
your soda.<br>
+
  
Male Fish #2: I didn't order any soda.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': It's on the house. (throws the soda in the customer's face)<br>
  
Squidward: It's on the house. (throws the soda in the customer's face)<br>
+
'''What Zit Tooya''': What the barnacles are you doing?!<br>
  
Male Fish #2: What the barnacles are you doing?<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Oh, I'm sorry, I slipped. Here, let me take that off of you. (takes the customer's jacket off) Okay, there must be a nametag or some form of I.D. in here.<br>
  
Squidward: Oh, I'm sorry, I slipped. Here, let me take that off of you. (takes the customer's jacket off) Okay, there must
+
'''What Zit Tooya''': I don't need your help. I'm outta here! (Squidward follows him)<br>
be a nametag or some form of I.D. in here.<br>
+
  
Male Fish #2: I don't need your help. I'm outta here! (Squidward follows him)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Hey, look up in the sky! A giant meteor is hurtling towards earth.<br>
  
Squidward: Hey, look up in the sky! A giant meteor is hurtiling towards earth.<br>
+
'''What Zit Tooya''': Where? (Squidward reaches inside Mr. What Zit Tooya's jacket and takes out his wallet)<br>
  
Male Fish #2: Where? (Squidward reaches inside fish's jacket and takes out his wallet)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Oh, you'll see it. Just keep looking.<br>
  
Squidward: Oh, you'll see it. Just keep looking.<br>
+
'''What Zit Tooya''': I can't see it.<br>
  
Male Fish #2: I can't see it.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Well, that's too bad, 'cause I found what I was looking for. (runs off with the wallet)<br>
  
Squidward: Well, that's too bad, 'cause I found what I was looking for. (runs off with the wallet)<br>
+
'''What Zit Tooya''': Hey! Come back here! Give me my wallet! (Light turns to "stop" and Squidward runs past a policeman eating a donut)<br>
  
Male Fish #2: Hey! Come back here! Give me my wallet! (Squidward runs past a policeman eating a donut)<br>
+
'''Officer Johnson''': Holy sea cow! That hooligan ran a stop sign. (chases after Squidward)<br>
  
Policeman: Holy sea cow! That hooligan ran a stop sign. (chases after Squidward)<br>
+
'''What Zit Tooya''': Stop, thief!<br>
  
Male Fish #2: Stop, thief!<br>
+
'''Officer Johnson''': You know that guy?<br>
  
Policeman: You know that guy?<br>
+
'''What Zit Tooya''': (worried) Hardly. He stole my wallet.<br>
  
Male Fish #2: Hardly. He stole my wallet.<br>
+
'''Officer Johnson''': What? That makes him a dual offender. Let's get him! (Squidward runs up a ladder to the top of a building. Officer and fish follow him)<br>
  
Policeman: What? That makes him a dual offender. Let's get him! (Squidward runs up a ladder to the top of a building)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': (laughs) Finally, the moment of truth! Say good-bye to anonymity, Mr...<br>
  
Squidward: (laughs) Finally, the moment of truth! Say good-bye to anonymity, Mr...<br>
+
'''Officer Johnson''': Freeze, thief!<br>
  
Policeman: Freeze, thief!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': No, you don't understand! I only want the wallet for...<br>
  
Squidward: No, you don't understand! I only want the wallet for...<br>
+
'''What Zit Tooya''': We know exactly why you want it, wallet snatcher. (tries not letting go of the wallet)<br>
  
Male Fish #2: We know exactly why you want it, wallet snatcher. (tries not letting go of the wallet)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': (grunting) This isn’t as it seems.<br>
Squidward: (grunting) This isn't as it seems.<br>
+
  
Policeman: That's what you'll be saying in the slammer, punk. (the wallet rips. Squidward grabs his license)<br>
+
'''Officer Johnson''': That's what you'll be saying in the slammer, punk. (the wallet rips and money falls out. Squidward grabs his license)<br>
  
Squidward: His driver's license! (laughs) At last! At last! And your name is... Mr What Zit Tooya? What kind of ridiculous  
+
'''Squidward''': His driver's license! (laughs) At last! At last! And your name is... Mr. What Zit Tooya? What kind of ridiculous name is that?<br>
name is that?<br>
+
  
What Zit Tooya: It's my ridiculous name! What's it to ya?<br>
+
'''What Zit Tooya''': It's my ridiculous name! What Zit Tooya!<br>
  
Policeman: (hits Squidward on the head with his nightstick) That's enough of that, ballywho. (handcuffs Squidward)<br>
+
'''Officer Johnson''': (hits Squidward on the head with his nightstick and Squidward falls down) That's enough of that, ballyhoo. (handcuffs Squidward)<br>
  
Squidward: But, but, but, I-I-I didn't intentionally do anything wrong.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': But, but, but, I-I-I didn't intentionally do anything wrong.<br>
  
Policeman: Tell it to the judge, lawbreaker. (siren blaring as the police car takes off. Cut to the Bikini Bottom Jail)<br>
+
'''Officer Johnson''': Tell it to the judge, lawbreaker. (siren blaring as the police car takes off. Cut to the Bikini Bottom Jail)<br>
  
Squidward: (crosses out a day on his calendar) Only 364 more days and 9 years left until I exchange this concrete tomb for  
+
'''Squidward''': (crosses out a day on his calendar) Only 364 more days and 9 years left until I exchange this concrete tomb for a multi-story ocean liner cruise. (SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs walk up to Squidward's cell)<br>
a multi-story ocean liner cruise. (Spongebob and Mr Krabs walk up to Squidward's cell)<br>
+
  
Spongebob: Hey, Squidward.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Hey, Squidward.<br>
  
Squidward: Spongebob?<br>
+
'''Squidward''': SpongeBob?<br>
  
Mr Krabs: The boy and I just thought we'd stop by and check on our convict friend.<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': The boy and I just thought we'd stop by and check on our convict friend.<br>
  
Squidward: Call me what you may, fact of the matter is I found out the mystery customer's name first. So I win. I win, I  
+
'''Squidward''': Call me what you may, fact of the matter is I found out the mystery customer's name first. So I win. HA! HA! I win, I win, I win, I win, I win, I win!<br>
win, I win, I win, I win, I win!<br>
+
  
Mr Krabs: Enjoy your prize. (hands Squidward the brochure)<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Enjoy your prize. (hands Squidward the brochure)<br>
  
Squidward: Woo-hoo-hoo! Tropical vacation, here I come! (laughs)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Woo-hoo-hoo! (dances) Tropical vacation, here I come! (laughs)<br>
  
Mr Krabs: Vacation? Who said anything about a vacation?<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Vacation? Who said anything about a vacation?<br>
  
Squidward: What? In the brochure, it specifically gives away an ocean liner vacation.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': What? In the brochure, it specifically mentions an ocean liner vacation.<br>
  
Mr Krabs: Oh, you mean that brochure. Well, that was the prize. The brochure. It was taking up too much room in me drawers,  
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Oh, you mean that brochure. Well, that was the prize. The brochure. It was taking up too much room in me drawers, you know. It's your prize.<br>
you know. It's your prize.<br>
+
  
Squidward: You mean, no vacation?<br>
+
'''Squidward''': You mean no vacation?<br>
  
Mr Krabs: Nope, just the brochure. Well, gotta get back to counting me loot. Enjoy your new prize, Squidward.<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Nope, just the brochure. Well, gotta get back to counting me loot. Enjoy your new prize, Squidward.<br>
  
Spongebob: See you on the outside in ten years, buddy! (walks off)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': See you on the outside in ten years, buddy! (walks off)<br>
  
Squidward: (laughs maniacally while tearing up the brochure) Oh well, at least I'll have some peace and quiet for the next  
+
'''Squidward''': (laughs maniacally while tearing up the brochure) Oh well, at least I'll have some peace and quiet for the next ten years.<br>
ten years.<br>
+
  
Patrick: (sitting in the same cell) Hey, Squidward. Parcheesi? (Squidward falls apart)
+
'''Patrick''': (sitting in the same cell) Hey, Squidward. Parcheesi? (Squidward falls apart)
  
[[Category:Transscript]]
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{{Transcripts/Season 5 Ver. 2}}
[[Category:Episode Transscripts/Season 5]]
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[[Category:Transcript]]
 
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[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 5]]
{{Slogan}}
+

Latest revision as of 02:34, 11 April 2023

Back Episode Transcript Next Episode Transcript
Boat Smarts New Digs

Episode Article: Good Ol' Whathisname

[edit] Characters

[edit] Dialogue

(Mr. Krabs is laughing in his office as he is reading a book. SpongeBob and Squidward enter)

SpongeBob: Exciting reading Mr Krabs?

Mr. Krabs: Oh, you bet you SpongeBob. Listen to this. Individual waste of the enus will substantially broaden the probability of multiple substantial visits, generating an inverse negative revenue margin of three quarters and one half of one percent: meaning if you call the customers by their names, they keep coming to spend more of their green back! So I want you two to learn the names of every customer.

Squidward: I have an important life to live, and it doesn't include chattering with you two ninnies.

Mr. Krabs: I thought you might say that, so I decided to turn this into a contest. The employee who learns more names wins this. (Squidward takes a brochure and gasps)

Squidward: A tropical getaway? On the triple decker Con-Huge-Go cruise liner? Sunbathing.... Parcheesi... ballroom dancing! This is gonna be so easy. SpongeBob doesn't realize that I'm the face of the Krusty Krab. While he's isolated in the kitchen all day, I'll be out here, building a rapport with the customers. (walks up to a female) Hello. May I get you anything else, Miss...

Christina: Since when do you give two shrimps about customer service, Mr. Grouchy Squid guy?

SpongeBob: Hi Sally! Hi, Sadie! Hi, Shubie!

Squidward: How does SpongeBob know all these names?

SpongeBob: Right back at you, Lenny!

Squidward: Hey, SpongeBob, could you take a look in the cash register? I think it's broken.

SpongeBob: Oh, sure, Squidward.

Squidward: I think you might need a closer look. Let me give you a hand. (shoves SpongeBob into the cash register)

SpongeBob: I can't see anything in here, Squidward.

Squidward: Keep looking, SpongeBob, keep on looking. (walks up to another fish) So, what's your name? (SpongeBob squeezes out of a mustard bottle)

SpongeBob: Hi, Thaddeus!

Squidward: Good-bye, SpongeBob. (takes the mustard bottle from the customer and puts it on the ground outside. Stomps on it and sends SpongeBob soaring into the background. Then he walks back into the Krusty Krab) That should buy me enough time to win that cruise. (another fish walks in)

Gus: Good day, young sir! My name is... (SpongeBob pops up from under his hat)

SpongeBob: Gus!

Gus: He's right! This guy's so good, you should give him a prize.

Squidward: (grabs SpongeBob) How in Neptune's creation do you know all of these names, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: Well, I simply compile the name of every customer in this book. (holds up a book named "The Customers of the Krusty Krab and Why I Love Them. By SBSP")

Squidward: (grabs the book) Thanks, SpongeBob! (jumps from table to table saying all the fishes names)

Squidward: Let's see. Halbert, Norma, Isabel, Gus, Chas, Pelar, Gus, Jess, Cara, Ivy, Harv, Mable, Mavis... (crawls over to a female fish who is eating her food) And your name is... Susie Fish, correct?

Susie: Yes, and you'd also be correct in saying you ruined my food with your sweat, you nitwit! (walks out)

Squidward: Mr. Krabs! That's the last customer. Do I win?

Mr. Krabs: Uh, well, actually, I wasn't keeping score. But I'll just say that you and SpongeBob are neck and neck. That mystery guy over there will be the tie breaker.

Squidward: Uh, that's, that's...

SpongeBob: Oh, that's... that's... I know him. It's...something.

Mr. Krabs: He's the ticket to your prize.

Squidward: (shoves SpongeBob) Out of the way, loser. (runs over to the customer)

Squidward Um, hello. My name is Squidward. (customer looks at him with an annoyed face) Uh, so, what's your name?

What Zit Tooya: What Zit Tooya.

Squidward: Uh, it's just that I was going to...enter your name in our sweepstakes! (takes out paper and pen) So, what should I put down?

What Zit Tooya: (gulps) First and last name?

Squidward: Sure.

What Zit Tooya: Yeah, why don't you write this on your form. What Zit... (inhales deeply) ...Tooya! Now leave me alone! (eats his food and SpongeBob walks over)

Squidward: I see he wants to play hard to get. So be it! I have ways of making the likes of him talk. (runs up to him with a cup of soda) Uh, sir, you forgot your soda.

What Zit Tooya: I didn't order any soda.

Squidward: It's on the house. (throws the soda in the customer's face)

What Zit Tooya: What the barnacles are you doing?!

Squidward: Oh, I'm sorry, I slipped. Here, let me take that off of you. (takes the customer's jacket off) Okay, there must be a nametag or some form of I.D. in here.

What Zit Tooya: I don't need your help. I'm outta here! (Squidward follows him)

Squidward: Hey, look up in the sky! A giant meteor is hurtling towards earth.

What Zit Tooya: Where? (Squidward reaches inside Mr. What Zit Tooya's jacket and takes out his wallet)

Squidward: Oh, you'll see it. Just keep looking.

What Zit Tooya: I can't see it.

Squidward: Well, that's too bad, 'cause I found what I was looking for. (runs off with the wallet)

What Zit Tooya: Hey! Come back here! Give me my wallet! (Light turns to "stop" and Squidward runs past a policeman eating a donut)

Officer Johnson: Holy sea cow! That hooligan ran a stop sign. (chases after Squidward)

What Zit Tooya: Stop, thief!

Officer Johnson: You know that guy?

What Zit Tooya: (worried) Hardly. He stole my wallet.

Officer Johnson: What? That makes him a dual offender. Let's get him! (Squidward runs up a ladder to the top of a building. Officer and fish follow him)

Squidward: (laughs) Finally, the moment of truth! Say good-bye to anonymity, Mr...

Officer Johnson: Freeze, thief!

Squidward: No, you don't understand! I only want the wallet for...

What Zit Tooya: We know exactly why you want it, wallet snatcher. (tries not letting go of the wallet)

Squidward: (grunting) This isn’t as it seems.

Officer Johnson: That's what you'll be saying in the slammer, punk. (the wallet rips and money falls out. Squidward grabs his license)

Squidward: His driver's license! (laughs) At last! At last! And your name is... Mr. What Zit Tooya? What kind of ridiculous name is that?

What Zit Tooya: It's my ridiculous name! What Zit Tooya!

Officer Johnson: (hits Squidward on the head with his nightstick and Squidward falls down) That's enough of that, ballyhoo. (handcuffs Squidward)

Squidward: But, but, but, I-I-I didn't intentionally do anything wrong.

Officer Johnson: Tell it to the judge, lawbreaker. (siren blaring as the police car takes off. Cut to the Bikini Bottom Jail)

Squidward: (crosses out a day on his calendar) Only 364 more days and 9 years left until I exchange this concrete tomb for a multi-story ocean liner cruise. (SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs walk up to Squidward's cell)

SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward.

Squidward: SpongeBob?

Mr. Krabs: The boy and I just thought we'd stop by and check on our convict friend.

Squidward: Call me what you may, fact of the matter is I found out the mystery customer's name first. So I win. HA! HA! I win, I win, I win, I win, I win, I win!

Mr. Krabs: Enjoy your prize. (hands Squidward the brochure)

Squidward: Woo-hoo-hoo! (dances) Tropical vacation, here I come! (laughs)

Mr. Krabs: Vacation? Who said anything about a vacation?

Squidward: What? In the brochure, it specifically mentions an ocean liner vacation.

Mr. Krabs: Oh, you mean that brochure. Well, that was the prize. The brochure. It was taking up too much room in me drawers, you know. It's your prize.

Squidward: You mean no vacation?

Mr. Krabs: Nope, just the brochure. Well, gotta get back to counting me loot. Enjoy your new prize, Squidward.

SpongeBob: See you on the outside in ten years, buddy! (walks off)

Squidward: (laughs maniacally while tearing up the brochure) Oh well, at least I'll have some peace and quiet for the next ten years.

Patrick: (sitting in the same cell) Hey, Squidward. Parcheesi? (Squidward falls apart)


Transcripts Episodes
Season 1 Season 1
Season 2 Season 2
Season 3 Season 3
Season 4 Season 4
Season 5 Season 5
Season 6 Season 6
Season 7 Season 7
Season 8 Season 8
Season 9 Season 9
Season 10 Season 10
Season 11 Season 11
Season 12 Season 12
Season 13 Season 13
Season 14 Season 14
Season 15 Season 15
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