Episode Transcript: Karate Star

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Episode Article: Karate Star

Characters

Dialogue

(episode starts in SpongeBob's house. SpongeBob is chopping up a pineapple into a figure of Gary)

SpongeBob: Hi-ya! Hi-ya! Ya! Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya, YA! Ta-da! A gift, in your likeness. (puts the figure of Gary to Gary)

Gary: (disgusted) Meow.

SpongeBob: Cause you're so sweet. Get it? Cause pineapples are sweet, and you are sweet also as well! Get it? (laughs as Gary slithers off. As SpongeBob keeps laughing, a fly from the figure flies into his mouth, causing him to choke. Punches and grabs himself. Then Patrick walks inside the kitchen)

Patrick: Hey, buddy. What's going on man? Bucket of cheese? (SpongeBob continues struggling) Oh, he's... not right!!! Don't worry pal, I'll help you! (punches SpongeBob into the air. SpongeBob hits a wall)

SpongeBob: D'oh... (the fly flies out of his mouth)

Patrick: Buddy! You okay?

SpongeBob: Uh...Patrick, thank you so much! If it wasn't for your tremendous gorilla strength, I would've been a goner! If there's anything I can do to return to favor, anything at all, you just let me know. Anyway, back to my karate exercises. (pulls out a watermelon from underneath him and puts it on the counter) Oh, and help yourself for the cheese bucket. (Patrick walks off) Thanks again, buddy! (chops the watermelon in half) Hi-ya! (Patrick grabs a bucket from the refrigerator. He dips his hand in the bucket and sucks on the cheese)

SpongeBob: (chops a baguette) Hi-ya! (exhausted) Phew. (Patrick notices SpongeBob)

Patrick: Hey! (looking at the chopped baguette) I wanna learn how to do that!

SpongeBob: Wha-what, you mean karate?

Patrick: Uh-huh!

SpongeBob: Oh. Patrick. Patrick, my dear. Dear friend, karate is a delicate art a skill that takes years to- (is cut off by Patrick)

Patrick: If I recall correctly, I seem to remember saving your life a few minutes ago.

SpongeBob: Yeah, however-- (is cut off again)

Patrick: And, I also remember you saying "If there's anything you can do to return to favor, anything at all", to let you know.

SpongeBob: Oh, I did say that Patrick, but, well, karate is about finesse, not so much brute strength. You see there's so much that you don't know. You have not even scratched the surface of the surface.

Patrick: (saddened) Then, teach me.

SpongeBob: As you wish. Just remember one thing. With power, comes responsibility.

Patrick: Aw, yeah! Mama! (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob and Patrick outside in karate clothes, and a brick wall)

SpongeBob: OK, let's start off simple. This is a basic move called the "Inverted Whirlpool."

Patrick: Inverty whirpy, got it. (SpongeBob hops backwards and upside-down. He twists his feet and flies like a propeller and knocks down the brick wall) Woo-hoo! That was AWESOME!

SpongeBob: Think you can handle that?

Patrick: Yeah, yeah, yeah! (walks and hops backwards and upside-down. Twists his feet and flies. Laughs) Oh yeah, oh yeah! (knocks down the wall and continues laughing and flying) Hey, how do you stop this thing?! (goes towards a lemonade stand)

Lemonade Man: Neptune's trousers! What's that?! (runs off screaming as Patrick knocks down the stand. Bubble-wipe to a little later)

SpongeBob: Now this is very easy. Watch closely. (does some yoga moves) You got it?

Patrick: Definitely. (does a move, and spins around. Then SpongeBob taps his arm and he falls to the ground)

SpongeBob: Patrick, I didn't want to have to say this but you're... you're unteachable!

Patrick: What?! (gets angry) Uh... (angrily chops a concrete barrier) Barnacles!

SpongeBob: (looking at the chopped barrier) Look what you did to this wall of cinder blocks. And all my years of training I've never seen a perfect slice. (amazed) No one's ever been able to execute such a clean karate chop through solid cinder!

Patrick: (amazed) Wow!

SpongeBob: You're a natural! A karate genius!

Patrick: Plamo!

SpongeBob: (gets out a sword) Now let's put your new skills to the test. (closeup view of the sword) This is sharpened, tempered, steel. Don't be frustrated if it takes a few tries. (Patrick chops the sword) Whoa. (throws the sword in the air) Amazing! (bubble-wipe to a big, old, rusted, boat that says Ol' Ironsides on it) This is an abandoned broad-iron steam-boat. (bangs on it) Solid as a rock. Think you got what it takes? (Patrick chops the boat, but nothing happens) Ah, better luck next time. (the boat chops in half)

Patrick: Yeah!! I bet I can chop anything! (confronts a screaming Sadie; Patrick is about to chop her baby) HI--

SpongeBob: (stops Patrick) NOOOOOOOOO!!!! What did I tell you?!

Patrick: I'm a ge-ne-ius?

SpongeBob: Not that, (pulls out a cassette player) this. (plays the cassette) With power, comes responsibility. (cassette ends) That means no chopping of other life forms or their property. You understand?

Patrick: Yeeeees!

SpongeBob: Good! (Looks at his watch which goes off he gasps) Oh man, I'm late for work! See ya later buddy. (runs off) Don't forget what I said.

Patrick: OK! I'm a genius! (bubble transition to Patrick's rock. Chops hot dogs onto a plate) Karate power! (eats some of the chopped hot dogs. Bubble-wipe to the Krusty Krab with Patrick walking towards it)

Squidward: (reading the magazine Modern Crochet) Oh, what's this? Hmm, I haven't seen this before. Oh yeah, mm-hmm.

SpongeBob: Hey look, it's Patrick!

Patrick: (outside) Hi-ya, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: What are you doing in-

Patrick: Hi-ya! (smashes the door and walks in)

SpongeBob: (disgusted) Dear Neptune!

Patrick: Good day, gents. Uh, Squidward, I would like a HI-YA!

Squidward: (confused) A what?

Patrick: I said, one Krusty Combo. Did you speak karate? (Squidward groans) HI-YA! (walks over to the table and chops his meal in midair) Looks de-lish. (SpongeBob walks over to Patrick)

SpongeBob: Patrick, don't you think you're perfect slice a bit too far?

Patrick: I don't know what you're talking about. You are the one who called me a "karate ge-ne-ius". and frankly, (throws his cape off) I'm offended by your previous accusation. (gets up) I don't need this! (walks off) I beg you, good dude.

SpongeBob: But, but, but--

Patrick: (angry) No buts! Just hands! HI-YA! (smashes more of the restaurant)

SpongeBob: (facepalms) Oh...

Mr. Krabs: Uh... you do realize I am taking that out of yer paycheck. (bubble-wipe to Patrick at a ice cream shop)

Patrick: (drooling) Uh... (satisfied) Seaweed surprise! Also, (continues drooling) uh... malted coral crunch! (it's shown that he's holding a very tall ice cream cone) Ooh, ooh, also! Lipids and cream!

Ice Cream Employee #1: We're all out. (camera zooms out to reveal just how tall the cone is) In fact, we're out of everything, which means you owe us $86.50.

Patrick: (takes out a dirty lollipop) What do you say to a trade? (cut to a close-up of the disgusting lollipop)

Ice Cream Employee #1: I say pay up before I call the cops.

Patrick: (angrily) You DARE refuse my barter?! Then accept my chop! HI-YA! (chops the counter, which causes money from the tip jar to fly. The employee catches it. Then the ice cream cone flies. Opens his mouth wide and the entire cone falls in his mouth. Eats it, but then gets a brain-freeze and turns into a ice crystal. Karate-chops the ice. He's now overweight) Oh... I don't feel so good.

Ice Cream Employee #2: Ah-ha! Hand in the tip jar again, eh? (Patrick tries to walk out, but can't. Then he chops the doors wide enough so he can exit. He walks outside and smells something good)

Patrick: (sniffs) Mmm. What is that wonderful stench? (sees a fish eating something. Runs over to him)

Fish: Spinach and chocolate spaghetti sauce. You wanna bite?

Patrick: (chops the fish's meal) NO! It's more fun to chop! (laughs. Bubble-wipe to the Bikini Bottom Arcade. Chops an arcade machine that two fish are playing on. They run off) I win! I win! I win! (bubble-wipe to Patrick chopping outside) HI-YA, HI-YA-- (cut to the Krusty Krab, where SpongeBob is mopping. A lifeguard arrives)

Lifeguard: Help! Help! There's a mad chopper on the loose!

SpongeBob: Mad chopper?! (gasps and throws the mop down) Patrick!

Lifeguard: (grabs onto SpongeBob) We need the cops, kid!

SpongeBob: Cops? No that won't be necessary. I'll handle this citizen.

Lifeguard: (grabs onto SpongeBob's ankle) Don't do it, kid!

SpongeBob: Unhand my ankle, sir! My friend needs me.

Lifeguard: You don't know what you're doing! Don't walk out that door! (SpongeBob walks out anyway) NOOOOOO!!! (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob riding his unicycle through town. Patrick chops a boat)

SpongeBob: Patrick, what are you doing?

Patrick: SpongeBob! Just the man I was looking for. (chops SpongeBob off his unicycle) Why don't you thank you, buddy? (SpongeBob babbles) For teaching me the karate chop, silly!

SpongeBob: You've got to stop, buddy! You're destroying the entire town! (camera pans around the carnage of the town)

Patrick: Wow...

SpongeBob: Just stop chopping, OK, Patrick?

Patrick: You got it, buddy! No more karate chops! (chops a jail truck, letting 3 prisoners escape)

SpongeBob: You're still chopping!

Patrick: I know! (tries to chop SpongeBob, who ducks) Weird, huh?

SpongeBob: Patrick, stop it!

Patrick: Oh, OK. I know. I'll stop a chop with a chop! (chops his own arm and hits himself in the head)

SpongeBob: (grabs onto Patrick's arm) You must resist!

Patrick: I... (throws SpongeBob onto a fire hydrant. Screams, flies and chops a leaf sculpture of Squidward that Squidward himself is working on)

SpongeBob: (running) Wait up, Patrick! (stops and gasps) Triton's tunic!

Fish #2: (offscreen) He's headed straight for the Barg'N Mart! (everyone runs off screaming as Patrick runs inside there)

Patrick: Hi-ya! Hi-ya! Yah! (goes to a muffin display) Oh no. Not the muffin displaaaaaaaaaaay...YAH! (chops it, breaking the display. Cut to a set of giant-screen televisions in the store. The Bikini Bottom News is shown on the TVs. News anchor Quinn Jinson, who goes unnamed in the episode, is at the news desk)

Quinn Jinson: This just in: a mad man is chopping everything. (Patrick dashes towards the TVs)

Patrick: Not the giant-screen TVs! (chops one, breaking it) Oh, no! (dashes towards more TVs)

Quinn Jinson: The suspect is considered "fat," "thick," and "dangerous."

Patrick: (comes at the TVs) Oh, oh! Gianter TVs! HIII-YAAA! (chops one, breaking it. He and the TV fall to the ground. SpongeBob comes at him)

SpongeBob: (grabs onto Patrick) Pull it together, buddy!

Patrick: I'm trying to! (looks at his arm) But this thing has a mind of its owwwwwwwnnnnn! (hurls SpongeBob towards a shelf, banging his head against it. The groceries fall off. Falls to the ground) Yeeeeeeeeeahhh! (chops the cashier's counter and the cashier screams. Cut to outside Barg'N Mart. More havoc is heard as Patrick continues to chop stuff. The Barg'N Mart sign falls down and dust clouds fill the screen. Within the rubble left, Patrick comes out by throwing stuff out of his way. He's covered in black substance, looking for SpongeBob) SpongeBob? (lifts a piece of lumber) SpongeBob? (tosses the lumber) SpongeBob?! SpongeBob?! (looks at a wrapped-up sponge. It's a packet of Sponge-O, a brand of kitchen sponges) SpongeBooooob! Oh no! (grabs the sponge and cries) I...I'm so sorry! My best friend crushed by all this rubble entombed in this cheap...plastic...bag-g-g! (an employee comes up and tosses the wood)

Employee: That isn't your friend, you kelp for brains! Those are cleaning sponges!

Patrick: (happily) So I haven't crushed the life out of my best friend in the world?

Employee: Um...I wouldn't say that. (points to the destroyed store with SpongeBob under it and his feet showing)

Patrick: SpongeBob! (runs to him) Oh no! (pushes the destroyed store away and gasps and cries) Oooooh...I'll never forgive myself-f-f! (in anger) No! I'll never forgive you! (grabs his right hand and pops it off. The hand falls next to SpongeBob. SpongeBob gets up and looks at it, and then he walks to Patrick, who is huffing and puffing)

SpongeBob: Oh, hi, Patrick. What did I miss?

Patrick: (excitedly with one hand) SpongeBob! You're okay!

SpongeBob: (looking at Patrick's right arm with no hand, shocked) Patrick! Your arm!

Patrick: Heh, don't worry SpongeBob, I'm a sea star! (grows his arm back) My limbs grow back. See?

SpongeBob: (happily) Hooray for regeneration!

Patrick: And in the spirit of healing, I vow to use my hands only to join things together, starting here. (bubble-wipe to a now-partially rebuilt Barg'N-Mart)

SpongeBob: Hey, great job, Patrick. I like the architectural detail. (another Patrick appears)

Second Patrick: (chops a shopping cart, irritating SpongeBob) Hi-ya!

SpongeBob: Patrick! I thought you gave up chopping!

Patrick: Oh, I did. Unfortunately, we sea stars have limbs that grow new bodies.

Second Patrick: (chops the cart again and walks off) Hi-ya! (the Barg'N Mart collapses; episode ends)

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Season 14	Season 14
Season 15	Season 15