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Episode Transcript: Krusty Dogs
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Episode Article: Krusty Dogs
Characters
Dialogue
(The episode starts at the Krusty Krab, where SpongeBob is making Krabby Patties.)
SpongeBob: Ooh. Delicious.
(Popping and squishing sounds repeat over and over as SpongeBob makes more Krabby Patties and puts them on the grill. He puts them in the freezer.)
(SpongeBob rolls the Krabby Patty with cutouts into a roll, and a duck quacks when SpongeBob suddenly looks at the Krabby Patty.)
(Squishing sounds play, while SpongeBob molds the Krabby Patty into a top hat.)
SpongeBob: Top of the morning to you! (laughing)
(More squishing sounds play, while SpongeBob molds the Krabby Patty into Gary.)
Krabby Patty Gary: Meow.
(Even more squishing sounds play, while SpongeBob molds the Krabby Patty into a telephone.)
(SpongeBob picks up the receiver and holds it to his side.)
SpongeBob: Krusty Krab, SpongeBob speaking. (laughing) (puts down the receiver)
(The telephone rings, causing SpongeBob to pick up the receiver again.)
SpongeBob: Gary, are you there?
SpongeBob: Gary, I know you're there. I can hear you breathing.
(SpongeBob puts down the receiver again.)
(Squishing sounds play, while SpongeBob molds the Krabby Patty into the shape of a sausage. SpongeBob gasps.)
SpongeBob: Ooh!
(SpongeBob puts the Krabby Patty sausage into a pot with tongs)
(SpongeBob closes the pot)
French Narrator: One wiener later...
(SpongeBob excitedly opens the door to Mr. Krabs' office)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! This wiener tastes just like a Krabby Patty! Maybe we can add them to the menu!
Mr. Krabs: I'm not impressed.
SpongeBob: I made it with leftover ingredients.
Mr. Krabs: Now I'm impressed!
(Frank walks into the door to the Krusty Krab)
Frank: Hmm. I could've sworn that sign said "open".
(Cuts to Squidward sighing with the Krusty Krab sign behind him)
Squidward: Once in a while, I need to breathe in and not smell grease.
Squidward: Or the stench of my miserably failed life. (blinks) Talking to myself... again.
(Frank looks through the kitchen window, to see SpongeBob demonstrate how he made the Krusty Dog)
SpongeBob: And then, I just cook it, like this... (puts the Krusty Dog in the pot)
Mr. Krabs: Go on.
Frank: My, what an interesting shape. Are those for sale?
Mr. Krabs: Why? Would you like to buy one?
Frank: Well, that would depend on the price.
Mr. Krabs: Would you pay the same as what a Krabby Patty costs?
Frank: Hmm... Sure, I suppose so.
Mr. Krabs: How about double?
Frank: Now you're talking!
Customer: Krabby Patties again? (sighs) If only there were something else.
Customer: Hey, what you got there, Frank?
Frank: It's new. Tastes just like a Krabby Patty, but it's shaped like a wiener!
Customers: (talking) Well, that sounds very interesting!
Customer: Hey, I'd like to request a wiener.
Customer: Me too!
Customer: Me too!
Customers: (all chanting) Wieners! Wieners! Wieners!
(Mr. Krabs goes up a ladder, wheezing.)
(Chalk squeaking sounds play, while Mr. Krabs writes "KRUSTY DOG .. ... 3.99" and "WITH CHEESE ... 4.99")
SpongeBob: Squidward, what's that noise?
Squidward: Excruciating.
Mr. Krabs: Up here, boy! Take a look!
SpongeBob: I can't read it from here, Mr. Krabs! What's it say?
Mr. Krabs: It says... "Krusty Dogs! Only $3.99! Or $4.99 with cheese."
Squidward: $4.99?! That's highway robbery!
Mr. Krabs: Avec fromage, Monsieur Squidward. Avec fromage.
SpongeBob: My Krusty Dog...handwritten on the menu! Oh, pinch me, Squidward.
Squidward: Pinch yourself, you ninny.
French Narrator: The following day...
(SpongeBob is flipping Krabby Patties on the grill)
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! 3 more Krusty Dogs, pronto!
SpongeBob: Aye aye, captain!
(SpongeBob puts the Krusty Dogs in the pot)
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! 3 more orders of Krusty Dogs! Extra Krusty.
SpongeBob: Wow, Mr. Krabs, we sure are getting a lot of orders for Krusty Dogs!
Mr. Krabs: Yep!
SpongeBob: Yeah, I'll get those going right after I finish cooking up these Krabby Patties.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, forget about making those patties. Just make the wieners! (Gives SpongeBob the order)
SpongeBob: "Just make the wieners"?
SpongeBob: Um, excuse me, Mr. Krabs. Where are you going with that ladder? Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I'm just going to make a few changes to the Krusty Krab menu, that's all.
SpongeBob: Changes?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, that reminds me. Do you have an eraser I could borrow?
SpongeBob: Eraser?
Mr. Krabs: Ah, never mind, I'll just cross it off. (Chalk squeaks as Mr. Krabs draws an X over "Krabby Patty") No more Krabby Patties.
(dramatic music plays while SpongeBob whimpers with his eyes slightly smaller, and he falls. An ambulance comes)
(SpongeBob whimpers more)
Paramedics: Okay, just breathe normally, son.
(SpongeBob whimpers even more)
Paramedics: There you go, that's it.
Paramedics: There, he's starting to revive!
SpongeBob: I had this horrible dream that Mr. Krabs was never gonna let me cook Krabby Patties again.
(Scraping sounds play as Mr. Krabs takes away the grill)
Mr. Krabs: Pardon me. (more scraping sounds)
SpongeBob: (crying)
Paramedics: We're losing him!
(Mr. Krabs puts the grill in the trash heap)
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob... SpongeBob... Wake up...
SpongeBob: Where am I? And what are these paramedics doing here?
Mr. Krabs: You'e back in your old kitchen, and the pair of paramedics were here to revive you.
SpongeBob: I was asleep?
Mr. Krabs: Yeah. But just for a little while. So I only docked your pay for the time you were unconscious.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, isn't that where the grill used to be?
Mr. Krabs: Maybe, but now we have this! (takes off sheets and reveals Krusty Dog-making machine)
SpongeBob: And what about my... my spatula?
Mr. Krabs: I got you a new one! (holds up tongs and clangs them, then handing them to SpongeBob)
(SpongeBob can't hold the tongs, and they get his nose, making it deflate and fall down)
Everyone but SpongeBob: (laughing)
Mr. Krabs: Alright, those wieners aren't gonna rotisserie themselves. Everybody, back to work! (everyone but SpongeBob goes away)
(Mr. Krabs gives the Krusty Dog-making machine to SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: Aye aye, captain... (clangs tongs against Krusty Dog-making machine)
(transitions to SpongeBob walking up to Squidward)
SpongeBob: Squidward, can I talk to you for one second?
Squidward: I dunno. That's a pretty long talk.
SpongeBob: Has anything ever happened at your job that made it, well, not as fun as it used to be?
Squidward: Well, actually, yes.
SpongeBob: Really? What was it?
Squidward: Being hired.
SpongeBob: I don't know why, but things just aren't the same since Krusty Dogs were added to the menu.
Squidward: SpongeBob, my boy, I realized long ago that there is nothing, I repeat, nothing that could make this job any more boring or humiliating or demeaning than it already is.
(transitions to Squidward in a Krusty Dog costume with a sign saying "TRY NEW KRUSTY DOGS!")
Billy: Look at that guy dressed like a hot dog, mommy.
Billy's mom: Let that inspire you to stay in school, Billy.
(Billy kicks Squidward)
(Mr. Krabs nails Krusty Dog posters on the pole)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Ahoy, SpongeBob! How goes the wieners?
SpongeBob: Meh, I was kinda wondering, could we just go back to selling Krabby Patties?
Mr. Krabs: (eyes widen) What on earth for!? Krusty Dogs was your best idea ever, boy!
SpongeBob: I know, I- Well, I guess I sort of just miss the Krabby Patties. After all, they're what gave this place it's name!
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, good point.
SpongeBob: Yeah, I mean, don't you think we should-
(Mr. Krabs covers up "Krab" in "The Krusty Krab" with a board that says "DOGS")
SpongeBob: (gasps) "Krusty Dog"!? Those wieners have got to go.
SpongeBob: Here you are, hungry customers, your delicious Krusty Dogs.
Customer: They do look delicious.
SpongeBob: Yes. Eat one and you will develop an unsightly skin condition.
SpongeBob: Here's your foot long, sir!
Customer: Thanks! 12 inches of deliciousness!
SpongeBob: Yeah! You know what gives them that added flavor?
Customer: No, what?
SpongeBob: Nose hairs and recycled dental floss.
Squidward: SpongeBob, what are you doing?
SpongeBob: We have got to get rid of these wieners and bring back the Krabby Patty!
Squidward: SpongeBob, I never thought I'd be saying this, but count me in.
SpongeBob: Hooray!
(A customer is about to eat his Krusty Dog, but Squidward goes through the entrance)
Squidward: Help! I'm having terrible abdominal pain! I think it was the... the... line.
SpongeBob: Wiener.
Squidward: The wiener!!!
Old-Timey SpongeBob: Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce myself. I am but a simple old-timey gentleman. I came here for one purpose today-
Grandma: So I said, if it didn't smell so bad, but it tastes so-
Old-Timey SpongeBob: Quiet, Granny! I'm talkin'!!!
Grandma: Oh.
Old-Timey SpongeBob: And that is to loudly decry these modern new fangled days of wieners, and to beg for a return to a simpler time, a Krabby Pattier time.
Customer: I'm not really concerned about possible ill health effects. How about you guys?
Customer: Nah.
Customer: How about nostalgia?
Customer: Never heard of him.
Old-Timey SpongeBob: Okay, that didn't work at all.
Squidward: It only seemed to increase their appetite for wieners!
Old-Timey SpongeBob: We need stronger tactics.
Squidward: Right. Something that would make Mr. Krabs' whole wiener thing blow right up in his face.
Old-Timey SpongeBob: Yeah. Blow up. (honk) Squidward, that's it! (laughing as he runs to the kitchen)
(SpongeBob grabs a pack of balloons and makes a Krusty Dog, pumps into it, and squirts mustard on it)
SpongeBob: Beautiful.
(SpongeBob gives the customer the Krusty Dog, but there is a cord in it now)
SpongeBob: Your Krusty Dog, sir, with extra mustard.
Customer: Thanks.
SpongeBob: Can I bring you something else?
SpongeBob: Okay, I guess not.
SpongeBob: Wait for it, SpongeBob... wait for it... NOW! (starts pumping air into the Krusty Dog)
Customer: Yeah, remember that? That was- Oh, my Neptune! That Krusty Dog is about to explode!
Customer: What? Where? (Krusty Dog explodes and throws the meat at all the other customers, along with screaming)
All: (complaining)
SpongeBob: Have a nice day!
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, what happened in here!? Where are all me customers? What are we gonna do?
SpongeBob: Ooh, I know the answer.
(transitions to SpongeBob making Krabby Patties)
Mr. Krabs: Hey, SpongeBob, have you seen Mr. Squidward?
SpongeBob: I think he's outside on his break.
Mr. Krabs: Perfect. And keep them Krabby Patties coming, boy!
SpongeBob: Aye aye, captain!
(cuts to Squidward in a Krabby Patty costume with a sign saying "THEY'RE BACK!")
Billy: Mom, look, it's a guy dressed as a Krabby Patty.
Billy's Mom: It's never too soon to start picking a good college, Billy.
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