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Episode Transcript: Patty Hype
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==Characters== | ==Characters== | ||
| − | *[[SpongeBob]] | + | *[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]] |
| − | *[[Patrick]] | + | *[[Patrick Star|Patrick]] |
| − | *[[Squidward]] | + | *[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]] |
| − | *[[Mr. Krabs]] | + | *[[Eugene H. Krabs|Mr. Krabs]] |
*[[Larry the Lobster]] | *[[Larry the Lobster]] | ||
*[[Fred]] | *[[Fred]] | ||
*[[Tom]] | *[[Tom]] | ||
| + | *[[Frank (cameo character)|Frank]] | ||
| + | *[[Harold]] | ||
| + | *[[Sadie Rechid]] | ||
| + | *[[Evelyn]] | ||
| + | *[[Scottish Fish]] | ||
| + | *[[Bill]] | ||
| + | *[[Realistic Fish Head]] | ||
| + | *[[Anchovy]] | ||
==Dialogue== | ==Dialogue== | ||
| + | (episode begins at the Krusty Krab, with some bubbles floating up. In the background, a tumbleweed made of coral rolls past. Cross-fade to inside. We see it is all dusty, old, and abandoned. All the scenery implies that there has been a lack of customers for a while. Squidward, in the ordering boat, blows dust off of him and the register. SpongeBob dusts off a cobweb on one of the tables, but a spider comes and spins another one. He dusts that one off, but another one just comes and spins another web. Mr. Krabs is completely coated with dust, and sneezes it all off) | ||
| − | '' | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' Ugh... 36 days without a customer. (Frank, who looks as if he is dying from hunger, crawls into the Krusty Krab) |
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| − | + | '''Frank:''' So...hungry... | |
| − | ''(A | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Ah! Mr. Krabs, a customer! (Krabs squeals in delight, revealing a spider web growing in his mouth. A spider crawls all over it) |
| − | + | '''Frank:''' No food... 3 days... | |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' (runs in) Hold on, me bucko! Food’s on the way! (he is about to call into the kitchen, but then has a second thought) You got money, right? | |
| − | '' | + | '''Frank:''' Yeah... |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' SpongeBob! Bring this man some grub before he keels over! | |
| − | Mr. Krabs | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Here you go, sir. (presents Mr. Krabs with a Krabby Patty and soda on a platter) |
| − | '' | + | '''Frank:''' Oh. Krabby Patties, huh? |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' Finest under the sea! | |
| − | + | '''Frank:''' Yeah, yeah, sure. But where’s the pizzazz? | |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' Huh? | |
| − | '' | + | '''Frank:''' Look at this place. I mean, what is the theme here? (cut to a wide shot of the dining area, complete with SpongeBob and Squidward. Bubbles float up) Underwater? It’s boring! (turns and crawls away) Food! Water! Atmosphere! |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' Nobody goes to a restaurant for atmosphere. (walks toward the double doors) They go for food! (looks out the doors as [[Tom]] and [[Fred]] see each other on the street) | |
| − | + | '''Fred:''' Hey, Tom! (captions read: "Man: Hey, Tom!") | |
| − | + | '''Tom:''' Fred! Hey, you want to eat at the Krusty Krab? (captions read: "Man 2: Fred, hey, you want to eat at the Krusty Krab?") | |
| − | + | '''Fred:''' Nah, let’s go to the Shell Shack. They've got a talking dog! | |
| − | '' | + | '''Tom:''' Great! Say, what’s a dog? |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' (gasps) Money walking! I have to think up a gimmick like that to get people back in here! (SpongeBob peeks through Mr. Krabs' eyestalks) | |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob:''' I have an idea! (Mr. Krabs' eyestalks pull back together, chopping SpongeBob in half) | |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' Wait! I've got an idea! (bubble-wipe to sometime later outside the Krusty Krab, where a marching band plays, and a crowd gathers around Mr. Krabs) ...and so, ladies and gentlemen, make sure you buy lots of Krabby Patties as I bury myself alive! (everyone cheers and confetti shoots up from the ground as Mr. Krabs wields a shovel. Digs a hole) No free refills. (pulls the dirt left behind to fit the hole and pats the dirt in around him with his shovel, leaving himself underground with no trace of him. Fred runs in, stopping on top of where Krabs was buried) | |
| − | + | '''Fred:''' Hey, everyone, listen! The talking dog at the Shell Shack is '''''SINGING!!!''''' Come on! (motions for everyone to follow, and they do, leaving Mr. Krabs alone, under the ground. Cross-fade to the inside of the Krusty Krab, which has been cleaned out) | |
| − | Mr. Krabs | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Mr. Krabs, I have an idea! |
| − | '' | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' (ignoring him) What am I going to do? If I don’t find an idea, I’ll go out of business! |
| − | SpongeBob: | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Mr. Krabs, I have an idea! |
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| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' (still ignoring SpongeBob) Why can’t someone give me an idea? | |
| − | Mr. Krabs | + | |
| − | '' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Mr. Krabs, I have an idea! |
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| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' Great Neptune in Heaven, I need an idea! (a divine light hits Krabs, and SpongeBob comes down, playing a harp and dressed like an angel) | |
| − | ''( | + | '''Angel SpongeBob:''' (singing) Mr. Krabs, I have an idea! (Krabs grabs SpongeBob) |
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| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' What in the name of money are you waiting for, boy? Tell me! | |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Okay, Mr. Krabs. Prepare yourself. Don’t bother sitting down, 'cause you’ll just stand up when you see this! (shows Mr. Krabs a green Krabby Patty) Ta-da! | |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' Great Barrier Reef! That patty’s spoiled! (knocks it off of the plate and onto the ground. Burns it with a flamethrower. Once the fire is gone, SpongeBob appears in a fire-retardant suit and laughs) | |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Mr. Krabs! It’s not tainted meat, it’s painted meat! (fire once again overcomes him, and he emerges in regular clothing, with an artist’s palette in hand. On the palette, Krabby Patties lie in different colors. Thrusts the palette slightly forward; as a short whimsical tune plays) "[[Pretty Patties]]!" Available in 6 designer colors. (Mr. Krabs looks surprised for a second, then laughs. Looks broken-heartedly at his own creation) | |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' Mr. Squidward! Come look! (Squidward walks up) Don’t that look appetizing? (cut to a close-up of the Pretty Patties) | |
| − | + | '''Squidward:''' Mmm, mmm! Good, sir! (the two laugh) | |
| − | '' | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' Wait! Gimme an orange patty... with extra purple! (Squidward laughs) What’s next? (holds up a milkshake cup with green sparkling sequins encrusted into it) "[[Sequin Milkshakes]]?" (cut to a close-up of the Sequin Milkshake. The sequins continue to sparkle) |
| − | + | '''Squidward:''' (holds up a french fry with a bow-tie on it) "[[Bowtie French Fries]]?" (cut to a close-up of the Bowtie French Fry. SpongeBob is now welling up with tears) | |
| − | '' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' No... (Squidward and Mr. Krabs dance mockingly) |
| − | + | '''Squidward:''' Pretty Patties, Pretty Patties! | |
| − | SpongeBob: | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (crying) Stop it! (gets no response. Noticing that they won’t stop mocking him, SpongeBob looks at the Pretty Patties and becomes indignant) I know this is a good idea. I’ll show you. I’ll... I’ll... I’ll open my own restaurant! (runs out of the Krusty Krab) You’ll see! (Squidward and Mr. Krabs look at each other. Then, they continue laughing. Bubble-wipe to Conch Street, where SpongeBob passes [[SpongeBob’s House|his pineapple]] and [[Squidward’s House]] to get to [[Patrick’s House|Patrick’s rock]]) Hey, Patrick, are you angry, too? |
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| − | '' | + | '''Patrick:''' Yeah. |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob:''' What’s the matter? | |
| − | '' | + | '''Patrick:''' I can’t see my forehead. What’s your problem? |
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| − | SpongeBob: | + | '''SpongeBob:''' I have a good idea, and no one else thinks so! (Patrick turns briefly, revealing a cord on his own Bermuda shorts. The cord has a handle) |
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| − | '' | + | '''Patrick:''' Me, too. (pulls the cord, causing his shorts to inflate and lift into the air a few feet. Patrick is now upside-down; slightly muffled) [[Inflatable Pants (Object)|Inflatable pants]]! (points to SpongeBob) What’s your idea? |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob:''' I’m going to open up a restaurant and sell Pretty Patties! (Patrick’s shorts explode, leaving him with only a little patch covering his front) | |
| − | ''( | + | '''Patrick:''' Forget my dumb idea, that’s great! (bubble-wipe to later, where SpongeBob has constructed a purple stand that reads "Pretty Patties." Patrick is behind a second one to the left of SpongeBob that is brown and says "Pay Here") |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Are you ready for the big rush, Patrick? (Patrick, noticing that he’s naked, pulls up another pair of identical-looking Bermuda shorts and gives SpongeBob the thumbs-up) Pretty soon, those hungry customers will be lining up, 'cause we are open! (puts up an "Open" sign. Cut to him at the stand) I’m ready! (cross-fade to him as an adult with the same camera angling. He has glasses on, and brown hair) I’m ready. (cross-fade to him as an old man with a long, grey beard. His pineapple wilts and dies) I’m ready... (cross-fade to his gravestone behind the stand. The gravestone reads "R.I.P. I'M READY". There is a vacant spot where his pineapple previously was. SpongeBob wakes up at the stand and sees that the entire scenario was just a dream) Patrick, how long have we been sitting here? | |
| − | + | '''Patrick:''' Aww! (looks at some sloppily-drawn crayon marks on his wrist, made to look like a watch) I gotta draw a new battery for this. (scribbles on his wrist with a blue crayon) | |
| − | '' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' What if Mr. Krabs was right? Maybe my idea ''is'' dumb. (cries) |
| − | + | '''Patrick:''' SpongeBob, sometimes we have to go deep inside ourselves to solve our problems. | |
| − | '' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' I’m scared. |
| − | + | '''Patrick:''' Well then, I’m going in for you! (climbs into SpongeBob’s head through one of his pores. Then, SpongeBob blows up like a puffer fish, his eyes spinning around. Emerges for a few seconds) Sorry. (goes back inside) Stupid inflatable pants! (climbs out of SpongeBob, but the force causes him to spin around in the air for a bit before landing on his head. Gets up) | |
| − | '' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Did you find anything? |
| − | + | '''Patrick:''' Huh? (Harold walks up to the stand) | |
| − | ''( | + | '''Harold:''' Hey, do you sell food here? (he is creeped out as SpongeBob and Patrick giggle) |
| − | SpongeBob: | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Yes, sir! We sell Pretty Patties! (holds out a green Pretty Patty) |
| − | ''( | + | '''Harold:''' That thing’s green! (starts laughing hysterically) Green! (laughs more. Patrick joins in, but doesn’t laugh hard at all. SpongeBob cries) |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Mr. Krabs was right! What am I going to do with all these? (holds out the palette of Pretty Patties) | |
| − | + | '''Harold:''' (stops laughing) Hey, is that one purple? Purple is my favorite color! (takes a purple Pretty Patty [blue in earlier versions] and tries it) This isn’t half bad! Hey, world! "Pretty Patties" is the best idea ever! (bubble-wipe to the Krusty Krab, which is back under the same conditions as earlier. Mr. Krabs is in his office, eating popcorn and watching a movie on television, crying. A spider dangling from its web cries as well. Soap opera-style music plays in the background) | |
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| − | ''( | + | '''Rick’s Wife:''' (on television) ''Oh, Rick, how could you? You and I...together we were one!'' |
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| − | + | '''Rick:''' (on TV) ''That was before. But now,'' (cut to the television. We see the movie Mr. Krabs is watching is black-and-white footage of an amoebae, supposed to represent "Rick" and his "wife") ''I’m splitting us up.'' (the amoebae splits into two amoebae, accompanied by a ripping sound. A ''[[Bikini Bottom News]]'' emergency broadcast suddenly begins; a purple circle with a lavender clamshell is shown on a blue background. "'''''BIKINI BOTTOM NEWS'''''," in lime green with white outlines and some yellow spots, is shown over the circle. The "N" has a long arm at the end, as does the "S," and there are also two short lines on the "N," one at the beginning and the other, a slightly shorter one, slightly above the first) | |
| − | + | '''Realistic Fish Head:''' (offscreen) ''We interrupt this program for an important news announcement!'' (the Realistic Fish Head talks at a desk. Behind him is a backdrop, and a bamboo screen showing a crowd of Bikini Bottom citizens cheering) This wild crowd behind me is screaming for Bikini Bottom’s newest culinary sensation. Let’s take a listen. (the bamboo screen zooms in to fill the whole screen) | |
| − | + | '''Crowd:''' (chanting) Pretty Patties! Pretty Patties! | |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' Pretty Patties? (the spider comes up and steals Krabs' popcorn) | |
| − | + | '''Realistic Fish Head:''' (offscreen) ''It’s easy to see that Pretty Patties are popular,'' (onscreen, he talks as a Pretty Patty is shown over a blue-and-purple starburst. The Patty is shown in red and changes color to blue and then yellow) but just what is it about them that drives Bikini Bottom feeders wild? (Millie, Sadie Rechid and Evelyn appear, each of them holding a Pretty Patty. All three ladies hold out their purses to compare with the Pretty Patties) | |
| − | + | '''Millie, Sadie and Evelyn:''' They match our purses! | |
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| − | + | '''Scottish Fish:''' (with Scottish accent, kilt, and bagpipe) They remind me of home. (holds up a plaid Pretty Patty, and Larry the Lobster runs up) | |
| − | '''( | + | '''Larry:''' Pretty Patties rule! (flexes his muscles. Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick) |
| − | + | '''Realistic Fish Head:''' (offscreen) ''Mr. SquarePants, how do you explain all this success?'' | |
| − | '' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Uhhhhhhhhhhhh... I don’t know. (cut back to Mr. Krabs) |
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| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' How can you make money with such a stupid idea? | |
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| − | + | '''Realistic Fish Head:''' (he is now shown on a purple background. Dollars and coins fall from the top to the bottom) And how can you not make money with such a brilliant idea? (cut back to SpongeBob) | |
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| − | ''( | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (laughs) At first, we didn’t know what to do with all the money. (cut back to Mr. Krabs) We tried burying it... (Mr. Krabs' eyestalks inflate as he screams) shredding it... (Krabs' eyestalks inflate even more as he screams again) and burning it! (Mr. Krabs' eyestalks burst and fly around like a balloon with a hole in it. He screams) But in the end, we decided to just give it all away. (camera pans to show Patrick at a stand that has a bamboo "$" and says "Free Money." He hands a filled paper sack to Nathiel) |
| − | + | '''Patrick:''' Come again, sir! | |
| − | '' | + | '''Nathiel:''' I’m getting back in line! (another fish walks up to the stand as Patrick prepares to hand another paper sack to him) |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' I don’t believe it! (runs out of the office and across the dining area) I've got to see this for me self! (runs out the door and into Sandals) | |
| − | + | '''Sandals:''' Hey! Watch it, buddy. I don’t care how much you want your Pretty Patty. You’re going to have to wait in the line just like the rest of us. (captions read: "Man: Hey, watch it buddy, I don’t really care how much you want your Pretty Patty, you’re going to have to wait in line just like the rest of us.") | |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' I've never had a line. (at SpongeBob’s stand, the "Now Serving" sign flips from 46,852 to 46,853) | |
| − | '' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Who’s #46,853? (cut to a wide shot of the crowd of customers, surrounding all three Conch Street houses. There is an excited roar from the crowd. Mr. Krabs makes his way to the front of the line) |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' I've never had 46,853 customers. (SpongeBob hands a patty to a anchovy) | |
| − | '' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Here you go, sir. Stay pretty. (chuckles) All right. Mr. Krabs is that you? (Mr. Krabs walks towards him) Isn’t this great, Mr. Krabs? The Pretty Patties are a big hit! |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' They sure are, boy. You’re doing pretty well for yourself. I guess you've completely forgotten the Krusty Krab. | |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob:''' No, sir, I haven’t. In fact, sometimes I really miss the old days at the Krusty Krab. (Mr. Krabs gets an idea) | |
| − | '' | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' I bet you miss Squidward... and the grill. And the crow’s nest. |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Yeah. Yeah! And do you know what I miss the most, Mr. Krabs? That tiny squeaky sound you get when you rub two pickles together. You know what I mean, Mr. Krabs? | |
| − | '' | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' Uhh... Uh-yeah-uh-yes. Yes, I do, lad. Well, the Krusty Krab is only a short walk away. Why don’t you head on down, for old time’s sake? (takes SpongeBob by the hand and starts to walk away, but SpongeBob’s arm expands and he just stays in the same place) |
| − | SpongeBob: | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Ooh, I can’t leave, Mr. Krabs! What about the stand? |
| − | '' | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' Ooh, don’t worry, lad. I’ll watch the stand for ye. (SpongeBob retracts his arm) |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob:''' You will? | |
| − | '' | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' No! I've got a better idea! I’ll take this old roadside stand off your hands. For keeps. And in exchange, I’ll give you the Krusty Krab. With Squidward, the grill, and all those squeaky pickles! |
| − | SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (in a trance) What did you say, Mr. Krabs? |
| − | ''( | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' (pulls out a key, composed of two golden "K"’s and a ring. It shines) Here’s the key to the Krusty Krab. (cut to a close-up of the key) She’s yours now. (hands him the key, which stops shining) |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Thank you. What should I do now, Mr. Krabs? | |
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| − | '' | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' Run to her, boy. She’s waiting for you. |
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| − | + | '''SpongeBob:''' I can’t feel my legs, Mr. Krabs. | |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' Don’t worry, lad! I’ll fix it! Get this to the Krusty Krab on the double! Good luck, lad! (tosses SpongeBob to the crowd, who holds him above their hands and passes him down. While crowd-surfing, SpongeBob’s surroundings turn into a pink sky with clouds) | |
| − | ''( | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Dreams do come true! (the crowd throws him on the ground in front of the Krusty Krab, where he floats up) Whoo, yeah! (kisses the building) Woo, woo! (we see him cheer in the dining area, kiss the floor, throw buns up into the air in the kitchen, laugh over the phone in Mr. Krabs' office, and stand at the ordering boat, the whole Krusty Krab cleaned and refreshed. Bubble-wipe to the Pretty Patties stand, where Mr. Krabs holds up a patty) |
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| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' Ladies and gentlemen! "Pretty Patties" is now under new management! Who’s next? (waves a patty in the air. We see a nighttime, sea-level shot of [[Bikini Atoll]]. It turns from night to dawn. Cross-fade to Mr. Krabs at the stand beside SpongeBob’s house. The "Free Money" stand has been disassembled) I’m ready! I’m ready! I’m ready! For my money. (a crowd gathers around him) Welcome to Pretty Patties! May I take your money? | |
| − | + | '''Franco:''' We want a refund, Krabs! (all talking at once) | |
| − | Mr. Krabs: | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' Who-?! Huh? What?! |
| − | '' | + | '''Bill:''' Your dumb Patties turned my face purple! |
| − | + | '''Scottish Fish:''' Look what I got under me kilt! (raises his kilt to reveal a plaid body, and white underwear) | |
| − | ''( | + | '''Clayton, Jess and Frank:''' And look at our tongues! (they show a yellow tongue, a speckled tongue, and a pink tongue. Mr Krabs refers to Frank’s) |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' What’s wrong with you? (Frank turns off a light to reveal his tongue is glow-in-the-dark, and is pulsing green) | |
| − | + | '''Frank:''' We want our money back. All 46,853 of us. (turns the light back on, but Mr Krabs is nowhere to be seen) | |
| − | ''( | + | '''Harold:''' Hey, where’d he go? (cut to a screaming Mr. Krabs running away, and the crowd chasing them, with a rainbow trailing behind them. Mr. Krabs slams into the Krusty Krab door, but it is locked, so he searches for his key) |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' My key! Where’s my key? (recalls he gave it to SpongeBob, and presses himself against the door to get SpongeBob’s attention) SpongeBob! SpongeBob! Let me in! SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SpongeBob! Let! Me! In! (SpongeBob is in the dining area, and cannot hear due to his pickle-squeaking. Mr. Krabs is chased left and right by the mob, still screaming) SpongeBob, let me in! SpongeBob! | |
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{{Transcripts/Season 2}} | {{Transcripts/Season 2}} | ||
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Latest revision as of 18:34, 28 May 2025
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Episode Article: Patty Hype
[edit] Characters
- SpongeBob
- Patrick
- Squidward
- Mr. Krabs
- Larry the Lobster
- Fred
- Tom
- Frank
- Harold
- Sadie Rechid
- Evelyn
- Scottish Fish
- Bill
- Realistic Fish Head
- Anchovy
[edit] Dialogue
(episode begins at the Krusty Krab, with some bubbles floating up. In the background, a tumbleweed made of coral rolls past. Cross-fade to inside. We see it is all dusty, old, and abandoned. All the scenery implies that there has been a lack of customers for a while. Squidward, in the ordering boat, blows dust off of him and the register. SpongeBob dusts off a cobweb on one of the tables, but a spider comes and spins another one. He dusts that one off, but another one just comes and spins another web. Mr. Krabs is completely coated with dust, and sneezes it all off)
Mr. Krabs: Ugh... 36 days without a customer. (Frank, who looks as if he is dying from hunger, crawls into the Krusty Krab)
Frank: So...hungry...
SpongeBob: Ah! Mr. Krabs, a customer! (Krabs squeals in delight, revealing a spider web growing in his mouth. A spider crawls all over it)
Frank: No food... 3 days...
Mr. Krabs: (runs in) Hold on, me bucko! Food’s on the way! (he is about to call into the kitchen, but then has a second thought) You got money, right?
Frank: Yeah...
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! Bring this man some grub before he keels over!
SpongeBob: Here you go, sir. (presents Mr. Krabs with a Krabby Patty and soda on a platter)
Frank: Oh. Krabby Patties, huh?
Mr. Krabs: Finest under the sea!
Frank: Yeah, yeah, sure. But where’s the pizzazz?
Mr. Krabs: Huh?
Frank: Look at this place. I mean, what is the theme here? (cut to a wide shot of the dining area, complete with SpongeBob and Squidward. Bubbles float up) Underwater? It’s boring! (turns and crawls away) Food! Water! Atmosphere!
Mr. Krabs: Nobody goes to a restaurant for atmosphere. (walks toward the double doors) They go for food! (looks out the doors as Tom and Fred see each other on the street)
Fred: Hey, Tom! (captions read: "Man: Hey, Tom!")
Tom: Fred! Hey, you want to eat at the Krusty Krab? (captions read: "Man 2: Fred, hey, you want to eat at the Krusty Krab?")
Fred: Nah, let’s go to the Shell Shack. They've got a talking dog!
Tom: Great! Say, what’s a dog?
Mr. Krabs: (gasps) Money walking! I have to think up a gimmick like that to get people back in here! (SpongeBob peeks through Mr. Krabs' eyestalks)
SpongeBob: I have an idea! (Mr. Krabs' eyestalks pull back together, chopping SpongeBob in half)
Mr. Krabs: Wait! I've got an idea! (bubble-wipe to sometime later outside the Krusty Krab, where a marching band plays, and a crowd gathers around Mr. Krabs) ...and so, ladies and gentlemen, make sure you buy lots of Krabby Patties as I bury myself alive! (everyone cheers and confetti shoots up from the ground as Mr. Krabs wields a shovel. Digs a hole) No free refills. (pulls the dirt left behind to fit the hole and pats the dirt in around him with his shovel, leaving himself underground with no trace of him. Fred runs in, stopping on top of where Krabs was buried)
Fred: Hey, everyone, listen! The talking dog at the Shell Shack is SINGING!!! Come on! (motions for everyone to follow, and they do, leaving Mr. Krabs alone, under the ground. Cross-fade to the inside of the Krusty Krab, which has been cleaned out)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, I have an idea!
Mr. Krabs: (ignoring him) What am I going to do? If I don’t find an idea, I’ll go out of business!
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, I have an idea!
Mr. Krabs: (still ignoring SpongeBob) Why can’t someone give me an idea?
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, I have an idea!
Mr. Krabs: Great Neptune in Heaven, I need an idea! (a divine light hits Krabs, and SpongeBob comes down, playing a harp and dressed like an angel)
Angel SpongeBob: (singing) Mr. Krabs, I have an idea! (Krabs grabs SpongeBob)
Mr. Krabs: What in the name of money are you waiting for, boy? Tell me!
SpongeBob: Okay, Mr. Krabs. Prepare yourself. Don’t bother sitting down, 'cause you’ll just stand up when you see this! (shows Mr. Krabs a green Krabby Patty) Ta-da!
Mr. Krabs: Great Barrier Reef! That patty’s spoiled! (knocks it off of the plate and onto the ground. Burns it with a flamethrower. Once the fire is gone, SpongeBob appears in a fire-retardant suit and laughs)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! It’s not tainted meat, it’s painted meat! (fire once again overcomes him, and he emerges in regular clothing, with an artist’s palette in hand. On the palette, Krabby Patties lie in different colors. Thrusts the palette slightly forward; as a short whimsical tune plays) "Pretty Patties!" Available in 6 designer colors. (Mr. Krabs looks surprised for a second, then laughs. Looks broken-heartedly at his own creation)
Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward! Come look! (Squidward walks up) Don’t that look appetizing? (cut to a close-up of the Pretty Patties)
Squidward: Mmm, mmm! Good, sir! (the two laugh)
Mr. Krabs: Wait! Gimme an orange patty... with extra purple! (Squidward laughs) What’s next? (holds up a milkshake cup with green sparkling sequins encrusted into it) "Sequin Milkshakes?" (cut to a close-up of the Sequin Milkshake. The sequins continue to sparkle)
Squidward: (holds up a french fry with a bow-tie on it) "Bowtie French Fries?" (cut to a close-up of the Bowtie French Fry. SpongeBob is now welling up with tears)
SpongeBob: No... (Squidward and Mr. Krabs dance mockingly)
Squidward: Pretty Patties, Pretty Patties!
SpongeBob: (crying) Stop it! (gets no response. Noticing that they won’t stop mocking him, SpongeBob looks at the Pretty Patties and becomes indignant) I know this is a good idea. I’ll show you. I’ll... I’ll... I’ll open my own restaurant! (runs out of the Krusty Krab) You’ll see! (Squidward and Mr. Krabs look at each other. Then, they continue laughing. Bubble-wipe to Conch Street, where SpongeBob passes his pineapple and Squidward’s House to get to Patrick’s rock) Hey, Patrick, are you angry, too?
Patrick: Yeah.
SpongeBob: What’s the matter?
Patrick: I can’t see my forehead. What’s your problem?
SpongeBob: I have a good idea, and no one else thinks so! (Patrick turns briefly, revealing a cord on his own Bermuda shorts. The cord has a handle)
Patrick: Me, too. (pulls the cord, causing his shorts to inflate and lift into the air a few feet. Patrick is now upside-down; slightly muffled) Inflatable pants! (points to SpongeBob) What’s your idea?
SpongeBob: I’m going to open up a restaurant and sell Pretty Patties! (Patrick’s shorts explode, leaving him with only a little patch covering his front)
Patrick: Forget my dumb idea, that’s great! (bubble-wipe to later, where SpongeBob has constructed a purple stand that reads "Pretty Patties." Patrick is behind a second one to the left of SpongeBob that is brown and says "Pay Here")
SpongeBob: Are you ready for the big rush, Patrick? (Patrick, noticing that he’s naked, pulls up another pair of identical-looking Bermuda shorts and gives SpongeBob the thumbs-up) Pretty soon, those hungry customers will be lining up, 'cause we are open! (puts up an "Open" sign. Cut to him at the stand) I’m ready! (cross-fade to him as an adult with the same camera angling. He has glasses on, and brown hair) I’m ready. (cross-fade to him as an old man with a long, grey beard. His pineapple wilts and dies) I’m ready... (cross-fade to his gravestone behind the stand. The gravestone reads "R.I.P. I'M READY". There is a vacant spot where his pineapple previously was. SpongeBob wakes up at the stand and sees that the entire scenario was just a dream) Patrick, how long have we been sitting here?
Patrick: Aww! (looks at some sloppily-drawn crayon marks on his wrist, made to look like a watch) I gotta draw a new battery for this. (scribbles on his wrist with a blue crayon)
SpongeBob: What if Mr. Krabs was right? Maybe my idea is dumb. (cries)
Patrick: SpongeBob, sometimes we have to go deep inside ourselves to solve our problems.
SpongeBob: I’m scared.
Patrick: Well then, I’m going in for you! (climbs into SpongeBob’s head through one of his pores. Then, SpongeBob blows up like a puffer fish, his eyes spinning around. Emerges for a few seconds) Sorry. (goes back inside) Stupid inflatable pants! (climbs out of SpongeBob, but the force causes him to spin around in the air for a bit before landing on his head. Gets up)
SpongeBob: Did you find anything?
Patrick: Huh? (Harold walks up to the stand)
Harold: Hey, do you sell food here? (he is creeped out as SpongeBob and Patrick giggle)
SpongeBob: Yes, sir! We sell Pretty Patties! (holds out a green Pretty Patty)
Harold: That thing’s green! (starts laughing hysterically) Green! (laughs more. Patrick joins in, but doesn’t laugh hard at all. SpongeBob cries)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs was right! What am I going to do with all these? (holds out the palette of Pretty Patties)
Harold: (stops laughing) Hey, is that one purple? Purple is my favorite color! (takes a purple Pretty Patty [blue in earlier versions] and tries it) This isn’t half bad! Hey, world! "Pretty Patties" is the best idea ever! (bubble-wipe to the Krusty Krab, which is back under the same conditions as earlier. Mr. Krabs is in his office, eating popcorn and watching a movie on television, crying. A spider dangling from its web cries as well. Soap opera-style music plays in the background)
Rick’s Wife: (on television) Oh, Rick, how could you? You and I...together we were one!
Rick: (on TV) That was before. But now, (cut to the television. We see the movie Mr. Krabs is watching is black-and-white footage of an amoebae, supposed to represent "Rick" and his "wife") I’m splitting us up. (the amoebae splits into two amoebae, accompanied by a ripping sound. A Bikini Bottom News emergency broadcast suddenly begins; a purple circle with a lavender clamshell is shown on a blue background. "BIKINI BOTTOM NEWS," in lime green with white outlines and some yellow spots, is shown over the circle. The "N" has a long arm at the end, as does the "S," and there are also two short lines on the "N," one at the beginning and the other, a slightly shorter one, slightly above the first)
Realistic Fish Head: (offscreen) We interrupt this program for an important news announcement! (the Realistic Fish Head talks at a desk. Behind him is a backdrop, and a bamboo screen showing a crowd of Bikini Bottom citizens cheering) This wild crowd behind me is screaming for Bikini Bottom’s newest culinary sensation. Let’s take a listen. (the bamboo screen zooms in to fill the whole screen)
Crowd: (chanting) Pretty Patties! Pretty Patties!
Mr. Krabs: Pretty Patties? (the spider comes up and steals Krabs' popcorn)
Realistic Fish Head: (offscreen) It’s easy to see that Pretty Patties are popular, (onscreen, he talks as a Pretty Patty is shown over a blue-and-purple starburst. The Patty is shown in red and changes color to blue and then yellow) but just what is it about them that drives Bikini Bottom feeders wild? (Millie, Sadie Rechid and Evelyn appear, each of them holding a Pretty Patty. All three ladies hold out their purses to compare with the Pretty Patties)
Millie, Sadie and Evelyn: They match our purses!
Scottish Fish: (with Scottish accent, kilt, and bagpipe) They remind me of home. (holds up a plaid Pretty Patty, and Larry the Lobster runs up)
Larry: Pretty Patties rule! (flexes his muscles. Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick)
Realistic Fish Head: (offscreen) Mr. SquarePants, how do you explain all this success?
SpongeBob: Uhhhhhhhhhhhh... I don’t know. (cut back to Mr. Krabs)
Mr. Krabs: How can you make money with such a stupid idea?
Realistic Fish Head: (he is now shown on a purple background. Dollars and coins fall from the top to the bottom) And how can you not make money with such a brilliant idea? (cut back to SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: (laughs) At first, we didn’t know what to do with all the money. (cut back to Mr. Krabs) We tried burying it... (Mr. Krabs' eyestalks inflate as he screams) shredding it... (Krabs' eyestalks inflate even more as he screams again) and burning it! (Mr. Krabs' eyestalks burst and fly around like a balloon with a hole in it. He screams) But in the end, we decided to just give it all away. (camera pans to show Patrick at a stand that has a bamboo "$" and says "Free Money." He hands a filled paper sack to Nathiel)
Patrick: Come again, sir!
Nathiel: I’m getting back in line! (another fish walks up to the stand as Patrick prepares to hand another paper sack to him)
Mr. Krabs: I don’t believe it! (runs out of the office and across the dining area) I've got to see this for me self! (runs out the door and into Sandals)
Sandals: Hey! Watch it, buddy. I don’t care how much you want your Pretty Patty. You’re going to have to wait in the line just like the rest of us. (captions read: "Man: Hey, watch it buddy, I don’t really care how much you want your Pretty Patty, you’re going to have to wait in line just like the rest of us.")
Mr. Krabs: I've never had a line. (at SpongeBob’s stand, the "Now Serving" sign flips from 46,852 to 46,853)
SpongeBob: Who’s #46,853? (cut to a wide shot of the crowd of customers, surrounding all three Conch Street houses. There is an excited roar from the crowd. Mr. Krabs makes his way to the front of the line)
Mr. Krabs: I've never had 46,853 customers. (SpongeBob hands a patty to a anchovy)
SpongeBob: Here you go, sir. Stay pretty. (chuckles) All right. Mr. Krabs is that you? (Mr. Krabs walks towards him) Isn’t this great, Mr. Krabs? The Pretty Patties are a big hit!
Mr. Krabs: They sure are, boy. You’re doing pretty well for yourself. I guess you've completely forgotten the Krusty Krab.
SpongeBob: No, sir, I haven’t. In fact, sometimes I really miss the old days at the Krusty Krab. (Mr. Krabs gets an idea)
Mr. Krabs: I bet you miss Squidward... and the grill. And the crow’s nest.
SpongeBob: Yeah. Yeah! And do you know what I miss the most, Mr. Krabs? That tiny squeaky sound you get when you rub two pickles together. You know what I mean, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Uhh... Uh-yeah-uh-yes. Yes, I do, lad. Well, the Krusty Krab is only a short walk away. Why don’t you head on down, for old time’s sake? (takes SpongeBob by the hand and starts to walk away, but SpongeBob’s arm expands and he just stays in the same place)
SpongeBob: Ooh, I can’t leave, Mr. Krabs! What about the stand?
Mr. Krabs: Ooh, don’t worry, lad. I’ll watch the stand for ye. (SpongeBob retracts his arm)
SpongeBob: You will?
Mr. Krabs: No! I've got a better idea! I’ll take this old roadside stand off your hands. For keeps. And in exchange, I’ll give you the Krusty Krab. With Squidward, the grill, and all those squeaky pickles!
SpongeBob: (in a trance) What did you say, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: (pulls out a key, composed of two golden "K"’s and a ring. It shines) Here’s the key to the Krusty Krab. (cut to a close-up of the key) She’s yours now. (hands him the key, which stops shining)
SpongeBob: Thank you. What should I do now, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Run to her, boy. She’s waiting for you.
SpongeBob: I can’t feel my legs, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Don’t worry, lad! I’ll fix it! Get this to the Krusty Krab on the double! Good luck, lad! (tosses SpongeBob to the crowd, who holds him above their hands and passes him down. While crowd-surfing, SpongeBob’s surroundings turn into a pink sky with clouds)
SpongeBob: Dreams do come true! (the crowd throws him on the ground in front of the Krusty Krab, where he floats up) Whoo, yeah! (kisses the building) Woo, woo! (we see him cheer in the dining area, kiss the floor, throw buns up into the air in the kitchen, laugh over the phone in Mr. Krabs' office, and stand at the ordering boat, the whole Krusty Krab cleaned and refreshed. Bubble-wipe to the Pretty Patties stand, where Mr. Krabs holds up a patty)
Mr. Krabs: Ladies and gentlemen! "Pretty Patties" is now under new management! Who’s next? (waves a patty in the air. We see a nighttime, sea-level shot of Bikini Atoll. It turns from night to dawn. Cross-fade to Mr. Krabs at the stand beside SpongeBob’s house. The "Free Money" stand has been disassembled) I’m ready! I’m ready! I’m ready! For my money. (a crowd gathers around him) Welcome to Pretty Patties! May I take your money?
Franco: We want a refund, Krabs! (all talking at once)
Mr. Krabs: Who-?! Huh? What?!
Bill: Your dumb Patties turned my face purple!
Scottish Fish: Look what I got under me kilt! (raises his kilt to reveal a plaid body, and white underwear)
Clayton, Jess and Frank: And look at our tongues! (they show a yellow tongue, a speckled tongue, and a pink tongue. Mr Krabs refers to Frank’s)
Mr. Krabs: What’s wrong with you? (Frank turns off a light to reveal his tongue is glow-in-the-dark, and is pulsing green)
Frank: We want our money back. All 46,853 of us. (turns the light back on, but Mr Krabs is nowhere to be seen)
Harold: Hey, where’d he go? (cut to a screaming Mr. Krabs running away, and the crowd chasing them, with a rainbow trailing behind them. Mr. Krabs slams into the Krusty Krab door, but it is locked, so he searches for his key)
Mr. Krabs: My key! Where’s my key? (recalls he gave it to SpongeBob, and presses himself against the door to get SpongeBob’s attention) SpongeBob! SpongeBob! Let me in! SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SpongeBob! Let! Me! In! (SpongeBob is in the dining area, and cannot hear due to his pickle-squeaking. Mr. Krabs is chased left and right by the mob, still screaming) SpongeBob, let me in! SpongeBob!
