Episode Transcript: Squid on Strike
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Episode Article: Squid on Strike
(The episode launches at The Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs is at his office with an adding machine, singing.)
Mr. Krabs (Sings): Counting me money, Money sweeter than honey, Money, money, this, Money, money, that, Profits will make me wallet fat!
(His eyes out bug at the ticker tape and he gasps.)
Mr. Krabs: What!?! Profits down three dollars from last month! I got to start running a tighter ship around here!
(Meanwhile, Squidward is helping a customer in his ordering boat at the dining area of the Krusty Krab.)
Squidward: Thank you for choosing the Krusty Krab. Here's your change.
(Gives the customer a dollar, and she walks off. Mr. Krabs approaches him.)
Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward!
Mr. Krabs: What's with all this "change" nonsense?
(SpongeBob walks over, knotting his tie.)
SpongeBob: Over and under, grab the end, put it through here, up and around, round the horn, bring it back home.
Mr. Krabs: Hmm? SpongeBob! I ain't paying you to play dress up! (Squidward becomes exasperated, and takes a deep breath.)
Mr. Krabs: Breathe on your own time. I don't pay you to breathe. Squidward: You hardly pay us at all!
Mr. Krabs: Oh, that reminds me. I got something for you.
(He hands his employees envelopes.)
Squidward: Ah, yes! Our meager restitution. (He takes the envelope and smells it.) Ah, the sweet smell of payday. (He opens it and encloses is a pair of underwear.) Huh?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, sorry, that's me dry cleaning. (Trades envelopes with him.) Here's your check.
(He gives SpongeBob an envelope as well.)
Mr. Krabs: And here's yours, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: I can't accept your money, Mr. Krabs. Grilling is my passion!
(Mr. Krabs greedily snatches it back.)
Squidward: What is this!?! (He sees that there's a bill instead of a check. It charges Squid for breathing, talking, standing, existing, lollygaging, and chewing.) You're making me pay you to stand at the cash register? What is the meaning of this? Have you gone off the deep end?
Mr. Krabs: There's going to be a few changes around here. Every time I catch you two goofing off, I'm going to charge you for it.
(SpongeBob walks up to Mr. Krabs, preparing money for him.)
SpongeBob: 18... 19... And... 20. Here you go, Mr. K. I think this should cover all my nonsense. Oh, and here's an extra fifty cents for when I was tying my shoe. (Mr. Krabs is drooling over Bob's cash, and Squidward pulls SpongeBob towards him.)
Squidward: Uh, SpongeBob? What do you think you're doing?
SpongeBob: I'm just giving Mr. Krabs the money I owe him.
Squidward: Well, I am not paying that cheapskate Krabs one cent, and I suggest you do the same.
Squidward: We've got to unite as workers and demand the respect we deserve from the boss. In fact, you and I should go on strike.
SpongeBob: Wow! You and me go on strike?
Squidward: Sure! After all, you like your job, right?
Squidward: And you want to keep working here, right?
Squidward: And while you work here, you expect to be treated fairly, right?
Squidward: Then let's go on strike!
SpongeBob: Yay! A strike!
(He starts to sing excitedly.)
SpongeBob (Sings): Goin' on a strike! Goin' on a strike!
SpongeBob: I still don't know what strike means, BUT!
SpongeBob (Sings): We're goin' on a strike!
(He inadventertantly kicks Mr. Krabs in the butt as Krabs sweeps the floor.)
SpongeBob: Hey, guess what, Mr. Krabs? Me and Squidward are going to go on strike!
Mr. Krabs: A strike?
Mr. Krabs: You mean you're going to make picket signs?
Mr. Krabs: And you're going to make protest speeches?
SpongeBob: Yeah, yeah!
Mr. Krabs: And you're going to demand me respect?
SpongeBob: YEAH!!! (Cut to SpongeBob sobbing outisde of the Krusty Krab.) Noo…
(We Squidward is with him.)
SpongeBob: No! Squidward! You didn't tell me I was going to get fired! Without the Krusty Krab, I-I-I… (He cries more.) Oh, Squidward, could you hold me? I think I'm going to be sick.
(He grabs SpongeBob and pulls him off the door, but his arms and legs stick.)
Squidward: News flash, SpongeBob! I got fired, too! (SpongeBob is suctioned to the door. Squidward pulls him off again, and this time his face remains pressed against the door.) This is exactly why we need to go on strike. (SpongeBob flies back to the door. Squidward pulls him off once more, and this time SpongeBob's front sticks to the door, and we can see his skeleton and internal organs on his other side.) He can't treat us like this anymore!
(SpongeBob goes back to the door and Squidward's eyes become bloodshot.)
Squidward: He owes us for all the precious, irretrievable moments we've wasted in this trash heap.
(SpongeBob and Squidward look through the door to see Mr. Krabs blowing dust off his old "Help Wanted" sign.)
Squidward: Soon, he'll realize he needs us more than we need him. We are workers united!
(SpongeBob holds Squidward's hand.)
(SpongeBob withdraws his hand.)
Squidward: Just do exactly as I say, SpongeBob, and in no time you'll have your job back and more.
SpongeBob: And more?
(He imagines himself in his Krusty Krew uniform hat, except his hat is slightly bigger.)
Squidward: Alright SpongeBob, now listen up. I'm going to have to teach you how to strike. First, we must get rid of our uniforms. (He takes off his hat.) They are a symbol of our oppression. I want you to throw your hat on the ground like so. (Squidward throws it into the ground and stomps on it.) Now, stomp it into the dust! Your turn, SpongeBob.
(Sponge hesitantly takes his hat off.)
Squidward: That's the idea. Now, throw it on the ground.
(SpongeBob attempts to do so, but the hat sticks to his hand despite the fact he no longer has any grip on it.)
SpongeBob: I can't do it, Squidward. This hat is my friend! It never oppressed me.
Squidward: SpongeBob, you're pathetic. Look, I threw my hat to the ground.
(A policefish walks up to Squidward with a ticket in a scene similar to the one in "Bossy Boots".)
PoliceFish: Aha! A confession! Next time, think before you litter.
(He sticks the ticket to Squidward's forehead and leaves. Later, Squidward and SpongeBob are painting signs.)
Squidward: OK, pay attention, SpongeBob. Now we're going to make picket signs. This is a very important part of striking.
(SpongeBob holds up a picket fence on a stick.)
SpongeBob: Like this, Squidward?
Squidward: Not a picket fence, you ding-dong. Picket sign!
(SpongeBob holds up a sign that has a finger picking a nose.)
SpongeBob: How's this?
Squidward: …No. This is a picket sign. (Picks up his) Squidward: Krusty Krab Unfair. Short, sweet, and to the point. (SpongeBob holds up his similar one that reads "Krusty Krab Funfair".)
SpongeBob: How's this, Squidward?
Squidward: SpongeBob, it's "unfair," not "funfair"!
(A fish walks by.)
Fish #1: A funfair? Where? I could go for some fun.
SpongeBob: At the Krusty Krab.
Fish #1: Hey everybody! Let's go to the fun fair! (A crowd of fish trample Squidward to get the restaurant. Later, SpongeBob is holding a sign that says "No Fair!" on it.)
SpongeBob: Krusty Krab is unfair! Mr. Krabs is in there! Standing at the concession! Plotting his oppression!
(A teenager fish with a cap and braces walks up.)
Fish #2: What the heck does that mean?
SpongeBob: I don't know. Squidward told me to yell it at people.
Fish #2: Then you must be SpongeBob SquarePants!!!
Fish #2: Dude, you are like a fry cook legend. Will you sign my spatula?
(He pulls out a pen.)
SpongeBob: Anything for an aspiring fry cook. (Sponge signs the spatula.) So, did you come down to help out the cause?
Fish #2: No, I came to take your job.
(SpongeBob is shocked. The fish grabs his spatula and pen and runs into the Krusty Krab to apply for a job.)
Fish #2: Hey, thanks, dude!
(Squidward walks up and bellows at SpongeBob through the megaphone so loudly that his facial features fall off, and he flies away.
Squidward: Attention, SpongeBob! You are a terrible striker!!!
(SpongeBob inserts his eyes into their sockets.)
Squidward: You just let your replacement cross our picket line without so much as a single threat.
SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Squidward. (He holds up a sign reading, "I Heart the Krusty Krab") How about I try the signs again?
Squidward: FORGET THE SIGNS! I've got something for you to do. Go stand over there.
(SpongeBob stands next to a telephone pole.)
SpongeBob: Like this, Squidward?
Squidward: Almost. A little more to the right. And… perfect! (We see that SpongeBob is now hidden behind the telephone pole. As Squidward begins to speaks, a crowd gathers.) Attention, people of Bikini Bottom! You have been cheated and lied to!
Old Woman: I knew it!
(She slaps her husband.)
Squidward: The gentle laborer shall no longer suffer from the noxious greed of Mr. Krabs!
(The crowd cheers.)
Fish #3: Hey, what's that guy talking about?
Fish #4: I don't know, but he's got a megaphone.
Squidward: We will dismantle oppression board by board! We'll saw the foundation of big business in half! Even if it takes half eternity!
(The crowd cheers.)
SpongeBob: (From behind pole) Gee, I don't know what Squidward's talking about, but he sure sounds convincing.
Squidward: With your support, we will send the hammer of the people's will crashing through the windows of Mr. Krabs' house of servitude!
(He speaks into a fish's face, and his eyes shoot into the back of his head. Then, they return to their sockets. Everyone cheers.)
Fish #5: Wow, all this supporting is making me hungry.
Fish #1: Hey, everybody! Let's go get a Krabby Patty.
(Everyone cheers and run into the Krusty Krab, once again trampling Squidward.)
Squidward: Nobody gives a care about the fate of labor as long as they can get their instant gratification.
(SpongeBob walks up to him.)
SpongeBob: That was a great speech, Squidward. You practically had them eating out of your hands.
Mr. Krabs: But they didn't, did they, Mr. Squidward? 'Cause they were too busy eating out of mine. I wish you two had gone on strike earlier. Thanks for attracting all these paying customers with all your signage and your sloganeering!
SpongeBob: Alright, Mr. Krabs. You've gone too far this time. You can pick on me, but Squidward is a great leader. We are workers united! We're tired of your smelly greed! And we're gonna saw all your tables, and we're gonna smash stuff with the people's hammer. And we're gonna... We're gonna... Squidward, what was that other part?
Squidward: Dismantle your oppressive establishment?
SpongeBob: Yeah, that too!
(Mr. Krabs pretends to yawn and leaves.)
SpongeBob: And me and Squidward are gonna stay on strike until we get what we deserve! Even if it takes forever!!!
(Squidward's eyes become bloodshot. SpongeBob's voice echos "forever" in Squidward's mind as he opens the door to his house, takes a bath, looks in the mirror, and sits in bed, wide-eyed. He seems to have a case of insomnia as the word haunts him.)
Squidward: On strike with SpongeBob... forever? (He imagines himself as an old man with a white beard holding a sign reading, "Krusty Still Unfair." Cobwebs branch from him to the ground. An old SpongeBob approaches him, supported by a cane.)
SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward. I bet old man Krabs is going to break any day. Eh, Squidward? Eh, Squidward? Eh, Squidward? Eh, Squidward? Eh, Squidward? Eh, Squidward?
(Squidward sits up in bed and screams.)
Squidward: I gotta beg Mr. Krabs for my job back and put an end to this nightmare!
(He runs to the door and opens it, and Krabs is there in his nightclothes, about to knock on it.)
Mr. Krabs: Oh! Uh, evening, Mr. Squidward. Uh… I was just in the neighborhood and I, uh… thought I'd drop by to… Beg you to come back to work!!! The Krusty Krab is a wreck! I'm ruined without you and the little yellow guy.
(He grovels at Squidward's feet.)
Mr. Krabs: The teenagers I hired is ruining the place! And the worst part is, they won't leave me alone!
Teenagers: Alright, Mr. Krabs!
(They give him the thumbs up.)
Mr. Krabs: See what I mean? Squidward, please, you got to come back.
Squidward: You'll give us anything we want?
Mr. Krabs: Yes, anything. So what do you say, Mr. Squidward?
Squidward: Your story breaks my heart, Mr. Krabs. Why don't we take a little walk and, uh... discuss my terms. Mr. Krabs: I got a bad feeling in the pit of me wallet. (Meanwhile, at SpongeBob's pineapple house, where he sits on his bed listening to a country record.)
Hey, Mean Mr. Bossman,
I'm a-quittin' this here job
You've been outside gettin' tan
And I've been gettin' robbed
My life is worth so much more
Than a dollar 'n' ten an hour
Wakin' up by the quareter to four
And I'm startin' ta turn sour
So, Hey, Mean Mr, Bossman,
I'm a-quittin' this here job
I'm sick of eatin' old bran
And living like a slob.
You've got me living like a slob!
SpongeBob: Gee, being on strike with Squidward sure is a kick. Squidward's words are still buzzing around in my head like an angry jellyfish. Squidward was right! I can't just sit here, it's time for action! (He kicks open his front door, hammer and saw in hand. He runs to the Krusty Krab and into the dining room.) I will restore the working man to his rightful glory. I will dismantle this oppressive establishment board by board!
(He pulls up a loose floorboard. He then saws a table in half.) I will saw the tables of tyranny in half. I'll gnaw at the ankles of big business! (He takes a bite out of a wooden collumn. Mouth full) Squidward will be so proud!
(Cut to Squidward and Krabs, now fully dressed, walking to the Krab at dawn.)
Mr. Krabs: Well, Squidward, those were intense negotiations.
Squidward: I'm glad you saw it our way, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Now I can fire them teenagers and get me two golden boys back. Well, see you at work!
(Squidward sees a disassembled Krusty Krab and screams. Krabs seems not to notice and hums as he puts his key where the door used to be, unlocking nothing. SpongeBob peeks out from the mangled sign pole. He runs out, trying to hold in his laughter.)
Squidward: S-Sp-SpongeBob! W-W-What have you done?
SpongeBob: I did exactly as you said, Squidward. I dismantled the establishment! Now we'll get our jobs back for sure.
(Krabs walks through the rubble of the Krusty Krab unnoticing and sits in his chair. Only then does he see the derbis. Only the floor and base of the walls remain, so when he looks straight ahead from his chair, he can see Squidward and SpongeBob at the dilapidated doorframe. Krabs' arms pop off followed by his eyes. His head slides off his torso and onto the floor where his nose falls out of it. Then his pelvis and legs fall out of his chair.)
Mr. Krabs: Squidward!!! SpongeBob!!!
(SpongeBob is excited, but Squidward is nervous.)
Both: Yes, Mr. Krabs?
SpongeBob: Here it comes!
Mr. Krabs: In order to pay off these damages, you two are going to work for me FOREVER!!!
SpongeBob: Ya-hoo! The strike worked, Squidward! We got our jobs back! Forever!
("Forever" once again echos inside Squidward's mind.)
Narrator: One eternity later...
(We see the Krusty Krab full of dust, but not customers. Cobwebs are everywhere. A skeleton Squidward brushes off the floor, and a skeleton SpongeBob waits in the ordering boat.)