Episode Transcript: Dumped

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Survival of the Idiots No Free Rides

Episode Article: Dumped

[edit] Characters

[edit] Dialogue

(episode begins with a shot of Bikini Atoll; it's another great day in Bikini Bottom. Gary is out in a clearing and SpongeBob tiptoes over to a rock behind him giggling. He looks from behind it)

SpongeBob: Oh, I've got ya now, Gary

Gary: Meow? (SpongeBob jumps up and lands in mid-air. He touches Gary's shell with his index finger)

SpongeBob: Tag, you're it! (runs off. Jumps and he opens his mouth. Flies to his house and chomps down on the side of it, leaving him clinging; garbled) Gary will never find me here! (Gary crawls over the ground, up the house and toward SpongeBob) Uh-oh. (Gary's eye substitutes as an arm as he tags SpongeBob)

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: Tag! Now I'm it! (laughs uncontrollably as he slides down the wall, scraping off two slices of the covering with his teeth. Patrick is below and SpongeBob takes the shavings out of his teeth)

Patrick: Hi SpongeBob, what are you doing?

SpongeBob: Gary and I are playing tag, you wanna join us?

Patrick: Oh boy, would I!

SpongeBob: (slyly) Okay. (touches him) Tag, you're it! (walks away)

Patrick: I'm it! I'm it, I'm it, I'm it, I'm it! (Gary is still there, and he meows. Patrick tags him) Tag, you're it! I win, I win! (Gary purrs and rubs against Patrick. He crawls all around Patrick's body. SpongeBob walks over) What's with Gary? He sounds like a motorboat! (laughs)

SpongeBob: That's just a snail's way of saying he likes you!

Patrick: (laughs) It tickles! (the two laugh endlessly as Gary continues to crawl around. They continue laughing until it's dark)

SpongeBob: Well, I guess it's time for me and the Gar-Bear to get going. Come on, Gary. (pulls Gary off of Patrick and walks away) Boy, I can't wait to hit the hay. (Patrick waves) What about you, Gary? (sees that he's no longer holding Gary) Gary? Gary? (cut to Patrick's house where the rock is up and Patrick is brushing his teeth and looking in a mirror on the side of the wall. He has his nightcap on)

Patrick: (singing) Brush brush brush, brush brush brush... (SpongeBob walks over)

SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick, have you seen Gary?

Patrick: (singing) Brush brush brush, (brushes under his armpit) 
Brushin' everywhere... (spits and turns around)

Patrick: (we see Gary attached to his stomach) Nope. (looks down) Oh, hey, here he is! (Gary purrs and meows)

SpongeBob: Come on, Gary, we gotta let Patrick go to sleep.

Patrick: Well, I don't mind SpongeBob. In fact, why don't you Gary stay over at my house tonight?

SpongeBob: Hey, that's a great idea!

Patrick: A sleepover! Oh boy, oh boy! This is gonna be great, Gary. We can stay up till dawn and watch scary movies and eat popcorn and play board games... (SpongeBob thinks to himself and we hear Patrick in the background saying "Blah blah blah blah...")

SpongeBob: (thinking) Gee, this is great. My two best friends in the whole sea having a sleepover.

Patrick: And then we'll make a house of cards, and then we'll read some comic books...

SpongeBob: Okay, you two have a good time. I'll see you tomorrow. (they wave good-bye and SpongeBob walks home)

Patrick: Blah blah blah blah blah... (fade to Bikini Atoll at night, which soon becomes day. SpongeBob wakes up to his foghorn alarm clock)

SpongeBob: I'm awake!

Patrick: (off-screen) Hey, SpongeBob! (SpongeBob leaps up and runs to the window. Patrick and Gary are outside)

SpongeBob: Hey guys, how was the sleepover?

Patrick: Great, SpongeBob. Watch this! Wherever I go, Gary follows! (pulls Gary off his chest and runs. Gary goes after him as he runs around SpongeBob's house. Runs on top of his house and falls off and continues running, which Gary then imitates) See? (SpongeBob jumps from the window and runs off)

SpongeBob: Come on, Gary! Try and catch meeee! (laughs) Isn't this great, Gary? Me running around and you chasing me? (notices he's not being chased) You're not chasing me. (Gary is still with Patrick)

Patrick: Come on, Gary, let's play a different game. (he and Gary walk away. SpongeBob jumps in front of Gary)

SpongeBob: Who-ho-ho-ho! Look out! I'm right in front of... (Gary crawls away after Patrick) ...you... What's wrong with me? (sniffs his armpit) Do I offend? (Patrick is playing with Gary. Gary is crawling on Patrick's toes. Patrick is on his back and laughing while Gary purrs. SpongeBob runs inside the house and quickly brings out a ball covered in snail slime) Hey, Gary! Gary, look! It's your favorite ball! (Gary is sitting on Patrick's bum and Patrick shakes it, laughing. Drops the ball. Gary is now crawling up to Patrick's armpit. SpongeBob pulls a can of Snail Nip) Hey, Gary, look! Snail Nip! (eats some) Huh? Huh-huh? (Gary is too busy crawling on Patrick's head to notice. SpongeBob decides to try something else. Runs inside and hangs from the window by his head) Help, Gary, help! Help me! Oh merciful Neptune! I closed the window on my head! (Gary is on his shell rolling Patrick left and right) All right, that's it! (the window opens and SpongeBob falls. Gary is now rolling on Patrick's belly. SpongeBob walks up to them) Gary, you stop this foolishness, right now. (Gary's eyes lower) Gary the snail, answer me when I'm talking to you! Okay, that's it, mister! You are coming home with me right this instant! (struggles and pulls Gary off of Patrick) Say goodbye to Patrick, Gary. (walks off. Cut to Gary)

Gary: (sadly) Meow.

Patrick: Hold it right there, DadMom AngryPants!

SpongeBob: What's that supposed to mean?

Patrick: I don't know, but I do know Gary knows who he wants to go with. So I suggest that you put him down and let him choose. (SpongeBob does)

SpongeBob: Fine, but I would like to remind him who it was who fed him and housed him and sat on his bedside when he was sick and massaged his eyestalks when his eyes were sore! Okay, Gary, go ahead, show him. Okay, Gary, come to me! Come on, come on, Gary! Come on, come here, Gary! (Gary turns around to Patrick) Uh, wrong way Gary. (Gary is crawling toward Patrick) G-Gary, turn around! Gary, turn around! Gary, no, Gary, no, no, no, no! Don't do it, Gary! (fell into the ground) Don't do it, don't, Gary! (collapses as Gary crawls up to Patrick)

Patrick: Well, well, well... I guess that answers that question. So long, SpongeBob. Me and Gary got stuff to do.

SpongeBob: (angrily) Okay, fine, if that's how you want to thank me... (sadly) ...for all that I've done? (Patrick's rock falls down into place. Bubble-wipe to SpongeBob's darkened room where SpongeBob is on his bed looking down at Gary’s bowl. Sheds a tear into it) I guess you're not coming back, Gary. (angrily) I don't need Gary! I'll just find another pet! Yeah, it'll be better than Gary! I'm going to get a pet that won't go off with my best friend! (bubble-wipe to Patrick running around laughing with Gary on his head. SpongeBob walks by with a giant worm by the leash. The worm is bluish green and is panting heavily) Hi, guys! Say hello to my new pal "Rex!" (Rex barks. Pats him) Not only is he loyal, but he knows tricks too! Watch and learn. Sit, Rex, sit! (waits, but Rex is just sitting there) Roll over, Rex, roll over! (Rex just sits there again) Now stay, Rex, stay! Good boy, Rex! Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? (Patrick laughs and dances with Gary on his head) I'm sure glad we went our separate ways, Gary. A worm really is the pet for me. So loyal, so trusting, always by my side! (Rex barks and the camera pans to reveal he's waiting for the bus across the street with a hitch-hiking hole with stuff in it. The bus comes and he rides off. Bubble-wipe to SpongeBob entering the house with a pet carrying case) Who needs worms anyway? (SpongeBob puts down the case and opens the door) Welcome home, newest bestest friend. Come on out, don't be shy. (a snail comes out. It's got big bushy black eyebrows and a tan shell, with the same design as Gary's) You remind me of someone I once knew. A certain someone whose name will not be spoken in this household. Come on, let me show you around, "Lary."

Lary: (in a deeper voice than Gary's) Meow. (bubble-wipe to Lary sitting at a table as SpongeBob walks over with a plate with a cover on it. SpongeBob is in chef garb)

SpongeBob: And now, Lary, I present to you... dinner time! Ta-da. (takes off the cover. It's snail food in Gary's bowl, but the Gary inscription now has an "L" written over the "G") Bon appetite, Lary. (giggles. Camera pans over to Lary. He sniffs the food and snarls. Quickly takes the bowl away, scared) OK, maybe later. (walks backward. Bubble-wipe to SpongeBob with his robe on, showing Lary the newspaper bed next to his own) This is where you sleep, Lary. (Lary goes over on it and tears it up. He is now up on SpongeBob's bed) Uh, that's where I... (Lary snarls loudly and falls asleep instantly) I guess you can sleep there. (lays down on the shredded newspaper) I'll just sleep down here. (lays some shreds on him like a blanket) Well, goodnight, Lary. (Lary snarls again. Cut to a shot of Bikini Atoll at night, which fades to morning. Cut to SpongeBob's living room where Lary is watching televsion. SpongeBob jumps in and surprises him) Hey, Lary, want to hear a joke? Aw, Gary used to love this one! (clears throat) What do you call a snail on a ship? A snailor! (laughs. Lary snarls and crawls away) Don't you get it, Lary? A snailor. (deflates) Gosh, Lary sure is different than Gary. And Gary and Lary are real different than Jerry. (holds a real-life snail from his pocket. Looks at a photo of Gary) Oh, Gary, why did you have to go? (cries) Why, Gary? Why?! Why, why, why, why, why, why?! (we hear Gary meow) Gary? (we see Patrick and Gary are behind him. Patrick is holding a basket of laundry)

Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Oh, hello, Patrick.

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: Hello, Gary.

Patrick: Would it be all right if me and Gary and I get some laundry over here?

SpongeBob: Laundry? But... we used to do laundry...

Patrick: And uh, SpongeBob, could we borrow some soap?

SpongeBob: Soap? But... we used to use soap. (holds up two bottles) Do you want Fresh Scent or Heavy Du...

Patrick: Here it comes.

SpongeBob: Du... du... du... (cries) ...ty-y-y!!! (his tears make both of the bottles bubble up) Gary! Please come back Gary! Please come home! I'm a wreck without you! I know, if you come back, there'll be a new no-rules rule. You can do whatever you want, when you want. (runs up to the sofa and tears it up furiously) If you want to rip up the sofa, then you rip it up! (runs up to the litter box) And the litter box, forget about it! (dumps the litter on his head) The world is your litter box! (runs to the fridge and opens it) And you don't even have to wait around for me to feed you anymore! 24-hour fridge access! (takes a milk carton and drinks it) And you don't even have to use a bowl! (runs to a giant carving of Squidward) And I know how much you like my prized drift wood carving of Squidward. (scratches at it) Well, think of it as your own personal scratching post! What do you think, Gary? Won't it be fun, Gary? (we see SpongeBob has carved Squidward into a heart)

Patrick: How pathetic.

SpongeBob: Gary? (the heart breaks in half and one half hits him. The two walk to the laundry room)

Patrick: I'm sorry, SpongeBob. But Gary's with me now. (takes off his shorts and puts them in the machine) You had your chance and you failed. You have to stop living in the past. Face it, SpongeBob, you're only hurting yourself. (Gary crawls in the machine) It's what Gary wants, and what Gary wants is me! Right, Gary? (the two notice Gary is in the machine, nudging in Patrick's shorts) He only liked me for my shorts!

SpongeBob: No, Patrick! He wanted the cookie in your pocket! (Gary is indeed eating the cookie. He finishes and crawls out up to SpongeBob) G-G-Gary? (Gary burps and happily meows) Wee! (hugs Gary) Oh, Gary, I knew you'd never leave me! Aw. (giggles. Takes his leash) Let's go for a walk, pal! (the two walk out)

Patrick: Gary? I thought what we had was special...!

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