Episode Transcript: Pre-Hibernation Week

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Squidville Life of Crime

Episode Article: Pre-Hibernation Week

[edit] Characters

[edit] Dialogue

Sandy: There we go! (Sandy rakes a pile of leaves in the shape of Texas) SpongeBob, I got all the leaves ra... (steps on piles of leaves still on the ground) SpongeBob, what are all these leaves doing here? You said you were going to rake them!

SpongeBob: (peeks his head out of a pile of leaves he is in) I am raking the leaves.

Sandy: But they’re still all over the ground!

SpongeBob: I can’t rake any faster. (picks up a leaf and starts scraping it with a tiny rake) These are big leaves! (leaf breaks into more pieces) And they keep breaking into more leaves!

Sandy: (Sandy pushes him away and rakes them herself) Then go scrape the salt lick or somethin'! We got to get this stuff done before it’s too late!

SpongeBob: What’s the big rush anyway, Sandy?

Sandy: (hanging laundry) I told ya, SpongeBob... (scrubs the birdbath with a toothbrush) I’m hibernating next week.

SpongeBob: Hibernating? What’s that?

Sandy: (painting the fence) It’s when I go to sleep for the whole winter.

SpongeBob: Can I do that?

Sandy: (chuckles) No, silly. It’s a mammalian thing. (paints over SpongeBob’s helmet)

SpongeBob: Sandy, you may not have noticed, but I is 100% ma-male.

Sandy: (cleaning her exercise wheel) Enough chitter-chatter, SpongeBob. We don’t have much time left!

SpongeBob: Why, Sandy? When does your... carburation begin? (Sandy jumps down, pulling down a giant calender with a giant x on the 8th)

Sandy: In one week!

SpongeBob: But Sandy, that only gives us... (counts then gasps) 168 more hours of game!

Sandy: Yes. You’re telling me. And there’s still so much stuff to do! We gotta climb some things over nine.

SpongeBob: Climb Nine Lumble Perfert Be Mind Over Weekend.

Sandy: Okay. We gotta jump off of stuff of game.


Sandy: Yeah. We be and gotta ride.

SpongeBob: Ride Coaster.

Sandy: Yep. I don’t wanna go to sleep yet!

SpongeBob: Wait Sandy Noooooooo! (Sandy starts to sob poop)

Sandy: Yeeeeeeeesssssssssssss. I can’t burn carbs in my sleep sick!

SpongeBob: STUP UP. Sandy Cheek?

Sandy: What Nooo Way?

SpongeBob: Sandy, I’m willing to sacrifice any of my time that I haven’t already sold to Gamestop to you.

Sandy: Nice Well, I’m glad, SpongeBob, ‘cause for the next seven days, it’s gonna be you, me, and these sweatbands! (SpongeBob And Wormy' Sandy Porn holds them up. Cut to the giant sand mountains area. Sandy is riding a giant clam shell smashing through a sign) Yee-ha! SpongeBob: This town ain’t big enough for the two of us. Wormy: (close up real butterfly) BUUUUZZZZZZZZZZZ (sliding down the mountain so fast she is now on fire. She rides past a fish with a backpack on his back. When she goes past him, he drops to the ground and rolls around cause he is on fire. She then rides past a man and a woman. The man turns into a child and the woman is now wearing jogging outfit when Sandy slides past them both. The woman looks at him)

Fish #1: Uh... I can explain. (Sandy flips in mid-air, still on fire)

Sandy: (SpongeBob And Wormy Starts Screamingly) I’m hotter than a hickory-smoked sausage!

Girl: Maybe, if we sing that song, he’ll come to life.

Boy: Ready?

Both: (singing) Oh, there once was a sandman... (SpongeBob And Wormy, Sandy rides into the sandcman)

SpongeBob: Life’s as extreme as you want to make it! (jumps off the mountain) Whoo Hoo ( SpongeBob Scream)!

Girl: ( Girl And Boy Scream) Maybe we didn’t sing it right again. (SpongeBob And Wormy, Sandy flying toward the ground. When he hits it, ten bones are sticking out)

SpongeBob: Yep. (cut to Sandy and SpongeBob standing outside Sandy's treedome) Whew, go to the diner? (pulls out his right arm and shows its damages) I’m going to be feeling this tomorrow. (his arm falls to the ground) Ow.

Sandy: I got to say, I’m impressed with you, SpongeBob. You’re making this the best pre-hibernation week ever.

SpongeBob: Well, I’d better get home before Gary chews up the sofa again. (sighs as he lifts up his left leg and moves it alternately with the other over to his house. Later, it's nighttime and he is finally crawling into bed) Good night, Gary. (falls asleep. Then Sandy pushes a button which launches SpongeBob out of his bed and into a lake. SpongeBob is now a block of ice. Sandy jumps in and becomes a block of ice)

Sandy: Nothing like a refreshing morning dip, huh, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: (shivering) W-what h-happened to s-sleeping? (Sandy pulls down a calendar)

Sandy: I’ll be asleep all winter! We only got three days for fun. (swims away) Well hurry now! The giant clams like to feed at this hour! (cut to SpongeBob lifting a bowling ball into a tube. Sandy blows her whistle and SpongeBob runs to the end and picks up a few jacks before the bowling ball hits him on his head. Sandy does the same thing but the bowling ball cracks her helmet) Isn’t this great?

SpongeBob: Yeah! I've never played extreme jacks before! (cut to Sandy and SpongeBob with giant q-tips)

Sandy: Okay, SpongeBob, this one’s going to be fun. We just whack each other with these giant ear cleaners 'til one of us falls off. (lifts hers up) On your mark... get set...

SpongeBob: Sandy, are you sure we’re supposed to be standing up here?

Sandy: Go! (hits SpongeBob off the building. SpongeBob lands on a fire hydrant. Sandy rides up on a two-seated bike) Come on, SpongeBob. We’re goin’ for a tandem ride through the park!

SpongeBob: Gee, that sounds safe! I mean, fun. (gets up but leaves a piece of himself on the fire hydrant. He jumps on the bike) Okay, I’m ready! (SpongeBob gasps when he sees them riding out of Bikini Bottom) I thought you said we were riding through the park, Sandy.

Sandy: I did, SpongeBob, the industrial park. (they ride into a giant factory) This is where the real action is! (They pedal up a ladder) Come on pedal!! (Sandy pedals on barbed wire) This part gets pretty technical! Yee-haw! Now for the speed course. Hold on! (they ride through a conveyor belt with a giant crunching mouth at the end) I hope we make it. (bike begins to fall to the ground fast. SpongeBob screams) I’m havin’ fun, too. (as they hit the ground, SpongeBob melts into a puddle. Sandy tosses a fishing rod on him) Wake up, slowpoke. (scene scrolls over to show a plane) We’re going fly-fishing. (rimshot)

SpongeBob: (thinking) This squirrel’s trying to kill me. Any more of these stunts and I’ll be reduced to a puddle! (sees his shoe floating) Wait a minute, I’ve got to talk my way out of this. Sandy, I think I need to tell you something.

Sandy: What is it?

SpongeBob: Well, it’s just that I’m feeling sort of... (his mouth melts away from his eyes. He pulls it back up) I just feel like maybe I need to... (his mouth melts away again. Sandy puts her hand over his mouth)

Sandy: Hold that thought, SpongeBob! 'Cause it’s time for a down-home favorite! (holds up a piece of hay) Find the hay in the needle stack! (throws it in a giant pile of needles. Cut to inside the needle pile where SpongeBob is covered in needles and still getting poked with them)

SpongeBob: "OWWCH!"

Sandy: Did you find it?

SpongeBob: Not yet.

Sandy: Well I’m going to look over here.

SpongeBob: You do that. (SpongeBob digs a hole underground then emerges)

Sandy: Found it, SpongeBob! (SpongeBob runs away) Come on. Best two out of three.

SpongeBob: Got to hide. Got to hide. Home? No. Gary can’t keep a secret. (looks at Patrick's rock) Under a rock! It’s so original. (as he jumps for the rock, his pants get stuck)

Sandy: SpongeBob?! (SpongeBob struggles to get free and eventually does but leaves his pants stuck on the plant) SpongeBob? (SpongeBob slides under the rock and watches from underground. Sandy walks up to SpongeBob's pants) Where are you, little square dude? (gasps) SpongeBob’s tie! And all his other little dressins! But... but... he always folds his clothes before running around in the nude! Something terrible must have happened to him! (cut to the Krusty Krab where customers are eating. Sandy swings the doors open) Alright, listen up, y’all! I’m rounding up a search party! SpongeBob’s gone missing! (Squidward smiles at Mr. Krabs)

Mr. Krabs: Man the lifeboats!

Sandy: Alpha Team, you search uptown. Gold Team searches downtown. Any questions?

Frank: Gold Team rules!

Sandy: Now get movin'! (everyone runs out. Cut to Fred putting up a lost poster. Cut to Sandy and a few other fish stills earching) Come on! He could be anywhere in these sulfur fields! (Clay looks in a spout)

Clay: Hey, SpongeBob! (a blast of sulfur hits him in the face) Well…,at least I still have my personality. (cut to Sandy and two fish by a cave)

Sandy: Check in this here moist cave! (Old Man Jenkins, Scooter and Nathaniel walk in shouting for SpongeBob then run out, away from a giant fish monster)

Sandy: Status Report!

Man: He's not in the poison sea urchin cove.

Sandy: Well, look again!

Vera: He's not in the leech farm!

Sandy: Well, look again!

Squidward: He's not in my thoughts.

Sandy: Well, THINK again! (cut to Sandy talking into a megaphone) Attention Bikini Bottom, the time has come to double, no, triple our efforts.

Squidward: How about a break? We’ve been at it for days!

Debbie: Think about the children!

Sandy: That’s a good idea! Use the children to crawl into small places you couldn’t normally reach.

Frank: (whispering to Sadie) This is a load of barnacles.

Sandy: I heard that!! No one’s going anywhere until we find SpongeBob.

Frank: Uh... uh, wait, here he is! (picks up Francis)

Sandy: That ain’t SpongeBob! SpongeBob is square! (squeezes Francis into a square)

Francis: I’m ready! I’m ready!

Sandy: No, you ain’t! (Clay holds a box of Kelp-O)

Clay: I found SquareBob!

Sandy: That’s just a cereal box. Besides, he’s yellow.

Charlie: (holds up a banana) Uh... here he is! Hey, can I go home now?

Tina: (points up) Oh, look! He’s up in the sky! (Sandy looks up)

Sandy: He’s not...huh? (everyone is gone) They must have gone to search some more. (Sandy continues searching for SpongeBob) SpongeBob, where are you? (lifts up a house) You under there? (lifts up another house) Nope. (lifts up another house where the fish from before is at)

Fish #1:(wearing suspenders and a propeller cap, has a lollipop and is sitting on a tricycle)Uhh, I can explain. (then to Sandy, cut to Patrick's rock where a lot of eyes are under it)

Fish #9: That squirrel’s gone crazy.

Woman: But she’ll never look under a rock.

SpongeBob: (laughs) You said it! Sandy’ll never find us! (everyone's eyes look over to the end of the rock. SpongeBob is thrown out of the rock) Hey wait, you don’t understand.

Squidward:(imitates SpongeBob)Oh look, it is I, SpongeBob, out here in the open! (Sandy turns around)

Sandy: SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: (screams. Bangs on the rock) C’mon, let me back in! You don’t understand! (Sandy hugs SpongeBob)

Sandy: Oh, SpongeBob, I was so worried. I thought something terrible happened! (grabs his arm) Come on. There’s just enough time to go atom smashing. (Sandy runs but SpongeBob is not moving)

SpongeBob: Sandy, wait!

Sandy: There’s no time to wait! Hibernation! (pulls on SpongeBob's arm)

SpongeBob: Sandy, you’ve got to make time. This is important! (Sandy lets go of SpongeBob's arm) I am a man. (holds up a razor) Ok Sandy, I...I...I...I...I can’t play with you anymore! (cries) I just can’t take the games. They’re tearing me apart! (rips off his nose and throws it on the ground then holds onto Sandy's legs) There, I said it! Now just promise we can still be friends! Please, Sandy! I...Sandy? (notices Sandy asleep and laughs) I never thought I’d say it, but thank Neptune for hibernation! (laughs then falls asleep like he is hibernating. Pan over to arriving with a fly of groceries and notices a bunch of eyes under his rock)


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