Episode Transcript: Chimps Ahoy

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!Next Episode Transscript
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|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transscript: Mrs. Puff, You're Fired|Mrs. Puff, You're Fired]]
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|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transcript: Mrs. Puff, You're Fired|Mrs. Puff, You're Fired]]
|[[Episode Transscript: Ghost Host|Ghost Host]]
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|[[Episode Transcript: Ghost Host|Ghost Host]]
 
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==Characters==
 
==Characters==
  
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
+
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
*[[Patrick Star]]
+
*[[Patrick Star|Patrick]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
+
*[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]]
*[[Sandy Cheeks]]
+
*[[Sandy Cheeks|Sandy]]
*Dr. Marmalade
+
*[[Dr. Marmalade]]
*Professor Percy
+
*[[Professor Percy]]
*Lord Reginald
+
*[[Lord Reginald]]
  
(Spongebob and Patrick are standing in front of the pineapple as the mailman comes walking by and puts a package into Spongebob's mailbox)<br>
+
==Dialogue==
  
Spongebob & Patrick: It's here! (takes out the package and opens it)<br>
+
(SpongeBob and Patrick are standing in front of the pineapple as the mailman comes walking by and puts a package into SpongeBob's mailbox)<br>
  
Spongebob: Behold, Patrick! The official Goofy Goober Back Scratcher! And it only cost me 52 box-tops.<br>
+
[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]] & [[Patrick Star|Patrick]]: It's here! (takes out the package and opens it)<br>
  
Patrick: Wow.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Behold, Patrick! The official Goofy Goober Back Scratcher! And it only cost me 52 box-tops.<br>
  
Spongebob: (scratches his back with the item) Ooh. Mm-hmm. Oh... Oh! Whoo! Oh, yeah, that's it!<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Whoa.<br>
  
Patrick: Let me try! (uses the item to scratch his back)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': (scratches his back with the item) Ooh. Mm-hmm. Oh... Oh! Whoo! Oh, yeah, that's it!<br>
  
Spongebob: Uh, Patrick, that's not the back scratcher. That's my arm.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Let me try! (uses the item to scratch his back) Ahh...<br>
  
Patrick: Oh, sorry. (reattaches his arm)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Uh, Patrick, that's not the back scratcher. That's my arm.<br>
  
Spongebob: You know, we shouldn't keep this all to ourselves. We should let Squidward try it out.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Oh, sorry. (reattaches his arm)<br>
  
Patrick: Yeah!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': You know, we shouldn't keep this all to ourselves. We should let Squidward try it out.<br>
  
Spongebob: Onward... to Squidward's house.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Yeah!<br>
  
Squidward: Go away!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Onward... to Squidward's house.<br>
  
Spongebob: To Sandy's house. (cut to Sandy's treedome) Hey, Sandy, you gotta see this. (bunch of inventions are torn up  
+
[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]]: (off-screen) Go away!<br>
 +
 
 +
'''SpongeBob''': To Sandy's house. (cut to Sandy's treedome) Hey, Sandy, you gotta see this. (bunch of inventions are torn up  
 
inside the treedome) Sandy? What's going on here? Sandy, are you ok? (Sandy shudders) What's wrong, Sandy?<br>
 
inside the treedome) Sandy? What's going on here? Sandy, are you ok? (Sandy shudders) What's wrong, Sandy?<br>
  
 
Sandy: They're coming. They're coming. The chimps are coming.<br>
 
Sandy: They're coming. They're coming. The chimps are coming.<br>
  
Spongebob: Who?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Who?<br>
  
 
Sandy: My bosses. They're coming for an inspection. I've worked day and night for a week, but none of my inventions are any  
 
Sandy: My bosses. They're coming for an inspection. I've worked day and night for a week, but none of my inventions are any  
Line 55: Line 57:
 
Bottom.<br>
 
Bottom.<br>
  
Spongebob: Oh, come on, Sandy. I'll bet you invented lots of useful things. This helmet looks impressive. (puts on the  
+
'''SpongeBob''': Oh, come on, Sandy. I'll bet you invented lots of useful things. This helmet looks impressive. (puts on the  
 
helmet with a peanut label on the forehead) What's it do?<br>
 
helmet with a peanut label on the forehead) What's it do?<br>
  
 
Sandy: It lets you talk to nuts. What use is that?<br>
 
Sandy: It lets you talk to nuts. What use is that?<br>
  
Spongebob: (takes out a nut) Spongebob to Peanut. Come in, Peanut. (shortwave radio beeping)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': (takes out a nut) SpongeBob to Peanut. Come in, Peanut. (shortwave radio beeping)<br>
  
Patrick: What's it saying?<br>
+
'''Patrick''': What's it saying?<br>
  
Spongebob: It's saying... "It's dark in here." Got anything else, Sandy?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': It says... "It's dark in here." Got anything else, Sandy?<br>
  
Sandy: There's my nuttachino machine. It makes a hot, frothy cup of any nut you choose. (puts the nut into the machine. The  
+
Sandy: There's my nuttachino machine. It makes a nice hot, frothy cup of any nut you choose. (puts the nut into the machine. The  
nuts screams which makes Spongebob sad) And lastly, my fully automated nutcracker. (turns it on. The nutcracker tries to  
+
nuts screams which makes SpongeBob sad) And lastly, my fully automated nutcracker. (turns it on. The nutcracker tries to  
 
crack open a nut but it can't and gives up) Oh! I can't even make a simple nutcracker.<br>
 
crack open a nut but it can't and gives up) Oh! I can't even make a simple nutcracker.<br>
  
Spongebob: So, it's got a few bugs. Patrick and I'll help you fix it. Right Patrick? Patrick? (Patrick is using the  
+
'''SpongeBob''': So, it's got a few bugs. Patrick and I'll help you fix it. Right Patrick? Patrick? (Patrick is using the  
 
backscratcher) Everything'll be fine.<br>
 
backscratcher) Everything'll be fine.<br>
  
Sandy: Oh, it's no use, Spongebob. I just have to face facts. I'm leaving Bikini Bottom because... I'm a failure.<br>
+
Sandy: Oh, it's no use, SpongeBob. I just have to face facts. I'm leaving Bikini Bottom because... I'm a failure.<br>
  
Spongebob: We can't let Sandy leave, Patrick.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': We can't let Sandy leave, Patrick.<br>
  
Patrick: What'll we do?<br>
+
'''Patrick''': What'll we do?<br>
  
Spongebob: They're looking for an invention, right?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': They're looking for an invention, right?<br>
  
Patrick: Right.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Right.<br>
  
Spongebob: So, let's start inventing!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': So, let's start inventing!<br>
  
Patrick: Yeah! (cut to later where Spongebob and Patrick are carrying a table. Patrick falls over the table)<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Yeah! (cut to later where SpongeBob and Patrick are carrying a table. Patrick falls over the table)<br>
  
Spongebob: It's time to get serious, Patrick.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': It's time to get serious, Patrick.<br>
  
Patrick: Right! (crashes) I made an invention. It's a stick you can draw or write stuff with.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Right! (crashes) I made an invention. It's a stick you can draw or write stuff with.<br>
  
Spongebob: That's a pencil, Patrick. It's already been invented. (more crashing)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': That's a pencil, Patrick. It's already been invented. (more crashing)<br>
  
Patrick: Ooh, ooh, this is a good one. It's a glass ball that lights up so you can see in the dark.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Ooh, ooh, this is a good one. It's a glass ball that lights up so you can see in the dark.<br>
  
Spongebob: Light bulb, already invented. (grunting and crashing are heard)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Light bulb, already invented. (grunting and crashing are heard)<br>
  
Patrick: Spongebob, I know this one will work. I've invented a parallel universe.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': SpongeBob, I know this one will work. I've invented a parallel universe.<br>
  
Spongebob: That's a mirror, Patrick. It's already been invented.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': That's a mirror, Patrick. It's already been invented.<br>
  
Patrick: Somebody keeps stealing my ideas!<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Somebody keeps stealing my ideas.<br>
  
Mirror Spongebob: (strange accent) Well, I thought it was a pretty good idea.<br>
+
SpongeBob's Image: (strange accent) Well, I thought it was a pretty good idea.<br>
  
Spongebob: (his invention crashes) Ooh... I give up. I'll never invent anything. (acoustic guitar plays. It's Sandy)
+
'''SpongeBob''': (his invention crashes, nothing but a spring) Ohh... I give up. I'll never invent anything. (acoustic guitar plays. It's Sandy)
  
'''''Music:''''' "[[So Long Bikini Bottom]]"
+
'''''Music:''''' "[[So Long Bikini Bottom (Song)|So Long Bikini Bottom]]"
 
  So long, Bikini Bottom
 
  So long, Bikini Bottom
 
  I can't leave without a good-bye
 
  I can't leave without a good-bye
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  Are the friends I've come to know
 
  Are the friends I've come to know
  
Spongebob: (both cry) I'm ashamed of myself, Patrick. I gave up too quickly. We'll build Sandy's bosses an invention so  
+
'''SpongeBob''': (both cry) I'm ashamed of myself, Patrick. I gave up too quickly. We'll build Sandy's bosses an invention so  
amazing, they'll give Sandy funding forever. (later, Spongebob and Patrick are experimenting and building an invention)  
+
amazing, they'll give Sandy funding forever. (later, SpongeBob and Patrick are experimenting and building an invention)  
 
We've done it, Patrick! We've created the greatest invention the world has ever seen! Patrick, they're here.<br>
 
We've done it, Patrick! We've created the greatest invention the world has ever seen! Patrick, they're here.<br>
  
Patrick: Who?<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Who?<br>
  
Spongebob: Sandy's bosses. (Patrick is clueless) The reason we spent all afternoon inventing.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Sandy's bosses. (Patrick is clueless) The reason we spent all afternoon inventing.<br>
  
Patrick: I have no idea what you're talking about. (both exit the treedome to greet her bosses)<br>
+
'''Patrick''': I have no idea what you're talking about. (both exit the treedome to greet her bosses)<br>
  
 
Chimp #1: Good day, gentlemen. Allow me to introduce ourselves. I am Professor Percy. This is Dr. Marmalade.<br>
 
Chimp #1: Good day, gentlemen. Allow me to introduce ourselves. I am Professor Percy. This is Dr. Marmalade.<br>
  
Dr. Marmalade: At your service.<br>
+
[[Dr. Marmalade]]: At your service.<br>
  
Professor Percy: And this is Lord Reginald.<br>
+
[[Professor Percy]]: And this is Lord Reginald.<br>
  
Lord Reginald: Charmed.<br>
+
[[Lord Reginald]]: Charmed.<br>
  
Patrick: You guys talk funny. Say more words!<br>
+
'''Patrick''': You guys talk funny. Say more words!<br>
  
 
Professor Percy: We are the board of directors of Tree Dome Enterprises Limited, and we are here to ascertain if Miss  
 
Professor Percy: We are the board of directors of Tree Dome Enterprises Limited, and we are here to ascertain if Miss  
Cheek's inventions are up to snuff.<br>
+
Cheeks' inventions are up to snuff.<br>
  
Spongebob: Why everyone in town has benefited from Sandy's scientific knowledge. Before Sandy showed up, I used to be a  
+
'''SpongeBob''': Why everyone in town has benefited from Sandy's scientific knowledge. Before Sandy showed up, I used to be a  
 
scrawny weakling.<br>
 
scrawny weakling.<br>
  
Patrick: And I used to be dumb. (goofy laughter)
+
'''Patrick''': And I used to be dumb. (goofy laughter)
  
 
Professor Percy: Quite. And whom do I have the pleasure of addressing.<br>
 
Professor Percy: Quite. And whom do I have the pleasure of addressing.<br>
  
Spongebob: My name is Spongebob.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': My name is SpongeBob.<br>
  
Patrick: And I am Professor Patrick.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': And I am Professor Patrick.<br>
  
Spongebob: Professor?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Professor?<br>
  
Patrick: Doctor Professor Patrick. Don't mind him. You know how interns are.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Doctor Professor Patrick. Don't mind him. You know how interns are.<br>
  
 
Professor Percy: Where is Miss Cheeks?<br>
 
Professor Percy: Where is Miss Cheeks?<br>
  
Spongebob: She should be back any moment.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': She should be back any moment.<br>
  
Patrick: I thought she ran away because she couldn't invent anything.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': I thought she ran away because she couldn't invent anything.<br>
  
Spongebob: Patrick.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Patrick.<br>
  
Patrick: That's Mr. Doctor Professor Patrick to you!<br>
+
'''Patrick''': That's Mr. Doctor Professor Patrick to you!<br>
  
Spongebob: Don't you think it's time to show them Sandy's invention, Mr. Dotor Professor Patrick?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Don't you think it's time to show them Sandy's invention, Mr. Doctor Professor Patrick?<br>
  
Patrick: Good idea.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Good idea.<br>
  
Spongebob: Well?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Well?<br>
  
Patrick: Hey, you're the unpaid intern. You do the work. (cut to later where everyone is standing in front of the invention)
+
'''Patrick''': Hey, you're the unpaid intern. You do the work. (cut to later where everyone is standing in front of the invention)
  
Spongebob: Gentlemen, I can say without exaggeration that this is the most important invention in the history of the  
+
'''SpongeBob''': Gentlemen, I can say without exaggeration that this is the most important invention in the history of the Universe! I give you... (reveals the invention) The Automatic Back Scratcher, Hair Comber, Nose Picker, and Ukulele Tuner  
universe! I give you... (reveals the invention) The Auomatic Back Scratcher, Hair Comber, Nose Picker, and Ukelele Tuner  
+
9000! (everything is put together with gum and band aids)<br>
9000! (everything is put together with gum and bandaids)<br>
+
  
 
Professor Percy: This is where our research money went?<br>
 
Professor Percy: This is where our research money went?<br>
  
Spongebob: Uh-huh. Isn't it great?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Uh-huh. Isn't it great?<br>
  
Lord Reginald: An automatic back scratcher, hair comber, nose picker, ukelele tuner. Yes, well I've heard that claim  
+
Lord Reginald: An automatic back scratcher, hair comber, nose picker, ukulele tuner. Yes, well, I've heard that claim  
 
before.<br>
 
before.<br>
  
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Dr. Marmalade: Let's see a demonstration.<br>
 
Dr. Marmalade: Let's see a demonstration.<br>
  
Patrick: Step right up. (points to Lord Reginald) You look like you've been neglecting your personal hygiene.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Step right up. (points to Lord Reginald) You look like you've been neglecting your personal hygiene.<br>
  
 
Lord Reginald: Me? (Patrick straps him in the contraption) Are you sure this is safe?<br>
 
Lord Reginald: Me? (Patrick straps him in the contraption) Are you sure this is safe?<br>
  
Patrick: As sure as I'm a doctor professor.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': As sure as I'm a doctor professor.<br>
  
Spongebob: Patrick, don't you think we should test it?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Patrick, don't you think we should test it?<br>
  
Patrick: Ok. (turns invention on. The contraption comes down over Lord Reginald)<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Ok. (turns invention on. The contraption comes down over Lord Reginald)<br>
  
Spongebob: That's not exactly what I had in mind.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': That's not exactly what I had in mind.<br>
  
 
Professor Percy: Lord Reginald, are you all right? (inside the invention, Lord Reginald is getting his hair trimmed)<br>
 
Professor Percy: Lord Reginald, are you all right? (inside the invention, Lord Reginald is getting his hair trimmed)<br>
Line 216: Line 217:
 
getting picked) Oh, marvelous. This machine has evacuated my nostrils of unwanted residue in a manner most pleasant.<br>
 
getting picked) Oh, marvelous. This machine has evacuated my nostrils of unwanted residue in a manner most pleasant.<br>
  
Spongebob: Good work, Mr. Doctor Professor Patrick.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Good work, Mr. Doctor Professor Patrick.<br>
  
Patrick: Thank you, lowly assistant.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Thank you, lowly assistant.<br>
  
 
Lord Reginald: Oh, I say, now it's feeding me delicious pudding.<br>
 
Lord Reginald: Oh, I say, now it's feeding me delicious pudding.<br>
  
Spongebob: Pudding? I don't remember that part of the invention.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Pudding? I don't remember that part of the invention.<br>
  
Lord Reginald: Now it's tuning my ukelele. (one sour note of the ukelele and the invention gets out-of-control. Lord  
+
Lord Reginald: And now it's tuning my ukulele. (one sour note of the ukelele and the invention gets out-of-control. Lord  
Reginald is hit on the head with the ukelele) Ouch! Oo! I say, was that necessary? (is slapped in the back of his head)  
+
Reginald is hit on the head with the ukulele) Ouch! Ooh! I say, was that necessary? (is slapped in the back of his head)  
 
You, sir, are impertinent. (a pair of scissors, fire, a saw, and more gadgets surround him) Oh, dear. (screams)<br>
 
You, sir, are impertinent. (a pair of scissors, fire, a saw, and more gadgets surround him) Oh, dear. (screams)<br>
  
Line 232: Line 233:
 
Professor Percy: Mr. Doctor Professor Patrick, what is the meaning of this?<br>
 
Professor Percy: Mr. Doctor Professor Patrick, what is the meaning of this?<br>
  
Patrick: It's ok. The horrible screaming means that it's working.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': It's ok. The horrible screaming means that it's working.<br>
  
Spongebob: Oh, I really wish Sandy were here. (back to Sandy where a bus has just pulled up)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Oh, I really wish Sandy were here. (back to Sandy where a bus has just pulled up)<br>
  
 
Bus Driver: All aboard.<br>
 
Bus Driver: All aboard.<br>
Line 244: Line 245:
 
Sandy: What in tarnation? (enters her treedome) What's with all the monkey business? (gasps)<br>
 
Sandy: What in tarnation? (enters her treedome) What's with all the monkey business? (gasps)<br>
  
Spongebob: Sandy!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Sandy!<br>
  
Sandy: Spongebob! What the heck is going on here? (invention spits Lord Reginald out)<br>
+
Sandy: SpongeBob! What the heck is going on here? (invention spits Lord Reginald out)<br>
  
 
Lord Reginald: Ouch.<br>
 
Lord Reginald: Ouch.<br>
  
Patrick: It works! It works!<br>
+
'''Patrick''': It works! It works!<br>
  
 
Professor Percy: Lord Reginald, are you all right?<br>
 
Professor Percy: Lord Reginald, are you all right?<br>
Line 258: Line 259:
 
Professor Percy: We shall commence closure of this establishment immediately.<br>
 
Professor Percy: We shall commence closure of this establishment immediately.<br>
  
Dr. Marmalade: Frankly, I'm beginning to question the econmoic benefits of underwater treedomes. Doesn't make much sense  
+
Dr. Marmalade: Frankly, I'm beginning to question the economic benefits of underwater treedomes. Doesn't make much sense  
 
once you get right down to it.<br>
 
once you get right down to it.<br>
  
Spongebob: I'm sorry, Sandy. We were trying to keep you in Bikini Bottom, but all we did was ruin your chances to stay.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': I'm sorry, Sandy. We were trying to keep you in Bikini Bottom, but all we did was ruin your chances to stay.<br>
  
Sandy: I was about to be fired anyway. Thanks for trying to help Spongebob. You, too, Patrick.<br>
+
Sandy: I was about to be fired anyway. Thanks for trying to help SpongeBob. You, too, Patrick.<br>
  
Patrick: That's Mr. Doctor Professor Patrick.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': That's Mr. Doctor Professor Patrick.<br>
  
 
Sandy: Don't push it.<br>
 
Sandy: Don't push it.<br>
  
Patrick: Sorry.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Sorry.<br>
  
 
Professor Percy: We are departing, Dr. Marmalade.<br>
 
Professor Percy: We are departing, Dr. Marmalade.<br>
Line 281: Line 282:
 
chimps)<br>
 
chimps)<br>
  
Spongebob: Wow, Sandy, they're going bananas for your nutcracker.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Wow, Sandy, they're going bananas for your nutcracker.<br>
  
 
Sandy: Yeah. (cut to later when the chimps are about to leave)<br>
 
Sandy: Yeah. (cut to later when the chimps are about to leave)<br>
Line 287: Line 288:
 
Professor Percy: Well, Miss Cheeks, I must say you have exceeded expectations.<br>
 
Professor Percy: Well, Miss Cheeks, I must say you have exceeded expectations.<br>
  
Lord Reginald: It may be the extreme head trauma I've suffered, but I am going to offer you a 20-year contract with a  
+
Lord Reginald: It may be the extreme head trauma I've suffered, but I am going to offer you a 20-year contract with a substantial pay raise.<br>
substantial pay raise.<br>
+
  
 
Sandy: I accept<br>.
 
Sandy: I accept<br>.
  
Spongebob & Patrick: Hooray!<br>
+
SpongeBob & '''Patrick''': Hooray!<br>
  
 
Professor Percy: I expect great things out of you, Miss Cheeks. Great things.<br>
 
Professor Percy: I expect great things out of you, Miss Cheeks. Great things.<br>
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Sandy: Well, the only thing left is to figure out what to do with this infernal contraption.<br>
 
Sandy: Well, the only thing left is to figure out what to do with this infernal contraption.<br>
  
Patrick: My turn. (sits on his invention) Whoo-hoo! (machine turns on and he screams) All right!
+
'''Patrick''': My turn. (sits on his invention) Whoo-hoo! (machine turns on and he screams) All right!
  
[[Category:Episode Transscripts/Season 4]]
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{{Transcripts/Season 4}}
[[Category:Transscript]]
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{{Slogan}}
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[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 4]]
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[[Category:Transcript]]

Latest revision as of 13:07, 4 April 2018

Back Episode Transcript Next Episode Transcript
Mrs. Puff, You're Fired Ghost Host

Episode Article: Chimps Ahoy

[edit] Characters

[edit] Dialogue

(SpongeBob and Patrick are standing in front of the pineapple as the mailman comes walking by and puts a package into SpongeBob's mailbox)

SpongeBob & Patrick: It's here! (takes out the package and opens it)

SpongeBob: Behold, Patrick! The official Goofy Goober Back Scratcher! And it only cost me 52 box-tops.

Patrick: Whoa.

SpongeBob: (scratches his back with the item) Ooh. Mm-hmm. Oh... Oh! Whoo! Oh, yeah, that's it!

Patrick: Let me try! (uses the item to scratch his back) Ahh...

SpongeBob: Uh, Patrick, that's not the back scratcher. That's my arm.

Patrick: Oh, sorry. (reattaches his arm)

SpongeBob: You know, we shouldn't keep this all to ourselves. We should let Squidward try it out.

Patrick: Yeah!

SpongeBob: Onward... to Squidward's house.

Squidward: (off-screen) Go away!

SpongeBob: To Sandy's house. (cut to Sandy's treedome) Hey, Sandy, you gotta see this. (bunch of inventions are torn up inside the treedome) Sandy? What's going on here? Sandy, are you ok? (Sandy shudders) What's wrong, Sandy?

Sandy: They're coming. They're coming. The chimps are coming.

SpongeBob: Who?

Sandy: My bosses. They're coming for an inspection. I've worked day and night for a week, but none of my inventions are any good. If I don't have a real impressive invention by this afternoon, they'll cut my funding, and I'll have to leave Bikini Bottom.

SpongeBob: Oh, come on, Sandy. I'll bet you invented lots of useful things. This helmet looks impressive. (puts on the helmet with a peanut label on the forehead) What's it do?

Sandy: It lets you talk to nuts. What use is that?

SpongeBob: (takes out a nut) SpongeBob to Peanut. Come in, Peanut. (shortwave radio beeping)

Patrick: What's it saying?

SpongeBob: It says... "It's dark in here." Got anything else, Sandy?

Sandy: There's my nuttachino machine. It makes a nice hot, frothy cup of any nut you choose. (puts the nut into the machine. The nuts screams which makes SpongeBob sad) And lastly, my fully automated nutcracker. (turns it on. The nutcracker tries to crack open a nut but it can't and gives up) Oh! I can't even make a simple nutcracker.

SpongeBob: So, it's got a few bugs. Patrick and I'll help you fix it. Right Patrick? Patrick? (Patrick is using the backscratcher) Everything'll be fine.

Sandy: Oh, it's no use, SpongeBob. I just have to face facts. I'm leaving Bikini Bottom because... I'm a failure.

SpongeBob: We can't let Sandy leave, Patrick.

Patrick: What'll we do?

SpongeBob: They're looking for an invention, right?

Patrick: Right.

SpongeBob: So, let's start inventing!

Patrick: Yeah! (cut to later where SpongeBob and Patrick are carrying a table. Patrick falls over the table)

SpongeBob: It's time to get serious, Patrick.

Patrick: Right! (crashes) I made an invention. It's a stick you can draw or write stuff with.

SpongeBob: That's a pencil, Patrick. It's already been invented. (more crashing)

Patrick: Ooh, ooh, this is a good one. It's a glass ball that lights up so you can see in the dark.

SpongeBob: Light bulb, already invented. (grunting and crashing are heard)

Patrick: SpongeBob, I know this one will work. I've invented a parallel universe.

SpongeBob: That's a mirror, Patrick. It's already been invented.

Patrick: Somebody keeps stealing my ideas.

SpongeBob's Image: (strange accent) Well, I thought it was a pretty good idea.

SpongeBob: (his invention crashes, nothing but a spring) Ohh... I give up. I'll never invent anything. (acoustic guitar plays. It's Sandy)

Music: "So Long Bikini Bottom"

So long, Bikini Bottom
I can't leave without a good-bye
But please don't think bad of me
If'n I start to cry
So long, Bikini Bottom
There's so many things I'll miss
From your smoggy, crowded city
To your stingin' jellyfish
This town is filled with many things
That I've come to love
From the birds that fly upon the ground
To the flowers up above
Farewell, Bikini Bottom
Now I really hate to go
'Cause the things I'll miss the most of all
Are the friends I've come to know

SpongeBob: (both cry) I'm ashamed of myself, Patrick. I gave up too quickly. We'll build Sandy's bosses an invention so amazing, they'll give Sandy funding forever. (later, SpongeBob and Patrick are experimenting and building an invention) We've done it, Patrick! We've created the greatest invention the world has ever seen! Patrick, they're here.

Patrick: Who?

SpongeBob: Sandy's bosses. (Patrick is clueless) The reason we spent all afternoon inventing.

Patrick: I have no idea what you're talking about. (both exit the treedome to greet her bosses)

Chimp #1: Good day, gentlemen. Allow me to introduce ourselves. I am Professor Percy. This is Dr. Marmalade.

Dr. Marmalade: At your service.

Professor Percy: And this is Lord Reginald.

Lord Reginald: Charmed.

Patrick: You guys talk funny. Say more words!

Professor Percy: We are the board of directors of Tree Dome Enterprises Limited, and we are here to ascertain if Miss Cheeks' inventions are up to snuff.

SpongeBob: Why everyone in town has benefited from Sandy's scientific knowledge. Before Sandy showed up, I used to be a scrawny weakling.

Patrick: And I used to be dumb. (goofy laughter)

Professor Percy: Quite. And whom do I have the pleasure of addressing.

SpongeBob: My name is SpongeBob.

Patrick: And I am Professor Patrick.

SpongeBob: Professor?

Patrick: Doctor Professor Patrick. Don't mind him. You know how interns are.

Professor Percy: Where is Miss Cheeks?

SpongeBob: She should be back any moment.

Patrick: I thought she ran away because she couldn't invent anything.

SpongeBob: Patrick.

Patrick: That's Mr. Doctor Professor Patrick to you!

SpongeBob: Don't you think it's time to show them Sandy's invention, Mr. Doctor Professor Patrick?

Patrick: Good idea.

SpongeBob: Well?

Patrick: Hey, you're the unpaid intern. You do the work. (cut to later where everyone is standing in front of the invention)

SpongeBob: Gentlemen, I can say without exaggeration that this is the most important invention in the history of the Universe! I give you... (reveals the invention) The Automatic Back Scratcher, Hair Comber, Nose Picker, and Ukulele Tuner 9000! (everything is put together with gum and band aids)

Professor Percy: This is where our research money went?

SpongeBob: Uh-huh. Isn't it great?

Lord Reginald: An automatic back scratcher, hair comber, nose picker, ukulele tuner. Yes, well, I've heard that claim before.

Professor Percy: Yes, how do we know this contraption works?

Dr. Marmalade: Let's see a demonstration.

Patrick: Step right up. (points to Lord Reginald) You look like you've been neglecting your personal hygiene.

Lord Reginald: Me? (Patrick straps him in the contraption) Are you sure this is safe?

Patrick: As sure as I'm a doctor professor.

SpongeBob: Patrick, don't you think we should test it?

Patrick: Ok. (turns invention on. The contraption comes down over Lord Reginald)

SpongeBob: That's not exactly what I had in mind.

Professor Percy: Lord Reginald, are you all right? (inside the invention, Lord Reginald is getting his hair trimmed)

Lord Reginald: Oh, I say, this is splendid. (not getting back scratched) Oh, absolutely splendid. What's this? (nose is getting picked) Oh, marvelous. This machine has evacuated my nostrils of unwanted residue in a manner most pleasant.

SpongeBob: Good work, Mr. Doctor Professor Patrick.

Patrick: Thank you, lowly assistant.

Lord Reginald: Oh, I say, now it's feeding me delicious pudding.

SpongeBob: Pudding? I don't remember that part of the invention.

Lord Reginald: And now it's tuning my ukulele. (one sour note of the ukelele and the invention gets out-of-control. Lord Reginald is hit on the head with the ukulele) Ouch! Ooh! I say, was that necessary? (is slapped in the back of his head) You, sir, are impertinent. (a pair of scissors, fire, a saw, and more gadgets surround him) Oh, dear. (screams)

Dr. Marmalade: Lord Reginald, are you all right? (shrieks and explosions are heard) I'm sorry, was that a yes?

Professor Percy: Mr. Doctor Professor Patrick, what is the meaning of this?

Patrick: It's ok. The horrible screaming means that it's working.

SpongeBob: Oh, I really wish Sandy were here. (back to Sandy where a bus has just pulled up)

Bus Driver: All aboard.

Sandy: Will this bus take you somewhere when you've got nowhere else to go?

Bus Driver: It sure does. We make stops in Quittersville, Failuretown, and Loserburg. (Sandy heres the screaming)

Sandy: What in tarnation? (enters her treedome) What's with all the monkey business? (gasps)

SpongeBob: Sandy!

Sandy: SpongeBob! What the heck is going on here? (invention spits Lord Reginald out)

Lord Reginald: Ouch.

Patrick: It works! It works!

Professor Percy: Lord Reginald, are you all right?

Lord Reginald: I seem to have ruptured my pomposity.

Professor Percy: We shall commence closure of this establishment immediately.

Dr. Marmalade: Frankly, I'm beginning to question the economic benefits of underwater treedomes. Doesn't make much sense once you get right down to it.

SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Sandy. We were trying to keep you in Bikini Bottom, but all we did was ruin your chances to stay.

Sandy: I was about to be fired anyway. Thanks for trying to help SpongeBob. You, too, Patrick.

Patrick: That's Mr. Doctor Professor Patrick.

Sandy: Don't push it.

Patrick: Sorry.

Professor Percy: We are departing, Dr. Marmalade.

Dr. Marmalade: My word, all of this excitement has drastically reduced my potassium levels. (takes out a banana. The nutcracker turns back on and peels the banana) Good gracious. Can it be?

Professor Percy: Try it again. (Lord Reginald gets a banana out and the nutcracker peels it)

Lord Reginald: Oh! It is! It is! It's the banana peeler we have been searching 117 years for. (excited chattering from the chimps)

SpongeBob: Wow, Sandy, they're going bananas for your nutcracker.

Sandy: Yeah. (cut to later when the chimps are about to leave)

Professor Percy: Well, Miss Cheeks, I must say you have exceeded expectations.

Lord Reginald: It may be the extreme head trauma I've suffered, but I am going to offer you a 20-year contract with a substantial pay raise.

Sandy: I accept
.

SpongeBob & Patrick: Hooray!

Professor Percy: I expect great things out of you, Miss Cheeks. Great things.

Lord Reginald: Perhaps you could put your talents toward that automatic poop-throwing machine that's eluded us for so long.

Dr. Marmalade: Now, now, one miracle at a time.

All: Goodbye.

Sandy: Well, the only thing left is to figure out what to do with this infernal contraption.

Patrick: My turn. (sits on his invention) Whoo-hoo! (machine turns on and he screams) All right!


Transcripts Episodes
Season 1 Season 1
Season 2 Season 2
Season 3 Season 3
Season 4 Season 4
Season 5 Season 5
Season 6 Season 6
Season 7 Season 7
Season 8 Season 8
Season 9 Season 9
Season 10 Season 10
Season 11 Season 11
Season 12 Season 12
Season 13 Season 13
Season 14 Season 14
Season 15 Season 15
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