Episode Transcript: Krusty Towers
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Episode Article: Krusty Towers
(SpongeBob & Squidward are walking down the road towards the Krusty Krab)
SpongeBob: So, I was all ready to drain the fries--but I cooked the fries slightly too long. So..
SpongeBob: So, here's where the bizarre twist comes in.
SpongeBob: They weren't overcooked at all!
Squidward: SpongeBob, look! (picks him up and turns him around where we are shown a tall building)
SpongeBob: Wow, what happened to the Krusty Krab?
Mr. Krabs: Good morning! The Krusty Towers is now opened for business.
SpongeBob: Why did you build a hotel, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I'm glad you asked, son. Remember when I went to that fast food convention and stayed in that fancy hotel? I had a beautiful room. The employees were so friendly. They catered to my every whim, no matter how demeaning it was. Because they lived by a code. And that code was engraved in fine gold above the grand fireplace: "We shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request". Everything was perfect until I got the bill. They charged me for everything: 25 dollars for a hamburger! (takes out a whole burger from inside his body) If they can charge that much for a lousy burger, imagine how much I could charge for a lousy krabby patty. And thus, the Krusty Towers was born.
Squidward: Why would anyone stay at a hotel in Bikini Bottom? It's in the middle of scenic nowhere. There's nothing to do but get stung by jellyfish. (grunts as jellyfish stings Squidward on the head) See? (SpongeBob pushes the bump in and it goes to the other side of Squidward's head)
SpongeBob (surprised): Eww!
Mr. Krabs: Come inside. (now inside Krusty Towers) Isn't it beautiful?
Squidward: Where are all the new hotel employees? (Mr. Krabs throws uniforms onto Squidward & SpongeBob. A hotel guest
Mr. Krabs: (gasps) Me first hotel guest. Watch me reel him in. (walks behind desk) Welcome to the Krusty Towers where our motto
is "We shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request".
Guest: Oh, that's great. I'd like a double krabby patty with no onions and extra pickles.
Mr. Krabs: If you want a krabby patty, you'll have to rent a room and order room service.
Guest: Ooh, I've only got an hour for lunch. (sighs and leaves)
Squidward: (Smugly) Boy, you reeled that one in like a pro.
Mr. Krabs: Ok, Squidward, you run the front desk.
Patrick: I'd like a krabby patty, please.
Squidward: This is a hotel now. If you want a Krabby Patty, you'll have to get a room and order room service.
Patrick: Ok, one krabby patty and one room with cheese. Oh, and can I get cheese on the Krabby Patty, too?
Squidward: Patrick, you only live 400 yards away. Why do you want to check into a hotel?
Patrick: Sometimes I just need to get away from it all. (rings bell) Wow, this hotel has everything!
Squidward: (takes bell) Gimme that! Now sign the register.
Patrick: I didn't know there'd be a test. I didn't study! (cries)
Squidward: Patrick, all you have to do is write your name.
Patrick: Oh, ok. (takes pen) Do you mind?! (Squidward turns around so Patrick starts writing. Squidward peeks) Don't look!
(Squidward turns around) Um...done! (Squidward sees a picture of a monstrous Patrick destroying a town, with airplanes around him)
Squidward: Close enough. Here's your room key.
Patrick: I'll need some help with my bags. (Two suitcases appear out of nowhere)
Squidward: How can you have bags?! You just found out this is a hotel.
Patrick: This is a hotel?
SpongeBob: Yes, Squidward?
Squidward: Take Patrick and his bags to his room.
Patrick: What about my Krabby Patty?
Squidward: And bring him a Krabby Patty.
Mr. Krabs: (Appears out of nowhere) Squidward, you can take Patrick's bags up to his room. SpongeBob, you go make the Krabby Patty.
Squidward: Oh, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: What's the matter? Afraid of a little manual labor? (imitates Squidward) I'm Squidward and I have to work for a living. Boo hoo hoo.
Squidward: Fine. Let's go, Patrick. (has struggle with Patrick's bags as he is walking up to the elevator)
Mr. Krabs: (comes out of the elevator) This elevator is for guests only. Take the employee elevator. (Squidward walks to the other
elevator that is actually a long flight of stairs, Squidward grumbles because of this. Squidward walks up the stairs as Patrick gets off the guest elevator)
Squidward: What's in these bags, rocks? (bag opens spilling out rocks) Hey, these are rocks! Why is your suitcase full of
Patrick: I don't tell you how to live your life!
Squidward: Well, here's your room.
Squidward: Enjoy your stay.
Patrick: Squidward, wait! (takes out a rock from his pocket and gives it to Squidward as a tip) Keep up the good work and
there will be more where that came from.
SpongeBob: Your Krabby Patty, sir. (Squidward tries to toss the rock in Patrick's head but SpongeBob smiles at him) Hey, Squidward, cool rock.
Patrick: Hold on a second, SpongeBob. (hands SpongeBob a dollar) Here you are, my good man.
SpongeBob: Well, thank you, Patrick.
Patrick: There's plenty more where that came from, my good friend. (Squidward gets angry and is about to throw rock) Squidward!
Squidward: What now?
Patrick: I don't like crusts on my sandwich.
Squidward: It's a bun; It's all crust! How am I suppose to cut the crust off a bun?
Patrick: Peel it.
Squidward: (peels skin off the bun angrily) Happy?
Patrick: Yay! (eats the patty)
SpongeBob: Room service. Here's the 50 Krabby Patties you ordered.
Patrick: Could you do one more thing for me?
Squidward: Why don't you ask SpongeBob?
Patrick: Good idea, Squidward!
SpongeBob: How may I serve you, sir?
Patrick: I need you to eat these Krabby Patties with me.
SpongeBob: Oh, yes, sir. (both eat Krabby Patties. As Squidward heads down the employee elevator, Mr. Krabs is on
Mr. Krabs: Uh-huh. Hold on. Squidward, Patrick needs your help.
Squidward: What? Why didn't he ask me before I walked all the way downstairs?
Mr. Krabs: He said he didn't want to bother you. But he got over it. (Squidward is unclogging the toilet when he unclogs
SpongeBob: Thanks, Squidward! (Squidward puts him back in the toilet. Patrick flushes)
Squidward: Mr. Krabs, this is ridiculous. Patrick's being completely unreasonable.
Mr. Krabs: He can be as unreasonable as he wants. The plaque, Squidward, the plaque!
Squidward: But Mr. Krabs...
Mr. Krabs: Deny no guest! (phone rings) Why, hello Patrick. You need Squidward to come up right away? He'll be right
Squidward: A bubble bath?! Why would I give you a bubble bath?!
Patrick: Well, because Mr. Krabs said you would. Well be sure to make my back extra shiny clean.
Squidward: That's it!! I've had enough!
Patrick: Squidward, wait! The toilet's backed up again!
Mr. Krabs: (Squidward comes down the guest elevator) Hey, hey, you can’t take that elevator. You're an employee.
Squidward: Not anymore. I quit.
Mr. Krabs: Quit? You can't quit. (Squidward walks out naked and comes back in with Hawaiian-styled clothes. Squidward rings
bell) Welcome to the Krusty Towers...Squidward?!
Squidward: One room, please. On the top floor.
Mr. Krabs: What do you think you're doing?
Squidward: I need a vacation. I'm overworked. And what better place to relax than Krusty Towers? Where "we shall never deny
a guest even the most ridiculous request".
Mr. Krabs: (growls) I don't have to rent you a room.
Squidward: (takes out money) I've got cash.
Mr. Krabs: Oh... (takes money) ...here's your room key.
Squidward: SpongeBob, carry my things to my room.
SpongeBob: Aye aye, guest sir! (turns legs into rockets and blasts off through the ceiling)
Squidward: (talking to Mr. Krabs) And you can carry me to my room.
Mr. Krabs: And why in tarnation would I do that? You got four legs that aren't broken.
Squidward: The plaque. Too bad we couldn't take the elevator but it is for guests only and you are an employee.
SpongeBob: Your room, sir.
Squidward: And I'd like to order room service. I'd like a Krabby Patty with cheese, toenail clippings and nose hairs.
Mr. Krabs: (gasps) You've got to be kidding me!
Squidward: And I want it here in 5 seconds.
SpongeBob: Yes, sir! (runs off and comes back with a Krabby Patty in less than 2 seconds) Here you are, sir.
Mr. Krabs: Well, you got your stinky sandwich. Now eat it.
Squidward: Oh, I'm not going to eat this. You are.
Mr. Krabs: What?! You're out of your mind if you think I'm going to eat that.
SpongeBob: Psst, that's not really a Krabby Patty with cheese, toenails and nose hair.
Mr. Krabs: (laughs) Now I get ya, boy. (still laughing) Alright, Squidward. (chortles. He eats the Krabby Patty then spits it out, and sees toenails and nosehair on his tongue. Squidward laughs) SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Sorry, Mr. Krabs! We were all out of cheese.
Patrick: (everything in Patrick's room is covered in cheese) Hooray!
Mr. Krabs: (phone rings) What is it, Squidward?
Squidward: Send up a dozen cookies just like mother used to make.
Mr. Krabs: (at Squidward’s room) Here's your homemade cookies.
Squidward: (tries one and spits it out) These don't taste anything like mom used to make.
Mr. Krabs: Well, how did your mother make 'em?
Squidward: How should I know?! Ask my mother! (slams door)
Mrs. Tentacles (doorbell rings) Hello? (Mr. Krabs & SpongeBob are in ski masks. She gasps.)
Mr. Krabs: (trying to get a big sack in the trunk but the door won't close) SpongeBob! (SpongeBob hits the sack with a shovel but the trunk still won't close)
SpongeBob: No good, Mr. Krabs.
Mrs. Tentacles: Allow me, boy. (closes trunk door)
Mr. Krabs: Great! Now that me laundry’s in the trunk...
SpongeBob: There's room for you to sit up front.
Mrs. Tentacles: Let's go bake some cookies, boys.
SpongeBob & Mr. Krabs: Hooray!
Mr. Krabs: (in Squidward’s room where Squidward is sampling the cookies) Well?
Squidward: I'm impressed. These are just like mother used to make. I just wish mom was a better cook.
Mr. Krabs: So you're all taken care of?
Squidward: Mmm, just one teensy tiny problem. This room is hideous. Redesign it. Neptune the 14th would be nice.
Mr. Krabs: What? (growls)
Squidward: "We shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request". (Mr. Krabs & SpongeBob change the room to a blue
theme, a modern theme, a country theme, a torture theme, and then back to the original) Perfect!
Mr. Krabs: This room is exactly the same as when we started!
Squidward: Nothing like getting back to the basics.
Mr. Krabs: Let's get out of here, SpongeBob.
Squidward: Oh, before you leave, I wanna go swimming.
Mr. Krabs: The pool is out back.
Squidward: Ha ha! Are you crazy? I'm not going outside to swim. (big swimming pool is now inside the room) Come on in! The
water's fine. (SpongeBob laughs and jumps in. Squidward laughs)
Mr. Krabs: Anything else stupid and unreasonable that you want?
Squidward: Nope, that's it.
Mr. Krabs: You don't need me to chew your food for ya? Or make you a back scratcher out of me own spine? Or maybe
extinguish the sun so the light don't get in your eyes?!
Squidward: No, I'm good.
SpongeBob: Me, too.
Patrick: Wow, an indoor pool?! This place is fancy! (gets on diving board) Cannonball! (dives in. SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward laugh but the hotel collapses back into the Krusty Krab)
Mr. Krabs: (at hospital with the gang) Oh, that hotel was a bad idea from the start.
Patrick: That was a hotel?
Nurse: Your bill, sir.
Mr. Krabs: $15,000?!
Squidward: You're not gonna have a heart attack are you?
Mr. Krabs: Not at these prices! Forget hotels. This hospital rack is where the money is.
Patrick: This is a hospital?
Mr. Krabs: Pack your bags, boys! You're going to medical school!
SpongeBob & Patrick: Hooray!
Squidward: Oh, boy.