Stair Wars (Episode)

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Stair Wars

© Viacom

Episode No.: TPSS 2a
Season: TPSS 1
Airdate: July 23, 2021
Previous Episode: Bummer Jobs
Next Episode: Enemies à la Mode
Characters Voice actors
Patrick Star Bill Fagerbakke
GrandPat Star Dana Synder
TPSS2a Image.jpg

Stair Wars is a season 1 episode of The Patrick Star Show.






The sun (an "male" living thing in the show) wakes up, tired. He grabs the Star family's house and pours coffee onto a mug. As he drinks the coffee, he becomes energized and starts shining as the day begins. Squidina runs inside with Ouchie and puts him in the reserved area. She then finds a "leak" coming from the ceiling, only to realize that Patrick is asleep and drooling in his bed. She attempts to wake him up with a broom, and this makes him fall off his bed while still sleeping. Squidina proceeds to pick him up, put makeup on him, and announces that it is time for The Patrick Show! She splashes Patrick with a bucket of water, waking him up. Patrick tells the audience that he will teach everyone about some brief miniature golf tips. After uttering random numbers and striking miscellaneous objects with a plunger, Patrick says he thinks it would be better with an actual golf club, so he puts Squidina onstage to perform, but she tells Patrick that she has stage-4 stage fright. After looking at the audience with embarrassment, she melts.

Patrick runs up the stairs until he sees GrandPat in the way. They both greet each other, and tell each other which direction on the staircase they want to go. They struggle to get past each other, so GrandPat says "age before ugly." Patrick responds with "Pearls before swine." GrandPat replies "I before thee." Patrick apologizes because Cecil always told him to never back down from a stair-off, but GrandPat clarifies that he gave Patrick that advice, and kicks the thought bubble of Cecil down the stairs. Patrick informs his grandfather that he does not care who said it first; he wants to get his golf club. GrandPat says that he hates the upstairs bathroom. They both turn angry at each other, with Patrick's eyes having teeth, and GrandPat's mouth moving like a chainsaw. After trying to get past each other multiple times, Patrick takes out a loaf of bread out of his belly button and says "en garde," and GrandPat takes out a loaf of bread from his cane and says that he will en garde Patrick. After hitting each other once with their loaves of bread, they challenge each other to a stair-off, and each turn their heads into mules and start braying.

Patrick and GrandPat are revealed to have featured in a TV show that a scientist named Dr. Plankenstein turns off, as Pat-Gor was trying to watch it. Plankenstein wants to watch wrestling, and he and Pat-Gor fight over who gets to watch their show. Eventually, Plankenstein's monster, SpongeMonster, arrives to fix this. Plankenstein puts a brain of genius into SpongeMonster, and after SpongeMonster's brain pops out, he breaks the TV in half so both can watch their shows. It electrifies both Dr. Plankenstein and Pat-Gor, and the TV fixes itself, so SpongeMonster turns The Patrick Show! back on.

Back on the show, GrandPat and Patrick are still going at it, and get their relatives against each other. GrandPat and Patrick then battle with mops, and Bunny comes to tell important news, but goes around the other way in the house to tell them. She tells them that she made jelly sandwiches for the family, and suddenly Perch Perkins makes a news report about the battle between a bunch of Bikini Bottom locals on both sides. The clash commences, with the news helicopter taken down in the process. Overwhelmed, GrandPat floods the house to get the locals out of the house. However, Patrick and GrandPat are still on the stairs, having their problems, and thus, they have a joust. They close in on each other, and it turns out that Patrick gets something in his tooth. When he uses a toothpick, it reveals his golf club.

With his golf club finally in his hands, Patrick heads downstairs to continue his show, but breaks the support of the stairs in the process, and they collapse with GrandPat still there. After recovering from the fall, GrandPat sees that he can use the downstairs bathroom, but Cecil goes in before GrandPat can use it, and he is chased afterwards by the monster toilet, Tinkle, that was in the upstairs bathroom. Patrick is ready to continue his show, but before he can hit the golf ball, Squidina cuts him off saying that the episode is over, irritating him. Squidina then bids farewell to the audience, as Patrick ends up hitting the golf ball anyway, and it smashes into the camera, cracks and shatters the screen. Patrick says "Oops" as the ball falls.


  • Chris Tabares said that he had a lot of fun working on the storyboards for this episode, and was a "Big fan of the FrankenBob."
  • On American TV airings since the premiere, international non-US airings, and The Patrick Star Show Season 1, Volume 1 DVD, Doug Lawrence has been credited as the writer of this episode. However, Luke Brookshier is credited on digital versions of this episode, including that of the website. Also, the iTunes version uses the regular SpongeBob font instead of the font used regularly on The Patrick Star Show's credits. This also occurs in "Enemies à la Mode."
    • The actual writer for this episode is Mr. Lawrence.
  • The A's in the episode's name are a reference to what the episode's plot was about.
  • GrandPat breaks the fourth wall by knocking down Patrick's thought cloud, and Cecil feeling the pain.
  • This is the first episode of the SpongeBob SquarePants franchise where SpongeBob is completely absent, as he does not make an appearance nor is mentioned. It is also the third episode where he does not appear following "The Algae's Always Greener" and "Late for Breakfast." In addition, this episode is the first where he is absent alongside "Enemies à la Mode" from both segments.
  • This is the first episode of the SpongeBob SquarePants franchise to play the track "Beautiful Moonlit Night" since "Accidents Will Happen" in season 8 of the main series.
  • This is the first appearance of Incidental 11 in this series. The last time she appeared was in "Escape from Beneath Glove World" in season 12 of the main series.
  • This was Alan Smart's only episode of The Patrick Star Show as an animation director before he completely left the SpongeBob SquarePants franchise in late 2021.


Transcript for Stair Wars

The Patrick Star Show Season 1 Season 2 →
1a 1b 2a 2b 3a 3b 4 5a 5b 6a 6b 7a 7b 8 9a 9b 10a 10b 11a 11b 12a 12b 13a 13b 14a
14b 15a 15b 16a 16b 17a 17b 18a 18b 19a 19b 20a 20b 21a 21b 22a 22b 23a 23b 24a 24b 25a 25b 26a 26b
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