Episode Transcript: Krabs vs. Plankton

Revision as of 01:53, 11 July 2008

Episode Article: Krabs vs. Plankton

Characters

• SpongeBob
• Richard A. Bottomfeeder
• Mr. Krabs
  File:Krabsgegen2.jpg

  Plankton pretending to be crippled
• Plankton
• Squidward
• Krusty Krab Customers
• Karen (Plankton's computer wife)
• Judge StickleBack
• Patrick Star
• Jury Members (some of them are Phil, Tom and Annette)

Dialogue

(Open on the Chum Bucket. A clam crows like a rooster. Cut to a close-up of Plankton's face. He has his eyes closed, and then slowly opens them to show its veins.)

Plankton: (drearily) And so passes another sleepless night, haunted by my inability to steal even a single Krabby Patty. (Gets up and walks to his computer wife, Karen)

Karen: Maybe today will be the day?

Plankton: Thank you for your patronizing temptation, computer wife. (Walks towards the doors of the Chum Bucket)

Karen: Do you even have a plan?

Plankton: Plan, shman. I'm going to wing it. What's the worst thing that could happen? (Bubbles rise, transitions to the Krusty Krab. Plankton walks through the door.) I'm in. That was easy. Maybe today is the day I'm going to steal the Krabby Patty formula...(He slips and falls into a puddle of water)

SpongeBob: Careful, I just mopped there.

Mr. Krabs: (Walks towards them) Look at you, Plankton. Once again you've fallen flat on your back in a pathetic attempt to steal me formula. (Holds a Krabby Patty in front of his face) Though you've tried and tried, you haven't had the smallest nibble of my delicious formula. (Plankton tries to bite it, but Mr. Krabs takes it away) And you never will! (Laughs) How do you sleep at night, knowing you're a complete failure? (Walks away laughing)

Male Customer #1: (Talking to the person next to him, commenting on the wet floor SpongeBob was mopping) There really should be a "Wet Floor" sign.

Male Customer #2: Yeah, if that were me who slipped, I'd sue old man Krabs for all he's got.

Plankton: Does that include the Krabby Patty formula?

Male Customer #1: Of course.
Plankton: (ponders the thought and then fakes an injury and starts screaming) Oh, the pain! I can't feel my arms and legs; I think they're broken. I'll have to sue for my pain and suffering.

Mr. Krabs: (bursting through his office's door) Sue?!

Female Customer #1: Oh, that looks bad.

Male Customer #3: Uh-oh

Female Customer #2: Poor little man.

(SpongeBob and Patrick enter the frame and look at each other. Transition to ambulance workers carrying Plankton in a gurney)

Mr. Krabs: Wait! Hold up a second! Plankton, we don't need to drag this little incident into court, do we?

Plankton: Well...if you transfer the Krabby Patty formula to me, I'll forget your gross negligence.

Mr. Krabs: Scoundrel! You'll have me formula when you pry it from me lifeless claws!

Plankton: (laughs menacingly, then points at Mr. Krabs) See you in court, Krabs! Uh, I mean...(stops pointing) oh the pain! The deep-frying pain!
(The ambulance workers carry the gurney off and the scene transitions to the inside of the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs is pacing

back and forth, with Squidward and SpongeBob near him.)

Mr. Krabs: I'm in a blue ruin. I'm doomed!

SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. I will do whatever it takes to keep the Krusty Krab formula from getting into Plankton's evil hands.

Mr. Krabs: What I really need is a good lawyer.

(A lawyer with a gray suit, hair parted to one side and wearing glasses zooms into the frame)

Lawyer: Hello, did somebody say "lawyer"? (Holds out his business card) Richard A. Bottomfeeder, Attorney at Law. I couldn't help but notice that despicable display.

Mr. Krabs: So, uhh, how much is this going to cost me?

Richard: Actually, I won't charge you a dime unless we win.

(Mr. Krabs' eyes turn into American dollar signs.)

Richard: In fact, I think we should counter sue for everything Plankton owns.

(Mr. Krabs' eyes turn into gold bars. The weight on them makes him fall over.)

Richard: (points at Mr. Krabs) Does that happen a lot?

SpongeBob: No, they're usually silver.

(Scene transitions to SpongeBob strolling into Mr. Krabs' office)

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: What is it, lad?

SpongeBob: I thought you might want to hear my testimony for when you call me as a character witness. I've been rehearsing it.

Mr. Krabs: Actually, SpongeBob, we won't be needing any testimony from you. Why, you'll be more of a...(Richard whispers into his ear) of a liability than an asset.

SpongeBob: But I...

Mr. Krabs: Ah, run along. Make things ship-shape for my victory celebration. I've got to get to the courthouse early.

There's only a few free parking places.
(The lawyer grabs his briefcase and walks outside the door with it.)

Richard: Oh, this is going to be a slam-dunk...(he slips and falls on the floor)

SpongeBob: Oh no! Mr. Krabs' lawyer! Speak to me!

Richard: (weakly) Writhe...with pain...can't move.

SpongeBob: But what about Mr. Krabs's case?

Richard: Looks like you're going to have to handle this one, son.

SpongeBob: But, I'm a...a liability.

Richard: Everything you need to win (a part of his body snaps) is in this here case. (shows SpongeBob his briefcase)

SpongeBob: (swipes the case from him) Really? Everything?

Richard: Uh huh. Everything but a suit.

SpongeBob: A suit? Ballad where I could get a suit.

(Scene changes to the Bikini Bottom Court House. Mock television courtroom cases sounds. Plankton in a wheelchair enters the courtroom and precedes to Mr. Krabs)

Plankton: I'll give you one last chance. I'll drop the charges if you give me the formula.
Mr. Krabs: (yelling) Never, you little runt! (The court audience gasps)

Plankton: (dramatically) Oww, oww! My little arm! (Audience gasps)

Mr. Krabs: What? No. I didn't lay a claw on him.

Plankton: Oww! My other arm! (Audience gasps)

Mr. Krabs: He's lying! Bah!

(Judge's gavel knocks and the two proceed to their desk)

Bailiff: Court will come to order. The Honorable Judge Tickleback presiding.

Judge: Mr. Krabs, where is your attorney?

Mr. Krabs: (hesitantly) I don't know where he could be.

(The courtroom door bursts open, with SpongeBob standing there in a gray suit, similar to the previous lawyer's.)

SpongeBob: Here I am!

Judge: Thank you for joining us, Mr....uhh...

SpongeBob: (placing his briefcase on the desk) SpongeBob LawyerPants, your honor.
Mr. Krabs: (Through his teeth) What are you doing here, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: Your lawyer, umm, fell down on the job, but don't worry Mr. Krabs, I have everything under control. It's uhh, all in here (rubs his briefcase).

Mr. Krabs: Really?
SpongeBob: Yep, right in here. (tries to unlock the briefcase, but can't)

Mr. Krabs: Is there a problem?

SpongeBob: Umm...your lawyer didn't give me the combination.

Lawyer: Is the plaintiff ready to proceed?

Plankton: Yes, your honor. I'll try. (Moves his wheelchair to the jury box. He "owws" in pain on the way there.) I wasn't always the tortured shell of protozoa that writhes in pain before you today. (Starts crying) I was a vibrant, carefree, happy-go-lucky, single cell.

(SpongeBob tries to split the briefcase in half, but splits himself. Mr. Krabs leans over.)

Mr. Krabs: Pull yourself together, boy.
Plankton: Then came the fateful day that I paid an innocent visit to the deathtrap known as the Krusty Krab.

Mr. Krabs: How's it coming lad?

SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. I'm on the case. (Takes a kitchen knife and tries to pry open the briefcase)

Plankton: Upon entering said establishment, I found myself without any warning, slipping and finally falling onto a hard, unforgiving floor (SpongeBob continues with the knife) that had been intentionally (the knife shoots him to the light on the roof) covered with a viscous fluid.

(SpongeBob puts a bomb head on his head)

SpongeBob: Bombs away! (He drops onto the briefcase like a bomb, but nothing happens. SpongeBob drops off the desk and onto the floor.)

Plankton: Are you quite finished?

Patrick: Sing something, your making us look bad!

Squidward: (clears throat and starts singing with his clarinet): The battle is not ours, we look to God above, for he will guide safely through, and guard us with his love, So do not be afraid, We will not run and hide, There is nothing we cant face when God is at our side!

SpongeBob: Yes, your honor.

Mr. Krabs: What!

SpongeBob: Allow me to rephrase the question. Can you tell the court of some instance of Mr. Krabs' generosity in any way?

SpongeBob: That's ok, Mr. Krabs. I made you a present.

Mr. Krabs: A present? For me?

SpongeBob: Close your eyes and hold out your hand. (Mr. Krabs does so. SpongeBob gives Mr. Krabs a "wet floor" sign with many nails in it. Mr. Krabs grabs it and starts yelling in pain.) It's a "wet floor" sign. I made it myself.

Mr. Krabs: Well, it'll do. After all, it's free!