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Episode Transcript: Best Frenemies
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Episode Article: Best Frenemies
Characters
Dialogue
(episode begins at the Krusty Krab)
Mr. Krabs: (gasps) No, it's impossible. I must've counted me money a dozen times, and it still comes up short. Profits are down. Oh, I feel sorry for meself. (walks out of his office)
Squidward: Would you like a drink with that order?
Customer: Oh, no thanks. I got me one of those new "Kelp Shakes" before I came in here.
Squidward: That comes out to two dollars even.
Customer: Wow, what a steal.
Mr. Krabs: What the...why didn't that guy order a deliciously over-priced fountain beverage with his Krabby Patty?
Squidward: Mr. Krabs, we haven't sold a single soda in days.
Mr. Krabs: What? Why not? (SpongeBob is slurping his Kelp Shake loudly) All right, boy, it's done! You're gonna suck the whole cup down your gullet if you're not careful.
SpongeBob: Sorry, Mr. Krabs. It's just that this Kelp Shake tastes so good.
Mr. Krabs: Kelp Shake?
SpongeBob: Look around ya. Everyone's enjoying a delicious Kelp Shake. (everyone is slurping their Kelp Shakes) Mm-mm. I'll be right back, Mr. Krabs. I'm gonna get a refill.
Mr. Krabs: Refill? That's it. Listen up, everybody! New rule: no outside drinks. No exceptions! (everyone leaves with their Kelp Shakes)
Squidward: That's telling them.
Mr. Krabs: Grr. I better get to the bottom of this. (Squidward secretly sips his own Kelp Shake. Mr. Krabs walks outside) Ah! A new store! (store is shaped like a Kelp Shake) On my block! Taking my customers. (gasps) Pearl. (Pearl is drinking a Kelp Shake) Me own flesh and blood. How could you do this to your papa?
Pearl: What are you talking about, Dad?
Mr. Krabs: I'm talking about this. (points to Kelp Shake)
Pearl: Once you taste the secret goodness of a Kelp Shake... (slurping) ...You can't have just one.
Mr. Krabs: (growls) Gimme that! (tries taking the Kelp Shake from Pearl but she pulls it back)
Pearl: Buy your own.
Mr. Krabs: Why, I wouldn't give them a cent.
Pearl: I feel sorry for you.
Mr. Krabs: Then you do understand me. (starts to cry)
Pearl: Dad, you're embarrassing me. (drags her dad a few more feet before prying him off) Oh, get away. (Mr. Krabs is still crying)
Mr. Krabs: Oh no! Confound you, new KelpShake store. What's your secret? (gasps) Of course. Plankton, I bet he's behind this. A-ha! (sees Plankton sunbathing behind the restaurant as if he owns it) I knew you were behind this!
Plankton: Pardon me, I've done nothing wrong.
Mr. Krabs: Then how do you explain this? (gestures to the KelpShake store)
Plankton: Holy Moly, how'd that happen?
Mr. Krabs: Don't try that with me, Plankton. This new store is ruining me business.
Plankton: Really?! Wait a minute! That's my job! (groans) Blast it! It's bad enough I have to compete with this joker. Now there's this?! Kelp Shakes?!
Mr. Krabs: Wow. I guess you're really not behind this after all. Plankton, they have... a secret formula.
Plankton: No, not another secret. And if there's a secret, I want to know about it! (rumbling)
Mr. Krabs: Oh!
Plankton: (gasps as one KelpShake store multiplies itself to have two KelpShake stores) They're multiplying. Why, they're on every corner.
Mr. Krabs: Block after block.
Plankton: They're everywhere.
Mr. Krabs: (KelpShake store falls on both of them) We've got to do something about this. (bubble-wipe to later where Mr. Krabs and Plankton walk into a KelpShake store) You sure this is going to work?
Plankton: Just stick to the plan.
Mr. Krabs: (whistles) Oh, let's see, let's see. Ah, there you are. (spots an 'employees only' sign. Whispers to Plankton) Plankton, I think I found the kitchen.
Plankton: Let's do this thing.
Mr. Krabs: Here goes. Wa-choo! (sneezes on a mom and daughter as they glare at out) I'm sorry, I got a little bit of a-- ah-ah-ah-ah-ah...choo! (continues sneezing on everything as the customers react. Sneezes Plankton onto the door window)
Employee: Eww. (sprays a cleaner at Plankton)
Plankton: (screams) My eye, my eye, my eye! (Mr. Krabs and Plankton run out and behind the Krusty Krab)
Mr. Krabs: I think we lost them. Well, you got any more bright ideas?
Plankton: Of course I do. (bubble-wipe to nighttime where Mr. Krabs and Plankton are wearing black ski clothes)
Mr. Krabs: All set, Plankton?
Plankton: You better believe it. This high-powered mechanical bio-arm I invented should pry those restaurant doors open nice and easy. (presses a button that makes an mechanical bio-arm move. The bio-arm short-circuits) What the barnacles? Come on, you piece of garbage. (presses the button many times. The mechanical bio-arm slaps Plankton a bunch of times) Yipe! Ouch! Uncle! Uncle!
Mr. Krabs: Ugh, if you want anything done right, you've got to do it yourself. (takes out a crowbar and tries to open the doors when his back pops) Oh, me back. (moaning)
Plankton: (whispering) Krabs, pipe down. You're gonna soil our plans if you wake the watchdog. (guardworm is sleeping)
Mr. Krabs: Never mind that. What about SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Hi, Mr. Krabs. Hi... Plankton? Uh, Mr. Krabs, I'm a little confused. Don't you and Plankton hate each other?
Mr. Krabs: Of course we do.
SpongeBob: Then why is he in your fist?
Mr. Krabs: Uh...we've gone into business together. You see, SpongeBob, we were hired to, uh... fix this door.
Plankton: Now we have to fix the roof.
Mr. Krabs: That's right. That's right. We got to fix the roof. It's, it's, it's, it's leaking. (crickets chirping)
SpongeBob: Well, good luck with that. See ya. (bubble-wipe to later where Mr. Krabs is using jackhammer to get into the roof)
Plankton: Keep her going, Krabs. At this rate, we'll have the Kelp Shake's recipe faster than you can say... (speaker comes up from under the roof)
Speaker: You have three seconds until spontaneous combustion.
Plankton: Let's beat it!
Mr. Krabs: No kidding. (runs)
Plankton: Wait, you forgot m... (gets zapped and disintegrates. Bubble-wipe to the next day where a line of people are ordering Kelp Shakes. Plankton is under one of the tiles on the floor. He laughs maniacally until the customers step on him, making him scream. Bubble-wipe to Mr. Krabs lowering Plankton by a rope through the vent. Plankton is about to take a sip of a Kelp Shake when the customer takes a sip first, swallowing Plankton. Plankton opens the customers mouth and is raised up through the vent. Bubble-wipe to Mr. Krabs blowing Plankton through a hose and out of a sink pipe. When Plankton gets out, he is covered with Kelp Shake juice and sent down the disposal. Bubble-wipe to later) I'm throwing in the towel, Krabs! All these convoluted plans are getting us nowhere. And to top it all off, I'm the only one who's taking the heat!
Mr. Krabs: What's that supposed to mean?
Plankton: I don't see you on the front lines. Sure, let me do all the work, while you just sit back like the fat gorilla you are!
Mr. Krabs: (grabs Plankton) Who are you calling a gorilla, you one-celled, one-eyed bottom feeder?!
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, if you want a Kelp Shake, why don't you just buy one? (slurps Kelp Shake)
Mr. Krabs: Buy one? (bubble-wipe to later where Mr. Krabs and Plankton are in line at the KelpShake store)
Customer: I'll have one Kelp Shake, please.
Mr. Krabs: I don't know about this, Plankton.
Plankton: It's easy. Just smile and hand the cashier the money.
Cashier: Can I help you?
Plankton: Good luck.
Mr. Krabs: Hi there. Uh, could I get one Kelp Shake?
Cashier: Sure, that'll be one dollar.
Mr. Krabs: Uh, OK. (gets out a dollar and slowly hands it to the cashier)
Cashier: (cash register dings) Thank you. (Mr. Krabs is not letting go of the dollar) Sir, please let go of the bill.
Plankton: Release your grip, man. Do it! (Mr. Krabs does so. The cashier puts the dollar in the register and hands the Kelp Shake to Mr. Krabs)
Cashier: Enjoy.
Mr. Krabs: Thanks. (runs out laughing) I can't believe we did it.
Plankton: Oh, believe it, Krabs. Now let's get to the lab and find out what this stuff is made of. (bubble-wipe to the Kelp Shake on a plate and Karen being sent a sample of it) What's the secret ingredient, Karen?
Karen: Well, it appears that the main ingredient is kelp juice.
Plankton and Mr. Krabs: Just kelp juice?
Mr. Krabs: And to think this whole time I could've been selling these meself!
Plankton: You? What about me? If anyone, I deserve to make a buck selling this stuff.
Mr. Krabs: (takes kelp juice) No way, pipsqueak. This gold mine is mine.
Plankton: Not if I can help it. (jumps at Mr. Krabs but goes between his eyes and splatters into the wall) Ow.
Mr. Krabs: (cackling) Nice try. (about to take a sip)
Karen: I wouldn't do that if I were you. There's another ingredient.
Mr. Krabs: Hey, I paid good money for this thing. Of course I'm gonna drink it. (takes a sip then spits it out) What the...? I don't get what the big deal is. This tastes like a wet gym sock.
Plankton: Really? Let me try that. (sips) Actually, there is a bit of a pungent aftertaste.
Mr. Krabs: Hmmm. (sips, smacks lips) Hey, you're right. This ain't half bad. (takes another sip. Laughs) This is amazing.
Plankton: Well, don't be selfish. (sips and laughs) Oh yeah.
Karen: Oh, no.
Plankton: (drinks the rest of the juice) Krabs, we're all out of juice.
Mr. Krabs: Well, we gotta get more.
Karen: You're making a big mistake.
Mr. Krabs: Ah, phooey. You don't know what you're talking about. (walks out with Plankton, singing) Kelp Shake, Kelp Shake. Oh how I love a Kelp Shake.
SpongeBob: (runs up crying covered in yellowish-green fur) What's happening to me? (Mr. Krabs and Plankton gasp) They've shut down the KelpShake restaurants! (screams as he runs off)
Plankton and Mr. Krabs: Huh? (walk up to one of the closed down KelpShake restaurants)
Worker #1: It'll take decades to clean this hazardous material up.
Worker #2: I sure feel sorry for whoever drank this. (Mr. Krabs and Plankton scream. Mr. Krabs grows yellowish-green fur. Plankton laughs, but he grows fur very quickly. He screams)
Plankton: Look at us!
Mr. Krabs: Now what are we going to do?
Plankton: I don't know about you but I'm going back to what I do best. Stealing your recipe. (laughs)
Mr. Krabs: Hey, wait a minute! Plankton!
Plankton: (laughs) Come to papa. (Mr. Krabs opens the door)
Mr. Krabs: Hold it right there. You're not going anywhere...without a ten second head start. (opens vault)
Plankton: It's good to be home.
Mr. Krabs: You said it.
Plankton: (runs off as Mr. Krabs chases him) I love being hated.
Mr. Krabs: Hey, get back here you little booger! (laughs)
