Episode Transcript: SB-129

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I Was a Teenage Gary Karate Choppers

Episode Article: SB-129



Narrator: Ah, it is Sunday morning in Bikini Bottom, and it is about time for Squidward to practice his clarinet. So get your earplugs ready.

Squidward: (kisses clarinet) I think I'll treat Bikini Bottom to some real music. (SpongeBob's alarm horn goes off and sends Squidward’s clarinet into his throat)

SpongeBob: Good morning, Squidward! Want to go jellyfishing? (Squidward tries to yell but his clarinet sounds every time he tries to talk) Great! We'll be right over. (Squidward pulls the clarinet out of his throat. Door knocks are heard)

Squidward: I wonder who that could be. (Squidward opens the door)

SpongeBob: Ready to go?

Squidward: No, I'm not ready to go! (slams the door)

Patrick: He doesn't want to play with us.

SpongeBob: No, Patrick, he's just not ready. (Squidward tries to play his clarinet but another knock at door) Ready now?

Squidward: No! (slams door. Then he goes back to try to play clarinet but another knock at door. Squidward gets angry)

SpongeBob: How about now?

Squidward: No! (slams door. He then knock at door) Huh? (opens door)

SpongeBob: Now?

Squidward: No! (slams door. Knock at door and opens it)

SpongeBob: Now?

Squidward: No! (slams door. Knock at door and opens it)

SpongeBob: How about now?

Squidward: No! (slams door. Knock at door and opens it)

SpongeBob: Now?

Squidward: No! (slams door. Knock at door and opens it)

SpongeBob: Now?

Squidward: No! (slams door. Knock at door and opens it)

SpongeBob: Now?

Squidward: No! (slams door. Knock at door and opens it)

SpongeBob: Now?

Squidward: No! (slams door then opens it) No! (slams door then opens it. Notices they are both gone then he gets a tap on his shoulder) What?!

SpongeBob: Ready yet?

Squidward: No, I'm not ready! I'll never be ready! Don't you get it?

SpongeBob: Sure we do.

Squidward: What? (shuts door but then realizes he is outside his tiki house so he knocks on the door and SpongeBob opens it)

SpongeBob: Ready? (Squidward pushes them both out of his house)

Squidward: Out! Sheesh! Shouldn't you be at work today, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: I'd love to be at work today! But it's Sunday. The Krusty Krab is closed. (Squidward gets an idea)

Squidward: Hold on a second. I'll be right out. (closes door.Squidward tip-toes out the other way of his house to the Krusty Krab) Hello? (silence) Ah, alone at last! (tries to play his clarinet but SpongeBob & Patrick enter)

SpongeBob & Patrick: Squidward! Squidward! (Squidward runs into the kitchen as SpongeBob & Patrick come in the Krusty Krab and search for Squidward) Squidward! (Squidward runs into the freezer) Squidward! Oh, Squidward! (Squidward peeks out as SpongeBob & Patrick look for him) Squidward!

SpongeBob: Well, he's not here. I'll bet that eager beaver's already down at Jellyfish Fields.

Squidward: A-ha! They're finally gone. (tries to open freezer but it's locked from the inside) What the...? Locked? Oh no! Oh, well, someone will realize I'm gone and come looking for me. I'll be out of here in no time.

Narrator: 2000 Years Later.

(scene shows Squidward still inside the freezer, frozen; the hinges are rusty, and they fall off; the door falls with Squidward frozen behind it; SpongeTron flies past and then back to Squidward)

SpongeTron: Holy Krabby Patties! A frozen cephalopod! (SpongeTron grabs a chrome hammer; from the hammer comes a red laser, which melts the ice... and Squidward's behind; Squidward screams)

Squidward: (trancelike) I'll be out of here in no time.

SpongeTron: Greetings, primitive.

Squidward: Sp...SpongeBob? Is that you?

SpongeTron: SpongeBob? No! (robot voice) I am SpongeTron. (normal voice) Welcome to the future.

Squidward: What?

SpongeTron: Welcome to the future.

Squidward: Uhh, the future? Huh? Okay, what's going on here? Why is everything chrome?

SpongeTron: Everything is chrome in the future!

Squidward: Wha...? Uhh...Uhh... (Squidward looks outside the window) Oh, my! Impossible! He's lying! (flower pops up from underground and a man comes up to the flower and sprays it with chrome paint) He's right!

SpongeTron: Of course I'm right, Squidward. Just ask my clones: Spongetron X, Y, and Z. (Squidward gasps)

Squidward: Are the other letters of the alphabet involved here?

SpongeTron: Sure! All 486 of them. (Squidward does a few sit-ups while he talks as if he is trying to wake up) Future! Future! Future! (Spongetron drops a brick on Squidwards head)

Squidward: Thanks. Now listen! All of you! I don't belong here. This is all a horrible mistake. Please, we've got to do something!

SpongeTron X, Y, Z: (pull out jellyfishing nets) Jellyfishing! (a two-headed Patrick appears out of nowhere)

Patron: Did somebody say jellyfishing?

SpongeTron: Hi, Patron!

Squidward: Just listen to me. I'm not supposed to be here. I've got to get home to my own time period. I got to go!

SpongeTron: Well, why didn't you just ask? Time machine is down the hall, to the left. (Squidward runs in the door but we hear a can-opener being used. Squidward steps out and is torn into pieces) Whoops! Oh yeah, that one's the can opener. But try the one on the right. (Squidward tries the door on the right and enters in a room that has a slot looking machine that says "past" and "future")

Squidward: Well, I wouldn't have chosen this interior. Oh, what's this? Well, if SpongeBob exists in the future, I'd better go to the past. (Squidward turns the key and puts the lever on "past". Siren goes off as time machine disappears from where it used to be in the Krusty Krab. After a brief moment, the time machine appears in a primitive look alike Bikini Bottom. Squidward looks out and sees a creature swim by) Wow, primitive. Has sort of an old-world charm. (a creature swims by really close to Squidward's face) Whoa! I guess this is before manners were invented! Well, at least there's no sign of SpongebBrat. Maybe now I can finally be alone with my clarinet. (hears a noise, turns around but some shadow quickle hides. Hears another noise and checks again but a different shadow hides) Huh? (one of the shadow figures swings from tree to tree) What? (a shadow figure hides behind a tree) Huh? (the other shadow figure hides behind a ledge. Squidward keeps walking and then notices a Prehistoric Sponge on the ground) SpongeBob? (Primate Sponge screams) Ahhh!!! Stay back!!! (Primate Sponge touches Squidwards arm and then sniffs his finger from what he touched. Tries to give some to Squidward) Uhh, no thanks. (Squidward feels some breathing on him and he turns and notices a Prehistoric Starfish breathing on him. Prehistoric Starfish smiles and has nasty, rotten teeth) Uhh, hi there. Well, I better be going now. (Prehistoric Sponge grabs Squidward's tentacle) Yes, that's my arm. (Prehistoric Sponge puts Squidward’s arm on his head and prehistoric Starfish licks Squidwards hand) Oh, that's sweet. (Prehistoric Starfish gets scared) What, is it time for your flea bath now? (a jellyfish swims by and Prehistoric Starfish ducks for protection) Oh, it's just a little jellyfish. (Primate Sponge & Prehistoric Starfish run around screaming) Well, I'm going away now. (Squidward walks away) Ah, here's a nice, shady spot, away from those fools. (Squidward plays his clarinet and each time he tries to play, Primate Sponge or Prehistoric Starfish hollers who are each giving a turn at holding the jellyfish) What are you simpletons doing?! You're supposed to catch these things, not torture yourself with them! (Primate Sponge and Prehistoric Starfish are confused) Give me those loincloths! (Primate Sponge and Prehistoric Starfish tear off a piece of their loincloth) I can't believe it. This ought to make things go a little smoother. (gives Primate Sponge and Prehistoric Starfish their nets. They put the nets on their lips. Squidward grabs the nets back) Give me those things. You're supposed to catch them, like this. (Squidward catches the jellyfish in one of the loincloth nets) It's called jellyfishing. (Primate SpongeBob and Prehistoric Starfish grab the nets and chase the jellyfish) Ah, finally! (sits on the ground and plays his clarinet. Primate Sponge and Prehistoric Starfish hear it and go insane and chase Squidward. Squidward runs into the time machine as Primate Sponge and Prehistoric Starfish try to get in by climbing on top of it) Ahh! Get me out of here! (moves the lever up and down really fast and breaks it) Uh-oh. (slow machine spins and stops on 2 lemons and a "bar")

Time Machine: Loser. (Primate Sponge & Prehistoric Starfish are banging on the time machine trying to get to Squidward until it disappears into thin-air. The time machine goes through all sorts of dimensions until it vanishes and Squidward appears in a blank, white space. Squidward sees some sort of colored tiles and lifts one up and it floats and vanishes)

Squidward: He's not here. No more SpongeBob. No more! I may finally have found a place where I can be all... (Squidward becomes tiny) ...alone! (a bunch of "alone" sayings appear with a different voice as each comes up) Vocies:Alone! alnoe. alone! alone. Alone! alone! Alone! Sqiudward: I got to get out of here! (Squidward tries to run but he runs off and on the scene) Where's the time machine?! Where's anything!?!? Where, where, where, where?! (jumps up and down angrily and busts a hole through the ground into the time machine) I want to go home! I want to go home! I want to go home! I want to go home! I miss Bikini Bottom. I miss my Easter Island head. I even miss SpongeBob!! (when Squidward says "SpongeBob", the time machine disappears and reappears in present time Bikini Bottom where SpongeBob & Patrick are still waiting for Squidward) SpongeBob! Patrick!

SpongeBob & Patrick: Hi Squidward.

Squidward: Oh, I'm back! I can't believe this. I...I..I was in space and then I went to the future and then I went to the past, and then I was nowhere, but now I'm back and you don't know how happy I am to see you guys.

SpongeBob: Does this mean you want to go...

SpongeBob & Patrick: Jellyfishing?

Squidward: No!! Ohh...who's the barnacle head who invented that game anyway?

SpongeBob & Patrick: You are, Squidward! (SpongeBob & Patrick laugh)

Squidward: (Screen cuts to black) I'm going back.

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