Episode Transcript: Squeaky Boots
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Episode Article: Squeaky Boots
Mr. Krabs: (dancing and singing at Pearl's birthday party) Yar har, Pearl’s my daughter, and I’ll spit in your eye! Yo ho, Pearl’s a whale and it’s her birthday, yar yar yar! Ta-da!
Pearl: Thanks for the show, Dad. Now can we open the presents?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, all right. Presents for me darling little sardine. It’s from me. (places the present in front of Pearl)
Pearl: Oh you shouldn’t have. What is it, Daddy? It wouldn’t be those totally hip new flipper slippers all my friends are wearing, would it? Everyone wants them.
Mr. Krabs: Uhh...well, they might be.
Pearl: Whee! (begins to unwrap present) Oh, you shouldn’t have, yay, you shouldn’t have. (sees present) I mean, Dad, (holds up big boots) you really shouldn’t have! (Pearl’s friends laugh)
Mr. Krabs: Pearl, these are the finest fishin' boots available!
Pearl: Dad, you ruined me! (cries)
Mr. Krabs: But I got them for a bargain! (house shakes from Pearl's screaming and crying) Oh, what am I gonna do? I spent two whole dollars on these boots and now I’m stuck with them!
SpongeBob: (peeks into Mr. Krabs office) Oh, uhh, Mr. Krabs, can I get my paycheck?
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBoy Me Bob! Come in. Come in, right this way, laddy! Have a seat anywhere, but not on these beautiful priceless boots. (SpongeBob sits down but the boots are in his way so he can't see Mr. Krabs) So you want to get paid?
SpongeBob: Uhh, sir, I can’t see you. The boots (leans over to one side and Mr. Krabs leans towards the other) are in (leans over to one side and Mr Krabs leans towards the other) the way. (Mr. Krabs pushes the boots aside)
Mr. Krabs: In the way? These boots never leave my sight! These are the most expensive and prized possessions I own.
SpongeBob: Wow, really? Why is that, they just look like any old ordinary boots.
Mr. Krabs: Ordinary boots? These are the only official fry cook boots! Only the finest fry cooks in the world are permitted to wear them! Part of a tradition. And these boots were given to me by the most famous fry cook in the sea.
SpongeBob: Who’s that?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, uhh, oh, well, his name’s not important, but he was famous all right, don’t you worry.
SpongeBob: I’m ready! I’m ready! I want those boots!
Mr. Krabs: Sorry son, these boots are far too valuable. (puts boots away)
SpongeBob: I know! What if I give you my Krusty Krab paycheck?
Mr. Krabs: Paycheck! You got a deal-
SpongeBob: And what if I paint the Krusty Krab for free?
Mr. Krabs: You’re got a deal.
SpongeBob: And I’ll throw in a year’s supply of French fry orders!
Mr. Krabs: You got a...
SpongeBob: And... (Mr. Krabs stops SpongeBob from saying anything else) Hold on there, lad! You’re gonna give me a heart attack. (shakes SpongeBob’s hand) You got yourself a deal. (Squidward is drying off a glass when he looks through the glass and sees SpongeBob wearing boots)
SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward. Do you like my new boots? Pretty cool, huh? Now, I’m an official fry cook! (Squidward moans as SpongeBob jumps around the Krusty Krab with the boots and makes squeaky noises)
Squidward: That squeaking is gonna drive us all crazy!
Mr. Krabs: Nonsense, Squidward. That squeaking is money to my ears. I mean, music. (at Mr. Krabs house, he is sleeping and dreaming of money jumping into the register when all of a sudden, the pair of squeaky boots jumps in the register. He wakes up) Wha? Who's there? (rests head on pillow) Back to countin' me money. (goes back to sleep and counts coins bouncing into the register until the boots appear again then he wakes up) What the barnacle is that? (window is squeaking open and shut. Mr. Krabs closes the window then goes back into bed but notices the window still open. Goes back to close it but steps into a hole and falls out the window. Comes back into his bedroom and shuts the window over and over until the window finally stays closed. Walks back to his bed but steps into another hole and slips into his bed and twists around in his hammock and is tied up while the window makes squeaky noises all night. It's morning and Mr. Krabs has his two legs bandaged up as he walks to the Krusty Krab) Arrgh, that was the worst night I ever weathered. At least I’ll have some peace and quiet at work. (as he walks up to the door, Squidward slams the doors open into Mr. Krabs face)
Squidward: That’s it, Mr. Krabs; I’m taking my vacation now.
Mr. Krabs: What’s wrong, Mr. Squidward?
Squidward: I can’t take the world’s greatest fry cook anymore! I’ll see you in a week.
Mr. Krabs: That fry cook’s making me a fortune. What could be the problem?
SpongeBob: Hey Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob-Bob-Bob-Bob-Bob-Bob-Bob. (every time SpongeBob’s boots squeaked Mr. Krabs stuttered) I see you’re still wearing them boots.
SpongeBob: Are you kidding? I love them! Could the world’s greatest fry cook do this? (runs in place fast with plates of patties in each hand)
Mr. Krabs: Well, I don’t...uhh...I don’t...uhh...
SpongeBob: Or could he do this? (leans over to one table and sets the plate on the table) Or this? (leans to another table and puts plate of patties on it) And watch this, Mr. Krabs! (behind the register on top of the boat talking with the squeaky boots)
Squeaky Boots: May I take you order?
Customer: Yeah, I’ll have the Krusty Special.
Squeaky Boots: Thank you, sir. I will squeak when it’s ready.
SpongeBob: Could the greatest fry cook do that, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I, uhh...
SpongeBob: And watch this Mr. Krabs. (running around the Krusty Krab)
Mr. Krabs: (screams) I gotta go to my office! (puts seat cushions on his ears) I can still hear it! (puts the chairs on his ears) It’s still coming through! The infernal squeak! (banging head on his desk) Those boots have got to go! And I need an aspirin...
SpongeBob: Gary, these boots have changed my life. I’m never taking them off.
Gary: (puts earplugs in) Meow.
SpongeBob: Good night, Gary. (as he is sleeping with his boots on, Mr Krabs peeks over his diving board and climbs down. Then takes his boots off and runs to the Krusty Krab. Now morning)
Mr. Krabs: Ah, quiet money. Silence and money. (SpongeBob bursts through the doors)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: What is it, my boy?
SpongeBob: Oh, Mr. Krabs, I’m sorry! Sorry. Sorry. I’m sorry.
Mr. Krabs: It’s ok, son.
SpongeBob: No, it’s not ok! I lost the boots! Your valuable boots, it’s my fault, I let you down! Oh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Ohh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Mr. Krabs: Hold it, boy! It’s not the end of the world.
SpongeBob: Yes it is.
Mr. Krabs: Look, don’t cry. I got some, uhh, some magic oven mitts! (SpongeBob puts them on then takes them off)
SpongeBob: They’re not the same! You were right, I wasn’t ready for those blessed boots. (hits the wall then goes into the kitchen)
Mr. Krabs: Poor lad. (looks through the window where SpongeBob put his head onto the hot grill)
Tom: Excuse me?
Mr. Krabs: I didn’t do it! Ohh, heh-heh, can I help ya?
Tom: Yeah, I’m ready to order. (Krabs takes out a notepad)
Mr. Krabs: What’ll ya have?
Tom: I’ll take a (squeak squeak)
Mr. Krabs: What did you say?
Tom: I said, I’ll take a (squeak)
Mr. Krabs: Huh?
SpongeBob: I heard his order, Mr Krabs. He says he wants (squeak squeak)
Mr. Krabs: What?
Tom: And a (squeak squeak squeak squeak)
Mr. Krabs: Huh? (everything is squeaking as Mr Krabs goes crazy. Looks at the menu and sees "squeak" as an item for everything) Huh? I didn't write that. (keeps thinking and hearing the squeaks) Stop it! Stop it! Oh, oh, don't you hear it? Yes, I did it! I did it! I took the boots! They’re here, under the floorboard! Oh, please, make it stop! It’s the squeaking of the hideous boots! I’m sorry, but I can’t take the infernal squeaking no more! (lifts up the Krusty Krab and grabs the boots. Walks into the kitchen and puts the boots into some liquid which shrinks them and he eats them. Comes out and burps) The deed is done.
SpongeBob: Umm, why did you eat my boots, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Because lad, you didn’t need ‘em. It’s not the boots, it’s the boot-ee. I mean, the person in the boots. You’re a great fry cook.
SpongeBob: You really think so, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I do, son. Here’s the paycheck I owe you. Plus a bonus! (takes the bonus back) Well, there’s your paycheck anyway. (walks away) I need a vacation.
SpongeBob: Bye, Mr. Krabs! (Mr. Krabs and Pearl taking a drive out to somewhere)
Mr. Krabs: Ah, a long week away from Bikini Bottom is exactly what I need. Just me and my darling daughter Pearl.
Pearl: (lifts feet to reveal her new shoes) Don’t forget my new flipper slippers, Daddy!
Mr. Krabs: Darling, I won’t. (as he laughs, he hiccups and the squeaky noise comes out) Oh-no. (continues to hiccup and squeak)