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Episode Transcript: Bummer Vacation
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Episode Article: Bummer Vacation (Squidward's version)
Characters
Dialogue
(at the Krusty Krab)
Mr. Krabs: spongebob! squidward Just put me out of my misery.
squidward: Why, Mr. Krabs? What could be wrong on this fine day?
Mr. Krabs: Fine?! (grabs squdward’s shirt and ties it up) Today's not the day for that word, boy. Not after I received this
letter from the Union. It says here cash regester squidward tenticles has accumulated too much vacation time. And if
you don't take some time off, I'll have to pay a fine. (cries)
Squidward: Time off?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, I guess there's no other way to say this...Squidward, take a vacation.
Squidward: bye bye!, Mr. Krabs. (runs out)
Mr. Krabs: Well, that went better than expected.
Squidward: (running down the street) yeHAAAA! im on vacation! for the whole month. (enters his house) Hey,
clary. That's right, clary, I am home early. I'm on vacation. Well, good night, clary. (walks into his bed and closes his
eyes for no more than two seconds before his alarm goes off. Scene cuts to him playing his claranet , eating cereal,
flossing, showering, then putting on some spray to make him shine. He grabs his hat then walks into the Krusty Krab) Good
morning, Krusty Krew! Hello, Spongebob.
Spongebob: Squidward, you were on vacation.
Mr. Krabs: (stops Squidward) He was and is. I told you to take a vacation.
Squidward: What's a vacation.
Mr. Krabs: Well, a vacation is when you don't come into work.
Squidward: (gasps) No work?! But what'll I do all day?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, I dunno. Just go have fun or whatever. I really don't care. Ya just can't be here.
Squidward: But who do the cash regester and got the change while I'm gone? spongebob can't do it all alone.
Spongebob: Nor will I.
Mr. Krabs: That's why I've hired an unpaid intern as your temporary replacement.
Patrick: (walks in) Good morning, boss. I'm ready for my first day to do the cash regester.
Mr. Krabs: Speaking of starfish, here's your replacement right here.
Squidward: Replacement?
Patrick: Hi, SpongeBob.
Mr. Krabs: That's enough banter on my dime.
Patrick: Ok, boss.
Mr. Krabs: Wait a second, Patrick. You'll need the right tools for the job. (takes Squidward’s hat and gives it
to Patrick)
Patrick: Wow. (notices his reflection in the cash regester) Huh! They put a tiny me in the money tilt. (scratches his
his back) Wow. plays with money too!
Mr. Krabs: Ah, take it from me, Squidward. Just go on home. Enjoy your vacation.
Squidward: I really should tell Patrick the proper money program technique. (Mr. Krabs shuts the doors in Squidward’s face.
Scene cuts to inside Squidward’s house)
clary: hey squidward.
Squidward I'm on vacation, clary. I'm not allowed to go to work. (stomach growls then shrinks. Squidward gasps) My stomach
has receded! Mr. Krabs said I couldn't work at the Krusty Krab. He didn't say I couldn't eat there. This is my ticket back
inside! (scene cuts to Krusty Krab)
spongebob : Go away, Squidward. You're ruining my vacation...from you.
Squidward: I'm not here to see you, Spongebob.
Mr. Krabs: Squidward, do we have to go through this again?
squidward : I'm here as a customer not as an employee. Just gonna grab a krabby patty with spongebob.
Mr. Krabs: Alright, but lunch only. If you so much as touch money, you'll be vacationing in Davey Jones' locker.
Squidward: You have my word, sir. No working. (enters kitchen) Hey spongebob , it's time for your lunch
spongebob:okay squidward ! i am coming
Patrick: well this is fun
squidward: You need to turn to my clary right!
Patrick: this is no way to treat a krabby patty.
Mr. Krabs: (storms into the kitchen) Squidward ! What did I tell you about working?
squidward: Wait, it's not what you think.
Mr krabs: (wheels SpongeBob on a dolly) Out you go.
Squidward: But my knowledge could help spongebob maintain the high standards of the Krusty Krab.
Mr.krabs : We've got it all under control here. I don't want to see hide or tail of ya 'til your vacation is over. You got
that?
Squidward: Yes, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Well (launches Squidward off) off ya go! And don't come back 'til it's over. (scene cuts to squidward
entering his house)
Squidward: Oh, what to do, what to do. I know just the thing to get the spirits up. The official Krusty Krab playset. (sits
down in front of a toy Krusty Krab with Krusty Krew figures. Opens it up)
Spongebob: (Squidward imitating him) SpongeBob, I need 20 krabby patties on the double, please.
Squidward: Sure thing, squidward, sir. 20 krabby patties coming up.
Mr. Krabs: (Squidward imitating him) Squidward, what are you doing here? You're gonna cost me some loot if you don't get
your square keister home. Out, out, out until your vacation is over. (takes Squidward’s krusty hat off. squidward walks
home, sad)
Squidward: (walking inside his house) Oh, what to do on this boring vacation. Hey, I know just the thing to get the ol'
spirits up. (plays with a smaller Krusty Krab playset)
Squidward: (squidward imitating him) I need 20 krabby patties, please.
Squidward: Sure thing, ol' buddy, ol' Squid. 20 krabby patties coming...
clary:AGH!
squidward: You're right, clary. It is unhealthy to think of the Krusty Krab while I'm on vacation. I need to get out of the
house. (scene cuts to Krusty Krab where Spongebob is washing windows until he sees Squidward)
Spongebob: Uh, Mr. Krabs, he's out there again.
Mr. Krabs: I'll deal with this, you're on Krusty Krab property. Back it up. (Squdward steps backwards) Further. (steps
backwards more) Further. (steps backwards more) Further. (steps backwards more) Further. (steps backwards until he is in
front of his house) That'll do.
Squidward: Mr. Krabs is right. In order to enjoy my vacation, I need to stay away from work. Physically and mentally. (looks
at his claranet) Hey, that reminds me of... (his claranet turns into a dollar bill Pretends to go but stops) Hold it right there, Mr.
Workaholicsquid. You're on vacation. You just need to sit down and relax. (floats onto the ground) That's more like it.
Just sit back and watch the clouds. (watches a cloud go by) That one's a chair! (another cloud goes by) That's a pirate
ship. (another cloud goes by) And that's the money tilt whoa! (scene cuts to Krusty Krab where a
delivery truck backs up. Squidward, in a disguise, walks up to the kitchen door) Got your steaming, hot bun delivery here.
(another delivery truck backs up. A delivery fish gets out with the same buns on a plate)
Delivery Fish: Huh? What's the big idea, here? (Squidward laughs nervously then gets booted out. Scene cuts to the phone
ringing inside the Krusty Krab. Patrick answers)
spongebob: Hello? Hello? Hello? (Squidward slips through phone cord and through spongebob's head but gets shot out of the
Krsuty Krab, through the doors. Scene cuts to the Krusty Krab restroom where spongebob is cleaning out his ear) Huh, I didn't
even know I had an ear. (notices water splashing out from the toilet behind him) Hey, I just cleaned that one.
Squidward: spongebob, shhh.
spongebob: It talks! Ahh! (runs out)
Squidward: Somebody help me, I'm stuck. (Mr. Krabs walks up) Mr. Krabs! Thank Neptune it's you. I'm in a bit of a fix here.
(Mr. Krabs grabs a cord above the toilet) Mr. Krabs? (Mr. Krabs flushes the toilet) No! (gets flushed down the toilet. Scene
cuts to Squidward jumping out of a customers shirt and into the grease fryer in the kitchen)
Mr. Krabs: Now what? (picks up the fryer) Tsk, tsk, tsk. (puts squidward in his boat out back) I've had enough for one day, . (drives off)
Squidward: Thanks for the ride home, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Not a problem at all.
Squidward: Just take the next right. (Mr. Krabs drives past his house) Mr. Krabs, we just passed the turn off.
Mr. Krabs: Uh-huh.
Squidward: My house is back that way, Mr. K.
Mr. Krabs: Far out, little man. Far out. (drives into a forest and stops)
Squidward: Where'd you say you were taking me?
Mr. Krabs: Look boy, (takes out a dollar) I brought your money. (Squidward glares at the dollar and acts like a dog)
C'mon, boy, get it. Get the dollar. Go get it! (throws the dollar into the forest. Squidward chases after it while Mr.
Krabs turns around and drives off) Enjoy your vacation!
squidward : It's not fair. Why would Mr. Krabs try so hard to get rid of me. I'm only on vacation. Unless, it's a...
(gasps) ...permanent vacation. That's it! Mr. Krabs wants to replace me. Oh, I should've known. Patrick's had his eye on my
job all along. He's been scheming. They think I'm outdated. They think I'm all washed up. Well, I'll show them. (scene cuts
to Patrick running down the street to his rock)
Patrick: Working at the Krusty Krab. Making money all day. working hard uhh, that's a hard song to remember. (opens his rock and jumps in) Huh?
Squidward: (sitting in the corner of Patrick's rock) Who do they think they are? I gave the best years of my life to this place and they think they can just fire like that? Like trash? I don't think so.
Patrick: squidward? Is that you?
Squidward: (turns around with an evil look on his face) I've been waiting for you, Patrick. (walks towards Patrick, growling)
Patrick: Squidward, you're scaring me. Ahh! (Squidward laughs maniacally and closes in around Patrick. Scene cuts to Krusty Krab)
Customer: One krabby patty, please.
mr krabs: One shell on a shingle. (many orders come out)
Mr. Krabs: Well, I'll be...Patrick! Your program is solved . Congratulations, boy, you've finally got the
hang of it. (Patrick turns around but it'squidward in a Patrick costume) Squidward? No wonder. Patrick could never pay
that in an hour. What happen to that feller, anyway?
Squidward: Oh, I told him to stay home and watch television. (Patrick is sitting at home watching a broken TV)
Mr. Krabs: Why'd you do it?
Squidward: (starts to cry) Oh, Mr Krabs, I love the money tilt so bad, I just couldn't stay away please get my job back.
Mr. Krabs: You don't have to. (takes out a calendar) Your accumulated vacation time is used up. (tears up calendar) The
union can't fine me, anymore.
Squidward: You must've saved a fortune.
Mr. Krabs: Bumping barnacles, yes. (laughs and holds up a dime) There she is.
Squidward: Wow! That's more than I make in a year.
Mr. Krabs: Don't be askin me for a raise. Just get back to work.
Squidward: (jumps out of the Patrick costume) Yippee! I happily acquiesce.
