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Episode Transcript: Good Neighbors
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Episode Article: Good Neighbors
[edit] Characters
[edit] Dialogue
(episode starts at SpongeBob, Squidward and Patrick's houses where everyone is sleeping until SpongeBob's foghorn alarm wakes them up)
Squidward: (annoyed) SpongeBob...
SpongeBob: (in Squidward's house already) Good morning, Squidward.
Squidward: SpongeBob, what are you doing in my house?!
SpongeBob: I came to make sure you don't oversleep and miss work.
Squidward: (happily) Oh gee, SpongeBob, that's very thoughtful of you.
SpongeBob: My pleasure, Squidward. That's what good neighbors are for.
Squidward: You did overlook one teensy little detail, however.
SpongeBob: What's that, Squidward?
Squidward: (angrily shouts)IT'S SUNDAY!! (kicks SpongeBob out of his house) A good neighbor doesn't bother me on Sunday! (slams the door shut)
SpongeBob: Sunday? No wonder Squidward's grumpy. (points to newspapers) He forget his Sunday papers. This will show Squidward I'm a good neighbor. I'll bring it to him. (breaks the string that holds the newspapers together, and struggles to carry them) Man, this is heavy! (the newspapers fall out of his hand again and he carries them in a ball and walks towards Patrick and, bumps into him) Oh, pardon me.
Patrick: Hey, watch where you're going. (screams) A newspaper monster!!
SpongeBob: (throws paper in the air, screaming) Monster!! (both run around and continue screaming and it irritates Squidward)
Squidward: (talking out of his window) Will you two nincompoops kindly quiet down?! (to himself in the house) I am not going to let them ruin the rest of my Sunday! (walks to a table with a box that reads "SUNDAY") My Sunday relaxation kit. (reaches into the box) Let's see... (pulls out a pillow) pillow. (puts the pillow on end of couch) Placed ever so for slight foot elevation. (pulls out a flower in a vase) Flower--to brighten the room. (puts out a can of flower fragrance) Flower fragrance. (sprays fragrance on flower. The flower dies) And the final touch. (dials on phone) Yes, I'd like to order the Sunday special. (gibberish on the phone is heard) Yes, the pedicure and foot massage house call, that is correct. (gibberish is heard again) See you at 4 my good man. (hangs up phone) This is gonna be a heavenly day. Oh, I almost forgot. (grabs a box that reads "BON-BON") Bon-bons. (takes one) Hello there, heaven's little wonder. Take me on a chocolate vacation. (eats it, then SpongeBob and Patrick raise up from behind the couch making noises. Squidward spits out his chocolate in anger. Cut to a closeup of SpongeBob's mouth, then a closeup of Patrick's)
SpongeBob and Patrick: (in unison) By the all seeing eye, (both bend over and back) ye are worthy. We are not.
Squidward: (annoyed) What are you two idiots doing?!
Patrick: Secret ritual.
SpongeBob: To inaugurate you as president.
Squidward: (happily) Me? President of Bikini Bottom? I knew the people would come to their senses.
Patrick: No, silly. Not the president of Bikini Bottom. (talks through his hand) Even better.
Squidward: Better?
SpongeBob: You're the president of "The Secret Royal Order of the Good Neighbor Lodge".
Squidward: (annoyed) The what? Is this some stupid club you two made up? (SpongeBob and Patrick gasp and laugh)
Patrick: Maybe. (both laugh)
SpongeBob: It's a secret. (both laugh)
Squidward: Fine! As my first presidential decree, uhh, why don't you, uhh, go out and paint all the leaves on the trees to make the neighborhood look nicer? (pushes SpongeBob and Patrick out the door) Now out, out, out, out, out, out. That'll keep 'em busy for a few Sundays. (when he closes the door, SpongeBob and Patrick appear from inside)
SpongeBob: What colors should we paint the laves, your presidentialocity?
Squidward: (annoyed) Aah, polka dots! Now don't bother me anymore.
SpongeBob and Patrick: Wow! Polka dots!
Patrick: Our new president is a genius!
SpongeBob: Yeah. (both him and Patrick laugh) See ya later, Squidward! (Both run out. Bubble-wipe to SpongeBob and Patrick outside with a red paint can, that drops on the ground) Whenever your ready, Patrick.
Patrick: (unscrews SpongeBob's hat which turns out to be a screw) Hold still, buddy. (pours the red paint inside SpongeBob's hole. When he is done, he throws the can away and ends up hitting an elderly citizen riding a bike. Screws the hat back in)
SpongeBob: OK, Pat, gimme a quick shake.
Patrick: Okie dokie. (shakes SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: OKAY! I'm ready! (Patrick grabs SpongeBob's arm and uses it like a slot machine. Drops of red paint come shooting out SpongeBob's holes and onto trees) Hey, that worked perfectly! C'mon, good neighbor Patrick, let's paint the town polka dot! (cut to Squidward's house)
Squidward: (clock on wall is ringing noon) Oh, no! It's already noon! I will be darned if I let those morons eat up anymore of my valuable Sunday!
SpongeBob and Patrick: (outside one of Squidward's windows singing, muffled) Good neighbors are we! La-la-la-la-la-la!
Squidward: (peeps his head out of his window) What's going on out there?!
SpongeBob: Hi, president Squidward! Almost done painting-- (Patrick pulls on SpongeBob's arm which makes the paint shoot out his holes and all over Squidward's face and in his eyes)
Squidward: (screams) MY EYES!! (runs around bumping into stuff. Runs outside and in front of a car)
Lady: Look out! (car slams on brakes and stops in front of Squidward)
Man: Oh, you poor man!
Lady: You must be very sick! Let us take you to the hospital. (the man takes Squidward in the car)
Squidward: No really, I'm fine. Please, no, I'm fine... (car drives off)
SpongeBob and Patrick: See ya later, neighbor!
Patrick: It is a lovely day for a ride in the country.
SpongeBob: Yeah, our president sure knows how to live. (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob on a stand that reads "GOOD NEiGHBOR CLUB) I'd like to call this meeting of the good neighbor lodge to order. Let's begin with role call: Patrick. (Patrick is snoring) OK...Squidward? (Squidward's chair is empty. Walks to his house) Squidward? Squidward, you home?
Patrick: Did you find him, SpongeBob? (also walks inside)
SpongeBob: Nope. I guess he's still on his Sunday drive.
Patrick: Or maybe he's on a secret mission!
SpongeBob: I hope he's not in danger!
Patrick: Danger?!
SpongeBob: As members of the good neighbor lodge, we are sworn to protect our presidente from danger. (a fish walks to Squidward's house)
Masseur: Excuse me? (both SpongeBob and Patrick gasp. Holds a purple case with pink stars on it) Somebody ordered a relaxing pedicure and foot massage? The Sunday special?
SpongeBob: Brother star, we better check this guy out. Make sure he's safe for Squidward. (cut to outside. Squidward is walking back to his house)
Squidward: At least I still have my Sunday pedicure to look forward to. (SpongeBob and Patrick are laughing inside Squidward's house. Opens his front door. SpongeBob and Patrick are getting the treatment done) What are you two doing in my house?!
SpongeBob: We're checking to make sure this guy really is a certified foot masseur and not some kind of assassin.
Patrick: Well, I say he checks out a-okay!
SpongeBob: Squidward, have you ever seen more lovely French tips? (shows foot with nasty long toenails)
Squidward: French tips, huh?! (shoves SpongeBob and Patrick out of his way) Alright, pal, make with a relaxing foot massage, pronto!
Masseur: Uh-oh. Uh, sorry. Your hour's up. (walks out. Squidward glares in fury)
Squidward: (angrily makes way toward the front door) Alright, you two! OUUUUUUT! And don't even think about dragging your empty skulls around here for the rest of the day! Or tomorrow, or next week!
SpongeBob: Squidward, does that include--
Squidward: (shouts) YES, IT DOES! (slams the door in fury)
SpongeBob: Gee, Patrick, do you think Squidward was trying to tell us something?
Squidward: (furiously smashes his head through the door, screaming with extreme rage) YEEEEEES I WAAAAAAAS! YOU CALL YOURSELVES GOOD NEIGHBORS?! YOU'RE THE WORST NEIGHBORS EVER! (takes a deep breath) YOU DON'T DESERVE TO WEAR THOSE FEZZES! (takes SpongeBob and Patrick's hats and stomps them into the ground)
SpongeBob: Gee, Pat, maybe president Squidward's right.
Patrick: Yeah, I guess we aren't good neighbors after all.
Squidward: (peeps his head once more, shouting in fury) NAAUUUOOOO, YOU AREN'T! YOU'RE HORRIBLE NEIGHBORS! (deep breath) AND STOP CALLING ME PRESIDENT! (goes back into his house)
SpongeBob: (to Patrick in sadness) C'mon, let's go.
Squidward: (in annoyance) There are only 3 hours of my Sunday left. They took it all away. I didn't even get to read the Sunday paper. (notices pile of paper on ground with a note on it)
SpongeBob: (through the paper) Here's Your Sunday Paper, Squidward. Enjoy. Love, SpongeBob. (Squidward steams in anger as a train whistles and kicks the paper into the air then growls like a dog. Then he takes the paper off his head)
Squidward: Good neighbors my right! (calms down and reads the paper) Hello? "Keep Out Intruders For Good! New Security System 5000. Free Installation" (laughs evilly and loudly. Bubble-wipe to later. He has the security system built in and turned on)
Security System: System Activated. (the system shows a text reading "ON")
Squidward: Well, that ought to do it! Let's see those imbeciles get in here now! (both SpongeBob and Patrick are already inside the house with their fezzes in sadness. This scares Squidward)
SpongeBob: (walking up to Squidward) President Squidward?
Squidward: (screams) What the...?!
SpongeBob: We hereby present you with this delicious cake. (holds up a blue cake)
Squidward: (reads writing on cake) "Sorry for bugging you so much"? What the...? Security system, help! Intruder alert! Intruder alert! (walks to the security system in anger) What's the matter with you?!
Security System: No threat detected.
Squidward: (bangs on the security system in annoyance) Oh, you infernal contraption! I'm gonna ship you off to the scrap heap you came from!
Security System: Threat detected. (a sound is heard and the system shoots a laser at Squidward. He screams and does weird moves while he's being shocked by the laser. This makes SpongeBob throw his and Patrick's cake into the air. It lands on the system and makes it go haywire. The camera shakes while this happens)
Squidward: What's going on?
Security System: Threat detected. Code red! Code red!
SpongeBob: (laughing as fireworks are shooting out all over Squidward's house) It's like a carnival ride!
Squidward: (running around) Run for your lives! (cut to the exterior of SpongeBob, Squidward, and Patrick's houses. Squidward's house suddenly grows legs and arms and stands up. Then, it grabs Squidward from inside) What the...?! What are you doing?! (his house kicks him into the air and walks off) Huh? I only have half an hour of me time left, and the idiots took my house. (satisfied) Which means those boobs aren't around to bug me. (gasps) Ooh, just what I've been waiting for. (laughs hysterically. Goes and comes back with a blue rock) I am gonna relax, if it kills me. (meanwhile, Squidward's house is on a rampage at Bikini Bottom)
Army: Fire! (tank fires a missile at the house but the house catches the missile and flicks it away. Then the house grabs the tank, squishes it, and throws it)
Patrick: Wow! Squidward's house is destroying the neighborhood!
SpongeBob: We gotta turn this thing off! (turns on a light switch) Nope, not it.
Patrick: (flushes the toilet) Nope.
SpongeBob: (turns on the fan) Nope.
Patrick: (pushes the toasted button down) That's not it, either. (cut to Squidward sleeping on a rock)
Squidward: (still resting) This Sunday relaxation really hits the spot. (house stands right above Squidward. Squidward is surprised)
SpongeBob: Hmmm, where to look? (notices an "off" button on the wall) Hmmm, this off button seems suspicious. (pushes the button. The house sits on top of Squidward and goes back to normal) We did it, Patrick! (Squidward busts through from beneath the floor) President Squidward?
Squidward: No-no, don't say anything more. This was all my fault. I was the one who wanted to relax on Sunday. Now, if you'll be so kind as to leave so I can get ready for work tomorrow.
SpongeBob: Mr. President--
Squidward: Shush.
SpongeBob: But we just wanted to--
Squidward: (angrily screams in SpongeBob's and Patrick's faces. They are tossed away by his scream)GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!! Huh?
Scooter: (very angry) There he is! (a whole crowd is standing outside Squidward's house)
Citizen: Are you the owner of this house?
Squidward: Yes...yes I am.
Citizen: Well then on behalf of the citizens of Bikini Bottom, I hereby present you with this summons to pay for the destruction of our town. You'll be doing community service every Sunday for the rest of your life. (hands Squidward a summons paper. Squidward is annoyed)
Squidward: Huh?
SpongeBob: (also holding a summons paper) Hey, Squidward, you got one of those, too? (he and Patrick walk up with a summons in their hand) This'll be great! The three of us cleaning up Bikini Bottom. Well, see ya next Sunday, president Squidward! (Squidward shakes with rage; episode ends)
