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Episode Transcript: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy VI: The Motion Picture
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Episode Article: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy VI: The Motion Picture
Characters
Dialogue
(A green car comes driving up then stops. Kelp-Thing gets out)
Kelp-Thing: Huh? Eh?
Narrator: It's Mermaidman! Savior of the deep! (in comes Barnacleboy) And his young fit servant, Barnacleboy.
Mermaid Man: Mermaidman and Barnacleboy...unite! (both put rings together then jump down onto Kelp Thing's car) Kelp-Thing, this is a posted, no-parking zone.
Kelp-Thing: But I must do what I do. (jumps up in the air until he notices his car is being towed) Huh? (The word "TOWED" comes on screen. Kelp-Thing jumps down and then walks away.)
Mermaid Man: Evil can't park here between the hours of 6:00am and 12:00pm! (the word "FIN" appears on-screen. The Mermaidman and Barnacleboy Fan Club is watching a video about the heroes. They cheer)
Club Leader: Mermaidman and Barnacleboy Fan Club members unite! (puts hands together in air)
All: Unite!
Club Leader: And now the second order of business, Drippy Brothers Studios is currently in production of the Mermaidman and Barnacleboy movie!
All: Ooh!
SpongeBob: Oh, boy, Patrick. I can hardly wait to see our favorite heroes on the big screen! (Patrick laughs)
Club Leader: Third order of business, the special surprise guest. (all gasp) The stars of the Mermaidman movie are here tonight! (everyone cheers) Directly from the set, here they are! (curtain opens and fake Mermaidman and Barnacleboy are there)
Fake Mermaidman: Hello, little heroes.
Patrick: Huh?
SpongeBob: You're not Mermaidman and Barnacleboy. You're fakes.
Fake Mermaidman: Well, of course, we are--we're actors.
SpongeBob: Actors? How can they make a Mermaid Man movie without the real Mermaidman and Barnacleboy?
Fake Mermaidman: Listen, kid, this is an action movie. You're has-been heroes are too old for action.
SpongeBob: Mermaidman is timeless!
Patrick: Yeah!
SpongeBob: I think I speak for everyone here when I say we won't stand for these two phony-baloney ruining the good name of our heroes. No right-minded Mermaidman and Barnacleboy society member would ever pay to see this...this celluloid hoax. I say we boycott this movie! Now who's with me? (SpongeBob & Patrick are thrown out of the building) Traitors! Wait till we tell Mermaidman about this. (cut to the retirement home)
Announcer: B-47.
Mermaidman: Bonko!
Barnacleboy: It's "bingo". (puts hand on Mermaidman)
Mermaidman: Get your hands off me, woman! (slaps Barnacleboy's hand away)
Announcer: A-29.
SpongeBob: (walks in angrily) Too old for an action movie...huh.
Barnacleboy: What is this time, kid?
SpongeBob: Are you aware Drippy Brothers Studio is making the Mermaidman and Barnacleboy movie?
Barnacleboy: They can't be making a movie about us!
SpongeBob: But they are! And they're using...actors. They have shunned our heroes. (heroes gasp)
Patrick: And they weren't nice to them either.
Mermaidman: (wailing) Now our dreams of being big screen heroes will never come true.
SpongeBob: Well, that makes it even worse.
Barnacleboy: (Puts hands on Mermaidman's back) You bet it does, kid.
Mermaidman: (still wailing) And the worst part is I can't remember why I started crying.
Patrick: Why don't we just make our own movie?
SpongeBob: Patrick, once again, you have exposed your brilliance. We'll make a real Mermaidman and Barnacleboy movie. Right here at Shady Shoals.
Mermaidman: (stops crying) You will?
SpongeBob: Yes! And in doing so, we will right the wrong done to you by the evil Drippy Brother Studios and...their (close-up of SpongeBob's mouth) actors.
Mermaidman: (jumps on top of the table) Vindication is ours! Vindi...how did I get up here? (cut to Krusty Krab)
SpongeBob: Okay, Patrick, what do we need to start a movie?
Patrick: Popcorn?
SpongeBob: No, Patrick, to start making a movie.
Patrick: Oh, oh, oh...
SpongeBob: Let's start with...the title.
Patrick: Yeah, yeah. Ooh! I got one! "Adventures in the Underground City".
SpongeBob: Great, Pat, what happens?
Patrick: Well, there's a city...
SpongeBob: City...
Patrick: And it's underground...
SpongeBob: Underground...
Patrick: And they have an adventure...
SpongeBob:Adventure...
Patrick: The end.
SpongeBob: End. That's great, Pat. (checks paper) Hmm, seems kinda short.
Patrick: I have an idea. Let's make it longer!
SpongeBob: Longer, yes.Ok, let's have Mermaidman get his face shrunk by Kelp-Thing's face minimizer.
Patrick: Yeah, and then he...umm...he drinks...cheese coffee.
SpongeBob: (laughs) Good one, Pat. (both laugh)
Mr. Krabs: (walks to table) What are ye lads doing?
SpongeBob: We're making a movie.
Mr. Krabs: Great! I got cinema's newest star, right here.
SpongeBob: (looks through his fingers which make a square shape staring at Pearl. She giggles)
Mr. Krabs: So, what do ye say, lad?
SpongeBob: Sure, Mr. Krabs, Pearl can be in our movie.
Mr. Krabs: I wasn't talking about Pearl. I was talking about the Krabby Patty.
Pearl: (cries)
SpongeBob: You can be in it, too, Pearl.
Pearl: (stops crying) I'm gonna be a movie star. (cut to outside Shady Shoals)
SpongeBob: Let's meet the highly skilled professionals who will help us fulfill your dream of being on the big screen. Sandy will handle the stunts and explosives. (Sandy holds up a bomb)
Sandy: Howdy.
SpongeBob: Pearl is the leading lady. Mr. Krabs will cater the affair.
Mr. Krabs: (holds up a Krabby Patty)
SpongeBob: Patrick will run the camera.
Patrick: Hey... (knocks over the camera and gets tangled up in roll)
SpongeBob: This is Squidward. He's in charge of the makeup department.
Squidward: (walks away) Uh, no thanks. Who wants to be the 'makeup department'?
SpongeBob: Not makeup department. You're the makeup artist.
Squidward: Artist? (looks back)
SpongeBob: Makeup artist.
Squidward: Well then let's make those old crabapples sizzle.(looks at the heroes) Hmmm... (close-ups of Mermaidman and Barnacleboy's old, wrinkly faces) Time for the art-eest to go to
work. (takes out the flamethrower and gets to work. Banging and screaming are heard. Squidward staples their faces together) Voila!
SpongeBob: Ok, places everybody. Squidward, are our heroes ready?
Squidward: As they'll ever be.
SpongeBob: (gasps) They're beautiful. (Mermaidman and Barnacleboy are tied up and look like sausage links) They look just like they did 30 years ago. (Mermaidman slurping) Ok...action! (explosion)
Sandy: I love my new job.
SpongeBob: Good job, Sandy.
Plankton: Psst... (has a mini ManRay head on) I, ManRay, have returned from the murky depths to seek my revenge and banish your souls to the nether regions. Their defense are strong but they are no match for my ManRay ray. (takes out a flashlight and turns it on)
SpongeBob: What are you doing?
Plankton: SpongeBob, this role was made for me.
SpongeBob: That villain isn't even in this movie. But let me see if we have something that fits your qualifications. Oh, here's something. (takes microphone stand) You can be the boom operator.
Plankton: I thought Sandy was the boom operator.
Sandy: Did somebody say boom? (explosion)
Plankton: All right, SpongeBob, but you're squandering my talents.
SpongeBob: Ok, Patrick, start the movie!
Assistant: Take 1.
Mermaidman: We have to get back to those swollen Krabby Patties.
SpongeBob: Cut! No, Mermaidman, it's "stolen Krabby Patties."
Assistant: Take 2.
Mermaidman: We have to get back to those stolen naggie daddies.
SpongeBob: Cut! No, Mermaidman, it's "stolen Krabby Patties."
Assistant: Take 5,003.
Mermaidman: We have to get back to those stolen Krabby Patties! And if we don't stop that diabolical scoundrel-(mumbles because Plankton accidentally shoves the microphone in his mouth)
Plankton: Give it back! (Mermaidman still mumbling)
Barnacleboy: I knew this was a bad idea.
SpongeBob: Cut! Plankton, next time could you keep the boom out of shot? Other than that, you're doing a super job.
Plankton: This is humiliating. I'm not good at this boom thing.
Sandy: Did somebody say boom? (explosion)
Pearl: Oh, daddy, you said I was going to be a star!
Mr. Krabs: You are, Pearl. Mermaidman wouldn't be anywhere without you. Go out there and break a leg.
Pearl: Yeah! (runs off)
SpongeBob: Okay, action!
Mermaidman: To the boat mobile. (both jump on the boat mobile, which is really Pearl on her back with wheels)
SpongeBob: Cue the sound effects. (Pearl uses her tongue for boat engine)
Mermaidman: Listen to that engine purr. (assistant is straining as he tries to pull Mermaidman, Barnacleboy, and Pearl up a steep cliff)
SpongeBob: Almost there! (assistant grabs the edge of the cliff but it breaks off causing them to slide down and into the air. Then come crashing down onto the set. Pearl gets off of SpongeBob)
Patrick: Good morning, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Everything's ruined! Well, at least we got the footage.
Patrick: Yeah, I got the footage.
SpongeBob: Patrick, what is that?
Patrick: Oh, it's a camera.
SpongeBob: No, Patrick, this. (takes off lens cap)
Patrick: Oh, that's a lens cap.
SpongeBob: Did you just put that on?!
Patrick: Yup, I didn't want to lose it so it there right before we started filming.
SpongeBob:(Goes insane, lifts up piece of ground, and eats worms on bottom side. Everyone gasps. SpongeBob then cries) The movie's ruined! We can't make a movie.
Mermaidman: Hey, little hero, this reminds me of the Episode 912. We were surrounded. The Kelp-Thing was to our right and there broccoli on the side. But if there was one thing I remember, it was how to forget.
SpongeBob: Patrick, this is good. Roll the film.
Mermaidman: The rain in Spain stays mainly on the...space! The final countdown. Stick to the...stick to the...Lou, my darling! Lou! (falls on ground) Now go out there and finish this movie, kid. (cut to Krusty Krab at night).
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, why are you weeping?
Mr. Krabs: I closed early for your movie. Where are the paying customers? You promised a full house.
SpongeBob: And here comes the filling! (fan club comes rushing into the Krusty Krab) The Mermaidman and Barnacleboy Fan Club. I knew you'd come to see the real Mermaidman and Barnacleboy movie.
Club Leader: Actually, the real movie was sold out. I'll take 200 tickets, please. (hands Mr. Krabs stack of money)
Mr. Krabs: Now, this is what I call a happy ending.
Barnacleboy: (movie starts) Well, our big moment, us up on the big screen. (Mermaidman is sleeping)
SpongeBob: (on-screen) Fort Lox: home to over five billion Krabby Patties. (SpongeBob and Patrick each grab a canister popcorn while watching the movie) of What evil mastermind would dare infiltrate this fortified fort and make off with its treesure? (a piece of kelp on strings comes down) It is I, Kelp-Thing! Do what I do!
Mermaidman: (on-screen) Stop! You can't do that-forbidden.
SpongeBob: (on-screen as Kelp-Thing) Watch me!
Mermaidman: Prepare to feel my wrath, you foul villain. (Sandy comes in as Mermaidman's stunt double and fights Kelp Thing. Then Mermaidman shows up on screen again) You may have won the Krabby Patties, but the battle rages on. (real crabs are fighting) Mermaid-Barnacleboy, unite! (both put rings together. Then 'FIN' comes on-screen)
SpongeBob & Patrick: (cheering) Yay!
Mermaidman: Well, kid, you showed the world that even though our steps may have been slowed, we still have a little action left in these heroic old bones. (bone breaks)
Barnacleboy: Well, at least some of them. (all 4 laugh)
