Episode Transcript: Krab Borg
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Episode Article: Krab Borg
TV: We now return to tonight's Creepy Time Theater presentation of "Night of the Robot." (TV shows a guy running from a bot. SpongeBob is watching the movie while eating popcorn)
SpongeBob: Hurry, Gary, the scary robot movie's on.
SpongeBob: What do you mean I shouldn't watch this? Scary movies don't always freak me out. (scene cuts to SpongeBob lying in his bed, whimpering and shivering) What if Mom is a robot? What if Uncle Sherm is a robot? What if Gary is a robot? Gary? (Gary is sleeping) Psst, Gary? Gere-Bear? (pokes Gary's eye, causing him to wake up)
SpongeBob: Gary, if you were a robot, you'd tell me, right?
SpongeBob: Oh, I've got nothing to worry about. And now to get a good night's sleep. (goes to sleep. Dreams about running and screaming from the giant robot from the movie earlier. Scene cuts to the next day at the Krusty Krab, with SpongeBob in the kitchen, panting) Robot! Oh my gosh! (robot turns out to be a sack of potatoes, a dust pan and broom, and a bucket) Huh? (chuckles nervously)
Mr. Krabs: How about a little music to count me money to? (turns on the radio that is next to him)
Radio DJ: And now for the #1 song in Bikini Bottom: "Electric Zoo." (techno beat is heard)
Mr. Krabs: Hey, that's pretty catchy. Bee-bee-boo-bop, bee-bee-boo-beep. Yeah, that's not bad. I love this young people's music. (scene cuts to kitchen)
SpongeBob: (A buzzer goes off) I surrender! Oh.
SpongeBob: Ahhhhhhhhhh! (His hat flies onto Squidward's nose)
SpongeBob: Squidward, why are you wearing my hat on your nose?
Squidward: (takes off the hat and puts it back on SpongeBob’s head) I'm not wearing your hat on my nose, I'm waiting for #17's order!
SpongeBob: #17 -- (holds up a tray with food) Krabby Patty and a medium beverage. Course. Sorry, Squidward, I'm not really feeling myself today. I guess I'm a little bit jumpy. I keep thinking robots are taking over the world, probably on account of this movie I watched last night where robots take over the world. I even asked Gary if he was a robot! Pretty funny, huh?
Squidward: (sarcastically) Hilarious. Just deliver the food.
SpongeBob: (delivers the food to the customer) There you go! Enjoy your... Say, you're not a robot, are you?
Customer: No, I'm not.
SpongeBob: Well, keep your eyes peeled. They're everywhere. Back to work! (walks by Mr. Krabs' office)
Mr. Krabs: I feel completely recharged!
SpongeBob: That sounds like Mr. Krabs. (peeks in the window)
Mr. Krabs: Come on, little buddy, play it again. (shakes his radio) Please? One more time, for me.
SpongeBob: That was strange. Mr. Krabs was talking to his radio, and he said he feels "recharged". (laughs) If I didn't know better, I'd say he was... (scene zooms in on SpongeBob) ...a robot. Nah.
Mr. Krabs: (calls the radio station) Yes, hello. I was wondering if you could play that song again.
Radio DJ: Hmmm, which one, man?
Mr. Krabs: The one that goes "bee-boo-boo-bop, boo-boo-beep."
Radio DJ: No, man. You're thinking of "bee-boo-boo-bop, boo-boo-bop."
Mr. Krabs: Bee-boo-boo, boo-boo-bop? Bee-boo-boo-bop? Boo-boo-bee-bop? Not "bee-boo-boo-beep"? Bop? Beep? Boo-boo-bop! (SpongeBob screams)
SpongeBob: Oh my gosh. Why was Mr. Krabs making all those beeping sounds? Could it be that he's... (scene zooms in on him) ...a robot? Nah. (peeks into the window again and sees Mr. Krabs dancing on his desk. He jumps onto Squidward's arms) Oh, Squidward, it's terrible! Mr. Krabs...talking to radio...beeping sounds...strange dancing... robot!
Squidward: (picks up SpongeBob off his arms) That's great, SpongeBob. Why don't you work on this problem back in the kitchen? (throws him in the kitchen but SpongeBob reappears beside him. Squidward is confused and looks around for how he did it)
SpongeBob: I'm serious, Squidward! Mr. Krabs is a robot. And I can prove it, too.
Squidward: How did you...?
SpongeBob: Let's see, in the movie the robot's didn't have a sense of humor! They couldn't laugh. Hey, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: (runs up to the counter) What is it, boy?
SpongeBob: Squidward just told me a hilarious joke and I thought you might like to hear it.
Mr. Krabs: Is it true, Squidward? Is it hilarious?
Squidward: Umm...yeah, sure.
Mr. Krabs: Well, let's hear it, lad.
SpongeBob: Okay, here it goes! Uhh, how'd it go Squidward?
Squidward: (chuckles nervously) Uhh, it went, umm, uhh, let's see, uhh...why couldn't the 11 year old get into the pirate movie?
Mr. Krabs: Why?
Squidward: It was rated "Arr!" (laughs but no one else is) Arr! Because it's...about...pirates.
Mr. Krabs: I'm not paying you to do stand up, Mr. Squidward! Now get back to work!
SpongeBob: (gasps) Not even a chuckle! See, Squidward? He didn't laugh because he couldn't laugh because he's... (scene zooms in on him) ...a robot!
Squidward: There's a logical explanation why he didn't laugh, SpongeBob. He's obviously heard it before. The only reason you think Krabs is a robot is because you watched that stupid movie. Now why don't you...
SpongeBob: Hey, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: (runs up to the counter again) What? What is it, boy?
SpongeBob: Squidward's father never hugged him. Isn't that sad? (cries)
Mr. Krabs: Yes, I suppose that is rather sad, but Squidward can hug himself during his break! Now get back to work!
SpongeBob: Just like the robot in the movie. He couldn't cry either.
Squidward: SpongeBob, this is getting ridiculous. I'll have you know my father loved me very much!
SpongeBob: That's the final test, Squidward; the love test. Robots can't love.
Squidward: No, wait, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Hey, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: (runs up to the counter again) What is it, SpongeBob?!
SpongeBob: I just wanted to tell you that Squidward loves you! (long pause, Mr. Krabs makes a blank expression on his face)
Mr. Krabs: Get back to work, Mr. Squidward.
SpongeBob: (gulps) Squidward? (Mr. Krabs is at his desk writing something when the radio stops working)
Mr. Krabs: Aw, me radio died! (takes out the batteries and looks at them) Hmmm, these batteries still have a little juice in 'em. I know! I'll give 'em to Pearl for Christmas. (puts the batteries in his back pocket. A bell rings sending Mr. Krabs to a pot of boiling water) Me hard-boiled egg is ready! (picks up a pair of tongs) I can already taste it. Come to Papa. (takes the egg out of the water with his tongs) Gotcha! And what good is a hard-boiled egg without a little salt? (sprinkles a little salt on it)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: (accidentally breaks the egg and spills salt in his eyes) Ah! Oh, my eyes!! (starts screaming)
SpongeBob: Mr... (Squidward puts his hand over SpongeBob’s mouth)
Squidward: Will you be quiet? Now listen, what did these robots in the movie look like?
SpongeBob: Well, they had piercing red eyes, metal pinchers for hands, and they ran on batteries.
Squidward: Okay, so tell me, does Mr. Krabs look anything like that?!
Mr. Krabs: (barges out screaming. his eyes are piercing red, his pair of the tongs snip, then it shows the batteries in his pocket)
Squidward and SpongeBob: (both screaming)
Mr. Krabs: (continues screaming while running to the restroom)
Squidward: I'll evacuate the customers, you call the Navy!
SpongeBob: (runs over to the phone) Hello, Operator? Get me the Navy!
Operator: Hello, you've reached the Navy's automated phone service.
SpongeBob: Squidward, the robots are running the Navy!
Squidward: Not the Navy! (over loudspeaker) Attention, everyone, run for your lives! Robots have taken over the world!
(everyone is silent) Our world! (all the customers run out screaming) What do we do now?
SpongeBob: I don't know. Hey, a nickel!
Mr. Krabs: (walks out of the restroom, calmly) Ah, that's better. (walks back to his office) Bee-boo-boo-boo-bee-bop, boo- boo-bop.
Squidward: We need to find out what that robot did with the real Mr. Krabs, but how?
SpongeBob: Well, in the movie the hero teams up with a buddy, and they get the poop on the robot.
Squidward: They poop on the robot?
SpongeBob: Yeah, you know, they get the straight poop, ask questions, get information.
Squidward: I never thought I'd say this, but SpongeBob, let's get that poop! (grabs the book 'How To Torture' and reads
it with SpongeBob. SpongeBob grabs some rope while Squidward grabs a hammer and saw. SpongeBob also grabs some old comedy
records. Scene cuts to Mr. Krabs' office, where SpongeBob & Squidward enter)
Mr. Krabs: Oh, hello boys. (SpongeBob and Squidward have angry looks on their faces) What can I do for you? (SpongeBob & Squidward angrily lock the door) Heh heh, why did you lock the door?
Why do you have that rope? Who's watching the cash register?! (shot of outside the Krusty Krab where loud crashing and
everyone screaming can be heard) SpongeBob! Squidward! What's the meaning of this?! Untie me this instant!
Squidward: Shut up! (angrily slaps Mr. Krabs)
Mr. Krabs: Sweet Davy Jones, what the heck is going on?!
Squidward: I said shut up, you bucket of bolts! (angrily slaps him again)
SpongeBob: I can't take it! (runs off, crying)
Squidward: SpongeBob, are you okay?
SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward, seeing you slap Mr. Krabs like that is just too horrible to watch!
Squidward: No, that's not Mr. Krabs. That's Robot Krabs. (Mr. Krabs is trying to get out of his chair)
SpongeBob: Oh, yeah.
Squidward: And the only way to deal with these robot types is to find out what they know.
SpongeBob: Right. (angrily slaps Mr. Krabs)
Squidward: SpongeBob, you gotta ask him a question first.
SpongeBob: Oh yeah. What color is my underwear? (angrily slaps him again)
Squidward: SpongeBob, let me handle this. (turns a light on Mr. Krabs) Where's Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: What are you talking about? I'm Mr. Krabs. (Squidward angrily slaps him again)
Squidward: We can do this all night if you want. Where's Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I'm Mr. Krabs.
SpongeBob: Where's Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I'm Mr. Krabs.
Squidward: Where's Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I am Mr. Krabs! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am!
SpongeBob: This is one stubborn robot.
Mr. Krabs: (Angrily yells) WHAT?! (his yelling knocks over the light and SpongeBob) You think i'm a ROBOT?!
Squidward: We don't think; we know.
Mr. Krabs: That's the silliest thing I ever heard! I am Mr. Krabs!
Squidward: (walks over to SpongeBob) He's not cracking. We'll never get it out of him this way.
SpongeBob: I got an idea. (pokes Squidward's nose) Keep an eye on him, Squidward. Don't fall for any of his robo-tricks.
(runs out and returns later) If Robot Krabs won't tell us where Mr. Krabs is, maybe one of his little robot friends will.
(holds up a blender)
Squidward: SpongeBob, uhh, that's a blender.
SpongeBob: Yeah, but I saw Mr. Krabs talking with his radio before. He called it his "little buddy."
Squidward: Oh, really? Put it on the table, SpongeBob.
Mr. Krabs: You're gonna interrogate my blender? You're crazy.
Squidward: We're just gonna see what your "little buddy" knows. (SpongeBob sets the blender on Mr. Krabs' desk. Squidward
holds up a bat)
Mr. Krabs: No, wait! What are you gonna do with me blender?! That cost me money!
Squidward: Where's Mr. Krabs? (shot of the blender) Not talking, eh? (breaks the blender with the bat)
Mr. Krabs: No! That cost me $24.95!
SpongeBob: I guess it didn't know anything.
Squidward: Go get the toaster. (SpongeBob gets the toaster then puts it on Mr. Krabs' desk)
Mr. Krabs: No, not me toaster! That cost me $32.50! (Squidward breaks the toaster. Then SpongeBob sets a food processor on
the desk) $62.67! (Squidward breaks it. SpongeBob picks up a coffee maker) Four...well, actually
that one was a gift. (Squidward breaks it) Noooooo!! (SpongeBob puts the cash register on the desk)
SpongeBob: This is the last robot, Squidward.
Mr. Krabs: No, not my cash register! I raised it myself. I got it when it was just a little calculator. No-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-hoo! (cries)
Squidward: I thought you said robots can't cry.
SpongeBob: I also said they couldn't love.
Mr. Krabs: (crying) I loved it like it was me own.
SpongeBob: Uh, at least he's not laughing.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, I remember the laughs we used to share! (sobs)
Squidward: SpongeBob, uhh, how did that movie of yours end?
SpongeBob: The movie? Oh, yeah! The ending was great! Turns out there weren't any robots after all. It was just
their...imagination. (chuckles nervously then checks his watch) Hey, it's time to feed Gary. (runs out while Squidward
smiles nervously at Mr. Krabs and sweeps)
Mr. Krabs: (growls) Squidward!! (The screen shakes)
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