Episode Transcript: I Had an Accident

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Born Again Krabs	Krabby Land

Episode Article: I Had an Accident

Characters

Dialogue

Patrick: (screaming, bashes body on mountain)

Patrick: (playing a video game with his character while sliding at Sand Mountain). Aw, I got dead again. This game stinks. (screams and bashes body on mountain)

Sandy: See, that's why you must always pay attention to the mountain.

SpongeBob: I'm listening to you, mountain! Don't eat the yellow sand, Patrick!

Patrick: Oh yeah, I forgot. (eats yellow sand on a plate)

SpongeBob: Hey, Sandy, watch me do the "Grouchy Squidward"!

Squidward: Stop naming moves after me.

SpongeBob: (imitating Squidward) Everybody's an idiot except for me.

Squidward: Well, it's true.

SpongeBob: (laughs like Squidward)

Sandy and Patrick: (laughing)

Sandy: (stops laughing and sees a tree. She gasps.) SpongeBob! Look out for that tree!

SpongeBob: (stops laughing) Huh? (skips tree) Don't worry guys. Everything's under control. Cause I'm an (goes off mountain) EXPERT!!!

SpongeBob: That's funny. Someone turned the mountain upside down. (camera reveals that SpongeBob is upside down and not the mountain. He starts to fall.) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Sandy: SpongeBob! Land on your bottom! It'll cushion the impact of the fall!

SpongeBob: (turns around to feet first then takes off his pants) Like this?

Patrick: No, your other bottom!

Sandy: Don't you have to be stupid somewhere else?

Patrick: Not until four.

SpongeBob: (crashes, and his butt falls apart. Patrick and Sandy are covered in splinters)

Sandy: Oh! That's gotta hurt.

Patrick: Do it again! I wasn't looking! (Sandy glares at him)

(scene cuts to the hospital)

Dr. Gill Gilliam: Well, it looks like your gluteus maximus has made a full recovery.

SpongeBob: My what has a what now?

Dr. Gill Gilliam: Your butt's all better. It's really quite amazing. It took us 20 hours to put it all back together. We actually ran out of staples and had to use a glue stick. Yep, you're a lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky luck boy. But, from now on, I'd like you to be more careful. One more injury like that, and you could wind up like that poor creature there. In the Iron Butt.

Tom: (in the Iron Butt) Aw, man. It itches.

SpongeBob: (outside hospital) You heard the doctor, SpongeBob. One more injury like that, and it's the iron butt. I've been too careless back there. From now on, I am on down the clock butt patrol! (To fish) Hep! Step away from the backside, I'm warning you!

Harold: What's your problem? (walks away)

SpongeBob: Aah. That was close!

(whistle blows in the background)

Football player: Hey, SpongeBob, wanna join us? We need an extra player. (another football player catches a football) Nice catch, Percy! (slaps Percy's butt)

SpongeBob: (gasps)

Fish: Hey, SpongeBob! (SpongeBob screams) You gotta try this, dude! Ha! We finally got enough people for a seven mile spanking machine! Ha! (goes under, people start spanking his butt) Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

Fish #2: Next.

(SpongeBob screams, running to his house)

(Squidward walks up)

Squidward: Is this where the line starts?

SpongeBob: My butt is not safe out here! (goes inside his house and looks out the window) No part of me is safe! (closes curtain)

(cut to outside the front of SpongeBob's house, where Sandy and Patrick are still sand boarding)

Patrick: Whoo-hoo!

Sandy Yeah! Ride em' cowboy! (Patrick starts laughing)

(they go inside SpongeBob's house and get off the board)

Sandy: (laughs) Hey, SpongeBob!

Patrick: (is still laughing, and Sandy looks angrily at him. Stops laughing and clears throat.) That was fun.

Sandy: Hey, SpongeBob, you ready to go sand boardin' again? SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: Hello, friends. Enjoying the outside world?

Sandy: What'cha all doing sittin' in the middle of the floor like that?

SpongeBob: Oh, living out the remainder of my life... in safety. If you guys were smart, you would join me. That accident made me realize that it's dangerous out there. I was one of the lucky ones. I'm a survivor. And so I've simply decided I am never leaving my house again.

Sandy: That's crazy talk!

Patrick: That's not crazy talk. This is crazy talk! (talks very weird, and Sandy punches his head into his torso.) Sorry.

SpongeBob: No, Patrick's right, Sandy. You saw what happened to me. And next time it won't just be my butt. It'll be my armpit or my forehead.

Patrick: Or your other armpit!

SpongeBob: I was wrong to go against nature. I'm a sponge! What was I thinking? Walking. My people are sedentary.

Sandy: Just sittin' in your house? Ain't you gonna get lonesome?

SpongeBob: I won't be lonesome. I've got all the friends I need right here. This is Penny... and Chip... and say hello to Used Napkin.

Sandy: Well, how are you gonna keep your job at the Krusty Krab?

SpongeBob: No problem! A really long spatula.

Sandy: What about eatin'?

SpongeBob: I'm a sponge! I'll just filter feed. (breathes in a different way)

Sandy: SpongeBob, sooner or later you're gonna have to go outside!

SpongeBob: Listen, I told you that I'm never leaving my house again.

Patrick: Never ever?

SpongeBob: Never ever ever!

Patrick: Never never ever ever for never ever?!

SpongeBob: (sighs) Never ever never never ever ever never!!

Patrick: Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever?!

SpongeBob and Patrick: Never ever never never ever never ever never.....

SpongeBob: D'alright Patrick, that is enough!!! Chip, will you escort these two to the door? (throws Chip to the door)

Patrick: Thank you, Chip. (outside) I guess I'll have to find a new best friend. Hey, Squidward!

Squidward: No!

Patrick: All right.

Sandy: Don't worry, Patrick. We'll get SpongeBob to come outside, and then he'll see there's nothing to be afraid of.

Patrick: And that's when I punch him, right? (Sandy gives a serious look)

Sandy: Look at all the jellyfish out here! Too bad SpongeBob's missing out on all the fun!

Patrick: I caught one! I caught one! (puts head in net) Uh-oh!

SpongeBob: (Patrick screaming in background) Look at those fools. Risking their lives, jellyfishing. My new hobby is much more safer, isn't it Chip. Dust collecting! (brings out a tiny net and waves it in the air) I think I caught one!

Sandy: We gotta try somethin' else.

(cut to Sandy and Patrick in SpongeBob's front yard with a birthday cake with candles lit on it)

Sandy and Patrick: Three cheers on your birthday, SpongeBob! Three cheers for you!

Sandy: Now you have to blow out the candles and make a wish.

SpongeBob: I don't need a wish, Penny. All I ever wanted is right here. In fact, let's sing our own song about the magic of being indoors.

Music: "Indoors"

I know of a place
Where you never get harmed
A magical place
With magical charms
Indoors
Indoors
Indoors...

SpongeBob: Take it away, Penny!

Patrick: That penny has the most beautiful voice.

Sandy: That is it, SquarePants! We're gonna find something that's so dang fun that you'll have to come outside!

(cut to outside SpongeBob's house)

Sandy: Trampoline!

Patrick: Ice cream!

Sandy: Underwater surfing!

Patrick: Two ice creams!

Sandy: Ferris wheel!

Patrick: (The two ice creams are melting) Still two ice creams!

Sandy: Clam wrestling!

Patrick: Washing an old person!

Sandy: Patrick, that ain't fun!

Old man: It is for me!

SpongeBob: (breathing differently as before)

Sandy: Nothing's working, Pat!

Patrick: What do we do now?

Old man: I say we take a bath!

Sandy: What the? Will you get outta here?

Sandy: Okay, Pat, remember the plan. When I give you the signal, you get out there and act like a gorilla.

Sandy: Okay, SpongeBob. You win. Stay inside forever. Yours is truly the iron will. Now, Pat!

Patrick: (comes out in a gorilla suit and acts like a gorilla)

Sandy: Eek! A gorilla! Save me SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Okay, guys. This is your saddest attempt yet. Even Chip knows that's Patrick in the same gorilla suit he wore for Halloween last year.

Sandy: No, really!

(another Patrick walks up)

Patrick #2: Hey, Sandy. Who's your friend?

SpongeBob: (gives a startled look)

Sandy: But you're supposed to be in the gorilla suit.

Patrick #1: (unzips the gorilla suit) I am in the gorilla suit. I thought I was doing a pretty good job.

Sandy: So if you're Patrick, then... who's that?

Patrick #2: (unzips Patrick suit, turns out to be a real gorilla)

Sandy: A real gorilla!

SpongeBob: Huh?

Sandy and Patrick: (screaming)

Gorilla: (bags Sandy and Patrick and repeatedly hurts them)

SpongeBob: Oh, my gosh!

Sandy and Patrick: (screaming)

SpongeBob: This can't be happening!

SpongeBob: This is exactly what I was trying to tell you! Well, they were asking for it. It's not like I didn't warn them. I'm never going outside again. Yes, Chip, I know they're my two dearest friends in the world, but I told them, I was never going outside again. You can do it without the name calling, thanks a lot, Used Napkin. I know, Chip. If I was out there, bagged by an ape, Sandy and Patrick would do anything to save me. And I've got to do the same for them. And, Chip, If I don't come back alive, take care of Gary!

Gary: (eats Chip) Meow.

SpongeBob: Well, here it goes. Taking my first step. So far so good. I think I can do this! (a paper flies onto his face) Aah! Oh, Neptune, forgive me! Save me, Chip! Save me! (removes the paper off his face) I'm still alive! I, SpongeBob SquarePants, have survived the outdoors. Nothing can stop me now! Nothing!

(Gorilla grabs SpongeBob)

SpongeBob: Is it too late to go back inside yet?

(Gorilla rips SpongeBob in half)

SpongeBob: Yep, it's too late. Sandy, Patrick?

Sandy and Patrick: (still bagged) Yeah, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: I'm not afraid to go outside anymore. But I'm terrified of gorillas now.

Sandy: Well, that's okay, SpongeBob. So are we.

First half of SpongeBob: But you know what I don't understand?

Second half of SpongeBob: What?

First half of SpongeBob: What's a gorilla doing underwater anyway?

Gorilla: Uh, well it's funny you should... I mean you could see that uh... George, they're onto us!

(Gorilla runs away to George, an appaloosa horse.)

George: Let's get out of here!

Sandy, Patrick and SpongeBob: (watch the gorilla ride the horse into the sunset)

(TV zooms out to reveal a family watching this, the father gives a disgusted look and smartly turns off the TV with a remote.)

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