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Episode Transcript: Mid-Life Crustacean
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==Characters== | ==Characters== | ||
| − | *[[SpongeBob SquarePants]] | + | *[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]] |
| − | *[[Patrick Star]] | + | *[[Patrick Star|Patrick]] |
| − | *[[Squidward Tentacles]] | + | *[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]] |
| − | *[[Mr. Krabs]] | + | *[[Eugene H. Krabs|Mr. Krabs]] |
| − | *[[Pearl]] | + | *[[Pearl Krabs|Pearl]] |
*[[Mama Krabs]] | *[[Mama Krabs]] | ||
==Dialogue== | ==Dialogue== | ||
| + | (Mr. Krabs wakes up in his hammock in his bedroom. The radio clicks on) | ||
| − | + | '''Radio DJ''': You've got it tuned to K-O-L-D, K-Old, your all-oldies station. Here's a little something you may remember from the good old days. (song plays) | |
| − | + | '''Music:''' "[[You're Old]]" | |
| − | + | ||
| − | Music: "[[You're Old]]" | + | |
You're old (you're old...) | You're old (you're old...) | ||
Groaning like a geezer | Groaning like a geezer | ||
| + | |||
(Mr. Krabs opens his eyes, which are crusty) | (Mr. Krabs opens his eyes, which are crusty) | ||
| + | |||
Hear yourself a-crackin' like an old has-been | Hear yourself a-crackin' like an old has-been | ||
| − | (gets out of bed with all his joints cracking when he moves) | + | |
| + | (Mr. Krabs gets out of bed with all his joints cracking when he moves) | ||
| + | |||
Look at yourself, old man, you've got multiple chins | Look at yourself, old man, you've got multiple chins | ||
| − | (looking in his bathroom mirror. He pulls down his shirt to show a bunch of chins) | + | |
| + | (Mr. Krabs is looking in his bathroom mirror. He pulls down his shirt to show a bunch of chins) | ||
| + | |||
'Cause you're old... | 'Cause you're old... | ||
| − | ( | + | (bubble-wipe to the kitchen. Mr. Krabs sits down at the table as Pearl comes in) |
| − | Pearl: Good morning, Daddy! (gives him a kiss) I made you breakfast. | + | '''Pearl''': Good morning, Daddy! (gives him a kiss) I made you breakfast. |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Thank you, sweet pea. I see you got creative with the bran today. (looks down at the plate to see his bran shaped as bacon, eggs, juice, and others) | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Thank you, sweet pea. I see you got creative with the bran today. (looks down at the plate to see his bran shaped as bacon, eggs, juice, and others) |
| − | Pearl: Open up, it's time for the pill! (Pearl takes out a giant pill) | + | '''Pearl''': Open up, it's time for the pill! (Pearl takes out a giant pill) |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Oh, barnacles! I hate the pill. (Pearl shoves the giant pill in his mouth and he swallows it) Pearl, do you think I'm...old? | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Oh, barnacles! I hate the pill. (Pearl shoves the giant pill in his mouth and he swallows it) Pearl, do you think I'm...old? |
| − | Pearl: Well, of course I do! But that's | + | '''Pearl''': Well, of course I do! But that's OK. Daddies are supposed to be old. |
| − | Mr. Krabs: But I'm still cool, right? Your old man is cool? | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': But I'm still cool, right? Your old man is cool? |
| − | Pearl: See, no one says cool anymore. That's such an old-person thing. Now we say 'coral', as in, 'That nose job is so coral.' | + | '''Pearl''': See, no one says cool anymore. That's such an old-person thing. Now we say 'coral', as in, 'That nose job is so coral.' |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Coral, eh? | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Coral, eh? |
| − | Pearl: Eww, when you say it, it sounds so uncoral. | + | '''Pearl''': Eww, when you say it, it sounds so uncoral. |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Well, what if I said it with a different inflection? Co-ral. | |
| − | Pearl: Don't you have to go to work or something, Dad? | + | '''Pearl''': Don't you have to go to work or something, Dad? |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Whoop, you're right! (eats his breakfast) Have a coral day, honey! | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Whoop, you're right! (eats his breakfast) Have a coral day, honey! |
| − | + | '''Pearl''': (picks up her phone and dials) [[Jenny]]? It's Pearl. "Coral" is definitely out. (bubble-wipe to Mr. Krabs walking outside) | |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Ha! Old? What was I thinkin'? I ain't old. Huh? (turns around to see a boy helping him walk across) | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Ha! Old? What was I thinkin'? I ain't old. Huh? (turns around to see a boy helping him walk across) |
| − | + | '''Boy Scout''': Don't worry, Pops, we're almost across the street. | |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Hey, get away from me. I don't need no snot-nosed little... (as he walks away, his arm comes off. Walks back to get it) Sorry you had to see that. (keeps walking to work where a fish is walking behind him) | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Hey, get away from me. I don't need no snot-nosed little... (as he walks away, his arm comes off. Walks back to get it) Sorry you had to see that. (keeps walking to work where a fish is walking behind him) |
| − | Fish: Come on, move it! Could you be any slower? And you've had your blinker on for the last five blocks. (Mr. Krabs turns around and notices he has two signals on his bottom. What are you, a car? He continues to walk until a ball rolls next to him) | + | '''Fish''': Come on, move it! Could you be any slower? And you've had your blinker on for the last five blocks. (Mr. Krabs turns around and notices he has two signals on his bottom. What are you, a car? He continues to walk until a ball rolls next to him) |
| − | Kid: Hey, mister, could you throw the ball back over here? | + | '''Kid''': Hey, mister, could you throw the ball back over here? |
| − | Mr. Krabs: (picks up the ball) Hey, how's about I join you kids? | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': (picks up the ball) Hey, how's about I join you kids? |
| − | Kid: Uhh, that's okay. You can keep it. Why do old people always have to ruin the fun? (Mr. Krabs drops the ball. He walks up to a line of elderly fish) | + | '''Kid''': Uhh, that's okay. You can keep it. Why do old people always have to ruin the fun? (Mr. Krabs drops the ball. He walks up to a line of elderly fish) |
| − | Elderly Fish #1: Hey, no cuttin'! You gotta wait your turn like everybody else | + | '''Elderly Fish #1''': Hey, no cuttin'! You gotta wait your turn like everybody else! (Mr. Krabs notices a long line in front of the Bikini Bottom Cemetery) |
| − | Mr. Krabs: No! No! I ain't old like you! I ain't old! I ain't old! (runs away) | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': No! No! I ain't old like you! I ain't old! I ain't old! (runs away) |
| − | Elderly Fish #2: What's his problem? (the line is for ice cream) | + | '''Elderly Fish #2''': What's his problem? (the line is for ice cream) |
| − | [[Lou]]: Next? ( | + | '''[[Lou]]''': Next? (bubble-wipe to the Krusty Krab where Mr. Krabs is sitting a table depressed) |
| − | [[Billy]]: Mommy, my | + | '''[[Billy]]''': Mommy, my Krabby Patty tastes funny. |
| − | Mother: Well, no wonder. It's all old and dried out. Like that man right there. (points to Mr. Krabs) Now put that thing where it belongs... in the garbage. (Billy walks up to the trashcan but Mr. Krabs grabs his patty before he can get there) | + | '''Mother''': Well, no wonder. It's all old and dried out. Like that man right there. (points to Mr. Krabs) Now put that thing where it belongs... in the garbage. (Billy walks up to the trashcan but Mr. Krabs grabs his patty before he can get there) |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Well, little patty, we're two of a kind. We've both lost our luster. (takes a bite out of the patty) Hmmm, so that's what I taste like. | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Well, little patty, we're two of a kind. We've both lost our luster. (takes a bite out of the patty) Hmmm, so that's what I taste like. |
| − | + | '''Patrick''': Good morning, Krusty Krew! (SpongeBob pokes his head out of the kitchen window) | |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob''': (shouts) Hey Patrick! You all ready for the big night out tonight? | |
| − | '''Patrick''': (shouts) Yeah, it's gonna rock! | + | '''Patrick''': (shouts) Yeah, it's gonna rock! |
| − | SpongeBob: Are you ready to go crazy? | + | '''SpongeBob''': Are you ready to go crazy? |
| − | '''Patrick''': I'm already hearing voices! | + | '''Patrick''': I'm already hearing voices! |
| − | SpongeBob: Are you ready to-- | + | '''SpongeBob''': Are you ready to-- |
| − | + | '''Squidward''': SPONGEBOB! PATRICK! DO YOU MIND?! | |
| − | SpongeBob: Let's continue this conversation in private, Patrick. I think some people are eavesdropping! | + | '''SpongeBob''': Let's continue this conversation in private, Patrick. I think some people are eavesdropping! |
| − | '''Patrick''': Well, how rude of some people! | + | '''Patrick''': Well, how rude of some people! |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Hmmm, those youngsters are going out for a big night on the town. (stretches his eyes into the kitchen where SpongeBob | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Hmmm, those youngsters are going out for a big night on the town. (stretches his eyes into the kitchen where SpongeBob and Patrick are talking) |
| − | SpongeBob: Whoo, I've been looking forward to this night all week! | + | '''SpongeBob''': Whoo, I've been looking forward to this night all week! |
| − | '''Patrick''': Party! | + | '''Patrick''': Party! |
| − | SpongeBob: What do you think we should do first? | + | '''SpongeBob''': What do you think we should do first? |
| − | '''Patrick''': What shouldn't we do first? We're young, (Mr. Krabs' eyes move a little closer) we've got wheels, (Mr. Krabs' eyes move closer) the world is our oyster! SpongeBob, you got something on your shoulder. (SpongeBob notices Mr. Krabs' eyes are on his shoulders) | + | '''Patrick''': What shouldn't we do first? We're young, (Mr. Krabs' eyes move a little closer) we've got wheels, (Mr. Krabs' eyes move closer) the world is our oyster! SpongeBob, you got something on your shoulder. (SpongeBob notices Mr. Krabs' eyes are on his shoulders) |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Hey, boys, hangin' out? | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Hey, boys, hangin' out? |
| − | '''Patrick''': (looks at his belly) Yes. | + | '''Patrick''': (looks at his belly) Yes. |
| − | Mr. Krabs: I couldn't help overhearing your big plans. And I was wondering if you had room for one more craaaaazy dude tonight, huh? | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': I couldn't help overhearing your big plans. And I was wondering if you had room for one more craaaaazy dude tonight, huh? |
| − | SpongeBob: Of course. Did you wanna come with us, Mr. Krabs? | + | '''SpongeBob''': Of course. Did you wanna come with us, Mr. Krabs? |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Oh, hadn't even crossed me mind. But, sure, I'll go! | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Oh, hadn't even crossed me mind. But, sure, I'll go! |
| − | '''Patrick''': I don't know, SpongeBob. He might cramp our style. | + | '''Patrick''': I don't know, SpongeBob. He might cramp our style. |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob and Patrick''': (appears in a picture with a goofy look on them) Style! | |
| − | '''Patrick''': Let's see if he knows the secret cool-guy handshake. (holds out his hand) | + | '''Patrick''': Let's see if he knows the secret cool-guy handshake. (holds out his hand) |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Uhh, yeah, course I know it! (begins to sweat) Uhh... uhh... | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Uhh, yeah, course I know it! (begins to sweat) Uhh... uhh... |
| − | '''Patrick''': I'm waiting... old man. | + | '''Patrick''': I'm waiting... old man. |
| − | Mr. Krabs: (shakes Patrick's hand) Uhh... how do you do? | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': (shakes Patrick's hand) Uhh... how do you do? |
| − | '''Patrick''': Fine, and you? All right, you're in. But I'm not happy about it. | + | '''Patrick''': Fine, and you? All right, you're in. But I'm not happy about it. |
| − | SpongeBob: You passed the test, Mr. Krabs! | + | '''SpongeBob''': You passed the test, Mr. Krabs! |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Great! Why don't you boys show up at my house at eight o'clock? | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Great! Why don't you boys show up at my house at eight o'clock? |
| − | SpongeBob: I just want to warn you, Mr. Krabs. We're always fashionably late. | + | '''SpongeBob''': I just want to warn you, Mr. Krabs. We're always fashionably late. (time card appears) |
| − | Narrator: 8:01 PM. ( | + | '''French Narrator''': ''8:01 PM.'' (cut to Mr. Krabs' house. The doorbell rings) |
| − | SpongeBob: Hey there, Mr. Krabs! Are you ready to party? | + | '''SpongeBob''': Hey there, Mr. Krabs! Are you ready to party? |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Oh, I'm ready to party! Are you ready to party? | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Oh, I'm ready to party! Are you ready to party? |
| − | '''Patrick''': I'm ready to party! Are you ready to party, SpongeBob? | + | '''Patrick''': I'm ready to party! Are you ready to party, SpongeBob? |
| − | SpongeBob: Oh, I'm ready to party! Are you ready to party, Mr. Krabs? | + | '''SpongeBob''': Oh, I'm ready to party! Are you ready to party, Mr. Krabs? |
| − | Mr. Krabs: I'm ready to par-tay! Are you ready to par-tay, SpongeBob? | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': I'm ready to par-tay! Are you ready to par-tay, SpongeBob? |
| − | SpongeBob: I'm ready to par-tay! Are you ready to par-tay, Patrick? | + | '''SpongeBob''': I'm ready to par-tay! Are you ready to par-tay, Patrick? |
| − | '''Patrick''': I'm ready to party! Are you ready to party, Mr. Krabs? | + | '''Patrick''': I'm ready to party! Are you ready to party, Mr. Krabs? |
| − | Mr. Krabs: I'm ready to party! Are you ready to par- (Pearl runs by them) | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': I'm ready to party! Are you ready to par- (Pearl runs by them) |
| − | Pearl: Stop it, just stop it! You're embarrassing me, Dad! | + | '''Pearl''': Stop it, just stop it! You're embarrassing me, Dad! |
| − | Mr. Krabs: So, what kind of hot rod will we be cruising in tonight? | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': So, what kind of hot rod will we be cruising in tonight? |
| − | SpongeBob: Only the most powerful chick magnet in town. The | + | '''SpongeBob''': Only the most powerful chick magnet in town. The Underwater Heartbreaker. (we see a bike with two streamers on each handle) |
| − | Mr. Krabs: It's more like a chick repellent. And there's only two seats!<br> | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': It's more like a chick repellent. And there's only two seats!<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: Calm your waters, Mr. Krabs. I modified this little baby myself. (scene cuts to SpongeBob & Patrick riding at the front of the bike while Mr. Krabs is in a wagon behind them) | + | '''SpongeBob''': Calm your waters, Mr. Krabs. I modified this little baby myself. (scene cuts to SpongeBob & Patrick riding at the front of the bike while Mr. Krabs is in a wagon behind them) |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Are you sure this is what the kids are driving these days? | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Are you sure this is what the kids are driving these days? |
| − | SpongeBob: Only the cool kids. (a hot rod, driven by a young teen, pulls up beside them) | + | '''SpongeBob''': Only the cool kids. (a hot rod, driven by a young teen, pulls up beside them) |
| − | Driver: Hey, you guys must be lost. | + | '''Driver''': Hey, you guys must be lost. Doofus Drive is around the corner! |
| − | SpongeBob: We're not lost, I've got my compass. (shows him the compass) | + | '''SpongeBob''': We're not lost, I've got my compass. (shows him the compass) |
| − | Driver: So long, dorks! (speeds away) | + | '''Driver''': So long, dorks! (speeds away) |
| − | SpongeBob: Goodbye, pals! | + | '''SpongeBob''': Goodbye, pals! |
| − | Mr. Krabs: We used to beat people up for saying things like that! Everything's all topsy-turvy now! (they pull up to 'The Wash') | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': We used to beat people up for saying things like that! Everything's all topsy-turvy now! (they pull up to 'The Wash') |
| − | SpongeBob: Here we are: [[The Wash]]. | + | '''SpongeBob''': Here we are: [[The Wash]]. |
| − | Mr. Krabs: They sure are giving these clubs some crazy names! I have to tell you boys... I'm a little nervous. I haven't been, you know, on the scene for quite a while now. | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': They sure are giving these clubs some crazy names! I have to tell you boys... I'm a little nervous. I haven't been, you know, on the scene for quite a while now. |
| − | SpongeBob: Just follow our lead, Mr. Krabs. And, above all, keep it cool. | + | '''SpongeBob''': Just follow our lead, Mr. Krabs. And, above all, keep it cool. |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Cool. Gotcha. (SpongeBob and Patrick walk away jumping up and down in a goofy way. Mr. Krabs does the same) | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Cool. Gotcha. (SpongeBob and Patrick walk away jumping up and down in a goofy way. Mr. Krabs does the same) |
| − | SpongeBob: (opens door) Hello, gang! | + | '''SpongeBob''': (opens door) Hello, gang! SpongeBob's back! |
| − | '''Patrick''': Let's party! | + | '''Patrick''': Let's party! |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Any | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Any port in a sto--! Wait a minute. This is a laundromat. (cut to reveal that the entire room is a place to do your laundry) |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob and Patrick''': (all three are looking at their reflections in the washer) Oh yeah, whoo! That's what I'm talking about. Oh, yeah! Yeah, the colors! whoo! (washer stops) | |
| − | SpongeBob: You guys want another rinse cycle? I'm buying. | + | '''SpongeBob''': You guys want another rinse cycle? I'm buying. |
| − | Mr. Krabs: You know, I love staring at delicates as much as the next guy, but it's just that I thought we'd see more of the nightlife. Something that'll give you that wild and crazy hot-blooded feeling, if you know what I mean. | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': You know, I love staring at delicates as much as the next guy, but it's just that I thought we'd see more of the nightlife. Something that'll give you that wild and crazy hot-blooded feeling, if you know what I mean. |
| − | SpongeBob: Oh, I know what you mean, Mr. Krabs. This is only stop numero uno on our night of debauchery! | + | '''SpongeBob''': Oh, I know what you mean, Mr. Krabs. This is only stop numero uno on our night of debauchery! |
| − | '''Patrick''': Debauchery! | + | '''Patrick''': Debauchery! |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Debauchery! ( | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Debauchery! (cut to the road where all three are picking up trash) Debauchery? I never thought of picking up trash under the highway as hot-blooded, but if it's what the kids are into... |
| − | SpongeBob: So, are you feeling that wild and crazy feeling, Mr. Krabs? | + | '''SpongeBob''': So, are you feeling that wild and crazy feeling, Mr. Krabs? |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Not yet. | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Not yet. |
| − | SpongeBob: Don't worry, you will. ( | + | '''SpongeBob''': Don't worry, you will. (bubble-wipe to all three in a kiddie swimming pool) Are you feeling it now, Mr. Krabs? |
| − | Mr. Krabs: I'm feeling a warm spot. | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': I'm feeling a warm spot. |
| − | '''Patrick''': Sorry. ( | + | '''Patrick''': Sorry. (cut to them riding kiddie rides outside Barg'n Mart) |
| − | SpongeBob: Are you feeling it now, Mr. Krabs? Are you feeling it? | + | '''SpongeBob''': Are you feeling it now, Mr. Krabs? Are you feeling it? |
| − | '''Patrick''': I'm feeling it, SpongeBob! | + | '''Patrick''': I'm feeling it, SpongeBob! |
| − | SpongeBob: Patrick, that's not a ride! (Patrick is riding on a fish's back) | + | '''SpongeBob''': Patrick, that's not a ride! (Patrick is riding on a fish's back) |
| − | Fish: | + | '''Fish''': Get off of me! (cut to them getting their teeth pulled) |
| − | SpongeBob: Are you feeling it now, Mr. Krabs? ( | + | '''SpongeBob''': Are you feeling it now, Mr. Krabs? (cut to them redoing a roof) Are you feeling it now, Mr. Krabs? (cut to them dressed in fantasy costumes) Art thou feeling it now, Mr. Krabs? (cut to the library) Can you feel it now, Mr. Krabs? |
| − | [[Miss Shell|Librarian]]: Shh! ( | + | '''[[Miss Shell|Librarian]]''': Shh! (cut to [[Bunny Buns]]) |
| − | SpongeBob: How about now? Can you feel it, Mr. Krabs? (kids in the room around running around Mr. Krabs, hanging on his hat streamers. Mr. Krabs has clown make-up on his face) | + | '''SpongeBob''': How about now? Can you feel it, Mr. Krabs? (kids in the room around running around Mr. Krabs, hanging on his hat streamers. Mr. Krabs has clown make-up on his face) |
| − | Kids: Can you feel it, Mr. Krabs? Can you feel it, Mr. Krabs? Can you feel it, Mr. Krabs? | + | '''Kids''': Can you feel it, Mr. Krabs? Can you feel it, Mr. Krabs? Can you feel it, Mr. Krabs? |
| − | Mr. Krabs: So, you wanna know if I can feel it? | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': So, you wanna know if I can feel it? |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob and Patrick''': Yeah! | |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Do you really wanna know if I can feel it? | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Do you really wanna know if I can feel it? |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob and Patrick''': Yeah, yeah! | |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Because I can feel it. You wanna know what I'm feelin'? | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Because I can feel it. You wanna know what I'm feelin'? |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob and Patrick''': Yes! | |
| − | Mr. Krabs: (angry) I'm feelin' like a | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': (angry) I'm feelin' like a total barnacle head! (swings the screaming kids around and around then off his hat) You think this is cool?! (jumps on a bunny and punches its head off) How about this?! (jumps on top of the bunny) And this?! Am I with it now?! (runs up to SpongeBob and Patrick) You guys wouldn't know a good time if it bit you in the end! I'm going home! You guys ain't cool! You're lame! |
| − | SpongeBob: (depressed) Lame? | + | '''SpongeBob''': (depressed) Lame? |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Lame! You're nerds! Geeks! Creeps! And babies! | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Lame! You're nerds! Geeks! Creeps! And babies! |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob and Patrick''': Not babies! (both suck their thumbs) | |
| − | Mr. Krabs: I may be old, but even an old bag of shells like me knows that you haven't suggested one cool thing all night | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': I may be old, but even an old bag of shells like me knows that you haven't suggested one cool thing all night! So good night to you! |
| − | '''Patrick''': I guess you're gonna miss the panty raid. | + | '''Patrick''': I guess you're gonna miss the panty raid. |
| − | Mr. Krabs: The what? | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': The what? |
| − | '''Patrick''': I said, I guess you're gonna miss the panty raid. | + | '''Patrick''': I said, I guess you're gonna miss the panty raid. |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Panty raid? You're talking about girls, right? Girl girls? | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Panty raid? You're talking about girls, right? Girl girls? |
| − | '''Patrick''': Yeah. | + | '''Patrick''': Yeah. |
| − | Mr. Krabs: And you're talking about raiding their dressers for their underpants, right? | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': And you're talking about raiding their dressers for their underpants, right? |
| − | '''Patrick''': Oh, yeah. | + | '''Patrick''': Oh, yeah. |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Well, count me in! If this works, I'll take back what I said about you two being lame! | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Well, count me in! If this works, I'll take back what I said about you two being lame! |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob and Patrick''': (happy) Not lame! (bubble-wipe to the three of them carrying a ladder) | |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Now this is more like it! ( | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Now this is more like it! (leans the ladder against a house) |
| − | '''Patrick''': Give us some credit, old man. We're panty professionals! (climbs the ladder) | + | '''Patrick''': Give us some credit, old man. We're panty professionals! (climbs the ladder) |
| − | SpongeBob: We score here all the time. (all three tiptoe into a bedroom. Mr. Krabs opens a drawer and takes out a pair of panties) | + | '''SpongeBob''': We score here all the time. (all three tiptoe into a bedroom. Mr. Krabs opens a drawer and takes out a pair of panties) |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Frilly things! We hit the jackpot! (everyone jumps up and down) | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Frilly things! We hit the jackpot! (everyone jumps up and down) |
| − | SpongeBob: Oh, yeah, Mr. Krabs! | + | '''SpongeBob''': Oh, yeah, Mr. Krabs! (Patrick laughs excitedly) |
| − | Mr. Krabs: (holds up the pair of underwear he got) You finally came through for me, boys! I feel young again! (light turns on) | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': (holds up the pair of underwear he got) Woohoo! You finally came through for me, boys! I feel young again! (the light turns on) |
| − | + | '''Betsy Krabs''': Eugene? | |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Mother? | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Mother? |
| − | + | '''Betsy Krabs''': What are you doing with my bloomers?! | |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Well, I, uhh, uhh, heh, hehe... (turns around to SpongeBob and Patrick) Why didn't you tell me this was my mother's house?! | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Well, I, uhh, uhh, heh, hehe... (turns around to SpongeBob and Patrick) Why didn't you tell me this was my mother's house?! |
| − | SpongeBob: Why didn't you ask? (both run away. Mr. Krabs turns around to his mother smiling) | + | '''SpongeBob''': Why didn't you ask? (both run away. Mr. Krabs turns around to his mother smiling with her angry and disappointed) |
| − | Mr. Krabs: But it was all SpongeBob and Patrick's idea! | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': But it was all SpongeBob and Patrick's idea! |
| − | + | '''Betsy Krabs''': Go to your room, mister! You're grounded for the rest of the night! | |
| − | Mr. Krabs: (walks away) Yes, Mommy. (boy scout from earlier is walking with Mr. Krabs) | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': (walks away) Yes, Mommy. (The boy scout from earlier is walking with Mr. Krabs) |
| − | + | '''Boy Scout''': Don't worry, Pops. We're almost to your room. (Mr. Krabs groans. Bubble-wipe to Mr. Krabs' his childhood bedroom. SpongeBob peeks through the window) | |
| − | SpongeBob: Sorry, Mr. Krabs. | + | '''SpongeBob''': Sorry, Mr. Krabs. |
| − | Mr. Krabs: (sighs) That's all right, lad. I certainly feel younger. ( | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': (sighs) That's all right, lad. I certainly feel younger. (camera zooms out revealing Mr. Krabs is sitting in his childhood racecar-shaped bed) |
| − | SpongeBob: Good night, Mr. Krabs | + | '''SpongeBob''': Good night, Mr. Krabs. |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Good night, SpongeBob. | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Good night, SpongeBob. (SpongeBob starts going home) |
| − | Mama Krabs: Eugene, lights out! | + | '''Mama Krabs''': Eugene, lights out! |
| − | Mr. Krabs: Yes, Mommy. (light turns off) | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Yes, Mommy. (light turns off) |
{{Transcripts/Season 3}} | {{Transcripts/Season 3}} | ||
| − | |||
[[Category:Transcript]] | [[Category:Transcript]] | ||
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 3]] | [[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 3]] | ||
Latest revision as of 00:37, 12 May 2023
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| The Great Snail Race | Born Again Krabs |
Episode Article: Mid-Life Crustacean
[edit] Characters
[edit] Dialogue
(Mr. Krabs wakes up in his hammock in his bedroom. The radio clicks on)
Radio DJ: You've got it tuned to K-O-L-D, K-Old, your all-oldies station. Here's a little something you may remember from the good old days. (song plays)
Music: "You're Old"
You're old (you're old...) Groaning like a geezer
(Mr. Krabs opens his eyes, which are crusty)
Hear yourself a-crackin' like an old has-been
(Mr. Krabs gets out of bed with all his joints cracking when he moves)
Look at yourself, old man, you've got multiple chins
(Mr. Krabs is looking in his bathroom mirror. He pulls down his shirt to show a bunch of chins)
'Cause you're old...
(bubble-wipe to the kitchen. Mr. Krabs sits down at the table as Pearl comes in)
Pearl: Good morning, Daddy! (gives him a kiss) I made you breakfast.
Mr. Krabs: Thank you, sweet pea. I see you got creative with the bran today. (looks down at the plate to see his bran shaped as bacon, eggs, juice, and others)
Pearl: Open up, it's time for the pill! (Pearl takes out a giant pill)
Mr. Krabs: Oh, barnacles! I hate the pill. (Pearl shoves the giant pill in his mouth and he swallows it) Pearl, do you think I'm...old?
Pearl: Well, of course I do! But that's OK. Daddies are supposed to be old.
Mr. Krabs: But I'm still cool, right? Your old man is cool?
Pearl: See, no one says cool anymore. That's such an old-person thing. Now we say 'coral', as in, 'That nose job is so coral.'
Mr. Krabs: Coral, eh?
Pearl: Eww, when you say it, it sounds so uncoral.
Mr. Krabs: Well, what if I said it with a different inflection? Co-ral.
Pearl: Don't you have to go to work or something, Dad?
Mr. Krabs: Whoop, you're right! (eats his breakfast) Have a coral day, honey!
Pearl: (picks up her phone and dials) Jenny? It's Pearl. "Coral" is definitely out. (bubble-wipe to Mr. Krabs walking outside)
Mr. Krabs: Ha! Old? What was I thinkin'? I ain't old. Huh? (turns around to see a boy helping him walk across)
Boy Scout: Don't worry, Pops, we're almost across the street.
Mr. Krabs: Hey, get away from me. I don't need no snot-nosed little... (as he walks away, his arm comes off. Walks back to get it) Sorry you had to see that. (keeps walking to work where a fish is walking behind him)
Fish: Come on, move it! Could you be any slower? And you've had your blinker on for the last five blocks. (Mr. Krabs turns around and notices he has two signals on his bottom. What are you, a car? He continues to walk until a ball rolls next to him)
Kid: Hey, mister, could you throw the ball back over here?
Mr. Krabs: (picks up the ball) Hey, how's about I join you kids?
Kid: Uhh, that's okay. You can keep it. Why do old people always have to ruin the fun? (Mr. Krabs drops the ball. He walks up to a line of elderly fish)
Elderly Fish #1: Hey, no cuttin'! You gotta wait your turn like everybody else! (Mr. Krabs notices a long line in front of the Bikini Bottom Cemetery)
Mr. Krabs: No! No! I ain't old like you! I ain't old! I ain't old! (runs away)
Elderly Fish #2: What's his problem? (the line is for ice cream)
Lou: Next? (bubble-wipe to the Krusty Krab where Mr. Krabs is sitting a table depressed)
Billy: Mommy, my Krabby Patty tastes funny.
Mother: Well, no wonder. It's all old and dried out. Like that man right there. (points to Mr. Krabs) Now put that thing where it belongs... in the garbage. (Billy walks up to the trashcan but Mr. Krabs grabs his patty before he can get there)
Mr. Krabs: Well, little patty, we're two of a kind. We've both lost our luster. (takes a bite out of the patty) Hmmm, so that's what I taste like.
Patrick: Good morning, Krusty Krew! (SpongeBob pokes his head out of the kitchen window)
SpongeBob: (shouts) Hey Patrick! You all ready for the big night out tonight?
Patrick: (shouts) Yeah, it's gonna rock!
SpongeBob: Are you ready to go crazy?
Patrick: I'm already hearing voices!
SpongeBob: Are you ready to--
Squidward: SPONGEBOB! PATRICK! DO YOU MIND?!
SpongeBob: Let's continue this conversation in private, Patrick. I think some people are eavesdropping!
Patrick: Well, how rude of some people!
Mr. Krabs: Hmmm, those youngsters are going out for a big night on the town. (stretches his eyes into the kitchen where SpongeBob and Patrick are talking)
SpongeBob: Whoo, I've been looking forward to this night all week!
Patrick: Party!
SpongeBob: What do you think we should do first?
Patrick: What shouldn't we do first? We're young, (Mr. Krabs' eyes move a little closer) we've got wheels, (Mr. Krabs' eyes move closer) the world is our oyster! SpongeBob, you got something on your shoulder. (SpongeBob notices Mr. Krabs' eyes are on his shoulders)
Mr. Krabs: Hey, boys, hangin' out?
Patrick: (looks at his belly) Yes.
Mr. Krabs: I couldn't help overhearing your big plans. And I was wondering if you had room for one more craaaaazy dude tonight, huh?
SpongeBob: Of course. Did you wanna come with us, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, hadn't even crossed me mind. But, sure, I'll go!
Patrick: I don't know, SpongeBob. He might cramp our style.
SpongeBob and Patrick: (appears in a picture with a goofy look on them) Style!
Patrick: Let's see if he knows the secret cool-guy handshake. (holds out his hand)
Mr. Krabs: Uhh, yeah, course I know it! (begins to sweat) Uhh... uhh...
Patrick: I'm waiting... old man.
Mr. Krabs: (shakes Patrick's hand) Uhh... how do you do?
Patrick: Fine, and you? All right, you're in. But I'm not happy about it.
SpongeBob: You passed the test, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: Great! Why don't you boys show up at my house at eight o'clock?
SpongeBob: I just want to warn you, Mr. Krabs. We're always fashionably late. (time card appears)
French Narrator: 8:01 PM. (cut to Mr. Krabs' house. The doorbell rings)
SpongeBob: Hey there, Mr. Krabs! Are you ready to party?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, I'm ready to party! Are you ready to party?
Patrick: I'm ready to party! Are you ready to party, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Oh, I'm ready to party! Are you ready to party, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I'm ready to par-tay! Are you ready to par-tay, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: I'm ready to par-tay! Are you ready to par-tay, Patrick?
Patrick: I'm ready to party! Are you ready to party, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I'm ready to party! Are you ready to par- (Pearl runs by them)
Pearl: Stop it, just stop it! You're embarrassing me, Dad!
Mr. Krabs: So, what kind of hot rod will we be cruising in tonight?
SpongeBob: Only the most powerful chick magnet in town. The Underwater Heartbreaker. (we see a bike with two streamers on each handle)
Mr. Krabs: It's more like a chick repellent. And there's only two seats!
SpongeBob: Calm your waters, Mr. Krabs. I modified this little baby myself. (scene cuts to SpongeBob & Patrick riding at the front of the bike while Mr. Krabs is in a wagon behind them)
Mr. Krabs: Are you sure this is what the kids are driving these days?
SpongeBob: Only the cool kids. (a hot rod, driven by a young teen, pulls up beside them)
Driver: Hey, you guys must be lost. Doofus Drive is around the corner!
SpongeBob: We're not lost, I've got my compass. (shows him the compass)
Driver: So long, dorks! (speeds away)
SpongeBob: Goodbye, pals!
Mr. Krabs: We used to beat people up for saying things like that! Everything's all topsy-turvy now! (they pull up to 'The Wash')
SpongeBob: Here we are: The Wash.
Mr. Krabs: They sure are giving these clubs some crazy names! I have to tell you boys... I'm a little nervous. I haven't been, you know, on the scene for quite a while now.
SpongeBob: Just follow our lead, Mr. Krabs. And, above all, keep it cool.
Mr. Krabs: Cool. Gotcha. (SpongeBob and Patrick walk away jumping up and down in a goofy way. Mr. Krabs does the same)
SpongeBob: (opens door) Hello, gang! SpongeBob's back!
Patrick: Let's party!
Mr. Krabs: Any port in a sto--! Wait a minute. This is a laundromat. (cut to reveal that the entire room is a place to do your laundry)
SpongeBob and Patrick: (all three are looking at their reflections in the washer) Oh yeah, whoo! That's what I'm talking about. Oh, yeah! Yeah, the colors! whoo! (washer stops)
SpongeBob: You guys want another rinse cycle? I'm buying.
Mr. Krabs: You know, I love staring at delicates as much as the next guy, but it's just that I thought we'd see more of the nightlife. Something that'll give you that wild and crazy hot-blooded feeling, if you know what I mean.
SpongeBob: Oh, I know what you mean, Mr. Krabs. This is only stop numero uno on our night of debauchery!
Patrick: Debauchery!
Mr. Krabs: Debauchery! (cut to the road where all three are picking up trash) Debauchery? I never thought of picking up trash under the highway as hot-blooded, but if it's what the kids are into...
SpongeBob: So, are you feeling that wild and crazy feeling, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Not yet.
SpongeBob: Don't worry, you will. (bubble-wipe to all three in a kiddie swimming pool) Are you feeling it now, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I'm feeling a warm spot.
Patrick: Sorry. (cut to them riding kiddie rides outside Barg'n Mart)
SpongeBob: Are you feeling it now, Mr. Krabs? Are you feeling it?
Patrick: I'm feeling it, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Patrick, that's not a ride! (Patrick is riding on a fish's back)
Fish: Get off of me! (cut to them getting their teeth pulled)
SpongeBob: Are you feeling it now, Mr. Krabs? (cut to them redoing a roof) Are you feeling it now, Mr. Krabs? (cut to them dressed in fantasy costumes) Art thou feeling it now, Mr. Krabs? (cut to the library) Can you feel it now, Mr. Krabs?
Librarian: Shh! (cut to Bunny Buns)
SpongeBob: How about now? Can you feel it, Mr. Krabs? (kids in the room around running around Mr. Krabs, hanging on his hat streamers. Mr. Krabs has clown make-up on his face)
Kids: Can you feel it, Mr. Krabs? Can you feel it, Mr. Krabs? Can you feel it, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: So, you wanna know if I can feel it?
SpongeBob and Patrick: Yeah!
Mr. Krabs: Do you really wanna know if I can feel it?
SpongeBob and Patrick: Yeah, yeah!
Mr. Krabs: Because I can feel it. You wanna know what I'm feelin'?
SpongeBob and Patrick: Yes!
Mr. Krabs: (angry) I'm feelin' like a total barnacle head! (swings the screaming kids around and around then off his hat) You think this is cool?! (jumps on a bunny and punches its head off) How about this?! (jumps on top of the bunny) And this?! Am I with it now?! (runs up to SpongeBob and Patrick) You guys wouldn't know a good time if it bit you in the end! I'm going home! You guys ain't cool! You're lame!
SpongeBob: (depressed) Lame?
Mr. Krabs: Lame! You're nerds! Geeks! Creeps! And babies!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Not babies! (both suck their thumbs)
Mr. Krabs: I may be old, but even an old bag of shells like me knows that you haven't suggested one cool thing all night! So good night to you!
Patrick: I guess you're gonna miss the panty raid.
Mr. Krabs: The what?
Patrick: I said, I guess you're gonna miss the panty raid.
Mr. Krabs: Panty raid? You're talking about girls, right? Girl girls?
Patrick: Yeah.
Mr. Krabs: And you're talking about raiding their dressers for their underpants, right?
Patrick: Oh, yeah.
Mr. Krabs: Well, count me in! If this works, I'll take back what I said about you two being lame!
SpongeBob and Patrick: (happy) Not lame! (bubble-wipe to the three of them carrying a ladder)
Mr. Krabs: Now this is more like it! (leans the ladder against a house)
Patrick: Give us some credit, old man. We're panty professionals! (climbs the ladder)
SpongeBob: We score here all the time. (all three tiptoe into a bedroom. Mr. Krabs opens a drawer and takes out a pair of panties)
Mr. Krabs: Frilly things! We hit the jackpot! (everyone jumps up and down)
SpongeBob: Oh, yeah, Mr. Krabs! (Patrick laughs excitedly)
Mr. Krabs: (holds up the pair of underwear he got) Woohoo! You finally came through for me, boys! I feel young again! (the light turns on)
Betsy Krabs: Eugene?
Mr. Krabs: Mother?
Betsy Krabs: What are you doing with my bloomers?!
Mr. Krabs: Well, I, uhh, uhh, heh, hehe... (turns around to SpongeBob and Patrick) Why didn't you tell me this was my mother's house?!
SpongeBob: Why didn't you ask? (both run away. Mr. Krabs turns around to his mother smiling with her angry and disappointed)
Mr. Krabs: But it was all SpongeBob and Patrick's idea!
Betsy Krabs: Go to your room, mister! You're grounded for the rest of the night!
Mr. Krabs: (walks away) Yes, Mommy. (The boy scout from earlier is walking with Mr. Krabs)
Boy Scout: Don't worry, Pops. We're almost to your room. (Mr. Krabs groans. Bubble-wipe to Mr. Krabs' his childhood bedroom. SpongeBob peeks through the window)
SpongeBob: Sorry, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: (sighs) That's all right, lad. I certainly feel younger. (camera zooms out revealing Mr. Krabs is sitting in his childhood racecar-shaped bed)
SpongeBob: Good night, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Good night, SpongeBob. (SpongeBob starts going home)
Mama Krabs: Eugene, lights out!
Mr. Krabs: Yes, Mommy. (light turns off)
