Episode Transcript: Sailor Mouth

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Episode Article: Sailor Mouth

Characters

Dialogue

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, time to take out the trash!

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, don't talk to Squidward like that!

Mr. Krabs: Just go!

SpongeBob: Takin' out the trash, takin' out the trash. Hmm...dumpster writing! The voice of the people! "Up with bubbles, down with air!" (laughs) "Neematoads are people too!" (laughs) Neematoads... Someone didn't finish this one! Squidward smells. (writes the word "good" after "smells") Good. How about this one. Krabs is a (dolphin censor).

Patrick: (comes to SpongeBob)

SpongeBob: Someone didn't finish this one.

Patrick: That one?

SpongeBob: No, that one!

Patrick: Hmm...(dolphin censor)! Uh, hey! I think I know what that word means. That's one of those sentence enhancers.

SpongeBob: Sentence enhancers?

Patrick: You use them when you want to talk fancy. You just sprinkle it on anything you say, and Wham-O! You've got yourself a spicy sentence sandwich!

SpongeBob: How (dolphin censor) right you are, Patrick.

Patrick: Why yes it is, SpongeBob. This (dolphin censor) day is so (dolphin censor) lovely!

SpongeBob and Patrick: (dolphin censors)

SpongeBob: You're right, Patrick, my lips are tingling from the spiciness of this conversation.

Patrick: Oh, me too! (both laugh)

SpongeBob: It tickles when I laugh!

(SpongeBob walks into the Krusty Krab next day)

SpongeBob: Hello, customers, what a (dolphin censor) day we're having!

Fish #1: Did he just say?

Fish #2: Aye, he did.

SpongeBob: Hi, Patrick, how the (dolphin censor) are you?

Patrick: (walks into the Krusty Krab) Pretty (dolphin censor) good, SpongeBob.

Old Fish: I thought this was a restaurant, not a gutter mouth convention.

SpongeBob: (taps on the microphone) Attention, customers, today's special is a (dolphin censor) Krabby Patty served with in a greasy (dolphin censor) sauce and grilled to (dolphin censor) perfection. And don't forget to ask us to (dolphin censor) the (dolphin censor) fries. It'll be our (dolphin censor) pleasure. Hi Squidward, how the (dolphin censor) are ya?

Patrick: Nice (dolphin censor) day we're having, isn't it Squidward?

Fish #3: I don't understand. The guy's talented, but he doesn't have to work blue.

Fish #4: Let's go somewhere more family oriented.

(Everyone leaves the Krusty Krab with dissapointed shouts, a fish says in the background: "I'm eating at the Chum Bucket!")
(Sirens wail)

Mr. Krabs: Ah!! The Krusty Krab! She's empty! All hands on deck! Batten the front doors! Brace the cash register! Break out the happy snacks! Squidward, where have all my money paying customers gone?

Squidward: Apparently the two barnacle-mouth brothers just learned a new word, and SpongeBob said it over the intercom.

Mr. Krabs: Well, what was it? What'd he say?

Squidward: (whispers the bad word to Mr. Krabs)

Mr. Krabs: Ah!!! SpongeBob and Friend! Front and center! I think I should make you paint the Krusty Krab for using such language!

SpongeBob: But Mr. Krabs, we were just using our sentence enhancers.

Patrick: It's fancy talk.

Mr. Krabs: Fancy? There's nothing fancy about that word!

SpongeBob: You mean (dolphin censor)?

Mr. Krabs: Yes, that one. Now quit saying it! It's a bad word.

SpongeBob and Patrick: Bad word?

Mr. Krabs: Yes, that word was number 11. In fact, there are 13 words you shouldn't say.

Squidward: Don't you mean 7?

Mr. Krabs: Not if you're a sailor! (laughs)

SpongeBob: Wow, 13!

Mr. Krabs: Ok, boys. I want you to promise me you'll never use that word again.

SpongeBob and Patrick: We promise.

(back at SpongeBob's house, playing Eels and Escalators)

SpongeBob: Gee, I'm glad Mr. Krabs told us that word we were using was a bad word!

Patrick: Yeah, me too, because classy sophisticates like us shouldn't stain our lips with cursing.

SpongeBob: Hooray to that, Patrick. Now, let's play a wholesome game of Eels and Escalators.

Patrick: Hooray, my favorite!

SpongeBob: Come on, Gary needs a new pair of shoes! (rolls the dice)

Patrick: Oh, eels. My turn! (rolls the dice) Hooray! Escalators!

SpongeBob: Come on, escalators, escalators... (rolls dice)

Patrick: Eels. My turn! (rolls dice) Escalators, escalators! Yay!

SpongeBob: Come on, escalators, escalators! (rolls dice)

Patrick: Eels. Come on, escalators. (rolls dice) Yay! Escalators! Well this is your last chance, SpongeBob. If you get eels one more time, you lose!

SpongeBob: Come on, escalators. (rolls dice) Ha, escalators! (dice flips again)

Patrick: Eels.

SpongeBob: Ah, (dolphin censor)! (closes mouth)

Patrick: Oh, you said number 11!

SpongeBob: Ah! It just slipped out, you know. You understand, right, Patrick!

Patrick: Oh, I understand, SpongeBob. Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs! (starts running to the Krusty Krab)

SpongeBob: Please Pat, please don't tell!

Patrick: But you said (dolphin censor)!

SpongeBob: Oh, I'm telling Mr. Krabs on you!

Patrick: Not if I tell Mr. Krabs first!

SpongeBob: I can run faster than you!

Patrick: (riding in an ice cream truck) See ya at the Krusty Krab. Ha, ha, ha! (the truck goes the wrong way)

SpongeBob: Ha! Mr. Krabs, Mr. Krabs, Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: What, what, what?

SpongeBob: He said a certain word that you said shouldn't be said and that particular word happens to be #11.

Mr. Krabs: What was that word again?

Patrick: Mr. Krabs, Mr. Krabs, Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: (grabs their lips) Now, I'm going to let go of your lips, and when I do, calmly tell me what he said.

SpongeBob and Patrick: He said (dolphin censor)!

Mr. Krabs: Ah! Do my eyes decieve me? You do should be ashamed! Time to take out the trash. I thought I made it clear. Don't say number 11 or any of the 13 bad words! Now the both of you wait right here. I'll be back.

Patrick: What's going to happen to us?

SpongeBob: We'll probably get 40 lashes!

Patrick: (imagines himself with 40 eyelashes)

SpongeBob: From now on, we'll be good citizens, just like good old Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: All right, you two foul mouths. As punishment for poisoning the air in my restaurant with your foul words, you're going to give the Krusty Krab a fresh coat of paint from top to... (trips on rock) Ow, ooh! Ow! My (censor) foot! What kind of (censor) hir genious put a rock under my foot? Now I've got (censor) under there! Oh (censor)! (censor)! Oh (censor) with a side of (censor)!

SpongeBob: 7,8,9,10,11,12,13! That's all 13, Patrick! (cut to SpongeBob with 13 fingers) We're gonna tell your mom, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: No, not me mommy! That would break her poor old heart

SpongeBob and Patrick: Mama Krabs, Mama Krabs! Mr. Krabs said (censor) then he said (censor) and (censor) (censor) with a side of (censor).

Mama Krabs: Oh, no! My poor old heart.

Mr. Krabs: Oh, dear mother! What have these foul-mouthed heathens done to you? (takes a coin out of her pocket) You two should be ashamed! Making an old lady faint with your sailor talk!

Mama Krabs: You should all be ashamed! If you're gonna talk like sailors, you're gonna work like sailors!

(the three are painting her house, Patrick is painting the sand)

Mama Krabs: I guess you three scallywags have earned yourselves a glass of lemonade! (laughs, trips on a rock) Ow! my (horn honks) foot!

Mr. Krabs: Mother!

Mama Krabs: What? It's Old Man Jenkins in his jalopy.

Old Man Jenkins: Howdy, Mrs. K!

SpongeBob, Patrick, Mr. Krabs and Mama Krabs: (laughing)

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