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Episode Transcript: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy IV
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| Idiot Box | Doing Time |
Episode Article: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy IV
Characters
- SpongeBob
- Patrick
- Squidward
- Sandy
- Plankton
- Mrs. Puff
- Mermaid Man
- Barnacle Boy
- Larry the Lobster
- Scooter
Dialogue
[the Krusty Krab]
Narrator: Ah, the Krusty Krab. Through these doors pass all the many kinds of undersea life.
Mermaidman: Through the double-doors... away! [he charges in, knocking away two fish who were going to exit]
Narrator: And also these guys. [Barnacleboy walks in]
Barnacleboy: I told you I'm not hungry, Mermaidman!
Mermaidman: N-nonsense, Barnacleboy, we've got to keep up our strength for the fight against eeeeevil!
Barnacleboy: What a dive.
Mermaidman: To the register... away! [they approach the register]
Squidward: [exasperated] Can I help you? [a 'ding' goes off]
Mermaidman: A double Krabby Patty and coral bits for me, and a silly meal for the lad.
Barnacleboy: [hurried] It's not for the toy, I just... [he stammers] I've gotta fit in the tights, y'know?
Squidward: Whatever. Five dollars, please.
Mermaidman: You got it, bucky. [he pulls off one of his bra-shells, opens it, and pulls out a metal nut] Will this cover it?
Squidward: No.
Barnacleboy: Listen, Big Nose, this guy has been saving your butt since you were born. Don't you got a living legend discount or something?
Squidward: This is a restaurant, not a lending library. And who are you calling Big Nose, Big Nose? [they press their noses together, 'hmm'ing and flaring their nostrils. Barnacleboy takes off his hat, pulls out a $5 bill and tosses it over to the register]
Barnacleboy: Well, next time danger threatens, don't expect any help from us! [he walks off]
Squidward: I'm shakin'. Hmm, Mermaidman and Barnacleboy. [the wall next to the ordering window presses in with SpongeBob's imprint, and then SpongeBob bursts through]
SpongeBob: Mermaidman and Barnacleboy?! Must... get... autograph! [his one hand reaches out and tears a pen out of Tom's shirt pocket. The other grabs a piece of paper outside the restaurant]
Mermaidman: If you wanna grow up strong like me... you gotta leave room for seconds. [he pulls up his shirt a bit, revealing a gigantic gut] Here comes our waiter! [it's SpongeBob, psychotically running toward them]
SpongeBob: Aaaauuuutoooograaaph!
Barnacleboy: Holy sea cow, it's that Sponge-kid!
Mermaidman: Quick lad, to the invisible- [his pants and belt fall down] -boatmobile! Away! [he grabs his pants and holds them up, leaving his belt behind. The two run out of the restaurant]
Barnacleboy: Where'd we park?
Mermaidman: Uhh...
SpongeBob: Can I have your autograph?! Can I have your autograph?! Can I.. they're gone! [he notices Mermaidman's belt and gasps] Mermaidman's belt!
Mermaidman: Wait! We'll find it with the invisible boat alarm! [he pulls it out, and makes as to press a button. A car flickers in and out of visibility thrice, making beeps as well] There she is! [they run over and jump in the car. Barnacleboy hits the seat divider]
Barnacleboy: Yeeow! I told you we shoulda got the automatic! [SpongeBob runs after them]
SpongeBob: Hey guys! Wait up! [slow-motion] I've got something for you... [he pulls out the belt]
Barnacleboy: Floor it! [the boatmobile drives away]
SpongeBob: You forgot your belt! You forgot... [he looks at belt in awe] Mermaidman's secret utility belt! The emblem of submersible justice! For sixty-five years, this belt has helped prevent the fall of nations... and pants. I can't believe I'm actually holding it in my hands! Well, I guess I should return it. [he starts to take a step, then dashes back to the kitchen, he now has the belt on] Or not! [he giggles] I could just hang onto it 'till after work... All alone with Mermaidman's belt. I wonder what this button does! [he presses something on the belt. A green light flashes out and zaps a barrel of pickles, which becomes tiny. He picks up the barrel on one finger] Whoa! The small ray! Hee... [Squidward is at the register, talking to a muscular fish]
Squidward: Here's your shake, sir. [he starts to hand him the shake, but he is startled by a loud noise from the kitchen and SpongeBob's giggle. The shake lands on the guy's head, the guy punches him and leaves. There are more flashes, noises, and giggles from the kitchen] Grr... [in the kitchen, SpongeBob places a tiny Krabby Patty on a cockroach's back]
SpongeBob: There you go. [the cockroach walks off] Come again, sir. [Squidward barges in]
Squidward: SpongeBob, what's going on in here? Huh? [he notices everything is tiny: SpongeBob's hat, his spatula, then he sees the cockroach eating a tiny patty at a tiny table] Why's everything all... tiny? [SpongeBob shifts the "M" on the belt away]
SpongeBob: I don't know.
Squidward: What do you got there?
SpongeBob: Nothing.
Squidward: No, really? [SpongeBob backs against the wall]
SpongeBob: Nothing.
Squidward: You've got something alright, let's see it! [he grabs the belt]
SpongeBob: No! NO! [Squidward sees the "M" and gasps]
Squidward: Is that Mermaidman's belt?
SpongeBob: Yes.
Squidward: Wow! I can't believe he'd lend it to you!
SpongeBob: Me, uh... either. [he laughs nervously. Squidward gasps in mock astonishment]
Squidward: He didn't lend it to you, did he?
SpongeBob: Please don't tell!
Squidward: You stole it!
SpongeBob: Please don't tell!
Squidward: Oh. I'm telling.
SpongeBob: Squidward, if Mermaidman finds out, he'll kick me out of his fan club for sure! Please don't tell!
Squidward: Uh-oh! There's the phone! [he points at it]
SpongeBob: Don't!
Squidward: I'm walking towards the phone! [he walks towards it]
SpongeBob: No!
Squidward: I'm getting closer to the phone! [he moves his tentacle towards it]
SpongeBob: Do-o-o-on't![Squidward picks up the phone]
Squidward: And now, for the moment we've all been waiting for... [SpongeBob starts tearing himself in half]
SpongeBob: I'm begging you!
Squidward: Hello. I'd like to speak to Mermai- [a green ray of light zaps Squidward and he is shrunken. He lands on a little table] What did- what?- [the phone hits Squidward on the head] Ow!
Mermaidman: [on phone] Hello? Hello?
Squidward: What did you do to me?
SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Squidward, but you made me do it!
Squidward: SpongeBob, if you don't return me to normal size right now, you are gonna be in really big trouble!
SpongeBob: Uh... uh... okay, uh...
Squidward: I said now!
SpongeBob: Uh... [scene zooms in to show the belt, with dozens of switches, buttons, dials, and gauges] Uh...
Squidward: Do you hear me?! [a ray of light zaps Squidward, he now has about many, many eyes] Holy fish paste! Get it off me! Get it off me! [he flings all the extra eyes off like a wig] Dah! [he pants] Don't you know how to work that thing?
SpongeBob: Uh, I can do it! [SpongeBob keeps zapping Squidward, but Squidward keeps getting malformed and tortured. Eventually, Squidward, who is now charred, has had enough]
Squidward: Stop! I've got an idea. Let's call Mermaidman and-
SpongeBob: NO! I can't let you do that! But there must be someone else who can help! Someone smart and wise, with years of life experience... [cut to SpongeBob running up to Patrick's rock] Patrick! Patrick! Patrick, Patrick! [Patrick is sleeping with his face on his rock. He wakes up and stammers]
Patrick: Oh, hi, SpongeBob. [SpongeBob waves his arms]
SpongeBob: Patrick, I was at work and Mermaidman and Barnacleboy came, and I got this belt, and look! [he pulls Squidward out of his pocket. Patrick gasps in excitement]
Patrick: A Squidward action figure! Let me play with it!
SpongeBob: No, Patrick!
Patrick: Fighter pilot! [he makes lots of fighter pilot noises] Dive bomb! [he makes Squidward do a dive bomb]
SpongeBob: Patrick! [Patrick holds up his fist]
Patrick: And here comes a giant fist!
SpongeBob: Patrick, NO! [Patrick stops] That's not an action figure! That's the real Squidward! I shrunk him by accident.
Patrick: Oh. [he pauses, then holds up his fist again] And here comes a giant fist! [SpongeBob screams]
SpongeBob: Pat, you don't understand! This is serious! I don't know how to unshrink him! He could be stuck like this for the rest of his life.
Patrick: Oh, don't worry about it. He'll find love one day... [romantic music plays]
SpongeBob: You think so?
Patrick: Well, sure. But it'll be with someone his own size. [the music stops and Patrick pulls out a pickle] Like this pickle! See? They like each other!
Squidward: N-n-n-n-n-no! [Patrick pushes Squidward and the pickle together and makes kissing sounds] Ick.
SpongeBob: Oh, if only I knew how to work this thing! [Patrick leans forward]
Patrick: Lemmie take a look at it... hmm... [he points at it using Squidward] You know what the problem is?
SpongeBob: What?
Patrick: You got it set to "M" for mini, [he turns the "M" upside down, making it a "W"] when it should be set to "W" for wumbo.
SpongeBob: Patrick, I don't think wumbo is a real word.
Patrick: Come on. You know: I wumbo, you wumbo, he she me, wumbo, wumbo, wumboing... [he rambles on]
Squidward: [to himself] I wonder if a fall from this height could be enough to kill me.
Patrick: ...wumbology, the study of wumbo? It's first grade, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Patrick, I'm sorry I doubted you.
Patrick: Well alright then. Let 'er rip! [SpongeBob presses a button on the belt. Green light shoots out and zaps Patrick, he is shrunken down next to Squidward on the ground in front of his rock] It worked!
SpongeBob: Oh, no!
Patrick: Look, SpongeBob's giant! Can I be giant next?
SpongeBob: Patrick, I'm not giant, you shrunk too!
Patrick: You're kidding! [he pulls out his pickle, which shrunk along with him] Good thing I still got this pickle! [he kisses it three times]
Squidward: Hey! Now will you take us to Mermaidman?
SpongeBob: NO! He can never find out! But I'll think of something. I promise. Until then, you'll be safe in this jar. [he pulls out a jar and puts Patrick and Squidward in]
Patrick: You know what's funny? My pickle started out in a jar, and now it's in one again! Heh, it's like a pun or something. Heh-heh.
SpongeBob: [to himself, sweating] It's only two people... no big deal, nobody else saw it... [Sandy walks up]
Sandy: Howdy, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Aah! Sandy! [he zaps Sandy and she shrinks]
Sandy: What did... for cryin' o'... What did y'all do to me?
SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Sandy! [he puts Sandy in the jar] Mermaidman came in and- [Larry walks up]
Larry: Hey, SpongeBob. [SpongeBob screams, shrinks him, and catches him in the jar. Some guy walks up]
Guy: Hey, SpongeBob. [SpongeBob screams, shrinks him, and catches him in the jar. Nancy walks up]
Nancy: Hi, SpongeBob. [SpongeBob screams, shrinks her, and catches her in the jar, then runs off]
Mrs. Puff: Hello, SpongeBob. [SpongeBob screams, shrinks her, and catches her in the jar. Scooter and his friends run by]
Scooter: Sponge-dude! [SpongeBob screams, shrinks them, and catches them and their surf-gear in the jar. Exterior shot of the town, where we hear people greeting SpongeBob and him shrinking them. Cut later, SpongeBob is in the road of the now barren town trying to squeeze the lid of the now extremely full jar down]
SpongeBob: Woo! I'm gonna have to get a bigger jar.
Squidward: SpongeBob, will you just face facts? You've shrunken everybody in Bikini Bottom! You've got to go to Mermaidman!
SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward. He'll be so disappointed.
Sandy: Well, you can't leave us small forever! [SpongeBob starts crying]
SpongeBob: You don't understand!
Mrs. SquarePants: [in the jar] SpongeBob, you need to admit your mistakes. [SpongeBob stops crying]
SpongeBob: Mom?
Mermaidman: [in the jar] Your mother's right, son. Mermaidman will understand.
Barnacleboy: [in the jar] You're Mermaidman, you old coot.
Mermaidman: Oh, yeah.
SpongeBob: Mermaidman? I'm so sorry, it's just that I'm such a big fan, and your belt, and...
Mermaidman: Oh, don't worry, son. I understand. Why, I remember back when I first used the belt, the year was nineteen o- eleventeen twelve, why I believe the president-
Shrunken People: Just tell him how to unshrink us!!
Mermaidman: Oh, yes. The unshrink ray... let's see, uh.. uh... did you set it to wumbo?
Shrunken People: WHAT?!?! [the jar shakes and the jar pops off, and all of the people shoot out. They land on the ground and form the statement...] GET SPONGEBOB!! [they make battle cries, sort of, and climb up SpongeBob and crawl into his porous holes]
Squidward: Now I have to drive five miles to go to the bathroom in my own home! [he kicks SpongeBob's stomach. SpongeBob jerks, holding his guy]
Sandy: And I need an elevator to climb one stair! HI-YA! [she kicks SpongeBob's brain, we see an imprint of it in the top of his head]
Mermaidman: We've been shrinking for years!
Barnacleboy: But this is ridiculous! [they both kick SpongeBob's eyes, which pop out of SpongeBob's head then return into their normal sockets. People keep on attacking SpongeBob's organs and bones, disfiguring him]
Shrunken People: EVERYTHING'S TOO BIG!!!
SpongeBob: I've got it! [cut to Squidward and a fish harassing more of SpongeBob's internal systems. They then see a big flash of green light through one of SpongeBob's porous holes] Ta-da! [everybody pops their heads out of SpongeBob's porous holes] Since I couldn't make you big, I made the city small! [the town is now shrunken. Everybody files out of SpongeBob] And now, only one more thing to shrink. [he pulls the "M" off the belt and faces it towards himself] Cheese! [he shrinks himself, and finds himself in front of all the other shrunken people]
Squidward: I guess this is okay.
Larry: Yeah, what's the difference?
Nancy: Good idea, SpongeBob. [everyone cheers. Exterior of the town. A bus drives by and Plankton gets off with two suitcases. He is now as big as the entire town, although the town is actually as small as him]
Plankton: Well, it's great to be back! [he notices the town] Huh?
