Please note: Due to constant attempts by spambots to gain access to SpongePedia, account creation is currently disabled. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You are not logged in. Please log in to get the full benefit of SpongePedia.
For further questions go to SpongePedia:Contents !
Episode Transcript: Life of Crime
| Line 42: | Line 42: | ||
forever. They should all be strung up by their gaze (sic?) and forced to breathe air.<br> | forever. They should all be strung up by their gaze (sic?) and forced to breathe air.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: But, Mr. Krabs, what about all the stuff you stole?<br> | |
Mr Krabs: What do you mean?<br> | Mr Krabs: What do you mean?<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: (points to barrel Mr. Krabs is standing on) Like that barrel. It says property of Salty Sea Farms.<br> | |
Mr Krabs: (jumps off of barrel) Oh, that’s where I rent me pickles from.<br> | Mr Krabs: (jumps off of barrel) Oh, that’s where I rent me pickles from.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: Are you renting the barrel, too?<br> | |
Mr Krabs: Well, no.<br> | Mr Krabs: Well, no.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: Then you bought it?<br> | |
Mr Krabs: No.<br> | Mr Krabs: No.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: Then, isn’t that stealing?<br> | |
Mr Krabs: Well, I, uhh…<br> | Mr Krabs: Well, I, uhh…<br> | ||
| Line 66: | Line 66: | ||
Mr Krabs: Umm…<br> | Mr Krabs: Umm…<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: (holds up phone)…And this Bikini Bell phone?<br> | |
Mr Krabs: Well, I…<br> | Mr Krabs: Well, I…<br> | ||
| Line 74: | Line 74: | ||
Mr Krabs: Oh, there…<br> | Mr Krabs: Oh, there…<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: (holds up mini-lawn mower) …And Plankton’s lawn mower?<br> | |
Mr Krabs: Well, he…<br> | Mr Krabs: Well, he…<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: (holds up hair curlers) Even Mrs. Puff’s hair curlers?<br> | |
Mr Krabs: (grabs it) That one was a gift! Listen, all that stuff is, uhh, borrowed!<br> | Mr Krabs: (grabs it) That one was a gift! Listen, all that stuff is, uhh, borrowed!<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: Borrowed? Well, that’s a relief. I thought you took it without permission.<br> | |
Mr Krabs: Ahh, permission’s permission. You can borrow anything you want, anytime, as long as if you give it back before | Mr Krabs: Ahh, permission’s permission. You can borrow anything you want, anytime, as long as if you give it back before | ||
| Line 98: | Line 98: | ||
and Patrick walk around slouching, making them look like idiots’. They talk like one, too.)<br> | and Patrick walk around slouching, making them look like idiots’. They talk like one, too.)<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: What do you want to do today?<br> | |
Patrick: I don’t know. What do you want to do today?<br> | Patrick: I don’t know. What do you want to do today?<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: I don’t know. What do you want to do today?<br> | |
Patrick: I don’t know. What do you want to do today?<br> | Patrick: I don’t know. What do you want to do today?<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: I don’t know. What do you want to do today?<br> | |
(Patrick stops after seeing a balloon cart)<br> | (Patrick stops after seeing a balloon cart)<br> | ||
| Line 115: | Line 115: | ||
REALLY BADLY! (Backs off)<br> | REALLY BADLY! (Backs off)<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: It’s okay, Patrick. There’s lots of money in the First National Bank of SpongeBob. (Makes a rainbow appear out | |
of nowhere. They jump on the rainbow and travel to the other side, where a black pot can be found. SpongeBob picks it up | of nowhere. They jump on the rainbow and travel to the other side, where a black pot can be found. SpongeBob picks it up | ||
and turns it over. Nothing.)<br> | and turns it over. Nothing.)<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: Uh oh, I’m broke, too. Maybe we could borrow money from Squidward?<br> | |
Patrick: No, wait! Instead of borrowing the money, why don’t we just borrow the balloon?<br> | Patrick: No, wait! Instead of borrowing the money, why don’t we just borrow the balloon?<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: Yeah, like Mr. Krabs!<br> | |
Patrick: It’s just borrowing, right?<br> | Patrick: It’s just borrowing, right?<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: Yeah, and borrowing is okay as long as we bring it back, right?<br> | |
Patrick: Right!<br> | Patrick: Right!<br> | ||
| Line 136: | Line 136: | ||
Patrick: This is SO great!<br> | Patrick: This is SO great!<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: We’re going to have so much fun! First we can run with the balloon!<br> | |
Patrick: Yeah, then we can go to the beach with the balloon!<br> | Patrick: Yeah, then we can go to the beach with the balloon!<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: Yeah, then we can take a bike ride with the balloon, then we can go to the movies and the arcade and the ice | |
rink and the pizza shop!<br> | rink and the pizza shop!<br> | ||
Patrick: And the moon and the sky and under a car, behind the dumpster!<br> | Patrick: And the moon and the sky and under a car, behind the dumpster!<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: And the candy shop!<br> | |
Patrick: And then my backyard!<br> | Patrick: And then my backyard!<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: And in a plane!<br> | |
Patrick: And over a rock!<br> | Patrick: And over a rock!<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: And under a hill!<br> | |
Patrick: And with a whale!<br> | Patrick: And with a whale!<br> | ||
| Line 161: | Line 161: | ||
(The balloon pops. Both look flabbergasted and sullen.)<br> | (The balloon pops. Both look flabbergasted and sullen.)<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: It popped?<br> | |
(Both take another look, still quiet. They realize that it popped and start screaming.)<br> | (Both take another look, still quiet. They realize that it popped and start screaming.)<br> | ||
| Line 167: | Line 167: | ||
Patrick: How are we going to return it now, SpongeBob?<br> | Patrick: How are we going to return it now, SpongeBob?<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: (On the ground, picking up the balloon shards) I got the pieces!<br> | |
Patrick: (put his hands in the, umm, “air”) I got the air!<br> | Patrick: (put his hands in the, umm, “air”) I got the air!<br> | ||
| Line 173: | Line 173: | ||
(The two hectically try to put the two components back together, but can’t.)<br> | (The two hectically try to put the two components back together, but can’t.)<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: We popped the balloon! We can’t return it! We’re thieves! We have to confess.<br> | |
Patrick: Confess? Are you out of your mind? Do you have any idea what they do to people like us? We’re not talking about | Patrick: Confess? Are you out of your mind? Do you have any idea what they do to people like us? We’re not talking about | ||
some dumb mail fraud scheme or a hijacking here, WE STOLE A BALLOON! And they’re going to lock us up forever.<br> | some dumb mail fraud scheme or a hijacking here, WE STOLE A BALLOON! And they’re going to lock us up forever.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: (covering Patrick’s mouth so no one can hear him) You’re right, we’ve just got to keep our heads. Act normal. | |
(They start acting stupid, body jumping on the ground, wailing and pulling their selves by their tongue)<br> | (They start acting stupid, body jumping on the ground, wailing and pulling their selves by their tongue)<br> | ||
| Line 200: | Line 200: | ||
Patrick: He’s onto us!<br> | Patrick: He’s onto us!<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: It’s not safe for Bikini Bottom anymore. We’ve got to move fast and cover our tracks.<br> | |
Patrick: (running while carrying a can of red paint and making a line of red paint on the sand) I’m on it, SpongeBob!<br> | Patrick: (running while carrying a can of red paint and making a line of red paint on the sand) I’m on it, SpongeBob!<br> | ||
| Line 206: | Line 206: | ||
(Cut to the top of a cliff outside of Bikini Bottom. SpongeBob and Patrick are looking at the whole B.B. saddened)<br> | (Cut to the top of a cliff outside of Bikini Bottom. SpongeBob and Patrick are looking at the whole B.B. saddened)<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: Take a last look Patrick. We can never go back.<br> | |
Patrick: (waving) Good-bye Bikini Bottom.<br> | Patrick: (waving) Good-bye Bikini Bottom.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: (picking up hobo stick) We’ve only got ourselves and what we can carry on our backs.<br> | |
Patrick: (Picks up stick with the cloth wrapped around his rock house) Yeah.<br> | Patrick: (Picks up stick with the cloth wrapped around his rock house) Yeah.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: We’re going to have to travel lighter.<br> | |
(They walk off into the sunset. Cut to next scene. SpongeBob and Patrick are sitting next to a burning fire)<br> | (They walk off into the sunset. Cut to next scene. SpongeBob and Patrick are sitting next to a burning fire)<br> | ||
| Line 220: | Line 220: | ||
Patrick: I want to go home.<br> | Patrick: I want to go home.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: We can never go home, Pat; We’re wanted men. We’ll spend the rest of our lives running…running, but at least | |
it’s warmer on the fire.<br> | it’s warmer on the fire.<br> | ||
| Line 229: | Line 229: | ||
Patrick: I’m scared, SpongeBob.<br> | Patrick: I’m scared, SpongeBob.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: No more nice, warm beds.<br> | |
Patrick: Uhh!<br> | Patrick: Uhh!<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: (saddened) No more Krabby Patties. No more getting mail. No more Gary. No more movies. No more Squidward. No | |
more Sandy or Pearl or Mr. Krabs. No more anything. (Throws away the long list, he’s reading from)<br> | more Sandy or Pearl or Mr. Krabs. No more anything. (Throws away the long list, he’s reading from)<br> | ||
Patrick: (crying) I want ice cream!<br> | Patrick: (crying) I want ice cream!<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: (sniffling) But it doesn’t have to be all bad, right? I mean, at least we have each other.<br> | |
Patrick: (losing sadness) Yeah!<br> | Patrick: (losing sadness) Yeah!<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: And all that running is good for your buns and thighs, right?<br> | |
(A picture of a strong, muscular German man shows up. He is wearing nothing but flower-styled shorts.)<br> | (A picture of a strong, muscular German man shows up. He is wearing nothing but flower-styled shorts.)<br> | ||
| Line 252: | Line 252: | ||
Patrick: And the bitter cold, it’s bracing, isn’t it?<br> | Patrick: And the bitter cold, it’s bracing, isn’t it?<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: (looking like a cubic snowman) Yeah! Maybe being a felon could be…(breaks out of snowman) …fun! (Loosening | |
tie) We can loosen our ties.<br> | tie) We can loosen our ties.<br> | ||
| Line 258: | Line 258: | ||
deflates. Patrick jumps, waving his hands) And we can fly!<br> | deflates. Patrick jumps, waving his hands) And we can fly!<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: (jumping) Yeah!<br> | |
(SpongeBob jumps too close to the edge of the cliff and falls screaming and hit’s the ground with a thud)<br> | (SpongeBob jumps too close to the edge of the cliff and falls screaming and hit’s the ground with a thud)<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: (echoing from the bottom) Okay, we can’t still do that. (Coming back to Patrick) But we don’t have to | |
shave.<br> | shave.<br> | ||
Patrick: I’m way ahead of you buddy (shows SpongeBob his hairy legs)<br> | Patrick: I’m way ahead of you buddy (shows SpongeBob his hairy legs)<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: And you get to talk tough! (Transforming his head into a 10-gallon hat, imitating a cowboy) This town ain’t | |
big enough for the two of us.<br> | big enough for the two of us.<br> | ||
Patrick: Uh, let me try: Uh…hey poke. (Laughing at himself)<br> | Patrick: Uh, let me try: Uh…hey poke. (Laughing at himself)<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: And the best part is: now that we’re felons, we don’t have to return anything we borrowed!<br> | |
Both: (jumping for joy) Yeah!<br> | Both: (jumping for joy) Yeah!<br> | ||
| Line 278: | Line 278: | ||
Patrick: (points to SpongeBob) And we owe it all to you.<br> | Patrick: (points to SpongeBob) And we owe it all to you.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: What are you talking about? Taking the balloon was your evil plan.<br> | |
Patrick: Doh, I’m nothing but a lot of talk, you’re the one with the sticky fingers.<br> | Patrick: Doh, I’m nothing but a lot of talk, you’re the one with the sticky fingers.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: Ahh, Patrick, you’re the best bad influence ever.<br> | |
Patrick: You, too! (Hugs) I wish we had something to eat, though.<br> | Patrick: You, too! (Hugs) I wish we had something to eat, though.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: (taking two chocolate bars out of his pants) Look what I’ve got!<br> | |
Patrick: (cheering) Rectangles!<br> | Patrick: (cheering) Rectangles!<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: Not just any rectangles…Candy bars. (Patrick stares at it, amazed)<br> | |
Patrick: Ohh!<br> | Patrick: Ohh!<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: All we have to do is make them last for the rest of our lives. (Gives one to Patrick)<br> | |
Patrick: Thanks SpongeBob. (Stupidly) I think I’ll eat one now. (Takes big bite of the still-wrapped chocolate bar, | Patrick: Thanks SpongeBob. (Stupidly) I think I’ll eat one now. (Takes big bite of the still-wrapped chocolate bar, | ||
| Line 300: | Line 300: | ||
Where’d my candy bar go? (Starts digging in sand) I must have dropped it.<br> | Where’d my candy bar go? (Starts digging in sand) I must have dropped it.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: You just ate it, Pat. It’s all over your face.<br> | |
Patrick: (still looking) Where’d it go? I’m going to starve. (Digs a big hole) Where’d it go?<br> | Patrick: (still looking) Where’d it go? I’m going to starve. (Digs a big hole) Where’d it go?<br> | ||
| Line 308: | Line 308: | ||
Patrick: I can’t find it! Where could it possibly be? (Looks up and sees SpongeBob with his candy bar) Ah hah!<br> | Patrick: I can’t find it! Where could it possibly be? (Looks up and sees SpongeBob with his candy bar) Ah hah!<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: What?<br> | |
Patrick: (jumps out of the hole, points at SpongeBob) You stole my candy bar!<br> | Patrick: (jumps out of the hole, points at SpongeBob) You stole my candy bar!<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: No, I didn’t.<br> | |
Patrick: Oh, so that’s how it is, huh? Once a thief always a thief.<br> | Patrick: Oh, so that’s how it is, huh? Once a thief always a thief.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: You ate yours’, (points to his candy bar) this is mine.<br> | |
Patrick: You took my only food, (camera pans down to show Patrick’s stomach blasting with cellulite) now I’m going to | Patrick: You took my only food, (camera pans down to show Patrick’s stomach blasting with cellulite) now I’m going to | ||
starve.<br> | starve.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: (nicely) Here Patrick, just take half of mine.<br> | |
Patrick: Yours? You mean mine.<br> | Patrick: Yours? You mean mine.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: Do you want it or what?<br> | |
Patrick: I don’t want it unless you admit you took it.<br> | Patrick: I don’t want it unless you admit you took it.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: This is my candy bar.<br> | |
Patrick: Liar, liar, plants for hire.<br> | Patrick: Liar, liar, plants for hire.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: It’s “pants on fire”, Patrick.<br> | |
Patrick: Well, you would know, liar.<br> | Patrick: Well, you would know, liar.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: Well, if you’re going to be that way, I’ll eat it myself.<br> | |
Patrick: You better not!<br> | Patrick: You better not!<br> | ||
| Line 370: | Line 370: | ||
Patrick: (angrily) You’re a crazy person! I should have expected this after the way you stole that balloon.<br> | Patrick: (angrily) You’re a crazy person! I should have expected this after the way you stole that balloon.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: Did I, Patrick, did I? Or did your criminal mind hypnotize me to steal it?<br> | |
Patrick: Ohh, that’s it.<br> | Patrick: Ohh, that’s it.<br> | ||
| Line 378: | Line 378: | ||
Patrick: First the balloon, now my candy bar. You’re out of control. I… (menacingly) I’m telling on you!<br> | Patrick: First the balloon, now my candy bar. You’re out of control. I… (menacingly) I’m telling on you!<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: (gasps) Not if I tell on you first! (runs away, toward the direction of the B.B. police department)<br> | |
Patrick: I’ll beat you there. (runs)<br> | Patrick: I’ll beat you there. (runs)<br> | ||
| Line 384: | Line 384: | ||
(The two are in a daftly race to the police department)<br> | (The two are in a daftly race to the police department)<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: You’re going to get in trouble.<br> | |
Patrick: No, you are!<br> | Patrick: No, you are!<br> | ||
| Line 400: | Line 400: | ||
Officer Durado: Well, it appears these two stole a balloon.<br> | Officer Durado: Well, it appears these two stole a balloon.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: (still crying) What are you going to do to us?<br> | |
(The policemen, uh, policefish whisper to each other)<br> | (The policemen, uh, policefish whisper to each other)<br> | ||
| Line 409: | Line 409: | ||
a few) Okay, time’s up. (opens cell) Now, get out.<br> | a few) Okay, time’s up. (opens cell) Now, get out.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: (confused) But…We stole a balloon.<br> | |
Policeman Malley: Yeah, on Free Balloon Day! (laughs with comrade)<br> | Policeman Malley: Yeah, on Free Balloon Day! (laughs with comrade)<br> | ||
| Line 419: | Line 419: | ||
(They take them)<br> | (They take them)<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: Let’s vow not to borrow anything without permission again.<br> | |
Patrick: You said it.<br> | Patrick: You said it.<br> | ||
Revision as of 09:11, 14 April 2008
| Back Episode Transcript | Next Episode Transcript |
|---|---|
| Pre-Hibernation Week | Christmas Who? |
Episode Article: Life of Crime
Characters
(Open at the Krusty Krab. It’s only a shot of the building. A voice comes on from the television playing inside the K.K.)
TV Announcer: And now, back to Crustacean Crime Theatre!
(Cut to shot of B/W TV show with a crustacean sleeping on the ocean floor wearing a traditional crab shell. A bigger crab
shows up, laughing menacingly, and steals the little crab’s shell. The little crab wakes up suddenly. The bigger crab
runs away.)
Little Crab: Stop! Thief!
(Some policemen show up.)
Cop #1: Which way did he go?
Little Crab: (pointing to the direction the thief ran) He went that way!
(The policemen run after the thief and catch him. Cut to shot of jail bars going down with the crab thief behind it)
Thief: Curses! Foiled again!
(Cut to shot of Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob and Patrick watching the television)
Mr Krabs: What a no-good eel-in-a-kelp that guy was. There ain’t nothing worse than a thief. Thieves need to be locked up
forever. They should all be strung up by their gaze (sic?) and forced to breathe air.
SpongeBob: But, Mr. Krabs, what about all the stuff you stole?
Mr Krabs: What do you mean?
SpongeBob: (points to barrel Mr. Krabs is standing on) Like that barrel. It says property of Salty Sea Farms.
Mr Krabs: (jumps off of barrel) Oh, that’s where I rent me pickles from.
SpongeBob: Are you renting the barrel, too?
Mr Krabs: Well, no.
SpongeBob: Then you bought it?
Mr Krabs: No.
SpongeBob: Then, isn’t that stealing?
Mr Krabs: Well, I, uhh…
Patrick: (holds up towel from the “Sizzling Spring Sauna”) What about this towel from the Sizzling Spring Sauna?
Mr Krabs: Umm…
SpongeBob: (holds up phone)…And this Bikini Bell phone?
Mr Krabs: Well, I…
Patrick: (holds up hedge clippers) …And Sandy’s hedge clippers?
Mr Krabs: Oh, there…
SpongeBob: (holds up mini-lawn mower) …And Plankton’s lawn mower?
Mr Krabs: Well, he…
SpongeBob: (holds up hair curlers) Even Mrs. Puff’s hair curlers?
Mr Krabs: (grabs it) That one was a gift! Listen, all that stuff is, uhh, borrowed!
SpongeBob: Borrowed? Well, that’s a relief. I thought you took it without permission.
Mr Krabs: Ahh, permission’s permission. You can borrow anything you want, anytime, as long as if you give it back before
it’s missed. Everyone knows that. Right?
SpongeBob & Patrick: (raises fist in air) O.k.
Mr Krabs: All right then! (Hugs them) Hugs! (Shoves them out of the K.K.) You put in a hard day’s work, boys.
Patrick: But I don’t work here!
Mr Krabs: See you later! (Takes out Mrs. Puff’s hair curlers) Oh, that was a close one.
(Bubbles go up as the scene changes to Bikini Bottom Park, where people are frolicking and gamboling around. SpongeBob
and Patrick walk around slouching, making them look like idiots’. They talk like one, too.)
SpongeBob: What do you want to do today?
Patrick: I don’t know. What do you want to do today?
SpongeBob: I don’t know. What do you want to do today?
Patrick: I don’t know. What do you want to do today?
SpongeBob: I don’t know. What do you want to do today?
(Patrick stops after seeing a balloon cart)
Patrick: (gasp) I know what I want to do today! I need some money. (Patrick looks in both his empty pockets, and then
decides to look in his belly button. All that is there are some lint, a paper clip and a ticket) Oh, I don’t have any
money. (Pleading to SpongeBob) SpongeBob, I want a balloon really, really badly! (His eye veins start growing.) REALLY,
REALLY BADLY! (Backs off)
SpongeBob: It’s okay, Patrick. There’s lots of money in the First National Bank of SpongeBob. (Makes a rainbow appear out
of nowhere. They jump on the rainbow and travel to the other side, where a black pot can be found. SpongeBob picks it up
and turns it over. Nothing.)
SpongeBob: Uh oh, I’m broke, too. Maybe we could borrow money from Squidward?
Patrick: No, wait! Instead of borrowing the money, why don’t we just borrow the balloon?
SpongeBob: Yeah, like Mr. Krabs!
Patrick: It’s just borrowing, right?
SpongeBob: Yeah, and borrowing is okay as long as we bring it back, right?
Patrick: Right!
(SpongeBob swiftly, but smoothly grabs the balloon while the balloon salesman gives a kid a balloon. They run off to the
city to play with it.)
Patrick: This is SO great!
SpongeBob: We’re going to have so much fun! First we can run with the balloon!
Patrick: Yeah, then we can go to the beach with the balloon!
SpongeBob: Yeah, then we can take a bike ride with the balloon, then we can go to the movies and the arcade and the ice
rink and the pizza shop!
Patrick: And the moon and the sky and under a car, behind the dumpster!
SpongeBob: And the candy shop!
Patrick: And then my backyard!
SpongeBob: And in a plane!
Patrick: And over a rock!
SpongeBob: And under a hill!
Patrick: And with a whale!
Both: We love borrowing!
(The balloon pops. Both look flabbergasted and sullen.)
SpongeBob: It popped?
(Both take another look, still quiet. They realize that it popped and start screaming.)
Patrick: How are we going to return it now, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: (On the ground, picking up the balloon shards) I got the pieces!
Patrick: (put his hands in the, umm, “air”) I got the air!
(The two hectically try to put the two components back together, but can’t.)
SpongeBob: We popped the balloon! We can’t return it! We’re thieves! We have to confess.
Patrick: Confess? Are you out of your mind? Do you have any idea what they do to people like us? We’re not talking about
some dumb mail fraud scheme or a hijacking here, WE STOLE A BALLOON! And they’re going to lock us up forever.
SpongeBob: (covering Patrick’s mouth so no one can hear him) You’re right, we’ve just got to keep our heads. Act normal.
(They start acting stupid, body jumping on the ground, wailing and pulling their selves by their tongue)
Pedestrian: Wow, street performers!
(A crowd gathers around admiring the show)
Both: (yelling) It’s not working! Ah!
(They run away, smacking into the balloon cart)
Lou: Hi there!
(They scream and run away. The salesman looks confused)
Lou: Hey! Don’t you want a free balloon? It’s National Free Balloon Day!
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick running)
Patrick: He’s onto us!
SpongeBob: It’s not safe for Bikini Bottom anymore. We’ve got to move fast and cover our tracks.
Patrick: (running while carrying a can of red paint and making a line of red paint on the sand) I’m on it, SpongeBob!
(Cut to the top of a cliff outside of Bikini Bottom. SpongeBob and Patrick are looking at the whole B.B. saddened)
SpongeBob: Take a last look Patrick. We can never go back.
Patrick: (waving) Good-bye Bikini Bottom.
SpongeBob: (picking up hobo stick) We’ve only got ourselves and what we can carry on our backs.
Patrick: (Picks up stick with the cloth wrapped around his rock house) Yeah.
SpongeBob: We’re going to have to travel lighter.
(They walk off into the sunset. Cut to next scene. SpongeBob and Patrick are sitting next to a burning fire)
Patrick: I want to go home.
SpongeBob: We can never go home, Pat; We’re wanted men. We’ll spend the rest of our lives running…running, but at least
it’s warmer on the fire.
Patrick: Hey, if we’re underwater, how could there be a…
(The fire dissolves)
Patrick: I’m scared, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: No more nice, warm beds.
Patrick: Uhh!
SpongeBob: (saddened) No more Krabby Patties. No more getting mail. No more Gary. No more movies. No more Squidward. No
more Sandy or Pearl or Mr. Krabs. No more anything. (Throws away the long list, he’s reading from)
Patrick: (crying) I want ice cream!
SpongeBob: (sniffling) But it doesn’t have to be all bad, right? I mean, at least we have each other.
Patrick: (losing sadness) Yeah!
SpongeBob: And all that running is good for your buns and thighs, right?
(A picture of a strong, muscular German man shows up. He is wearing nothing but flower-styled shorts.)
Muscleman: Ja, buns and thighs.
(Back to fire scene)
Patrick: And the bitter cold, it’s bracing, isn’t it?
SpongeBob: (looking like a cubic snowman) Yeah! Maybe being a felon could be…(breaks out of snowman) …fun! (Loosening
tie) We can loosen our ties.
Patrick: Yeah! (Unloosens tie from his head. The tie was wrapped tightly on his temple. The air bubble stuck in there
deflates. Patrick jumps, waving his hands) And we can fly!
SpongeBob: (jumping) Yeah!
(SpongeBob jumps too close to the edge of the cliff and falls screaming and hit’s the ground with a thud)
SpongeBob: (echoing from the bottom) Okay, we can’t still do that. (Coming back to Patrick) But we don’t have to
shave.
Patrick: I’m way ahead of you buddy (shows SpongeBob his hairy legs)
SpongeBob: And you get to talk tough! (Transforming his head into a 10-gallon hat, imitating a cowboy) This town ain’t
big enough for the two of us.
Patrick: Uh, let me try: Uh…hey poke. (Laughing at himself)
SpongeBob: And the best part is: now that we’re felons, we don’t have to return anything we borrowed!
Both: (jumping for joy) Yeah!
Patrick: (points to SpongeBob) And we owe it all to you.
SpongeBob: What are you talking about? Taking the balloon was your evil plan.
Patrick: Doh, I’m nothing but a lot of talk, you’re the one with the sticky fingers.
SpongeBob: Ahh, Patrick, you’re the best bad influence ever.
Patrick: You, too! (Hugs) I wish we had something to eat, though.
SpongeBob: (taking two chocolate bars out of his pants) Look what I’ve got!
Patrick: (cheering) Rectangles!
SpongeBob: Not just any rectangles…Candy bars. (Patrick stares at it, amazed)
Patrick: Ohh!
SpongeBob: All we have to do is make them last for the rest of our lives. (Gives one to Patrick)
Patrick: Thanks SpongeBob. (Stupidly) I think I’ll eat one now. (Takes big bite of the still-wrapped chocolate bar,
finishes the rest and then sighs) I think I’ll eat it now. (Takes another big bite, but realizes it’s just his hand) Oww!
Where’d my candy bar go? (Starts digging in sand) I must have dropped it.
SpongeBob: You just ate it, Pat. It’s all over your face.
Patrick: (still looking) Where’d it go? I’m going to starve. (Digs a big hole) Where’d it go?
(The sand from Patrick’s digging-like-a-dog covers SpongeBob. Patrick’s head pops up under SpongeBob)
Patrick: I can’t find it! Where could it possibly be? (Looks up and sees SpongeBob with his candy bar) Ah hah!
SpongeBob: What?
Patrick: (jumps out of the hole, points at SpongeBob) You stole my candy bar!
SpongeBob: No, I didn’t.
Patrick: Oh, so that’s how it is, huh? Once a thief always a thief.
SpongeBob: You ate yours’, (points to his candy bar) this is mine.
Patrick: You took my only food, (camera pans down to show Patrick’s stomach blasting with cellulite) now I’m going to
starve.
SpongeBob: (nicely) Here Patrick, just take half of mine.
Patrick: Yours? You mean mine.
SpongeBob: Do you want it or what?
Patrick: I don’t want it unless you admit you took it.
SpongeBob: This is my candy bar.
Patrick: Liar, liar, plants for hire.
SpongeBob: It’s “pants on fire”, Patrick.
Patrick: Well, you would know, liar.
SpongeBob: Well, if you’re going to be that way, I’ll eat it myself.
Patrick: You better not!
(SpongeBob rips open the wrapper)
Patrick: (fiercely) I’m warning you!
(SpongeBob takes the candy bar closer to his mouth swaying his tongue up and down)
Patrick: Don’t!
(SpongeBob moves his tongue closer, barely touching the bar.)
Patrick: Stop it!
(SpongeBob chomps lightly on the bar)
Patrick: Don’t! Ohh!
(SpongeBob puts the bar in his wide opened mouth, his two teeth go across the surface of the bar, making a string line of
chocolate)
Patrick: Ahh!
(SpongeBob puts the bar in his, what would be, ear holes and moves them left to right)
Patrick: No!
(SpongeBob licks the bar all around while Patrick screams. Then SpongeBob eats the bar.)
Patrick: (angrily) You’re a crazy person! I should have expected this after the way you stole that balloon.
SpongeBob: Did I, Patrick, did I? Or did your criminal mind hypnotize me to steal it?
Patrick: Ohh, that’s it.
(Patrick stomps his foot down on the firewood. The fire lights up again. Patrick screams.)
Patrick: First the balloon, now my candy bar. You’re out of control. I… (menacingly) I’m telling on you!
SpongeBob: (gasps) Not if I tell on you first! (runs away, toward the direction of the B.B. police department)
Patrick: I’ll beat you there. (runs)
(The two are in a daftly race to the police department)
SpongeBob: You’re going to get in trouble.
Patrick: No, you are!
(The two finally reach the B.B.P.D. gasping. They going inside and all start to talk at once.)
Officer Durado: What can I do for you boys?
Both: (they look at each other) We stole a balloon! (they start crying)
(the policeman looks at them, confused. The second policeman comes up)
Officer Malley: What’s the problem here?
Officer Durado: Well, it appears these two stole a balloon.
SpongeBob: (still crying) What are you going to do to us?
(The policemen, uh, policefish whisper to each other)
Officer Duraldo: Okay, follow me.
(The two are taking into cell 1B and the door is shut on them.) If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime. (pauses for
a few) Okay, time’s up. (opens cell) Now, get out.
SpongeBob: (confused) But…We stole a balloon.
Policeman Malley: Yeah, on Free Balloon Day! (laughs with comrade)
(SpongeBob and Patrick are dumbfounded. Cut to scene: Outside of the BBPD.)
Policeman Durado: (brings out lollipops) How about some lollipops for the roads, boys?
(They take them)
SpongeBob: Let’s vow not to borrow anything without permission again.
Patrick: You said it.
(They put both their lollipops together, but Patrick’s is already eaten. Patrick’s mouth is covered with some lollipop
residue.)
Patrick: All right! Which one of you flatfoots stole my lollipop? (Everyone starts laughing.)
Patrick: I mean it!
| << Season 1 | SpongeBob SquarePants - Transcripts - Season 2 | Season 3 >> |
| 21a | 21b | | | 22a | 22b | | | 23a | 23b | | | 24a | 24b | | | 25a | 25b | | | 26a | 26b | | | 27a | 27b | | | 28_ | | | 29a | 29b | | | 30a | 30b | |
| 31a | 31b | | | 32a | 32b | | | 33a | 33b | | | 34a | 34b | | | 35a | 35b | | | 36a | 36b | | | 37a | 37b | | | 38a | 38b | | | 39a | 39b | | | 40a | 40b |
