Episode Transcript: Procrastination

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Episode Article: Procrastination

Characters

SpongeBob
Mrs. Puff
Patrick
Mrs. Puff
Gary
Class
Talking items
Mailman
Realistic Fish Head
French Narrator

Dialogue

French Narrator: Ah, another day at Mrs. Puff's Boating School.

Mrs. Puff: Ok, class, I'm giving you an assignment. (class groans)

SpongeBob: Did you hear that? An assignment!

Mrs. Puff: You are going to write an essay on What Not to Do at a Stoplight.

SpongeBob: Did you hear that? An essay?

Mrs. Puff: It shall be no less than 800 words, and it is due tomorrow.

Student (acting like SpongeBob): Did you hear that? 800 words!

SpongeBob: Yeah, I know!

(back at SpongeBob's house)

SpongeBob: Ah, writing an essay. It's a beautiful day outside. (looks at window, it's a colorful outside) Ok, getting started. What Not to Do at a Spotlight. Just eight hundred words to go! Ok. (SpongeBob's clock is shown. Several hours pass.)

SpongeBob: (has still only written 8 words.) This is getting harder than I thought. (looks outside. There is a carnival. Squidward is suntanning. A kid is eatng ice cream. There is a carnival. Gary is playing with a ball. Jellyfish are playing tennis. Patrick is rubbing Sandy with sunscreen)

Patrick: Come on, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Oh, it shiuld be against the law to write an essay on such a sailorific, sunshiny day. But, with the completion of this essay, with this pencil, I'll be one step closer to getting my driver's license! (a live-action drag race is shown. a car hits a wall, tumbles and gets back up. cut back to SpongeBob.) Oh, yeah. I've got plenty of time. It's only six o'clock! (moves his chair closer to the table. he does it alot because of the fun noise it makes) I've got to get blood pumpin' in the own vessels. I'll do some exercises. (does so) I can feel those juices pumpin' now.

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: Gary! You look hungry. I'll get you some grub.

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: What do you mean you're not hungry? Come on. (pours some food) Got to make sure you have your nutrition. (he takes up a ladder and fills it to ceiling-level. Gary quickly eats it.) Gary, are you sure you don't want some crambule? Wow, Gary sure left a mess. (cleans it up) Better clean the rest of the kitchen as well. Better clean those hard-to-reach spots! (cut to SpongeBob, who has already finished) Wow, with that spring cleaning. Yeah, I know! Oh yeah! And this and that! The. What should I do? I know? I'll call Patrick!

Patrick: (sleeping. phone rings) Who is that? (picks up phone) Hello.

SpongeBob: Hi, Patrick, what are you up to?

Patrick: Sleeping.

SpongeBob: So, how...

Patrick: SpongeBob, both of us know that you're just using me as a distraction so you don't need to write your essay.

SpongeBob: (gasps) That is not true! I called to have an endearing conversation with you!

Patrick: Well, I'm listening.

SpongeBob: Uh...Marco!

Patrick: Polo!

SpongeBob: Well I have to write an essay! Sheesh, what a chatterbox. I've got to get moving. I can't write with all these eraser shavings on the table! (blows them away) Oh, great, now they're all over my thinking space. (chokes on one) Ouch! Help me! I swallowed an eraser shaving! I'm choking! (goes to the kitchen and drinks water)

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: What do you mean I'm being overly dramatic? Wow, all that choking sure made me hungry.

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: I can't write an essay without brain food. Hmm...what bread should I eat? Wheat or rye...or pumpernickel. (doorbell rings) Huh? A visitor? Hello!

Mailman: Package for Mr. SquarePants.

SpongeBob: Thank you. So, do you like your job?

Mailman: It puts bread on the table.

SpongeBob: Rye or pumpernickel? So, who delivers your mail? Another mailman? So who delivers his mail? Is there a never-ending chain or mailmen?

Mailman: Don't you have a paper to write?

SpongeBob: How did he know I had an essay to write? Maybe a little TV will calm my nerves.

Realistic Fish Head: It's today, where local resident SpongeBob SquarePants has a few hours to write an essay, and he continues to goof off. (head stricks out TV) When will he learn?

SpongeBob: Hi-yah! (karate chops the TV. lights a candle)

Chair: Hey, SpongeBob? Over here! Come and relax. (a bell rings)

SpongeBob: Midnight! I've got to finish my essay! (runs to the table, but has enlarged. he jumps up) Hey, where are my pants!

Pants: Hey, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: You get up right this instant!

Pants: Freedom!

SpongeBob: (runs out the door) Come back! (tries to get back in, but it is locked. looks in the window)

Fire Wick: Only seven hundred ninety nine words to go! (he burns it)

SpongeBob: No! (the house burns) Ah! My house! Help me! Help me! My house is on fire!

House: SpongeBob, why did you set me on fire! Why didn't you just do your essay! Stop wasting time!

SpongeBob: (wakes up) Hey, where's my essay! Oh, here it is! Do I dare look at the clock! Oh, no! Class starts in five minutes! What not to do at a stoplight? Think! Think! Feeding your snail is something not to do at a stoplight! And making a sandwich. And karate chopping! And shooting the breeze with the mailman. And... (cut to SpongeBob running to the boating school) Mrs. Puff! Mrs. Puff! I'm finished with my essay! All 800 words on what not to do at a stoplight! (goes inside, but nobosy is there) Huh? Where is everybody?

Mrs. Puff: Hello, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Mrs. Puff! Here's that essay you wanted me to write.

Mrs. Puff: I'm sorry, SpongeBob. I tried to call you! I'm having a teacher's conference.

SpongeBob: But what about my essay?

Mrs. Puff: I decided to cancel the assignment. Instead we're gonna have a field trip to a stoplight. See you next week!

(SpongeBob rips his essay. He then rips himself.)

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